Page 3 | To think this is upsetting

Gutted2day · 2020-09-29T15:43:58+00:00

Milestone birthday, DH got me a coat (that didn't fit) and a mug. Slow cooker meal for dinner, no surprises planned (100%) card from the local shop. AIBU to feel very sad and let down

Bluemooninmyeyes1 · 29/09/2020 19:09

‘Milestone birthdays’ don’t mean the same to everyone. It was my 30th the other year and it was just like a normal day, I didn’t want any fuss. For some reason people seem to become greedy and entitled if their age on their birthday ends in a 0 and expect crazily expensive gifts from everyone. Op, your husband was nice enough to get you a card and some presents on your birthday, ok the coat didn’t fit but the thought was there. Stop being ungrateful.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 29/09/2020 19:10

Happy Birthday lovely.

I'd definitely mention that you were disappointed. Leave it until tomorrow though.

Pour yourself a drink while he does the dishes.

NeverTalksToStrangers · 29/09/2020 19:11

I'm totally with you OP. You need to tell him you're upset.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/09/2020 19:12

They've just changed our rules yesterday FOKKYFC - no mixing of households at all in public venues (or private ones for that matter). We are in a "high risk" area, allegedly.

Son and partner will be wishing me a socially distanced hug and happy returns from the end of the drive.

speakout · 29/09/2020 19:13

Sounds quite sweet in a way.

My OH bought me a card last birthday which read " Happy Golden wedding anniversary" ( he hadn't read the words) and a bunch of plastic roses from a garage which he thought were real.
I thought it was funny.
But I cant be arsed with grown up birthdays.

Swimminginroses · 29/09/2020 19:13

Hm, tbh, while I get that you are disappointed, I do think that you are overreacting personally.

He did get you a gift, it’s not his fault it didn’t fit and celebrations were planned, it’s not his fault that covid put an end to it.

You said yourself he’s not a dick just that he doesn’t always think.
He’d probably be quite upset if he knew how you felt I imagine.

LindaEllen · 29/09/2020 19:14

I mean, it depends on how he views birthdays as well. My partner literally just sees them as another day, he's never bothered about doing anything, doesn't even bother taking the day off work. So he finds it weird when I want to do something for mine - but he just goes with it, to be fair.

Plus everything this year is a bit weird .. I think lots of us have had disappointing birthdays for that reason :(.

FOKKYFC · 29/09/2020 19:15

@SchadenfreudePersonified

They've just changed our rules yesterday FOKKYFC - no mixing of households at all in public venues (or private ones for that matter). We are in a "high risk" area, allegedly.

Son and partner will be wishing me a socially distanced hug and happy returns from the end of the drive.

And I think I'm wrong at any rate.

But that's really lousy. Hope you manage to salvage a decent day nevertheless

Scweltish · 29/09/2020 19:18

@Hyperfish101

Unless he’s consistently an arse in other ways then I wouldn’t be crying about it. Sorry you’re sad but adults make too much of birthdays really. Next year give him a list and itinerary so you’ll be sure to get what you want!

That’s my thoughts. She had a celebration with her extended family on the weekend, presents, a card and a home cooked meal. Now after she’s spent the day with her oh, she’s having another little celebration with cake and champagne with her husband and children. Her birthday sounds lovely to me

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 29/09/2020 19:22

I had a temper tantrum over my birthday a few years ago.

The final straw was getting dove for my birthday. As in the bath stuff and packs of Tesco knickers amongst a load of panic bought tat from various supermarkets and TK maxx.

It wasn't about money, believe me id have been happy with a sudoku book and a bar of galaxy. It was the complete, lack of thought. So for the first time ever I let him know what I thought about his pile of weekly shopping in gift wrap. Then I ordered myself a nice breakfast and went back to bed. Later on in the day I made my own plans with friends and went off for the day .........things have improved massively since. Again, not holidays to the Bahamas but things he knows if like but wouldn't usually buy myself. This shows he's perfectly capable of being thoughtful. Which is all I want.

Scweltish · 29/09/2020 19:22

@Bluemooninmyeyes1

‘Milestone birthdays’ don’t mean the same to everyone. It was my 30th the other year and it was just like a normal day, I didn’t want any fuss. For some reason people seem to become greedy and entitled if their age on their birthday ends in a 0 and expect crazily expensive gifts from everyone. Op, your husband was nice enough to get you a card and some presents on your birthday, ok the coat didn’t fit but the thought was there. Stop being ungrateful.

Like I just posted, her birthday to me would have been perfect. My partners working in the North Sea and we only see each other a weekend a month, and he practically has a panic attack at the thought of cooking a pot noodle. I don’t have any family except for him and my children. Op’s had celebrations with her family, presents cards and cake, a home cooked meal and a day with the people she loves. I think she needs to learn to appreciate what she’s got

Original poster

Gutted2day · 29/09/2020 19:25

Thanks all, I am feeling slightly better this eve just the constant edge of tears all day has been really hard to keep in.

@Chestergirl39 defo gonna try and suggest something for the weekend.

@nervousnelly8 it just bloody hurts doesn't it, literally couldn't control the sadness that came over me. I know he will genuinely be crushed when I tell him so don't want to do it and collapse in a mess

@RelaisBlu I do understand, I just had such a wave of sadness about it today. I guess it was the feeling of rushed ill fitting present and not much else left me deflated. He is very loving and has gone over the top in the past with surprise trips away (obv not practical this year) just felt flat about it today

@TheBeesKnee usually a prezzie and dinner out somewhere. I am not a huge group celebrater - prefer just close friends and family.

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Diverseopinions · 29/09/2020 19:34

I think it was the Covid restrictions and not being able to think of an alternative, and not sure if babysitters would work with Covid worries. It does take imagination, I guess, which just wouldn't come for him, this time.

When the kids are older, they will be able to suggest things. Perhaps ask a family member to speak to him about it next year xx

jessstan2 · 29/09/2020 19:34

Well you did have a small family gathering in honour of your birthday at the weekend.

I 'get' you being a bit underwhelmed/disappointed but not the tears all day.

Original poster

Gutted2day · 29/09/2020 19:35

Thanks for all the comments.
@Bluemooninmyeyes1 I have been telling myself to get a grip all day. I can say with my hand on my heart it is not a money thing at all, just felt sad that not much thought was given. I am not ungrateful just can't shake the sad feeling it has given me today

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whirlwindwallaby · 29/09/2020 19:39

A slow cooker meal means he planned ahead and made much more of an effect than just ordering a takeaway! I'd say a takeaway would be the easy option. Honestly don't understand what is wrong with a card from a shop , the other option is Moonpig? I'd only use that if it's too late to buy and send a card. Can you exchange the coat for the right size?

TopBitchoftheWitches · 29/09/2020 19:40

Grow up op. We are going through a pandemic.

Original poster

Gutted2day · 29/09/2020 19:41

@whirlwindwallaby yep its all salvageable just felt v down about it all today I guess

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DeciduousPerennial · 29/09/2020 19:43

I find all this ‘plan for yourself’ and ‘next year, give him a list’ bloody tedious and miserable. What is the POINT of that?

It isn’t about the things. It’s about the thought. I want him to want to give a shit about making one day (or part of one day) special for me, in my own right, as my own person, just for the sake of making me happy. That’s it. And if he knows me as he should, then he should know that - actually - it’s not the money that’s spent that’s the thing, but the acknowledgement and effort behind it. Like I would for him. A slow cooker dinner could have been fabulous if done with intent and love.

YANBU to be so disappointed.

Fruitsaladjelly · 29/09/2020 19:44

Oh that really is shit op. I’m not generally a big birthday fuss maker but I do think milestones are special, or should be. I think you have every right to tell him you will be turning 40 again next week and he’d better make sure the second attempt is better. I can’t believe he didn’t even take you for a nice lunch out, what a shit show! Let’s face it, it’s not the one crap element, it’s the complete lack of care in all areas, a shit card from the corner shop is quickly forgotten if it’s followed by an announcement you’ll be going out for a spa day.

Original poster

Gutted2day · 29/09/2020 19:45

@TopBitchoftheWitches

Grow up op. We are going through a pandemic.

I think the growing up/older is part of the melancholy today. The pandemic is rubbish also.

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DeciduousPerennial · 29/09/2020 19:46

Oh, and “we’re in a pandemic, grow up” is so reductive. Yes, we are. So even more reason to show the ones we love that we care in the meaningful ways instead of using it as an excuse to be a cop out. Because otherwise, what IS the point of coming out the other side of it?

MintyMabel · 29/09/2020 19:49

Eating a slow cooker meal on my birthday would be beyond the bloody pale.

Some of my favourite meals are slow cooker meals.

Fruitsaladjelly · 29/09/2020 19:49

@TopBitchoftheWitches

Grow up op. We are going through a pandemic.

Oh yes the pandemic! Of course at explains everything, what with all shops and restaurants being closed....oh hang on

DonnaDonna01 · 29/09/2020 19:50

Tbh I’m sick of people using “we’re going through a pandemic” as an excuse for anything and everything lately. Yes things are difficult but we still can live and follow restrictions. Op if your upset you have every right to be and can voice your thoughts on here.