To not see the point in life?

[sunshinerays]

This has nothing to do with covid, I felt this way before covid and feel the same now.

I don't understand the point of life. It's repetitive BS. I try and do so many 'exciting' things and still feel it's a pile of crap most of the time.

I want to point out I'm not suicidal for a variety of reasons that I won't go into but I'm questioning how abnormal is it to feel this way or do lots of people feel this way but just pretend otherwise?

I have no reason to feel this way from the outside I have the 'perfect' life and people would be surprised if they knew how I feel.

Every day is - pointless (with the exception of the odd day here and there). Totally pointless in particular Monday to Friday I just see no enjoyment.

I feel like an entitled twat writing this post but have no one to talk to. I've tried counselling and it doesn't seem to fix the problem.

This is less about AIBU and more about reaching out to others I guess to see if anyone else is in similar situation 😓

@Kakiweewee nope, nothing. The one thing that makes me feel enjoyment is shopping. It's a stupid coping mechanism ive found which I know is stupid and a temporary fix but that's where I turn to

Honestly the only thing I enjoy is not being at work and spending time with DH. I feel like I'm dragging him down now too though

I understand what you mean and have felt like this for many years. It's part of the reason why I personally do not feel drawn to or understand why people have children. Man hands on misery to man and all that. I'll be watching the replies you get on this thread with interest. But don't feel you are alone because you are not. It's all pointless.

@Pinkyandthebrainz oh my I'm so glad you've said that because I don't have kids at the moment but hope to in the near future but constantly feel guilt for the exact reason you mentioned.

Also because days like today where I thought how the hell do I get through this day - I came home went to bed but can't do that with a kid? I feel like it's going to make things worse or I'll be a terrible mother.

I consider not having kids for all the reasons you mention

I have felt like this at various times. I think the key is to use this feeling to inform the choices you make about things moving forward. I think generally our society places such huge emphasis on obtaining money and worldly goods, our entire economy built on valuing things and even now ‘experiences’ which are often expensive and sold to us too so that we can have a photo of it for the album/ social media - making memories! It doesn’t take much unpicking to see why that is ultimately genuinely depressing because you literally ‘can’t take it with you’ whatever your beliefs. It’s empty. I also think that’s why so many of us drink alcohol and create our own escapes that way, which is another discussion, but I suppose I mean I think a low level of this feeling is fairly normal.

Personally, I try to plan things to look forward to. And like someone said upthread, I try to keep perspective and realise that I will miss these days, just like I have nostalgia for so many past times that I was probably half miserable during in reality.

TLDR- You’re not alone.

Just seen your update and to be completely honest it’s my children that ultimately stopped those feelings being overwhelming. The meaning of life (for me) is love, and I love them so powerfully it makes everything feel somehow more solid.

You're right. It is also your responsibility as a human to find a way out via thinking and growth. It's a mind set. You can change it. Some people find meaning in the every day, or religion, or helping others. But it's your choice. It's the chatter of your mind that allows those thoughts to dominate. Every human feels that I imagine. What to do next is up to you.

People find relief from it by love,, mediation, drugs, alcohol etc.

@PeppaChic I book an exciting outing or nice restaurant for me and DH every weekend. We are busy every minute of every weekend and I still feel like this.

Honestly, I sit there looking at friends and family at functions thinking - surely you all feel this way? Are you all such good fakers or am I just really suffering?

Existential crisis. Have you read Ekhart Tolle (or listened to him, he did a series with Oprah)?

I see religion come up a few times and tbf I am envious of religious people too.

But I just can't force myself to believe something I don't believe - so religion wouldn't work for me. I wish it would though.

@MsStillwell no but I'll have a look now

[quote sunshinerays]&@TweeterandtheMonkeyman I'm big into excercises too but an hour after the endorphins wear off I'm back to the same old way of thinking[/quote]
You've nailed it in 8 words - "back to the same old way of thinking".

There's nothing wrong with life, it just is. You can change the way you feel about it though, but only when the desire to change is stronger than the desire to stay the same.

I do actually enjoy things quite a lot.

But what actually keeps me going is not the pleasure, it's the knowledge that I can make a difference.

I have students who are going to need my support over the next few months more than ever- I want it to make a difference that I'm there for them and I have their back.

I have a daughter who is disabled and often in pain- knowing that she can ring me at any time night or day and I'll talk to her until she feels better makes a difference.

I have elderly parents who are stuck in the house and have been since March- having me ring up to make my mum laugh for half an hour makes a difference.

The contribution we make to the food bank every week makes a difference. The garden we've planted full of salvias makes a difference to the local bee population. All sorts of things make a difference.

And even where I'm not sure if I really do make a difference (political engagement, the environment) just standing up to be counted does feel worthwhile.

@Sarahlou63 the desire is there believe me but what if you don't care enough about anything? Or you find majority of things boring? Where do you go next?

God, I feel this on a deep level. I’m actually depressed and anxious right now because of the state of things so we’ll put that to one side and focus on the usual.

The bins were such a good example. I often just think to myself ‘THIS CAN’T BE IT!’ - it’s so banal and uninspiring. And it’s so fucking relentless! Like, once I’m into it, I love a bit of getting things in order - and then straight away it seems to need to be done again and I just despair at the ONGOINGNESS of it all. It overshadows any sense of pleasure that comes with completing it.

I do get moments of joy (not to be confused with happiness) but it doesn’t really penetrate - and it’s so fleeting.

Time to do some work on your "soul" or "spirit". Try Hoffman Project, or Re-Vision. Find a counsellor who works with soul. This has changed my life - not religious or "cool far out man" stuff, but a Jungian approach. You don't have a connection to yourself, and that is the only thing that will give you peace or joy. That, and 5 rhythms!

I feel a bit the same OP. 15 years ago everything seemed great, now it can seem a bit...nothing ! I’m really fortunate in that I have a lovely partner, 2 kids, nice house etc. All things that if I didn’t have, I know things could be a lot harder. I have animals that I love, that’s helped a lot. But some days it just all seems a bit pointless.
I’ve been let down a lot in the last few years by people who should really be around for me. I think that’s probably a big reason for me feeling this way. That and just seeing that most people aren’t very nice... but maybe that’s just me. 😬

I understand what you’re saying, it’s a bit like “what’s the point in making the bed in the morning, it’s just going to get messed up again”. But I do feel in today’s modern age of convenience and instant gratification, it is easy to navel gaze our way into unhappiness / despondency.

Up until very recently, life really WAS about survival...no antibiotics, washing machines, cars, etc. that make our lives today so easy (and possibly a bit flat). My DH’s great grandmother had ten kids, baked bread, cakes, etc. every day and was forced to get up at 4am to make her DH a cup of tea before he went to work. THAT is drudgery.

My point is people simply didn’t have time to ponder these things or feel fed up about not living their best life every day. I know that probably doesn’t make you feel any better and I understand everything’s relative.

Having said that, I agree with PP’s about seeing your GP as finding no pleasure in life is a classic symptom of depression.

Second vote for exercise- it sounds corny but we really need those positive endorphins....

But you know, I feel the same, OP, life can be so boring, you do wonder what is the point in doing anything- only to have to do it all again tomorrow.....and don't get me started on the pointless task that is ironing ...

But, having said that- I do think we need to find joy in small things- be grateful for dc, dh, your health, a beautiful sunset, the stars in a clear night sky...etc

A mini buddhist book I read had a lovely phrase: You won the lottery, you were born. Think that summed it up for me at the time- I was always wanting more of everything- sometimes it's enough just to BE here.

And try and have some fun while we are here...have you seen the Australian Netflix series called The Let Down? An exhausted Mum gets advice from a drug dealer (stay with me ) because she's been drinking to get through the day- he tells her about Rat Park- i.e. that we need some kind of stimulation or we go mad- so she takes up dancing...and it helps her... obvs just a tv show but the idea stuck with me.

@corythatwas see I envy how you seem like a non selfish person.

I'm a person that's very selfish. This is going to sound terrible but I don't get enjoyment from helping others. I feel like I'll get punished for saying that but, no time for BS on this thread even if I get flamed I'm going to be 100% honest throughout.

I know that makes me sound like a horrible human but it's true.

Go for walks in nature.
Sit on a beach

So oft trotted out. When you feel like OP does, as I do, nature and the beach have zero positive effect.

FWIW I think your bin example was a good one. I feel like this every time I have to pull weeds from the front steps and path. It’s constant, endless and thankless. I hate weeding. Not because it’s a horrible job, it’s not, But because they keep growing and they’re huge in no time. So I get no pleasure out of the task because it needs done again so soon.

A mini buddhist book I read had a lovely phrase: You won the lottery, you were born.

I like this but I often think 'why the hell did you win that speed race you idiot!!'

If I never won it I wouldn't know any different.

But I also don't necessarily wish death either. But wishing to have not been born I can't say hasn't crossed my mind. Gosh I'm sorry for so much negativity but I'm really just being honest.

I probably come across as more unselfish than I am tbh, OP.

Or perhaps it's having a child whose life is so much harder than mine.

Or perhaps just being a natural pessimist. I suppose I've always thought of life in the old-fashioned way, as a bit of a valley of tears, or battlefield, not necessarily something you're meant to enjoy.

And certainly since I realised that my daughter would have to live her
whole life with pain looking over her shoulder- and yet I so desperately wanted her not to kill herself!- it didn't seem as if my pleasure was the most important thing. What I asked of her was something far more heroic.

*sperm race

I’ve been feeling allot like this for a while now. I’d love to have some big passion but each day is just the same drudgery