To not see the point in life?

[sunshinerays]

This has nothing to do with covid, I felt this way before covid and feel the same now.

I don't understand the point of life. It's repetitive BS. I try and do so many 'exciting' things and still feel it's a pile of crap most of the time.

I want to point out I'm not suicidal for a variety of reasons that I won't go into but I'm questioning how abnormal is it to feel this way or do lots of people feel this way but just pretend otherwise?

I have no reason to feel this way from the outside I have the 'perfect' life and people would be surprised if they knew how I feel.

Every day is - pointless (with the exception of the odd day here and there). Totally pointless in particular Monday to Friday I just see no enjoyment.

I feel like an entitled twat writing this post but have no one to talk to. I've tried counselling and it doesn't seem to fix the problem.

This is less about AIBU and more about reaching out to others I guess to see if anyone else is in similar situation 😓

[quote Pinkyandthebrainz]@CheetasOnFajitas I'm not dismissing it but I do disagree with bringing children into the world when you feel bored and empty with little other thought. This is an opinion forum.[/quote]
Quite. So express your own opinions without dismissing the actual experience of others.

I don't agree that people have children out of boredom. To me, its about the direction of your life, wondering if you want to work and have material possessions endlessly (which I got into the habit of) or to create life. If life was just working and shopping, to me, that felt meaningless.
Of course everyone is different, that's just my opinion and it's not right or wrong, so we mustn't assume everyone feels the same way.

@CheetasOnFajitas I wasn't. Think you've read into something based on it hitting a nerve.

Perhaps rein in the patronising “worry” about other people’s anecdotes eh @Pinkyandthebrainz?

Only the OP can know what is right for her, no need for you to fight some pointless battle to make sure that your advice reigns supreme.

@CheetasOnFajitas Good grief you're easily affected by a stranger on the Internet. Thanks for the laugh this morning about my 'supreme' ways however .

That said OP’s husband sounds like a bit of a twat, she might want to think twice about having kids with this particular guy.

@Someone1987

I don't agree that people have children out of boredom. To me, its about the direction of your life, wondering if you want to work and have material possessions endlessly (which I got into the habit of) or to create life. If life was just working and shopping, to me, that felt meaningless. Of course everyone is different, that's just my opinion and it's not right or wrong, so we mustn't assume everyone feels the same way.

No, not everyone has children out of boredom. Equally not everyone chooses not to because they thing working and shopping are more important. Sheesh.

This is such a great thread. So much good advice, looking at the problem from many different angles.
I’m a bit like you OP and have been since my teens.
Children helped hugely for me.
But as a pp said, now the children are older and menopause is approaching the pointlessness is creeping back.
But so much good advice here, from people who sound intelligent and interesting and perceptive. I find this thread quite comforting.

Hope people stop squabbling on it and let the genuine insights continue.

There is no point in life. Nothing matters.

But it does not matter that nothing matters. (Because nothing matters, including this.)

So, no need to worry. Just get on and enjoy your life, develop your personality, enjoy your children (and their children if you are lucky enough to live so long), help other people, keep smiling ... It does not matter, you might as well.

I've heard it stated that we are born with a certain propensity for happiness and that ultimately external factors change it very little so a win on the pools might make a someone who is typically no so happy delighted for a short time but within a year or so he's back to his usual level. Where as a terrible accident which leaves an generally happy person in a wheelchair might impact their happiness for while but eventually they end up as happy as they were before the accident.

I think I am generally quite a happy person even though I suffer from chronic pain and lost a much loved career over it and have been unable to have children myself I've always been able to make peace with things and enjoy life as best I can. My Dad is like this and I think I take after him while my mum is fundamentally quite a gloomy person and struggles much more event though she has been very lucky in life. I think a lot of it is your genetics.

As a PP said life is fundamentally meaningless, everything ends and is forgotton but once you push past the bleakness of that statement it can be a liberating realisation as well. I remember being very depressed as a young child when I finially understood about death and the end of the universe one day, about growing old and dying myself but in the end it just made me laugh because its all so absurd, in the end nothing really matters and yet here we all are sweating it out trying to get on, get ahead, it still makes me laugh

I think my guiding principles are compassion for self and others, that in the end nothing is that important and to just enjoy what I can, be present in the moment.

I feel the same. I'm not suicidal or overly depressed. But I do struggle to find real enjoyment and often wonder what life's really about.

I used to feel joy as a child but it left in adulthood I think.

I was trying to explain to my mum the other day OP and she thought I was quite mad.

There is no point to anything, everything is made up, the same type of people have been in charge for centuries just for coming out of the correct vagina. Religion is made up just to control huge numbers of people and avoid total chaos.

We have to adhere to stupid rules someone made up 100 years ago - work 5 days per week, 8 hours per day. Children have to go to school for 5 days per week so they can memorise aged textbooks and have any sense of individually battered out of them. If you decide to do something fun with your own children during term time you get fined !

You have to slavishly abide to an inanimate object (clock) and fit to societal expectations or you're an outcast.

People suffer everywhere every single day but we all end up in the same place no matter how thin or rich or religious you are. I find it hilarious that people can care about their corporate jobs (I have one).

I'm happy I have enough money and a roof over my head, (mortgage so owned by the bank) and happy to have my son but my god it all feels utterly pointless.

Most of us lead ordinary and fairly mundane lives with not much in the way of excitement to keep us going. May I ask why you need excitement as such? What's wrong with quiet contentment? Or are you so down in the dumps that that is also alien? Do you get any pleasure in the small things such as a hobby or nature? If the answer is no then it does sound as though you are at least a bit depressed. I used to feel like that and felt that there was nothing much to look forward to.

We have to try and find our own pleasures in life, sometimes it's the small everyday things which can cheer us, in the same way that it's the small things which can get us down. I'm so sorry you feel this way OP. I hope things get better for us all.

What do I personally have to look forward to? I'm retired, so my hobbies give me pleasure as there's not much on the social front at the moment. Set yourself small goals OP and take each day as it comes. Please don't despair, things do usually get better.

On the question of having children I believe there is some research to show that people, especially women tend to desire children at a point when they want their life to change. It might be for negative or positive reasons but there might be an element of truth that people have kids to give themselves something else to focus on, its obviously not univerally true but there are certainly lots of people who are hitting various milestones such as education, job, partner, house ... now what ah yes its time to start a family. I've been their myself. its worth bearing in mind that much of how we live and what we value is cultural.

Having said all that I am not knocking having kids.

On the question of having children I believe there is some research to show that people, especially women tend to desire children at a point when they want their life to change.

This was certainly true for me. I’d been working full time for 10 years and I was desperate for some time out of the workplace and a new perspective. A lifestyle change if you want to put it that way. I never did have children but did manage to retire earlier than expected so have got my lifestyle change albeit a very different one from having children.

[quote sunshinerays]@Misty9 no the job I'm in wouldn't be worth returning if I went off it would set a real bad example for the people I'm responsible for and leave more pressure on others. It's not an option [/quote]
No, your baby would need you more than your colleagues. And you’d actually be setting them a good example by prioritising your needs and that of your child.

I feel the same, have since my teens if I’m honest. I’ve just deleted the post I wanted to send, felt self indulgent and whiny. I’m mid fifties and was brought up by parents who expected me to ‘always do the right thing’ and ‘put others first’ etc etc. I’ve felt trapped all my left. It’s all just shit really.

Place marking. Such an interesting thread

I’ve had times like this in the past and then I had children and everything changed. You’re probable too settled and that can be boring to some people!
Children gave me an additional purpose, it changed my personality for the better, I became invested in their lives and I turn my own again. Yes it’s hard work but hard work also gives me a sense of accomplishment and warmth.
I have a family, I have grown a whole family and I am proud and fulfilled by this. It’s not all roses, I’ve been stressed out beyond belief but I’m never bored.
You sound bored of life, so change every aspect of it

Studies show childless people are a bit happier than those who don't have children, so clearly having children isn't a route to happiness in and of itself, although individually many are happy with that choice (I am).

I think what one poster was getting at is if you have children to give your own life meaning- what does that mean for the child, if it's quite likely they will also grow up feeling quite flat and purposeless? In other words, why would your child not be you? And if they were you, is that ok?

I feel quite optimistic about life and usually enjoy most days, so that's easier to have children from that mind-set as I kind of think they might enjoy life as well. One of my children does struggle with that though and often feels quite flat or like the drudgery of school is so bad that it takes most pleasure away, and that is upsetting to hear as a parent. I think we have to allow that we aren't going to have perfectly happy children and that life is tough, and whilst it might suit us to have a child to make meaning, it might not suit them. A hard one to fathom.

@Poppingnostopping Interesting, Jung has a lot to say about the unlived life and parents projecting that onto the child and how damaging that can be.

The other thing I do to create meaning is- I accept that ultimately, life is meaningless as much for me as anyone else, and that as my time passes, no-one will remember me. I don't matter in any big way. I do try though to matter in little ways, in my own little circle of existence. So, for example, I try to be a really good mum and get better at it over time (or not worse!) so my own children have a reasonable start in life. I try to be a good friend to my friends- so that perhaps on a dark day or at a time they need some fun, I can help with and make things just a tiny bit better for them. I try to do a really good job at work, so I might pass on a bit of knowledge, or help someone achieve a qualification they really need, or reach out to a student who is also struggling with the angst of living.

I know I don't matter! I get that. I can matter in lots of little ways though, some even really tiny like picking up a piece of litter! If everyone acted as if they mattered just a tiny little bit, even to one person, or to an animal, they will have improved things, and that really is a purpose worth living for, I think.

@Poppingnostopping I think you are right about just trying to do the best you can to be a good parent and friend. I remember working in a large place where my job involved going between various departments and as such I would see how a bad mood could ripple around the place almost as if it were infectious. I resolved not to let it happen to me and refused to be the one passing on the bad vibes and it made a difference. It was a powerful lessson.

The point of life is different for every person and the key to answering this question is to figure out who you are.

For some, it may be having children. Others may not want children, or can't have them, so may gain a sense of purpose through charity work, fostering animals, their careers, their studies, their nieces and nephews, their friends, their hobbies, etc.

For others, there may be a 'point' at all. They may be inflicted with illness or poverty, so that life is just about survival rather than having a 'point'. If you're in the position to consider whether there's a point to life rather than just basic survival, then you're in a very privileged position.