To not see the point in life?

[sunshinerays]

This has nothing to do with covid, I felt this way before covid and feel the same now.

I don't understand the point of life. It's repetitive BS. I try and do so many 'exciting' things and still feel it's a pile of crap most of the time.

I want to point out I'm not suicidal for a variety of reasons that I won't go into but I'm questioning how abnormal is it to feel this way or do lots of people feel this way but just pretend otherwise?

I have no reason to feel this way from the outside I have the 'perfect' life and people would be surprised if they knew how I feel.

Every day is - pointless (with the exception of the odd day here and there). Totally pointless in particular Monday to Friday I just see no enjoyment.

I feel like an entitled twat writing this post but have no one to talk to. I've tried counselling and it doesn't seem to fix the problem.

This is less about AIBU and more about reaching out to others I guess to see if anyone else is in similar situation 😓

I did a few months ago and took meds but had to stop due to another condition I was diagnosed with. I won't mention what it is as it might be outing but can confuse the meds so waiting for it to be resolved. I believe I do need meds if it doesn't.

Sorry to hear that. Nothing is easy is it. 😔

Have you ever tried any sort of therapy? Although not easy to get access to on NHS. It might be worth speaking to your GP though if you’re struggling to feel any better.

Do you feel like this ALL the time though? Is there any variation? We're pretty crap when it comes to mood dependent memory and only easily remember times of how we're feeling in that moment. Could you notice this feeling, then accept it and know it passes? If only temporarily? You don't have to jump on board those trains of thought about it all being pointless, just notice them?

But listen to me suggesting things when I’m sitting here feeling similar and doing nothing about it. 😬🤣

[quote sunshinerays]@TakemedowntoPotatoCity I think you're right but I can't change. I can't escape from it, I can't explain why because again it would be outing but it's VERY complicated and not the kind of thing you can just walk away from without creating a mess that given my headspace would be impossible to clean up. [/quote]
It’s a job, not a prison sentence. No job can really be impossible to leave. You have a husband to support you (emotionally I mean mostly, but maybe a bit financially too while you sort yourself out).
I’ve read all your posts but not the other comments so may not be the first to say it but have you considered having a baby? That way you get maternity leave and a new focus in life. I could have said many of the things that you are saying, then I had a baby and it was like someone switched the lights on! And we were not sure at all that we should have one, it was a long-debates decision. Can’t believe I almost didn’t do it.

@Misty9 I will look at Sutton trust thank you.

I want to get up and feel excited to complete the tasks ahead of me.

I want to be mentally stimulated but I don't know with what. I don't want to be responsible for others (which currently I am in my job) I've seriously had enough of that and is partly why I feel weighed down.

@CheetasOnFajitas I'm planning on kids in the near future yes but I have actually convinced myself it'll make things worse. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised?

I won't get much maternity leave or will get very little, for reasons I don't want to go into but I have to go back fairly soon so don't think it solves the issue,

The job situation I wish I could explain further but it would be very outing so I can't. Let's just say it would be very unfair to a lot of people if I left it.

[quote sunshinerays]@Misty9 I will look at Sutton trust thank you.

I want to get up and feel excited to complete the tasks ahead of me.

I want to be mentally stimulated but I don't know with what. I don't want to be responsible for others (which currently I am in my job) I've seriously had enough of that and is partly why I feel weighed down. [/quote]
Are any of those tasks vaguely enjoyable? If not, if they're just normal chores, then why would you feel excited?! It does sound like the job is having a big negative effect... Could you go off with stress/take a sabbatical? Your body and brain are telling you that things aren't okay...

The Wellcome trust also do lots of interesting stuff.

No I don't think you are the only one who feels like this. If life was just about bearable before Covid it's not bearable if this goes on much longer.

@Misty9 no the job I'm in wouldn't be worth returning if I went off it would set a real bad example for the people I'm responsible for and leave more pressure on others. It's not an option

So you feel trapped re your job - that is definitely the problem, isn't it? The old fight or flight, and if you can't do either you'll feel suffocated and hence the feeling that everything is pointless. I don't know what you do, but surely you can't be bound to it forever (unless you are a member of the royal family in which case suck it up Kate/Meghan) even if not today, or this week, or month, surely you can make plans to change things in the long term. I hope so

What is you job OP? Sounds like you have compassion fatigue. Is that possible?
Also you mention a medical condition, is it possible you feel like this because there is a physiological explanation.
You said you have achieved all that you desired, is that what you wanted or did you do that for others?

My husband has this really good attitude which I try really hard to do myself. He is very positive.
He doesn’t see things as tasks or chores, he sees these daily things as events which all have potential to give enjoyment and experiences.
He has told me that that’s how he chooses to do things, I sometimes wish I had his mental strength. 😀

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity I really really hope not. There are parts of it I enjoy but never thought it would become this suffocating and consuming - some basic admin tasks take me an hour when it should take ten minutes because I can't bring myself to do them out of such extreme boredom.

The other issue that doesn't help is it is extremely well paid. Makes me feel like an ungrateful sod especially given all the redundancies right now

@Aldilogue I don't want to say because it's outing but it involves me getting imposter syndrome much of the time - I feel like it's beyond me and that gets me down and makes me feel lacking purpose I think as I don't feel like I'm up to the job.

Also I did achieve these things for me, no one else but they were the wrong things

Only coming to light now

And yes maybe the condition is an explanation I just don't know

I feel exactly like you. I sometimes tell myself that this drudgery is so I can pay bills and then have a meaningful life later - like run a women’s shelter or an aid project. But I fear that they too would become incessant and repetitive.

I bought a book which I haven’t read yet but I went to a talk by the author which was inspiring. We should read it. It’s called ‘The Second Mountain’ by David Brooks. Here’s a bit of the blurb:
Everybody tells you to live for a cause larger than yourself, but how exactly do you do it? The author of The Road to Character explores what it takes to lead a meaningful life in a self-centered world.
In The Second Mountain, David Brooks explores the four commitments that define a life of meaning and purpose: to a spouse and family, to a vocation, to a philosophy or faith, and to a community. Our personal fulfillment depends on how well we choose and execute these commitments. Brooks looks at a range of people who have lived joyous, committed lives, and who have embraced the necessity and beauty of dependence. He gathers their wisdom on how to choose a partner, how to pick a vocation, how to live out a philosophy, and how we can begin to integrate our commitments into one overriding purpose.

You sound burnt out. Replace "can't be bothered" with "don't have the capacity". What is your line, your breaking point? At what point are you more important than your employees/job?

I can't find a free version of the maslach burnout inventory but I've probably got one somewhere if you want it tomorrow.

@Misty9 that's a fair description burnt out is exactly how I feel. Professionally anyway.

It's boring, lots of responsibility and purely now for the money.

I have no other education or confidence to do anything else that pays anywhere near what I get paid or experience

@BeansMeansWines thank you for the book recommendations

Do you need that much money? Is the cost outweighing the benefit?

I'd maybe look into coaching rather than counselling. Might be helpful

@Misty9 thank you life coaching is a good idea I've not thought about that

A quote that really stayed with me is why fear death when living is the real hell.So true in some ways.

It sounds as if your job might be a big problem, OP. Maybe you should consider changing it? I wouldn't worry about your sense of responsibility to others if you leave - if it is, perhaps partly, the job that's making you feel so bad, you owe it to yourself to get out.

Otherwise ... perhaps you are intellectually under-stimulated? Maybe you need to get into something really challenging and demanding?

Or perhaps you just need to find something that has real meaning for you. I totally understand when you say that caring for others or helping others isn't your thing. Maybe you could find your meaning in something that is often seen as not "meaningful". Maybe it could even be something like .... becoming a personal shopper, as you're keen on shopping. I'm deadly serious.

Or maybe you're creative and you just don't know it? Perhaps you could find meaning in creating artwork?

One bit of advice on this thread that I disagree with ... I'd keep off the Ekhart Tolle if I were you! In my opinion he's a woolly-minded nonsense-monger. If you're going to read something philosophical, read actual philosophers!