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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using my mums death to get a date?

143 replies

tinydancerss · 29/09/2020 19:25

A guy who I've never met before (friend of a friend) has been trying to get me out on a date for a year.
I've told him I'm not looking for a relationship and I think of him as a brother (he's not my type )
Anyway my mum died a month ago.
He messaged me on Facebook saying he had a present for me.
Then he sent me a picture,he has got a wall art made for me with pics of my mum and me on it.
He said we will have to meet for a drink now so he can give it to me.
Aibu to think I have to meet him for a drink now?

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 29/09/2020 19:28

I think it's a bit creepy actually. No you don't have to meet him just out of obligation.

NoMoreFlowers · 29/09/2020 19:28

It sounds a bit creepy. I'd keep well away from him.

Sorry to hear about your mum 🌺

BettySweaty · 29/09/2020 19:30

It's not a gift. It's contingent on you going out with him. I wouldnt go near him.

CatBatCat · 29/09/2020 19:30

You don't have to meet him if you don't want to.

BettySweaty · 29/09/2020 19:31

Why has he got pictures of you and your mum anyway??!!

1Morewineplease · 29/09/2020 19:31

It sounds as though he's found your weakness and is hoping to capitalise in it.
I'd find this a bit disturbing, if I'm honest.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/09/2020 19:31

Creepy AF, stay well away and block him.
My DD had a similar thing, bloke at work copying photos off her Facebook and messing about with them and posting them. So odd.

Original poster
tinydancerss · 29/09/2020 19:33

@BettySweaty he has taken them off my Facebook page.

OP posts:
LiveFromHome · 29/09/2020 19:33

You've never met him in real life.

Why have you given him access to your Facebook and access to pictures of you and your mum?

Weird on your part and extremely fucking creepy on his.

Coffeeandaride · 29/09/2020 19:33

I think it’s unpleasant for him to do this. I’d want those pictures, I wouldn’t want him to keep them. However I’d not be prepared to meet him because of the way he has gone about it. If you like the wall art, order one yourself and say no.
If he was being nice, he would not associate it with going for a drink.

SummerHouse · 29/09/2020 19:34

Erm... No thanks. That's extremely wierd at best and manipulative, conniving and sinister at worst.

Original poster
tinydancerss · 29/09/2020 19:35

@LiveFromHome it's my best friends boyfriends friend.
He added me and didn't like to reject it as it might have been awkward on any engagement parties etc
Plus I thought he was harmless enough

OP posts:
luzzbightyear · 29/09/2020 19:35

Block him now, everywhere. What a creep. Ugh. My skin is crawling just thinking about it.

Coffeeandaride · 29/09/2020 19:36

I am sorry for your loss Flowers

Janaih · 29/09/2020 19:37

Fuck no stay the hell away from this creepy man.
Sorry about your mum Flowers

I'm confused as to why you said to him you see him as a brother though when you've never even met him. You dont have to give a reason for declining a date with someone. It's better not to, some men like this chap will try and think of solutions to your reasons.

LiveFromHome · 29/09/2020 19:37

it's my best friends boyfriends friend.
He added me and didn't like to reject it

Confused

You don't know him.

Block him and use this as a lesson not to add random people you don't know.

DueNumberTwo · 29/09/2020 19:40

How do you think of him as a brother if you've never met him?

Block this guy, he's a complete stranger who has been pestering you for a year, took pictures of you and your dead mother from your Facebook page and turned them into wall art??!!!

Run.

ClashCityRocker · 29/09/2020 19:40

Jesus, thats a rather inappropriate gift for a friend of a friend type to give, let alone emotionally blackmailing you into going for a drink over it!

WhereamI88 · 29/09/2020 19:40

That’s unbelievably inappropriate. I would find that so upsetting and creepy. All kinds of social boundaries well and truly crossed. Don’t see him and block him because what he has done is truly awful.

Original poster
tinydancerss · 29/09/2020 19:43

The whole "I think of you as a brother " was me not having a clue what to say.
I said no I don't want to date now
Then he said another time ?
I didn't want to say "I don't fancy you"
I thought he would get the hint (I know that sounds awful )

OP posts:
Fatted · 29/09/2020 19:44

Oh good god, no OP. You do not owe anything to this man! Do not go on a date with him. This is a huge red flag.

I've recently been shocked by someone very close to me behaviour regarding women and relationships. The idea that somehow women owe a man their affection. Disgusting.

DueNumberTwo · 29/09/2020 19:46

Reply to him and tell him you think it's inappropriate that he's taken pictures of you and your mum off your Facebook when you've never even met him. Tell him you don't want to go on a date with him and thought that after a year of him asking he'd have got the hint.

DueNumberTwo · 29/09/2020 19:46

Then block him

Mangofandangoo · 29/09/2020 19:48

Maybe he was just trying to do something nice and failed spectacularly

Just trying to see the good in people tbh

Thehop · 29/09/2020 19:48

A gift doesn’t come with conditions.

This guy is really weird at best.

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