To not see the point in life?

[sunshinerays]

This has nothing to do with covid, I felt this way before covid and feel the same now.

I don't understand the point of life. It's repetitive BS. I try and do so many 'exciting' things and still feel it's a pile of crap most of the time.

I want to point out I'm not suicidal for a variety of reasons that I won't go into but I'm questioning how abnormal is it to feel this way or do lots of people feel this way but just pretend otherwise?

I have no reason to feel this way from the outside I have the 'perfect' life and people would be surprised if they knew how I feel.

Every day is - pointless (with the exception of the odd day here and there). Totally pointless in particular Monday to Friday I just see no enjoyment.

I feel like an entitled twat writing this post but have no one to talk to. I've tried counselling and it doesn't seem to fix the problem.

This is less about AIBU and more about reaching out to others I guess to see if anyone else is in similar situation 😓

So you want a child who will grow up and experience the pointlessness of life that you live with? Given that you wanted to sue your own parents for having you, albeit lightheartedly, are you sure you're not being really selfish in wanting a child to give your life a purpose?

You just need to watch a toddler around music for the answer to this question

But we are not toddlers. We are adults with crisis of spiritual level.

I honestly think that you’ve probably some kind of brain chemical imbalance - dopamine or serotonin or something. It’s not usual to be so utterly unable to find satisfaction in anything.
BUT I also think you’ve backed yourself into some kind of hole with your professional life and need out. You’re clearly a bright high-achieving person so why not turn your mind to an escape plan? 3yrs? 5yrs? Plan a sabbatical type break.
Whatever you do about having children I’m not sure squeezing it in with minimal maternity leave and no real change of lifestyle is going to result in less feelings of drudgery.
Finally you could probably get some value from reading books like “status anxiety” by Alan de botton which examines these issues.

So you want a child who will grow up and experience the pointlessness of life that you live with?
Yep I as going to add this to me earlier post - but if you think, OP, that your children's life would not be meaningless. then that's a good sigh - you are still an optimist. A clinically depressed persom would not think this.
Not sure I agree with the rest of the post above that it's 'selfish' to have dc to give yoursekl a new lease of life - you really can't be selfish if you have dc impossible (with exception of narcs maybe, who manage to stay that way).
But also do bear in mind that children don't always turn out healthy or happy or do things you are happy with. My close friend is decastated by the fact her DD want tobe transgender and is now taking hormones (late teen) - she thinks all the energy and health benefits she put into her is in vain, fears for her health adn mental health. It can be scary. I mean you need to be very aware of the risks and really WANT a child.

was, my post - sorry!

(that's what typing in half darkeness looks!)

Whatever you do about having children I’m not sure squeezing it in with minimal maternity leave and no real change of lifestyle is going to result in less feelings of drudgery.

Very good point. OP, I know I am pushing and pushing at your insistence that you are trapped in your job but you still haven’t said what your husband actually thinks about the prospect of you leaving, as opposed to what you think he thinks. You haven’t said whether he depends on you financially and, if yes, whether that could be changed.

I have been in a situation where someone very senior suddenly had to down tools due to serious illness. After the initial shock, the organisation coped without him. Sometimes life gets in the way of fulfilling professional duty and those affected just have to lump it.

I felt like this. My children are older and i

Sorry pressed too soon. I now do a job with less pressure and h ave got my mojoback.

Have you tried Eckhart Tolles work or Jeff Foster is slightly lighter reading material?
I think happiness is a state of mind, in that its an active choice at a point in time. You can't plan to be happy through doing stuff or you don't get to a place called happy, as no one can be there all the time. An example is having a cup of tea for e.g..simple act but focus on every detail and sit and savour every sip ..it sounds odd but it works!

@museumum I agree I think it's more chemical since starting this thread. I am 100% going to the doctors

@CheetasOnFajitas sorry for not answering earlier.

Ok so no he doesn't depend on me financially. I've discussed getting out, we were supposed to both get out together next year but he misleads me into these glorious plans that never come to fruition then he ends up loving his work and getting indulged in it.

When I discuss it with him his attitude is I need to suck it up and do my duties. He is sympathetic to my mental health but not in me not going to work. He thinks mental health is not an excuse to 'bail' as he calls it

He also knows I wouldn't find something else as well laid if it was another industry so even though he's not financially dependant he's always said he doesn't want to be the main breadwinner because he thinks tradition isn't good. Tbf he follows this through with housework too and everything else so I have to say it's fair enough.

I'm too tired after a hectic day to cite references but I have to post and say the serotonin hypothesis for depression has been well and truly debunked quite some time ago. Most low mood is situational. It's just that that is usually harder to address. Feeling trapped and burnt out, it makes sense for the brain to conserve its energy until the situation is more propitious - so it shuts down effectively. Have a look at the book 'good reasons for bad feelings' it's an evolutionary perspective on psychiatric issues. I found it fascinating and thought provoking - but that's my area of interest! Sorry, need to go and wipe a bottom...

You have to ensure those bad days because it helps you appreciate the good ones... I truly think the happy and exciting moments are what makes it worth it.

endure not ensure

@Readandwalk wouldn't it be amazing if we could carry that spirit to adulthood and beyond?

so your husband would rather you just sucked it up and carried on despite how this makes you feel. And if he was also making plans to get out with you it shows it’s not impossible to do it. Tbh it sounds like you have depression from staying in a job you hate, telling yourself you can’t get out of it and allowing your husband to tell you that too.

I’d find it hard to enjoy life too in your shoes. So I don’t think you have some sort of unusual personality where you cannot enjoy life, I think it’s a very specific situation which nothing is really going to make better, including having a child, until you address it.

I’ve read this thread with real interest as I’ve felt like this for a few years now. I thought becoming an adult was about goals and “success” so I threw myself into a corporate career, saved cash whilst also buying “stuff” I thought would make me happy. I viewed everyone else who had it all (home,kids, husband, looks, Range Rover etc) as happy. That looked amazing.

I now have a child and a lovely home and a decent career earning good money and a lovely husband. I don’t feel anymore fulfilled or successful or content. Not sure what happy is. I’m happy in moments but otherwise have a list of shite I need to do (usually cause normal day to day life is painful. Like complain to sky about broadband, chase a refund from a company, wait for a garage to have a slot to get my car serviced etc?). I’m so caught up trying to keep my life on track. Then like you said. The bins. The washing. The cleaning. You do it once. You do it again....

I feel the existential crisis of humanity too strongly. Climate change. Polarising politics and money /welfare of people. But I don’t think there is much point trying to help. Sure I recycle and vote but generally feel modern society is awful and getting worse.

I am trying hard to remember that what I have which is a very comfortable middle class life ina safe society is more than most of the worlds population has. It doesn’t always help but I have to tell myself everyday. I have food. I have company with people I love. I have warmth.

I don’t find hobbies or a job you like would help. Maybe I just haven’t found the right one??

Sorry this is of no use. Just sharing that you’re not alone

What you've written confirms what I thought- you feel trapped by work, and your husband is making you feel trapped. I think you need to have a bottom line conversation about how you really don't want to live like that. That it might be ok for you to get out and him to stay in. I'm guessing you have a joint company or something like that.

I’m glad you’re going to book a doctor appointment. Everything you say resonates with depression - the lack of passion/interest in anything, absence of hope, the “what’s the point” feeling for an extended period of time.

You can have the most wonderful life and still experience depression. It can have nothing to do with your circumstances.

You say you can enjoy activities while they are happening, exercise etc but they don’t help long term. This sounds like clinical depression, for which you’d need medication. Exercise, gratitude, mindfulness... they’re all great practices but it’s a bit like applying a sticking plaster over a wound that needs stitches.

I’ve had bouts of depression throughout my life. My last doctor recommended I stay on anti depressants for life. I’d rather that than experience one more day with depression on no medication.

My heart goes out to you, and I hope you get the help you need 😘

I think the trouble could be in part that we’re taught by society and advertising that the world is here for our enjoyment. That’s a pretty superficial existence. You can’t bounce mindlessly from one frivolity to the next and feel fulfilled.
You need to find your own meaning in the world. But the fact that you’re questioning it all isn’t a bad thing. I don’t think you’re necessarily depressed, you could be just having a plain old existential crisis.

I feel the same OP actually.

I don't feel like I have the option of being suicidal as I have children and a disabled sibling who need me. But I don't care any more,i only really keep going because I have to, what choice do you have.

It's important to find your purpose and hobbies and interests that occupy your mind and spare time and having something to look forward to through the working week. It's that that i've missed through Covid as things i'd normally look forward to I don't bother with now or are off limits.

I feel the same in a way, but the above helps, as I have my hobbies and things I enjoy or keep me occupied or content at least. Life seems a lot easier for the happy go lucky types and people who aren't prone to overthinking.

@JKDcot that sounds much like I feel thank you for sharing and giving comfort in knowing I'm not alone.

I'm exactly the same. I came from a very poor background so thought designer clothes, flash sports car would solve ALL my problems.

How silly I think now. I feel like I really did get sold them dream that didn't exist or that I've now woken up from and realised can actually be quite a nightmare.