To think this is upsetting

[Gutted2day]

Milestone birthday, DH got me a coat (that didn't fit) and a mug. Slow cooker meal for dinner, no surprises planned (100%) card from the local shop. AIBU to feel very sad and let down

I know what you mean OP. Why should you have to do something for yourself - I don't get all these "men don't understand birthdays" excuses. Tell him to turn the slow cooker off and go book a table in a nice restaurant cos you're going out. And happy birthday Xx

@KellyMarieTunstall2 thank you - defo need to plan it better for the next one!

And he is being a dick. Maybe he isn't normally but he is tonight. Dry your eyes and tell him you want to go out somewhere nice, and you want him to arrange it now. X

@Throckmorton thank you x

Ok go to your dh, say right mate I need cheering up this birthday has been crap - I need spoiling now and for the next few days, get the kids, sort something out , please help me

Unfortunately we would need a babysitter so tonight is a no go but maybe the weekend. Like I say I am not usually that precious about birthdays just that this one is traditionally a big one. I was gutted the larger plan was cancelled due to Covid but would have liked a meal out today just the 2 of us

ha lazy shit. My exH did nothing at all on my 50th and I decided I didn't want to live with someone too lazy even to take me out to dinner.

I don't give a tinker's fuck about my birthday, by and large, but I do ask that there be takeaway. Eating a slow cooker meal on my birthday would be beyond the bloody pale.

Actually it would have even been nice for us and the kids to go out

@KellyMarieTunstall2

Happy birthday OP!! No you are not being unreasonable. That's shitty and thoughtless. My DH is not great at birthdays so after many disappointments I organize my own. I'm never disappointed then. I hope you can salvage things. Treat yourself.

Would you have done her spam fritters and Babycham?

Happy birthday OP, yadnbu

Some people are just not good at that stuff. My DH isn’t. He never has been, nor have any of his family. I don’t care now but if used to bother me. It’s nothing personal.

The worst of it was after crying in the bath for about an hour I could smell the dinner in the slow cooker and it started a fresh batch of tears

I did actually completely lose my shit on one of my birthdays. DH is a super lovely bloke, but fuck me totally useless on the birthday front. I was so upset one year when, yet again, zero effort, that I had a melt down at around 7pm and shut myself in the bedroom.

He is still crap at birthdays so I make sure to make my own arrangements.

Unless he’s consistently an arse in other ways then I wouldn’t be crying about it. Sorry you’re sad but adults make too much of birthdays really. Next year give him a list and itinerary so you’ll be sure to get what you want!

“Happy birthday OP! After many similar disappointments, I've learned to spell out to my husband exactly what I expect for my birthdays.”

Agree with this ^

You’re right to feel upset but some men are rubbish at bdays. I had similar last year, got cards and presents, but nothing else organised. Ended up booking a meal last minute, but friends were already busy. Bit of a frosty atmosphere with dh, who said I’d not said what I wanted! Despite lockdown, this year was better, saw a couple of friends in the garden, takeaway with family, gave ideas for little presents, nice atmosphere. Try and salvage what you can of it and make up for it next year! Or next weekend!

Happy birthday OP! My DH can be similarly useless. He said to me the night before the first mother's day after our DS was born that he hadn't done anything. I burst into tears (I am not quite as good at the whole brave face as you!). He then stayed up until 3am putting together a photo collage of me and DS so managed to redeem himself.

I'm not necessarily advocating crying at him (although if you're sad, it probably wouldn't hurt being open about that emotion!). You deserve to have a fuss made, and I think you need to give him the chance to fix the situation with a weekend of birthday celebrations.

I know perfectly well that DH isn't into birthdays at all, so when it is my birthday I book a restaurant myself. To be fair DH has memory problems and tells me that he doesn't want to be guilt tripped into trying to remember stuff that he can't help forgetting.

I think sometimes men just need it spelled out to them

And also not everybody has the experience of birthdays being special as such. My DH was raised with many siblings in another part of the world in considerable poverty and never had a birthday present in his entire childhood, the one exception being a black rubber ball he has kept to this day and he's 64!

He is not good at Christmas/birthday presents and receives them when they are given to him with mild bemusement. In the earlier years of our marriage I used to be hurt if he forgot my birthday or didn't buy a present. Later I realised how little it mattered and how he, like all of us, is shaped by his background. He shows his love in other ways. Is this true of your DH too OP?

@Hyperfish101 he really isn't just a bit clueless sometimes. I don't usually give a toss but the constant messages from mates/fam asking what he had planned got a bit too much this morn

Happy birthday 🥳

Yes, I would be surprised and upset if DP made so little effort, even with a bloody pandemic going on.

How does he treat your other birthdays?

It's mine tomorrow. Original planned dinner out down from 7 to 5 because of Rule of 6, and now cancelled all together because of households mixing.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

It's mine tomorrow. Original planned dinner out down from 7 to 5 because of Rule of 6, and now cancelled all together because of households mixing.

I thought the six could theoretically be from six different households?