To not see the point in life?

[sunshinerays]

This has nothing to do with covid, I felt this way before covid and feel the same now.

I don't understand the point of life. It's repetitive BS. I try and do so many 'exciting' things and still feel it's a pile of crap most of the time.

I want to point out I'm not suicidal for a variety of reasons that I won't go into but I'm questioning how abnormal is it to feel this way or do lots of people feel this way but just pretend otherwise?

I have no reason to feel this way from the outside I have the 'perfect' life and people would be surprised if they knew how I feel.

Every day is - pointless (with the exception of the odd day here and there). Totally pointless in particular Monday to Friday I just see no enjoyment.

I feel like an entitled twat writing this post but have no one to talk to. I've tried counselling and it doesn't seem to fix the problem.

This is less about AIBU and more about reaching out to others I guess to see if anyone else is in similar situation 😓

@autumnmisty Your post really resonated with me, thanks for taking the time to write it.

For me the point to life is enjoying the everyday. I feel lucky that I’ve always enjoyed simple things and am comfortable in my own company. Just knowing I have my books to read gives me great pleasure. Peace of mind is my number one goal.

Saying that, there have been dark times in my life. It’s not all rosy and peaceful. You do what you can.

@Odile13

Yes peace of mind, contentment, a bit of enjoyment is the goal and then just let the joy and happiness wash over you when it comes as it will unexpectedly and fleetingly.

OP, you sound so much like me. I could have written this.

The only things I enjoy are shopping, meals out and getting dressed up and going out with friends/ DH etc. Oh and riding (horses)

But the pleasure I get from it all is so fleeting and then it’s right back to feeling numb/ indifferent to everything.

I don’t have kids but the daily grind Mon-Fri just exhausts and depresses me. The constant housework, working, cooking etc irs just all so pointless and such a bore.

Then it’s the weekend and I HAVE to have lots of plans, I do that, feel slightly happy and then it’s Sunday again and I know I’ve got to go through all the monotonous shit again.

I’m an atheist and tbh a fairly selfish person so whilst I do empathise with people, feeding the homeless for example wouldn’t make me any happier, even if it was doing good for someone else. The small satisfaction I’d get from that would be wiped out by the fact it’d just be another thing to have to try and fit in/ commit to.

They say happiness is a state of mind, I wish I knew how to adjust my mindset. DH is always telling me to take pleasure from the small things, but I try and fail.

So no answers I’m afraid but you’re not alone!

Haven't read the thread yet but want to add my. Own thoughts as I have been feeling like this for a week or so now.
Im quite happy, and everything in mine and my families life is going well, I know I'm very lucky. But since covid has come along it's really affected me negativly. I've realised that I live my life like a planner. I always like to have the following 12+ months planned out and I like to have something to look forward to (a holiday). Covid has taken all that away, I feel like I have no control over any thing and I don't know when the covid situation is going to end either. I see the negative effects it's having on my children, and the experiences that they are missing out on. Time passes so quickly when you have children and they don't stay young for long!
I've been putting way to much thought into it as I'm home alone for long periods of each day. This week alone I've felt guilt about why I even had children in the first place, bringing them into this horrible world which seems to be getting worse every day. I worry about their futures and the problems they may have to face in life.
I think about people who live in countries where there is poverty/war etc and feel helpless. What kind of life do those people have?! I honestly think it would be better all round if the human race actually became extinct quite quickly.

@minipie

I think we’ve all been led to have unrealistic expectations. Follow your goals, live your dream, live your best life, be fulfilled.

But think about animals - for them life is a matter of surviving, getting food, avoiding danger, finding shelter, day in day out. And possibly reproducing. That’s it. None of them are expecting fulfilment or excitement from life.

And we are, after all, animals. We’ve managed to make our lives much more comfortable than most animals but that’s still basically what our lives are about. Surviving, comfortably (if we’re lucky).

Perhaps we need to stop kidding ourselves that there’s more to life than this and we’d have fewer disappointed people? Once you accept life has no broader purpose, no big reveal, then perhaps you can appreciate the small things better, since you’re not writing those things off as “pointless”. There is no big “point” to life, all we can do enjoy life as much as we can day to day, that is the point.

I think this is very true. Working with animals themselves is very instructive. And actually animals do get excitement from their lives. If you have ever seen lambs playing together or cows going out onto the grass in spring. I won't describe further because I'm a farmer and generally we are despised on here. However I can spend an hour just looking at my animals. I hope you find your passion in life OP

Ah I absolutely love lambs derxa, they are one of the happiest sights I can think of. They are truly taking pleasure in the moment - sunshine, fresh air, being alive and healthy.

I would start with a course in mindfulness meditation. It can't hurt and it helps a lot of people who find themselves overcome with negative thoughts and feelings (like me)

Yep me too...I never wondered "what is the point" until about 18 months ago. In my early forties now and have always been a home bird, never a party animal...married, kids, live rurally, not wealthy, animals being my interest all my life..kept me busy, kept me sane...my youngest child is now getting bigger and is disabled, heavily dependant on me. I was okay until recently.

Now, well Ive realised I can cope in the Spring..gives me hope, seeing things come to life..late summer hits and I only see winter coming and endless days stuck inside..can't get out as DH works full time and youngest can't go out in cold or shitty weather. Well I can, when my well meant, allotted time comes but I'm so despondent with life, I frankly can't be arsed anymore, with anything. I do what needs to be done and try not to drag my children into my hole of despair. It's crap. I can remember feeling happier and light. That's well gone.

Quote:
"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life. All that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about."
Albert Einstein

I think he had the right idea. Most of us want to be comfortable but people who think that riches alone will make them happy are barking up the wrong tree. Telling you that you should be happy because you have a 5 bed detached decorated in grey, this years fashionable car... still the wrong tree.

Imagine a young couple that have just bought their first house. It's a wreck and cold with no working boiler. They are sitting on deck chairs, wearing their coats and eating fish and chips but with their dreams for the future they might never be happier than they are at that moment.

I think the "something to be enthusiastic about" varies for everyone but it could be getting a certain qualification or job, it could be worthy like helping the homeless supporting a charity/making a difference, it could be saving/planning for a holiday or travelling, it could be renting/buying a home, it could be affording a material good you desire, it could be sport or physical goal - to improve your running times or lose a stone/ for someone with children it could be fostering a love of reading or supporting them in a hobby they love. I think if something stirs an excitement, a fire in your belly then the journey (rather than the destination) is a happy place. When you reach your goal you need a new goal!

I'm a part time care worker and I'm very happy in my job. The job is enjoyable but my motivation is paying my bills and supporting my kids with everything they need and a bit of what they want while being around plenty for my kids rather than the job as an end in itself. Husband works as part time teacher.

I work with adults but I think if I didn't have kids that were my motivation working with kids or in education would be a job that would put fire in my belly rather than be "fine".

If I was asked "do you want to be a millionaire" I guess I would say yes. But actually most people who are millionaires work long hours morning til night and experience a lot of stress getting there and I have absolutely no interest in doing that. I am quite happy with the knowledge that I will never be wealthy. I'd rather enjoy my day and spend time with my family.

My husband has mentioned a fable (that I am probably horribly misquoting) of two men in a fishing boat fishing. One man wants to go to the city, work hard, earn his fortune etc and his mate asks him what then? What would he do when he was rich enough? Answer "probably go fishing"

As well as trying to think what fires you up/floats your boat OP I do think you should pursue meds. Low mood/depression could be situational but so could a broken ankle. It doesn't mean you would ignore the break because something broke it rather than it just happening all by itself. It still needs to be treated and managed. Take the meds and give it time and see if whether with that support you feel strong enough to make changes if change is needed.

@Winter2020 thank you

I agree with your post. Although when you don't know what gives you the fire that's when you become lost. That's where I am right now - I just don't care enough about anything and cannot think rationally. Chemicals and meds will fix it I'm sure

@Ilovexmastime35 yes I agree. I watched a film recently about the world ending and everyone was trying to save it.

I kinda thought - as long as people didn't face a painful death why is the world ending such a bad thing? I wish I didn't think like that though.

@Thunderbuddies you sound a lot similar to my routine! That's exactly me, love getting dressed up meeting friends and family at weekends then Sunday the dread kicks in.

Horrible existence isn't it - just wishing away from week to week.

I hope I find my way in life eventually in fact I'm praying xx

@Dilemmawithemma very true I am bored with every freaking angle of it.

Significant change though would involve something drastic, and that would involve my DH who doesn't seem to want change. As long as he sees his friends he's not bothered, he likes where we lives, the safety of everything and stability. I on the other hand, hate it.

I felt like this a lot until my partner and I started our new business, and I've gone from not really enjoying much to really liking what we do - we choose our own hours, meaning we can enjoy days out much more, have more time for our hobbies etc.

I think life is a funny thing .. there's no point in thinking too much into it. Just make the very most of what you can, and find enjoyment in the smallest of things. You might not be able to leave your job and start a business like we did, but make the most of any free time you have, make good friends, enjoy your children. There's lots of small things in life that are wonderful if only we take the time to see them.

@LindaEllen it's funny you mention as we run a business together! I mentioned but quite a few posts ago. At the start I felt exactly like you, full of beans and life.

Now, years into it it's exhausting, stressful, and just not what I enjoy anymore.

Especially having other people involved - the responsibility is just draining. I choose my own hours etc but still feel like I'm in a job as certain jobs still have to get done, there's still deadlines.

LIndaEllen the OP doesn't have any children yet, and I think she has a business with her partner! I think your point is a good one though, the Op hasn't hit her stride in life and it might come along with a new venture, or place, or experience.

OP- everything I'm hearing at the moment is really about how your husband is suffocating you with his life, he seems to have the life he wants and just chivvys you along to go with it and gets a bit cross when you are not happy with it. Part of being with someone long term, and especially as you have the freedom of not having children right now, is helping them to be their best selves, to self-actualize- and he's really not doing that at all. Even if he's being upbeat, and trying to be encouraging, he isn't listening. You don't like where you live, and you don't fancy another twenty years in this work. You don't have to live there or do this work, because you are young and not tied down. You need to get him to start listening. I would start with medication as you have a longer term flatness that isn't just about right now, but it's also true that you haven't really been heard in your life I don't think- you had a difficult (or poverty-stricken) life, hauled yourself out of it, probably did school/uni possibly as you had to and now you've found someone to build a life with which is materially much better, but they still aren't listening! He has to listen instead of just shutting you down when you try to explain what you want. Work is not, whatever he says, the meaning of life.

@Poppingnostopping your post has really resonated with me. Made me quite sad actually because I think you're right.

He really does encourage me in so many ways and tells me how I can accomplish things and am great in lots of areas but ultimately he's not listening. At all. And thinks he knows best with everything.

Sad truth is a lot of the time he ends up right about a lot of things so it knocks my confidence to make bold decisions and put my foot down.

There have been a few times in the past when oddley enough the routine thats in most of our lives has been a welcome thing!, usually after some large life upheaval, near miss with death, the odd medical epoisode!

All as odd as it might sound!

Can't really advise but if your in bizz right now its a bit button down the hatches and ride out the Covid storm;!

I used to feel the same way and my life was pretty much "perfect".

Then a few heartbreaking events happened and suddenly I valued everything.

Be careful with what you wish.

Very true Espresso.

@sunshinerays Could you sell the business as a going concern?

Your staff would still have their jobs, your customers would still have access to the goods or services they currently get from you, and you wouldn't be lumbering DH with the work. You and DH would then be free to pursue other interests, whether that's a new project together, or just go off and get "normal" jobs.

You mentioned a while ago that you and DH had discussed getting out of the business before, and had even planned to do so. So presumably, the business is not his lifetime ambition, dream come true etc, and that if the circumstances were right, he might be open to the idea still? It sounds like (if I'm understanding right) he doesn't want you to leave the business and him stay. But if you were both to move on and do something different, that could be pretty exciting.

If selling the business isn't an option, then you need to take steps to make the job more tolerable for you, and make yourself less vital to the company. You don't like admin? Pay someone else to do it. You hate the HR aspect? Pay someone else. You hate the sales side of it? Employ someone to do it. Outsource everything you hate, there are freelancers out there for pretty much every job you can think of. And once the bits you hate are delegated, you'll have more time, and will be able to think more clearly about what you want. You might find you actually quite like the job once the parts you hate are offloaded. Or you might find that actually, you still don't like it, and you really do have to get out, but if that's the case, your workload has already been reduced.

Distancing yourself form the business in this way might take months or years, but at least you'll be taking steps in the right direction, and your DH might start taking your feelings seriously.

EspressoX10

That’s so true

I know my issues are manageable , overwhelming but ultimately manageable

I desperately need to take myself in hand

@Sonmi451 I am currently trying to outsource everything I don't like yes and I've managed to do quite a bit of it actually. There's still a massive part of it though that's part and parcel. But yes, I am working on it and that has helped massively.

Regarding selling, it's not an option right now. I can't sell y. Share only because DH couldn't afford to buy me out. And he wouldn't agree to us both selling.

@sunshinerays - really hate the idea that you're wanting to drug yourself when you know that's not the answer

@EspressoX10 yes so true. Sometimes I feel like something really bad is going to happen to me because of my lack of enjoyment for life - as karma. So I've recently also started experiencing anxiety for that reason.