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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - When do you expect your almost 17 year old's to be home by?

143 replies

mbosnz · 28/09/2020 15:38

Do you require them to be home by dark?

I've just realised that I was a weird kid with weird rules, and I'm possibly being unreasonable.

If not, when do you ask them to be home by?

Talking weeknights, sensible, mature, responsible kid, good friends, no alcohol issues or drugs. Reasonably good area, although like everywhere, it has its issues at times.

Help a mother out!!!! Grin

OP posts:
Threeisnotacrowd · 28/09/2020 15:39

By Dark? In a few weeks that will be about 5pm?

At 16 they come hone (or not) when they want to

dawnc27 · 28/09/2020 15:41

if she wants me to collect her then 9.30, if shes only few houses down or getting dropped off 10.30 max

dawnc27 · 28/09/2020 15:41

thats only if shes in a house, if just "out" then around 8

ApolloandDaphne · 28/09/2020 15:42

Home by dark is ridiculous in the UK. It would vary from around 4pm to 10/11pm depending on the season! If my DDs went out in the evening they liked to come home around 9/10 pm on school nights as they were tired and stayed out later at weekends depending on what they were doing. The didn't go out every night though as they had masses of school work to do and quite liked just chilling at home of an evening.

SBTLove · 28/09/2020 15:43

I expect at 17 they are capable of managing their own time as long as they’re being respectful of others in the house ie not schlepping in at 3am when other ppl are up at 6am

Threeisnotacrowd · 28/09/2020 15:43

@dawnc27

thats only if shes in a house, if just "out" then around 8
At 16!! Wow. They can live on their own at 16
Original poster
mbosnz · 28/09/2020 15:44

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your views, I was kind of blindsided, and reacted from a position of 1. my childhood, and 2. but you're my little baby girl and I want to protect you!

To clarify, they'll be out walking, not in a house, still okay?

OP posts:
SBTLove · 28/09/2020 15:45

8pm for a 17yr old? MN is the only place I see stuff like this 🙄

lyralalala · 28/09/2020 15:45

My teens are away to uni now, but at 17 they didn't have a curfew.

They were expected to tell us by midnight if they were coming home. I got to bed then and if they were coming in the cat gets shut in the livingroom and kitchen to stop her darting out the door (we don't let her out overnight).

The only time we told them we'd consider a curfew was once when DD1 started being a pain in the arse in the mornings for school (if you need treated like a child in the morning then I'll treat you in like a child in the evenings) and once we had to speak to one of them about being too noisy when they came home (again, if you disturb the whole house like a child, you get treated like a child).

I knew they'd make a couple of bad decisions - which they did, we had to rescue my girls at 1am once when the last bus didn't show and they couldn't get a cab and we also had to collect DS1 once when he felt very uncomfortable about a guy that was hanging around asking him questions while he was waiting for his taxi - but we decided we'd rather that happened when they were at home with us to bail them out than this year at uni.

frustrationcentral · 28/09/2020 15:46

Nearly 17 year old DS - I like him home by 10.30/11 if he's just out, which isn't often. If he's at a friends I don't have a time, unless he's expecting a lift in which case just before I'm heading to bed ( midnight ish)

ShouldWeChangeTheBulb · 28/09/2020 15:47

Do they need a lift? If not I don’t think a 17 year old should have a curfew. Why is she wondering the streets though?

dawnc27 · 28/09/2020 15:48

three tbh she doesnt really just hang or walk about, 8pm is more for if shes eating with us, if shes not and just out it can be more 9 but im not too strict about it and shes very good about letting me know where she is

BillThePony · 28/09/2020 15:49

I didn't really have a time for dd at 17 tbh we didn't love in the UK but don't really think that makes a difference. A. Year later she was at Uni and living on her own.

I also didn't have a curfew at that age.

dawnc27 · 28/09/2020 15:49

also forgot to say she is just 16 and we dont live in the best area of late, lots of antisocial behaviour and ganging up on others

Original poster
mbosnz · 28/09/2020 15:50

As I said, I had a bit of a warped teenager hood. My next eldest sister was such a bagful of trouble, I was basically permanently grounded, no parties, either at a friend's place (vetted), the library, or my horse's paddock, and home by dark, under threat, to a certain extent, of a hiding. . .

OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 28/09/2020 15:50

Usually weekdays 10pm, Fri/Sat midnight

fastandthecurious · 28/09/2020 15:53

I used to go to clubs and get bladdered at 17, stroll in at like 3/4am. I'm not recommending that but by dark is literally 5pm in a few weeks. I used to have a job where I worked till 10 at 17 then got the train home, not really any different from going to friends houses. I don't recall any of my friends having curfews at 16/17 tbh

ShinyRuby · 28/09/2020 15:59

It's by midnight for my dd especially if she needs a lift & only if she doesn't have to be up for school next day.
School nights it would be 10.30 latest.
No curfew at 17 sounds a bit Hmm to me.

AltoCation · 28/09/2020 16:01

10 on a school night
1am on Fri / Sat.

Mammylamb · 28/09/2020 16:02

Gosh, I moved out at 17! But I didn’t have a curfew from 16. If I wasn’t coming straight home from school/uni/work, I would call my mum to let her know when to expect me home, but at the weekend, as long as I was in before she headed to work at 5am, all was good

MawnyStannit · 28/09/2020 16:04

Whenever they like, if they’re having fun and haven’t got school the next day.

Wondergirl100 · 28/09/2020 16:04

At 17 (I'm now 40 so..not recently!) I had no curfew and could do what I liked. That was fairly standard among my friends (all girls school in a big city).

weegiemum · 28/09/2020 16:05

Dd2 is 16, 17 in November.

10:30 is her home time unless agreed in advance. Not that she's out much at the moment!

Comefromaway · 28/09/2020 16:06

Ds doesn't feel safe walking alone up the lonely road to our house and the latest I'm prepared to go out to meet him is 9.30pm so he has to be in by then unless he has a lift.

At that age dd was living 50 miles away at college.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 28/09/2020 16:06

No curfew for mine at 17 (they're older now). I liked to have a rough idea of where they were and they had to let me know if they were staying out, but that's too old for a curfew.

As soon DD passed her driving test she was here and there at bizarre times. I remember her driving off to Brighton with friends at about midnight one Sat night …. just because they could. Freedom!

As a PP poster said, they need to experience this at home when you're there to pick up the pieces if needed …. not at uni a year later!