AIBU - When do you expect your almost 17 year old's to be home by?

[mbosnz]

Do you require them to be home by dark?

I've just realised that I was a weird kid with weird rules, and I'm possibly being unreasonable.

If not, when do you ask them to be home by?

Talking weeknights, sensible, mature, responsible kid, good friends, no alcohol issues or drugs. Reasonably good area, although like everywhere, it has its issues at times.

Help a mother out!!!!

Re getting home.. we have semi decent buses up until 11/11.30, otherwise he would get a taxi (he had a part time job from 16, plus a small college bursary) or walk. He knew I would always come and rescue him if it was an emergency, but equally I take medication around 10pm that I can’t drive after, so I wouldn’t be picking him up in a normal situation.

Not really applicable at the moment as they aren’t going far as prefer to meet online rather than outdoors with SD as it’s cold and damp in the evening.

Whatever time you agree to.... saves worry etc on both parts

@poshme

Those of you with no curfew at all- how do your kids get home? Do you just make sure you don't drink every night so when they need collecting at all hours you're sober? Or do you pay for taxis?

Or do you all have fab public transport? Our nearest bus stop is nearly 2 miles away and buses stop at 7pm.

My 17 year old doesn't have a curfew.

He doesn't go out drinking yet though, it worries him and his group of friends seem to sit in and play the X box. If he is out late he is usually with his girlfriend or round a friend's house who are in walking distance home. If he was to go to pubs etc they are in good walking distance or he would have to get a taxi.

I do ask that he lets us know if he is not coming home until late or if he is staying over.

Never had a curfew but my DC didn't stay out late during the week - they just didn't. At the weekend they mostly walked home or got the bus. As back up they could use my Uber if they were further afield but that was rare. We live in London suburbs and most of their friends live in walking distance.

Dd didn't have a curfew at that age and knew she had to get herself home.
She managed fine.

15 Yr old DD has to be in by 10 if she is somewhere in particular. If she is coming back to our town by bus, she MUST get a taxi home from the centre of town and its up to her to make sure she keeps back the money to pay for it.
If she's just going out to hang out with mates, by 8.

I didn’t have a curfew at 17 but if I wasn’t coming home I’d ring my parents to let them know.

17yo DS - no curfew. We live in a suburban area, and it's fairly safe; he walks home - he knows not to expect lifts from me past about 8pm because most nights I have a glass of wine.

As others have said it's on him to be sensible and learn how to be an independent person in the world. In a year's time he'll be at uni and up to all sorts at all hours.

He always answers texts though, think it would be much more anxiety-inducing if he didn't.

Are they all out on weeknights?

At 17, I was coming home when I liked. Usually no later than midnight unless something special was happening. And that was nearly 50 years ago! If you wrap her in cottonwool, she'll go wild when she gets to university!

I didn’t have a curfew from the age of 16, I just would text or call my parents and tell them when I was coming back. I was working at 16 and was going on holidays abroad with friends at 17 and weekends away in London at 16 (I was very mature for my age so that might be a bit unusual), so a curfew at 17 seems a bit extreme to me.

When I was 17 the rule was home by 10.30 on a school night, no limit at weekends. My parents were very relaxed/bohemian though.

In a years time they could be at university, living in a different county and clubbing, staying out until all hours, so it's tricky, as one minute they are in school and a child, then suddenly they are an adult and you have to quickly adapt.

Skysblue, 1030 on weekdays isn't particularly relaxed for a 17 yo IMO. I can understand saying mo noise etc after 1030 but to have a rule that a 17 yo has to be home by 1030 is odd.

I moved out at 16. Didn't have a curfew from about 14

Surely Leeds/Reading festivals are traditionally full of 16/17 year olds having their first taste of freedom, holidaying away from parents. It certainly is around these parts (south london). So do you not let your kids go to these things?

DD refused to go last year at 18 as she said she was too old!

When I said I expect them to be home for dinner at 6:15, I didn't mean they have to stay in!

Quite often (pre-covid obvs) we're all out together at shared hobbies.

When S1 was at school he had something organised on several nights a week and most weekends - there was a period of 18 months where he didn't have a single weekend without anything, even if it was only fortnightly band practice. Consequently he tended not to just go out because even he needed to spend some time studying...

He's just gone back for his third year at university, and doesn't appear to have gone off the rails at all

S2 is rather less over-committed but he and his friends like to game on the internet (which is a lot cheaper than clubbing, let's face it). After a few all-nighters and the consequences he tends to go to bed soon after 11ish nowadays.

(and no, neither of them ever suggested going to a festival)