To not see the point in life?

[sunshinerays]

This has nothing to do with covid, I felt this way before covid and feel the same now.

I don't understand the point of life. It's repetitive BS. I try and do so many 'exciting' things and still feel it's a pile of crap most of the time.

I want to point out I'm not suicidal for a variety of reasons that I won't go into but I'm questioning how abnormal is it to feel this way or do lots of people feel this way but just pretend otherwise?

I have no reason to feel this way from the outside I have the 'perfect' life and people would be surprised if they knew how I feel.

Every day is - pointless (with the exception of the odd day here and there). Totally pointless in particular Monday to Friday I just see no enjoyment.

I feel like an entitled twat writing this post but have no one to talk to. I've tried counselling and it doesn't seem to fix the problem.

This is less about AIBU and more about reaching out to others I guess to see if anyone else is in similar situation 😓

I do feel this way a fair bit. What helps me is any form of true self-expression: writing, painting, singing, even gardening. These things make me feel like a unique individual with her own unique path to walk, rather than a bored cog in an endĺessly turning wheel. Also really connecting emotionally with other people, doing some proper exercise. Basically anything that suits the way the human brain evolved, rather than all this dabbing at screens and sitting indoors that it's not suited to.

OP, hush. Be still. You're going at this as if you can break through a stone wall by beating your head against it.

Stop.

Breathe. Notice your breath going in and out of your body. Notice every pleasant moment as it happens. Just the moment. Not forward or back, just now. Don't look for perfection. Don't look for excitement. Don't look for anything at all. Just notice what each moment brings. Notice, and let it go. When you notice, the moment becomes part of you. Integral. There is no need to chase it or to fear it's departure. It is who you are. Still. Content. In bliss.

Instead of besting your head against that stone wall, sit down. Notice the wall. Notice the marks left from hewing the stone. Notice how each stone depends on the others. Notice and let it go. Soon you will notice that there is no wall. No need to search for meaning. No need to strive. Only to notice.

Follow your bliss.

That would be beating, not besting. Something I failed to notice. ;).

@Hailtomyteeth thank you that did make me stop for a moment and relax 💐

[quote sunshinerays]@Sarahlou63 the desire is there believe me but what if you don't care enough about anything? Or you find majority of things boring? Where do you go next? [/quote]
You stop looking for external validation - random things you think you should care about but don't - and start looking at why you don't find joy in life.

Expectations fuck us up. We 'expect' a big party we've planned for ages to be brilliant and it's shit. We have zero expectations of a beer with a mate and it turns out be the best night evah! We expect 'having it all' to be what we wanted and it turns out to be 'meh'.

You can turn this around. It takes work and introspection but it can't be worse than your current life.

corythatwas

You sound nice. I’m sorry to hear that your daughter struggles with pain. Awful for her obviously but as a parent I imagine that’s very difficult for you to deal with too.

@Sarahlou63 that's exactly what's happened to my life.

I did everything I set out to by reaching 30. Very problematic. I put so much focus on material goals. Literally every goal I've ever had is material. And I've achieved it, and it's made me a miserable depressed person.

The world has a lot to answer for in how it encourages aspirations and goals to be about all the wrong things. The world we live in is a sad sad place.

I'm at a point now that's - where the eff do I go from here?

I'm lurking about MN because im having a bit of a rough time.

Your description (of existential crisis) reminded me powerfully of feeling just that way quite a long time ago. But I don't now, in fact I feel surprisingly positive, grateful and at times happy despite really quite difficult circumstances.

It is possible your feeling will pass.

I'm not sure this will be of any help but I have had the powerful experience more than once in my life, of being really worked up about some deep question of the meaning of life or whether something was or wasn't the right thing to do. Months later I realised I felt better and hadn't solved the problem but just didn't care about it any more.

So that would mean rather than torturing myself to figure out the meaning of life I'd probably be better off saying to myself "who cares? Who knows? Why not watch something that makes me laugh"

Expectations fuck us up. We 'expect' a big party we've planned for ages to be brilliant and it's shit.

I get what you’re saying. But for me, I expect fuck all from life and people now. And it still feels crap much of the time.

It’s funny people mention making the bed and pulling up weeds feeling pointless. I remember I used to love making my house and garden look nice, doing them and seeing the results. Now I do them because I don’t want my kids living in a mess but I get no pleasure in them anymore. Maybe it is depression, I think many people just get used to feeling like it.

@corythatwas

I felt like this in my mid to late 20s, OP. I wasn't unhappy as such, just bored and disappointed that life mainly revolves around working and repetitive stuff we have to do as adults. I'm not sure when or how that changed, really. I think I changed job and realised that I'd outgrown some of the things I'd enjoyed doing when I was younger and was no longer getting anything out of them. I'd probably known that for a while but had been loathe to stop them becasue I felt they defined me and who would I be without them? I found some new hobbies, set some new goals, made new friends, had a baby.

I still have periods where I feel flat and that I don't know what makes me happy (other than my family), particularly at the moment where I'm definitely not seeing my friends enough and not getting much social interaction. I feel like I'm wilting a little.

I think you need to reassess what motivates and interests you - easier said than done, I know.

But for me, I expect fuck all from life and people now. And it still feels crap much of the time.

Exactly, same. I don't have expectations other than I don't expect a nasty little voice talking to me all day saying 'this is shite this life business', it honestly distracts me from even being able to productively do my job.

I think it's more serious than I perhaps like to admit.

The world isn't the issue, it's the way you perceive it. We all have perceptions which start in childhood of the 'rules' we must live by, they are own core beliefs.

Hazarding a guess, but your's were either; "you can do whatever you want if you want it enough because it's yours by right" or "you must work hard to get what you want because life is tough but when you get it that's the goal"?

own = our!

A lot of things suggested on here are only a temporary fix, which will give respite for a time, but soon pass away.
There is a much bigger picture I believe, and this life is only a precursor for the next, but it’s not fashionable to think this way, and people with faith ( not religion, because the two are different) are easy targets these days.

I absolutely feel like you OP and I do have kids. I love them to pieces but it makes me sad that they're growing up in this world full of hate where material things are valued above all else. I think I would be happy living a very isolated life where I could ignore the outside world but I can't remove the dc from their life now. I feel very trapped in the life I have now.
I used to be creative but now I just think what's the point. It doesn't mean anything and it doesn't achieve anything so why bother. To be honest I feel that about most things.

I agree . Even when things seem to be going ok I am never happy as I know something shit will happen soon enough. Growing old terrifies me I absolutely hate living but don't want to die either .

Enjoyment in life doesn't just happen secondary to external circumstances. You need to train yourself to it. Mindfulness and thankfulness can help.

"you must work hard to get what you want because life is tough but when you get it that's the goal"?

Definitely that one! Now I'm very lost as a result and yes I think fair to say depressed

I completely understand how you're feeling and I struggle with this too. I get bored with the mundane very quickly.

What helps me is to think about how we, as living things, have been given the gift of consciousness. How our elements have formed in such a way that means we can experience life and see what is around us on the Earth and in the universe. There may be no 'point' to our lives but we at least get this brief window of being aware that perhaps is a rare thing.

I will look at my son think how perfect he is and then I am overcome with sadness knowing he will die one day it's horrible I hate that I was born into this cycle of never being happy as whenever I feel joy I remember something negative .

@starshearts I think like that too when I look at my child. It's unbearable.

I highly recommend reading The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. It's a nice introduction to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and I think it might strike a chord. The French have the perfect word for this feeling: ennui. More boredom than depression. Lack of stimulation. Is there any activity that gives you a positive feeling? That you lose yourself in? I love singing along to music. I don't do it often enough but I know it works when I do. I agree you sound depressed, but what are your values in life? Are you living them?

I can empathise, and there's the added layer of guilt that comes with these feelings because in reality there so many more far worse off etc.

Also had similar feelings regarding kids, I've put them off and if I'm honest I worry I'll just live through them to try and gain some meaning, passing on the pressure and expectation.

On a very practical method, if you're feeling physically exhausted on a daily basis then maybe get your VitD levels checked. I have been severely deficient, it's by no means a cure-all but sorting that out did help in terms of stopping me wanting to roll into bed after work and struggling to leave it in the mornings.

Now I'm very lost as a result and yes I think fair to say depressed

Well, I’m sorry that you’re feeling shit. I’ve posted on your thread but I’m definitely not the person to help as I feel very similar. I also think it may be more serious than I’d like to admit. I suppose I don’t really look at anyone else’s life and think ‘I wish mine was like that’. I wish I did as I’d stand a chance of making changes that could help me feel better. I think everyone’s life seems a bit pointless. But I’m glad for them that they don’t feel that way, I suppose I just wish I could find pleasure in things like they do.