Using my mums death to get a date?

[tinydancerss]

A guy who I've never met before (friend of a friend) has been trying to get me out on a date for a year.
I've told him I'm not looking for a relationship and I think of him as a brother (he's not my type )
Anyway my mum died a month ago.
He messaged me on Facebook saying he had a present for me.
Then he sent me a picture,he has got a wall art made for me with pics of my mum and me on it.
He said we will have to meet for a drink now so he can give it to me.
Aibu to think I have to meet him for a drink now?

Don't feel bad about being straight with him, there's no explanation needed, you are perfectly within your rights to say "I'm not interested in meeting up with you" and ignore anything further he ever says. Or "I don't want the photo gift, I don't even know you, its massively over stepping normal behaviour, I don't want to meet with you so please don't ask again"

You don't need to let him down gently, he's proved he won't take the hint.

If he pesters you anymore then block/delete and make sure your friend knows. As pp have said, any further contact beyond that and you should contact the police

You owe him NOTHING

@DueNumberTwo

How do you think of him as a brother if you've never met him?

Block this guy, he's a complete stranger who has been pestering you for a year, took pictures of you and your dead mother from your Facebook page and turned them into wall art??!!!

Run.

Thank you! Why did it take nearly a page for this to be questioned!!

I agree with everything you have said.

I am speechless. No you don't owe him a date. He's not your type and your mother's death is not something any decent or normal person would leverage to get something out of you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing your mum is utterly shit. This guy's behaviour is frankly sociopathic.

Creepy AF. Exploiting your mum's passing to get a date (not to mention swiping pics off FB)? Just no. So sorry to hear about your mum OP.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You don't need to deal with this. You're grieving and he doesn't deserve any headspace.
Since your friend agrees he is creepy and introduced you to him, I'd block him and get her (and her bf?) to message him explaining he has to back off right now. His actions are wildly intrusive. I'm suggesting including her bf as certain men with poor boundaries react better to other men telling them to fuck off.
I'm sorry that some random creepy man has made any part of your grieving process about him. It's ridiculous.

Have you met this guy or not?
Huge contradictions.
If this is a made up thread it is horrible. I recently lost my DM and was emphasising with you on that level.

How do you think of him as a brother if you've never met him?

Block him and ask him to dispose of the ‘art’

Oh hell no! Block him on everything, he's a creepy weirdo.

You do not need to be nice to him. You’ve already turned him down, not your fault he can’t take no for an answer.

Block him and whatever you do, do not go out with him

@Emeraldshamrock I did explain earlier on in the thread.
He is my best friends boyfriend friend.
He asked me on a date a year ago but didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't fancy him so just said I'm not looking for a relationship and think of you in a brotherly way.
I didn't know how else to say ..I don't fancy you

@tinydancerss I apologise I thought you hadn't met him.
I hope you tell him he is creepy as fuck to stay away.

Sorry for your loss. He sounds really creepy, don’t go if you don’t want to. You’re totally within your rights to say no

The flags are so red they are on fire.

I am sorry for the loss of your mum.

Keep well away. He should not be using your current vulnerability to get a date.

Have you decided what to do OP? If it was me I would ignore, and probably block him. If you want to write something back I would suggest ‘No, I don’t want this and find it intrusive. I don’t want to meet up so please stop contacting me.’ If he then continues to contact you, block him.

OP you're doing the age old female thing of #bekind.
He's not taking no for an answer. No I don't want to date you... No I don't want to date you etc.
What happens if you meet and he wants to kiss? And you say no... Does he have form to understand boundaries?
And what if you get in a worse situation alone with him. Will he listen to you if you say no I don't want sex? No I don't want you to hurt me?

Think about your safety not his feelings. Tell him this is becoming too much you need to block him and mak sure you are never alone with him ever.

You just need to say “I’m not interested in you” you don’t need to frame that with “I’m sorry” or reasons. That’s it.

You don't know him/you've never met him, stop communicating with him, it is giving him hope. Just be blunt and say you are not interested and/or block. Or tell your friend to get the message passed onto him to stop messaging you as you are not interested.

Run.

And bollok him for taking your pictures from Facebook.

Block everywhere. Don't worry about awkwardness - that's his fault.

Sorry about your Mum x

So sorry for your loss

Men like this, with no boundaries, need to be told clearly that you're not interested or they will use the ambiguity to further push boundaries and blame you for their 'misunderstanding'.

If I were you I would send him a message saying that you find this inappropriate and over familiar and ask him not to contact you again.

Something like 'Hello boundarypusher, thank you for your message and condolences. To be honest I find this gift inappropriate considering we don't know each other that well and you have taken these photos from my FB page. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough the other multiple times you asked me out, but I don't want to go out with you. Please don't ask again, and I'd rather you didn't contact me.'

Sorry everyone for late reply
I've just finished work
I'm going to decline his gift,tell him I don't want him to get the wrong idea and I don't want to date him.
I hope I'm not being too harsh.

If anything you're not being harsh enough! I know you don't want to hurt his feelings but he clearly doesn't care about yours, does he? He doesn't listen to a word you say if it's not what he wants to hear.

You say "I'm not interested in dating you" and he just removes the word he doesn't like "I'm not interested in dating you". He is manipulating you to get what he wants, if you were charitable you could say he's watched too many rom comes (Hollywood has a lot to answer for!) but either way he does not listen to the word no.

Please block him and tell your friend and boyfriend that if he tries to discuss you at all they should say "She's not interested. Leave her alone" and nothing more.

You're not being too harsh at all and, I say this to be helpful, you are too much of a people pleaser for your own good. I'm no tough cookie in real life but even I would tell him to fuck off with his extremely inappropriate gift. Using your mum's death is awful. Just awful.

Dont worry about being too harsh - he isnt in the slightest bit worried about trampling all over your boundaries! It is difficult, I know, when you are a nice person and dont want to be horrid plus women are generally brought up to be fearful of causing offence.

He is such a creep, though, that I do think there might be some blow back when you tell him where to go so I would def block him everywhere so you dont have to deal with that. Also, I would tell your BF and her boyfriend that he has been super creepy and manipulative so you have some back up if he tries to get to you through them.