Trying until having a baby boy

[TunMahla]

An acquaintance of mine basically kept trying to have a baby boy after having had only daughters previously (4 of them!). I personally find it shocking that there can be such a preference for male progeny in this day and age. Note, I am talking about clear preference for a boy, not trying for another child of a different gender.

YABU: it is normal to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy
YANBU: it is weird as hell to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy

@greenteafiend

I meant the character

What---"call out" Molly Weasley? How does that work? She's not real. How can anyone call out a fictional character existing between the lines of ink on a page?

Having opinions on fictional characters is pretty normal in most fandoms. It's interesting how some characters negative parts are glossed over when others are more acknowledged.

It's so sad I have two boys, and if I had a third I honestly wouldn't give a fig it it was a boy or a girl🤷🏻‍♀️

I do know one family with 4 boys and two girls but the girl was 2nd born. Twin boys, girl, boy, boy, I often wonder if the 4th not was an attempt for another girl to even out numbers a bit? I would never ask though.

Dongdingdong, I should have thought the curt wording would mean it was pretty obvious!

I don't know how the average family could afford to keep trying untill they got a boy/girl. I think you need to pick a number that you can afford and just be happy with the children that you get.

As PP have said, I always feel for children who were the “wrong” sex eg the second boy before baby number 3 is the much longed for girl.

I have a friend who is one of six girls .One night when she had a few too many she confessed that when she was pregnant and told she was having a son that she was devastated . She never really felt comfortable having a son and really didn't know how to handle him or what to do with him.When he was a baby and playing with him the cars and trains that he loved just bored her.She maintained that because of this she had never really bonded with him.In her second pregnancy she was terrified that she would have another boy and opted for amniocentesis which revealed that her dreams had come true and she was having a little girl .
The sad thing is that her relationship or lack thereof is quite apparent to us all .She favour her daughter constantly over her son.I see a lot of him as he is friends with my own son .She really does not appreciate the lovely lad that he is. It is so terribly sad to witness.I think that people who have such a preference over boy /girl or girl /boy should really consider if they should have kids at all.

People assume this with me and DP we have 4 children 3girls and 1boy he's our youngest he was a shock pregnancy as DD3 was just 3Months old when I found out I was pregnant while on the pill! But all our children are loved equally and gender wasn't an issue with us,but we do get the comment "bet dad's happy now he's got his boy"

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I always feel for the babies that are ‘wrong’

Me too. They will realise once older that’s what happened and I’d feel not good enough in that position.

I was told in a matter of fact way, that my parents had hoped for a boy again, because the last two were boys, and were disappointed to discover I was a girl. They tried again four years later and got another girl, but that was ok, because she would always be the baby, as she was the last. Yup, it has left me with decades of not feeling that I was ever good enough.

Thanks for all the replies. It looks like I am in the majority here with my strong discomfort at the idea of endless trying for a baby of specific gender. I guess I was particularly appaled at preference for males due to society's treatment of women as second class citizens historically and presently in a lot of cultures. Coming from a family of all girls, I can imagine knowing that you are a middle kid who is just a failed attempt at getting the trophy male child must sting. But I agree preference for girls is also wrong, especially as the baby girl is then expected to be some kind of a living doll or a carer by the parents.

Certainly don't think it's right, but not something new that I have heard!
Certainly been a norm in certain cultures unfortunately, my sons father is from a country where I have heard many say 'for me it had to be a boy' this was in relation to the first child 🤦‍♀️ There are many whom have had their first child and it was a boy, so it was kind of seen as 'oh she'll be okay then' meaning that she won't be under pressure so much for a second child as she's got the 'son' out of the way.

It's funny that there have been other mentions of people having 3/4/5 kids to get a son! I have seen this happen and misery when it didn't, and you are then 4 kids in when you didn't actually want 4!

But do Chinese parents who have a boy first time round, and do not live in China so not subject to one-child policy, tend to stop at one child?

All the children at the wedding were either only children or had one sibling. There were no larger sibling groups. This was around 8 years ago, and they were all under 10 - I'm not sure when the one child rules were relaxed? I don't know whether any of them had actually come from China, as far as I know they were all first generation British-Chinese (is that the right terminology?) so I was particularly surprised at the gender imbalance, as obviously there's not the same stigma for having a girl in Britain. I suppose it was always so ingrained in them throughout their lives that boys are preferable that they'd either stopped after having one boy for fear of having a girl, or had terminations. That was quite eye opening to me as it must be very traumatic having an abortion when you're that far along, so an extreme step to take just to avoid having a daughter!

As long as the parents can afford them all, I couldn’t care less.

@FurrySlipperBoots

But do Chinese parents who have a boy first time round, and do not live in China so not subject to one-child policy, tend to stop at one child?

All the children at the wedding were either only children or had one sibling. There were no larger sibling groups. This was around 8 years ago, and they were all under 10 - I'm not sure when the one child rules were relaxed? I don't know whether any of them had actually come from China, as far as I know they were all first generation British-Chinese (is that the right terminology?) so I was particularly surprised at the gender imbalance, as obviously there's not the same stigma for having a girl in Britain. I suppose it was always so ingrained in them throughout their lives that boys are preferable that they'd either stopped after having one boy for fear of having a girl, or had terminations. That was quite eye opening to me as it must be very traumatic having an abortion when you're that far along, so an extreme step to take just to avoid having a daughter!

It’s illegal in the U.K. to abort due to gender preference. I’d be surprised if a significant number of parents had managed to invent other reasons to get round the law and abort after a 20 week scan.

Just@ here has Three DD's and loves them to bits and very glad to be blessed with them:)

Don't think it made any diffeences on what sex they were just be gratefull for what you get.

Have now got a boy grandson who has, I'm very pleased to say, an intrest in old smokey steam railway engines:)

It’s illegal in the U.K. to abort due to gender preference. I’d be surprised if a significant number of parents had managed to invent other reasons to get round the law and abort after a 20 week scan.

The harmony tests for chromosome abnormalities etc also tell you the sex, don't they? So you can quite easily (if you pay) find out at 10 weeks. But you couldn't in the 8-18 year ago period that these children were born, I think? How many children were at the wedding?

It’s illegal in the U.K. to abort due to gender preference. I’d be surprised if a significant number of parents had managed to invent other reasons to get round the law and abort after a 20 week scan.

I think people who care that much will have had a scan or done Harmony to determine the sex at an earlier stage, probably.

@Hardbackwriter

People always insist that they still love the children they have 'just as much' while describing weeping throughout pregnancy, always feeling like there's something missing, etc. Which makes me feel like actually, no, you don't really love them as much I love my child, if I'm honest

I absolutely agree!

This is why I was glad that my 5th baby was my 5th boy. If he'd been a girl we would have had loads of comments about how we must have kept trying until we got a girl. I didn't care what we had and we stopped because we didn't want anymore children and because ds5 never sleeps

@OhCrumbsWhereNow

Friend of mine did do this, and has 4 daughters. They were very happy with daughters, but husband happens to be a hereditary peer with an estate that goes with the title.

It means that when he dies, the entire family will have to leave the house that has been in the family for many generations as it will pass to his nephew. Fine if they live to a ripe old age, but somewhat adds to the trauma if anything tragic should happen sooner.

Happily the last two DD's were twins, as I always thought you would feel somewhat responsible for not being a boy otherwise.

That’s mental in 2020!

They wants to get in touch with a solicitor and get that 12th century sexist nonsense ripped up!! Then hand it down to their daughter.

I find being so invested in getting the 'right' sex to be weird regardless of whether it's having loads of kids just to get a boy or moping around because your healthy baby is a boy and you really wanted a girl.

I find it difficult to believe that those parents really do keep their disappointed feelings to themselves and they don't influence their actions.

Obviously, this isn't about anyone who has a fleeting moment of 'wouldn't it have been nice to have a boy/girl' and then move on

Nothing a solicitor can do, if the letters patent (from whenever the title was first given) states that it goes down the male line then that's what happens.

I think several bills have been raised in parliament in the decade or so to challenge this but nothing has passed into law, apart from the one governing the succession of the crown, which now goes to the eldest child regardless of gender.

I knew a couple who were desperate for a girl. They had nine boys, the tenth was a girl.

We know a family with 10 girls, for precisely this reason. The 11th child was a boy - absolutely spoilt rotten, the apple of his dad’s eye. Then one last child...who was a girl.

They’re half-decent family friends but it’s absolutely absurd.

The families I know who have several girls then a boy, or several boys then a girl ended up spoiling the longer for child.