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Original poster

School forcing 8am start for my SEN girl?

628 replies

emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 13:04

So I’m having quite a lot of bother with my little girls school. She’s not settling in very well and becoming very distressed when going into school and can become aggressive.
She’s waiting on assessment for possible Autism. She’s 6 and in year 2.

She’s on a reduced timetable at the minute but the school are forcibly telling me they want her in at 8am to give her time to settle before her class come in at 8.45. I’ve told them each time my sons school taxi comes sometime between 8.15 - 8.25 and I can’t get her there, chase her around while she tries to run away, then carry her into school then be back in time for my sons taxi. Yet every day they say the same thing, she hasn’t settled and needs to be in 8am. If I miss his taxi I can’t get him to school as I don’t drive and it’s quite far away.

Is there any solution? I’m sick of fighting with the school to support my daughter.

OP posts:
DobbinReturns · 30/09/2020 15:36

This thread is very strange.

The OP has said it's a 20 minute walk, why take off 5 minutes? Also the taxi arrives between 8.15 and 8 25am so if it's towards the latter they just get to school on time.

It should be very reassuring to many on this thread that funds for school transport are controlled very stringently.

starfishmummy · 30/09/2020 15:42

Clearly people who don't have SEN kids have no clue about how SEN transport works. Even though the OPs son goes in a taxi (?with escort) she will have no choice of what time they come; they are not personal transport so she cant have them picking up from mote than one place or pkcking up at one and dropping at another. They wont usually wait more than 5 minutes either as there may be other children in the taxi or it might have to do a second run for another child. That sais if hes at an SEN school it might be worth chatting to them as they may have some suggestions.

The only thing I could suggest would be that the dd starts school at 7.45 which gives her time to get back.

Otherwise rhe dds school could put strategies into place - such as her spending some settling time away from her class at normal arrival time if theres a ta or she if has a 1-2-1

Adelino · 30/09/2020 15:47

Are you anywhere near a secondary school or college?
Whilst you press for a more sustainable one as per previous posters suggestions,I am wondering if a 6th former or college student looking to go in to teaching would be able to sit with your son for half an hour each morning on their way to school? I don't expect it would cost too much, maybe £25-30 a week.

crosspelican · 30/09/2020 15:53

You've had great advice in this thread, and I have seen with families in your positition at our own school that it can be really hard.

However, even though this suggestion has been shot down upthread, it seems like you have three primary aged children, two of whom have/may have special needs. It might be that you now actually have to learn to drive to handle the logistics, unless there is a medical reason you cannot.

I'm in my 40's and having my first driving lesson next week and I am TERRIFIED. It's going to be awful. But It's not practical for us to be a car-free family any more. The kids need us to have access to a car and for me to be able to drive it.

A car removes all of these logistical difficulties that you're having now.

Friends of ours with a big family and a child with autism bit the bullet last year and learned to drive & got a car and it transformed their lives. Apart from the obvious ways it has made things easier, especially with their child with SEN, they've been able to take her to various places that are designed with children with SEN in mind (there's a particular outdoor place not far from us, but that might as well be on the moon if you don't have a car).

I know it's easier said than done, though.

Gancanny · 30/09/2020 15:58

Some of the suggestions here Hmm

I really feel for you, OP. It's hard enough trying to support a child with additional needs and a lack of understanding from school makes it even more so.

School have a statutory duty to put in place the appropriate support needed to enable your daughter to access education, this includes making reasonable adjustments and you could say that offering an early start which you cannot logistically utilise is not reasonable - that's not to mention the fact it would disadvantage your DD by making for a longer day, this will have a knock on effect on her mental and emotional health especially given her difficulties in coping with school.

I would tell them that you would like to try having her arrive at the correct start time but that she uses an alternative entrance to school (e.g., the main office) and goes to a quiet area rather than directly to the classroom or she arrives 5-10 after the start if school once the initial hustle and bustle has died down.

The onus here is on school, not you, and they need to act on what is in your DDs best interests rather than what is most convenient for them.

Lockdownfatigue · 30/09/2020 16:08

People on this thread have no clue.

LA transport is ‘this is the pick up time or sort it yourself’ . They won’t pick up or drop off without an adult present, even if the parents feel the child is ok to be left alone.

The ‘part time timetable’ is illegal exclusion. If you’re happy with it, that’s ok but if not, that’s not ok.

Schools often don’t support requests for ehcp and parents have to apply themselves and advocate for their children.

There are some arrogant asshats on this thread who have no fucking clue.

NoSleepInTheHeat · 30/09/2020 16:10

@crosspelican I’m learning to drive as well, 2 lessons already!
Same as you, we managed until now but I need to be able to drive the kids around. Good luck for your lessons!

DobbinReturns · 30/09/2020 16:10

I learnt to drive when I was pregnant with my eldest, it took a few months and I didn't have childcare to work around. A reduced timetable should only be a short term strategy so it would be very concerning if these arrangements were still expected after more than 2 months.

Also parking near schools can be difficult, I think there's been a one or two threads on MN on the topic over the years, so there's no guarantee driving would fix it.

2bazookas · 30/09/2020 16:12

You can ask for a taxi service for DD, with an escort. Which might make her school arrival easier anyway.

earthyfire · 30/09/2020 16:12

There's a great page called not fine in school on facebook, you'll get some great advice on there.

Bupkis · 30/09/2020 16:15

It might be that you now actuallyhaveto learn to drive to handle the logistics, unless there is a medical reason you cannot.

I know you mean well, but I would imagine if this was a realistic solution, the op would have done it by now.

I'm a non driving mum if 3 kids, one with complex needs...would my life be easier if I could drive....yes!! However - amazingly I can't drive, and no amount of wishing (Or money, lessons and tests...) can make it so!

The point is. The op should not have to rearrange everything about her very complicated morning, because the school can't come up with workable way to support her child in a way that would be in the best interests of the child.

gamerchick · 30/09/2020 16:15

Clearly people who don't have SEN kids have no clue about how SEN transport works. Even though the OPs son goes in a taxi (?with escort) she will have no choice of what time they come; they are not personal transport so she cant have them picking up from mote than one place or pkcking up at one and dropping at another. They wont usually wait more than 5 minutes either as there may be other children in the taxi or it might have to do a second run for another child. That sais if hes at an SEN school it might be worth chatting to them as they may have some suggestions.

I know right Hmm talk about ignorant af. Honestly man.

I learned how to drive partly to avoid the school transport stuff. I'm lucky I had that option open to me.

Bupkis · 30/09/2020 16:15

@2bazookas

You can ask for a taxi service for DD, with an escort. Which might make her school arrival easier anyway.
Who? Where? How?
TheYeaSayer · 30/09/2020 16:16

@Lockdownfatigue

People on this thread have no clue.

LA transport is ‘this is the pick up time or sort it yourself’ . They won’t pick up or drop off without an adult present, even if the parents feel the child is ok to be left alone.

The ‘part time timetable’ is illegal exclusion. If you’re happy with it, that’s ok but if not, that’s not ok.

Schools often don’t support requests for ehcp and parents have to apply themselves and advocate for their children.

There are some arrogant asshats on this thread who have no fucking clue.

100 x This

As a parent of a child who was very much like OPs daughter myself (a teenager now), it’s actually quite depressing how little knowledge, understanding or sympathy is expressed on this thread.

So glad I didn’t come here for “advice” in those earlier days.

Kazakaren · 30/09/2020 16:16

I would ask if she can go in via an alternative entrance and be settled in that way. Clearly there isn't any other feasible options, getting there at 8am is not going to be possible, you obviously can't be in two places at once, it's ridiculous to even try , obviously your DH giving up his job is not an option, or leaving your son alone, or home educating, or learning to drive asap, or getting the taxi to collect from the school. School transport just doesn't work like that. 😂 I'm sorry you're getting so much stress op.

DobbinReturns · 30/09/2020 16:18

My son's school staggered the starts and finishes because Covid. But this was not communicated to the transport provider. I was told tough shit son would have to wait at school 30 minutes after school to wait for someone else. The someone else only uses transport once or twice a term, there's exceptional circumstances that were apparently agreed. The someone else's journey 5 minutes my son's 50 minutes. He also ASD and anxiety and depression, absolutely loathes school.

It took 3 weeks to get it sorted out. I'm sure if I'd have posted on MN I would have been told I was being highly unreasonable to push it as it's public funds.

Original poster
emmapemma91 · 30/09/2020 16:19

@earthyfire I’ve just found that page yesterday, it’s good to know we’re not alone in this. It makes me feel better to know it’s not a school refusal too but the school refusing her an education

OP posts:
Dee1975 · 30/09/2020 16:21

What I can say, from having a diagnosed autistic child; For her anyway - arriving early is better. It’s less overwhelming than arriving when ‘everyone’ is there.

KetoPenguin · 30/09/2020 16:22

If the school is giving her 1:1 she could come in a little later to avoid the crowds at drop off and go to a different room for a short time then transition to the classroom later once things have settled down. I know space is at a premium in schools at the moment but ours does still have some secluded corners and maybe OPs school does too.

Boulshired · 30/09/2020 16:23

The school can ask for your child to come early but that is all they can do is ask. If something could be put in place would you want your child to start early. If you do, do you have a social worker, do you have any personal budget. Quite a few children in DS2 special school have a carer for the school run as like you they cannot be in two places at once. Have they put on paper they want an early start you need to record everything.

MoonJelly · 30/09/2020 16:25

@CuriousaboutSamphire

I’ve actually applied for a EHCP myself as the school don’t support my decision and think it’s too early on. Sounds like you an the school don't agree on much. That can't be helping you or them. Have they said why? What specifically do you think it would add to her experience now? Would it help with this issue?
Given that the school can't meet OP's DD's needs on a full time basis, they are clearly wrong about this and OP needs to get on with the EHCP application.
MoonJelly · 30/09/2020 16:26

@Lockdownseperation

Have you asked the council if they can change the pick up from your daughter’s school or just assumed. If your daughter school is only 15 min walking at small child speed it won’t be a long drive and if the council is recounting they maybe more inclined if the senco at your daughter’s school also spoke to them.
Virtually every council's transport policy is quite rigid about saying that they will only pick up from the child's home address and no other.
MoonJelly · 30/09/2020 16:29

@MillieEpple

As she is on a part-time timetable, could she do afternoons instead?
Part time timetables are unlawful and OP definitely shouldn't be doing anything to endorse this!
yetanothersenmum · 30/09/2020 16:29

Why do people who clearly have no clue about raising children with additional needs feel so qualified to advise?!

The expectation that SEN parents must be simultaneously loaded (learn to drive OP, pay for additional childcare or private taxis) and yet not work (spend all day fitting around various schools) is bizarre to me.

Good luck with everything OP. Of course YANBU.

Legoandloldolls · 30/09/2020 16:32

[quote emmapemma91]@Jellycatspyjamas the reduced timetable came 2 days after her returning to school. It’s another thing we disagree on as they won’t give me any paperwork or reintegration plan which I was going to use to support my EHCP needs assessment application, but that’s another thread 😂[/quote]
A part time timetable is a illegal exclusion at 6 years old. She has a right to s full time education at compulsory school age. They are already breaking the law.

They can not accommodate your dd needs, so they are easing her out of education.

It's very common, but still illegal. You would win an assessment for a ehcp on that alone. Getting the ehcp is another battle. You dont need schools support yo get a ehcp. I never had my sons schools support. That's not the legal bar.

The legal bar is that they can not meet her needs. The next step is exhausting their funding on individual level for her to meet those needs. If that doesnt work it's a ehcp. That's a very simplistic overview but it is what it is.

Not having her in class means they arent spending the very lowest level of pupil funding on her as her bum isnt even on the seat. So at this stage, they could do so much more. Getting you to walk your other SEN child to school and back before a long taxi drive is ludacris.

How is that a reasonable adjustment? It really isnt the answer