To not see the point in life?

[sunshinerays]

This has nothing to do with covid, I felt this way before covid and feel the same now.

I don't understand the point of life. It's repetitive BS. I try and do so many 'exciting' things and still feel it's a pile of crap most of the time.

I want to point out I'm not suicidal for a variety of reasons that I won't go into but I'm questioning how abnormal is it to feel this way or do lots of people feel this way but just pretend otherwise?

I have no reason to feel this way from the outside I have the 'perfect' life and people would be surprised if they knew how I feel.

Every day is - pointless (with the exception of the odd day here and there). Totally pointless in particular Monday to Friday I just see no enjoyment.

I feel like an entitled twat writing this post but have no one to talk to. I've tried counselling and it doesn't seem to fix the problem.

This is less about AIBU and more about reaching out to others I guess to see if anyone else is in similar situation 😓

@Poppingnostopping yes I guess it's not majorly outing we have a business together. Everything is 50/50 which is why - if I pull the plug he's in the shit.

I can't do it, I just can't do it to him. Rightly or wrongly but our marriage could and probably would fall apart.

But the alternative is you falling apart...? Or at least, not being happy.

Have you ever thought about your values? Sorry if this has already been mentioned before.
A way of getting to them is to think about what you’d like someone to say about you at your funeral.
Making choices that move is towards what matters most and our values can help to bring fulfilment and a sense of wellbeing.
Good luck

I'm not saying our situations are similar but maybe it'll be helpful to hear mine: this time 2 years ago I looked like I had it all, a fair and equal partnership, a career many would give their right arm for, two healthy kids (albeit one challenging one), a beautiful home, more than enough money blah blah. But I was miserable. I thought it was my job, so changed that. I thought it was me, so got therapy. It was my marriage. My exh is autistic and that was just a really unhealthy combination with me. So, being self employed at the time, I took the first salaried job I could, ended the marriage, moved out into rented and basically blew up my world. Its been tough. Really tough. But I've gained peace of mind through getting out of situation which I know deep down would never change. I still have days where I think what's the point? But I have my own sense of agency back. It sounds like you are lacking that sense of agency. You feel trapped.

I do feel trapped.

And someone else talked about values - being trapped is everything when I was younger I swore I'd never become.

I used to be one of those free spirited types that would do anything at any time.

Now I live in a very safe environment which to be honest isn't me. It's not authentic.

But also when I was free spirited that was one of my worse periods of depression and that was before DH.

So what's to say going back to those days would make me any happier

You've hit the nail on the head with recognising that you're not being authentic to yourself. That is key. If you lay it on the line with your dh about just how much this is all affecting you, would he listen?

I've had the conversation with him and he honestly thinks re:work I'm lucky to have the business and the income it makes and I'm being incredibly ungrateful

Can relate to your post!
I worked Monday to Friday full-time before my son.
I lived for weekends, but then would spend Sunday just thinking about the week ahead. In the week I'd work, come home, have tea, bit of TV and by then I'd be so tired I would sleep. When that is your routine, it is repetitive and can make life feel pointless.

I have had my maternity leave with my son and now deciding what hours to work, but by being off I've realised I've become a slave to my job. It has been lovely spending time at home, no rushing off to work, putting on a fake smile etc.

But life is about routine and work and unfortunately bills don't pay themselves, I just have to think of my little boy to see me through. He has given my previously empty life meaning.

Also, adult life is miserable a lot, but having a child who you can take out and do things you may not have done before children with them, may change your thoughts a bit. I had fertility issues and spent ten years TTC, so life seemed very bleak at times. I do struggle still, but I have someone depending on me and so I have to keep going.

@sunshinerays

I've had the conversation with him and he honestly thinks re:work I'm lucky to have the business and the income it makes and I'm being incredibly ungrateful

Can he not hear your distress?

Could you drop down to three days a week to make space for something more fulfilling

"The world has a lot to answer for in how it encourages aspirations and goals to be about all the wrong things. The world we live in is a sad sad place."
I think this is probably the root of your angst. The world isn't to blame..... it is you who has chosen to place all your worth on material gains.

How about some volunteering?

I get you! I really do. But maybe you need to realise that what you do have is far far more than many others.

And maybe you will be grateful for what you have. Go and help at the food bank etc.

Use your spare time to help the less fortunate and then maybe you will feel more worthwhile.

Give something back.

Life is not easy for anyone.

@whatisheupto yes that's a fair point I should accept responsibility,

It's difficult though with these messages being fed to us on a daily basis. I'd say I'm far from being the only one who has fallen for the trap

@Porridgeoat I tried that in the past and what happened is the work piled up and then I got incredibly stressed lol and depressed as a result of realisation my job is a five day a week thing and even then I'm just keeping head above water

@Misty9 l ppl yes but he thinks different to me. He is full of gratitude and enthusiasm and he thinks it doesn't matter how you feel you should get up and go to work. Because things could be much worse.

And I agree with him, but the chemicals in my brainI believe are stopping me from thinking rationally about anything

Medication is my last resort and then I would give the job situation serious thought if meds don't fix me

Maybe if you got the meds sorted you would find you had the strength to break free of those messages that have been fed to you. And that might also help you to find the clarity to look at your life as it is today and see which aspects are the ones pulling you down. I think you should make that your priority.

I agree that meds can be a springboard, but you need to try and avoid them becoming a crutch. And there are side effects/long term effects to consider too.

There’s a lot to digest and unpick here. It does worry me that so many have given advice saying children will bring meaning.

DH and I are pretty happy and content people but one of the reasons we have opted not to have children is that we don’t want to bring little lives into this world that might end up suffering - whether it is simply through an unfulfilled life of drudgery or something worse. We don’t tell many people this reason because I can’t imagine it would go down well.

DH and I are comfortable and stable. I teach, I love my job and I love nurturing and educating children. I think they are interesting and engaging little creatures and being with them does bring me joy. However, through my job, I have seen all the hardships children from all backgrounds struggle through; illness, disability, behaviour, bereavement, poverty, divorce, abuse. I have seen how quickly ‘perfect’ family lives can break down. Of course, plenty of children have lovely lives, but many don’t.

It concerns me that so many people view a child as a way to bring meaning, when I have seen first hand that for some, children bring further struggles, drudgery and even misery. So many parents are just trying to get through the day with their kids.

I hate to be such a bringer of doom, but I think you need to work on resolving the root of your problems before you consider children.

@Goatinthegarden agree entirely. It's like people think oh I feel bored and empty. I know! I'll have a baby.

Worrying indeed.

Our purpose is to love and be loved. I lost my husband to cancer and now I live for my kids. Without them I’d happily have gone with him.

Op I have felt exactly as you describe on and off since a young age, what finally seemed to help was actually stopping trying to do 'exciting things' or pushing myself to see the good in life etc etc, sounds weird but I'm much happier just being me, I do what I want in my spare time even if its nothing. At work I don't get as stressed because well, its not worth it is it? In the big scheme of things, accepting we aren't that special can be quite freeing.

[quote Pinkyandthebrainz]@Goatinthegarden agree entirely. It's like people think oh I feel bored and empty. I know! I'll have a baby.

Worrying indeed.[/quote]
So you are dismissing as completely invalid the lived experience of someone like me who says that she felt bored and empty and having a child brought new meaning and perspective to life? What gives you the right to do that?

@CheetasOnFajitas I'm not dismissing it but I do disagree with bringing children into the world when you feel bored and empty with little other thought. This is an opinion forum.