To not see the point in life?

[sunshinerays]

This has nothing to do with covid, I felt this way before covid and feel the same now.

I don't understand the point of life. It's repetitive BS. I try and do so many 'exciting' things and still feel it's a pile of crap most of the time.

I want to point out I'm not suicidal for a variety of reasons that I won't go into but I'm questioning how abnormal is it to feel this way or do lots of people feel this way but just pretend otherwise?

I have no reason to feel this way from the outside I have the 'perfect' life and people would be surprised if they knew how I feel.

Every day is - pointless (with the exception of the odd day here and there). Totally pointless in particular Monday to Friday I just see no enjoyment.

I feel like an entitled twat writing this post but have no one to talk to. I've tried counselling and it doesn't seem to fix the problem.

This is less about AIBU and more about reaching out to others I guess to see if anyone else is in similar situation 😓

I actually help women figure this shit out (having gone through it myself as you can tell by the username from long ago!)

As human beings we have certain fundamental needs - two of those are for PURPOSE and GROWTH.

I would say that from the bit you've written here you feel that you're lacking these two things (plus possibly variety also).

So...

What do you care about?

Give me a list....

They could be big things (e.g. climate change)...

They could be things that just impact this country or one aspect of life (e.g. violence against women in the UK, the decline of elephants)

They can be small things that only impact your community or aren't life or death (e.g. the arts, use of food banks in your area).

Dig deep and come up with a list of stuff you give a shit about...

It's a good clue if something makes you angry then you care about it.

This is STEP ONE...

@ButterFox do you .. I honestly thought it was just me it's horrible it's like an intrusive thought . I won't go out of my way to think it .. it just pops into my mind then I am devastated thinking he will die one day. Or see me die . I think I have depression but I am successful on the outside I am a healthcare professional and people assume I am together with robust mental health but I worry about things all the time .

I also felt like this for a good few years. I wasn’t interested in anything, thought pastimes were literally that - something to pass the time until death. I realise now that I was depressed - not suicidal but definitely low-medium level depression. What helped me was getting more exercise and massively increasing the time I spent outside. It took a while but I eventually got my energy back and started to enjoy things again.

@Misty9 I have read the happiness trap and many other similar books. They help whilst reading them and do give me cbt techniques to use but I still feel like this 😞

I feel exactly the same way. But I believe most people do but just pretend. I did hear that a lot of people live for holidays. They get up, go to work everyday and do the same boring shit until the next holiday comes.

I don’t know what to suggest. But I’d definitely would not live for other people e.g having children. I would say to sort yourself out first. I tell you this because life can change so drastically. Sounds very extreme but one day your partner might not be here, children could pass away. My aunt (in my home country)lost her son last year, and is a full time carer to my sick uncle, no grandkids and all alone. Her other son lives in U.K as do all the other family. All those living for other people, life isn’t guaranteed so if the person/people are not here anymore what will you do with yourself?

This thread is helping me to see I am very depressed . I look in the mirror sometimes I feel good ( when my weight is ideal weight for me ) then I get depressed thinking well it won't last .. I can never be happy

@starshearts yes it's awful, an intrusive thought is exactly right. Sometimes I make myself play out scenarios in my head, imagining it happening. It's horrendous, awful. I wonder if it's a screwed up protective instinct. It's like the terrible cost of such intense and perfect love or something!

It's a bugger, isn't it? That the big goal is a sad bag of air. But you can challenge your thoughts because thoughts aren't facts. OK, stupid idea (it's late and wine is taken!) but if you hate taking the bin out then spend the weekend painting it pink with a big goofy face on it. Satisfyingly dumb, will kick over your sensible side and will make you and your neighbours laugh.

@wheresmymojo yes there are things I care about when you put it like that. But not smooth to actively go out and try to make a change

[quote sunshinerays]@Misty9 I have read the happiness trap and many other similar books. They help whilst reading them and do give me cbt techniques to use but I still feel like this 😞[/quote]
So what are your values? Or, as a pp put it, what do you give a shit about? Or used to?

@ButterFox I do the same play out a situation and think how absolutely awful it would be if it happened .. but nothing has happened just the intrusive thought of it . It gets you down . I do it with others though like if I see an elderly relative I think that could be the last time I see them I can't just enjoy seeing them things have to crop up in my mind .

Totally agree OP. Life's shit and then you die.

@Nomoreilove I think a lot pretend. My DH family member seems like a really genuinely happy confident guy and said he drinks wine sometimes the bottle every day.

Most of his family appear happy as Larry but drink lots - so they're clearly not that happy?

I fell into the alcohol trap once and I'm not going there again

Hi Op. Are you feeling unfulfilled in some parts of your life?

Why don't you find something that you are passionate about?

@Misty9 I care about education for the underprivileged

I care about climate change (somewhat)

I care about women's rights

I care about equality

I enjoy exercise

I enjoy shopping

@PeppaChic

Just seen your update and to be completely honest it’s my children that ultimately stopped those feelings being overwhelming. The meaning of life (for me) is love, and I love them so powerfully it makes everything feel somehow more solid.

This.

My connection to my parents is my value for my life and my children. The deeper those connections the happier they are, the happier I am. Love. I do love a good book, good music and a good meal as well!

@starshearts I do this too, exactly as your describing. Sometimes I feel like I'm never living in the moment but always imagining/anticipating the future. And not a good future!

@HEYAhhhhhhhhh yes I do. I don't care enough about anything though to actually do it regularly. With the exception of exercises. But that still doesn't fully solve my sadness only very temporarily

[quote sunshinerays]@wheresmymojo yes there are things I care about when you put it like that. But not smooth to actively go out and try to make a change [/quote]

Sure it is.

I help women every day move into work that makes them feel like they're having an impact on the world rather than just treading water until they retire or die.

I was one of those women.

As you've found - material things are actually kind of bollocks. Once you have them you realise they don't mean anything and it leaves you feeling like 'oh fuck...I've put all this effort into climbing this fucking ladder and now I've realised it was against the wrong fucking wall'

And then you have a bit of a (not quite but almost) mid life crisis and then figure out what the right wall is.

So list out all the things you give a shit about...and list out your natural strengths and then figure out how to combine the two and I promise this malaise will fuck right off...

It’s really heartening to read that others are feeling the exact same way as me. I’ve recently moved and setting up all the bills and seeing how much of my wage goes on boring shit makes me feel trapped- work to just pay the bills, to work, to eat, to pay the bills, to work.... It’s why I don’t have kids. I don’t want to force this drudgery on anybody else. In fact, can I sue my parents for signing me up to this without my consent? 😂

@MsPeachh 😂 I might sue too

I have this at the moment. Kind of feeling like it’s a mid life crisis. Half way through life and what is the point.
Wondering if infact there is one. Essentially surely life is purposeless, we are born to breed and to die. These long expanses of life without struggle for survival are not what our bodies or brains are designed for. Hence we have time to dwell on the essential purposelessness of existence.

Sometimes I think Buddhism is the answer, the lifelong quest for enlightenment, for inner peace. Maybe that is happiness in the end. The complete absence of desire.

Sometimes I think it doesn’t matter, the fact that life is purposeless means that we can stop worrying about the meaningless jargon of life. Being respectable, thin, following the rules doesn’t matter. We only need to work enough to eat and to pay for what we want. Perhaps really the meaningless of life is freeing. You don’t have to put the bins out!! Your floor doesn’t have to be clean, your clothes don’t have to match. Everything you do is essentially a choice.

@ButterFox it's not a pleasant way to live very anxiety inducing 😪 I am constantly exposed to oncology patients at work it triggers me to then think it's only a matter of time before myself or partner has a cancer diagnosis then I sit and think who will it be .

@wheresmymojo I started a project recently. I don't want to mention what as it would be outing but I combined my skills with something I enjoy and even that's become drudgery.

I'm not trying to shoot down everyone's suggestions I'm really grateful for them all but I'm trying to highlight that I still keep coming back to the same point - I don't care about my life.

Honestly, life is a big fat con. A lie, I guess that's why so many celebrities end up depressed. Imagine all that success and effort to still come to the same conclusion?

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but I just have to say I feel exactly the same. I don’t get excited by things or feel any joy. I basically make sure the dc are clean, fed and at school on time but spend the rest of my time glued to my sofa. I can’t see the point in doing anything because it’s all just a pile of crap. If I didn’t have dc I don’t think I’d be here anymore.