Trying until having a baby boy

[TunMahla]

An acquaintance of mine basically kept trying to have a baby boy after having had only daughters previously (4 of them!). I personally find it shocking that there can be such a preference for male progeny in this day and age. Note, I am talking about clear preference for a boy, not trying for another child of a different gender.

YABU: it is normal to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy
YANBU: it is weird as hell to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy

Friend of mine did do this, and has 4 daughters. They were very happy with daughters, but husband happens to be a hereditary peer with an estate that goes with the title.

It means that when he dies, the entire family will have to leave the house that has been in the family for many generations as it will pass to his nephew. Fine if they live to a ripe old age, but somewhat adds to the trauma if anything tragic should happen sooner.

Happily the last two DD's were twins, as I always thought you would feel somewhat responsible for not being a boy otherwise.

Completely unreasonable.
Kids aren't lottery tickets..
If you get a healthy child it's a WIN, no matter what the sex is.

I know you didn't mean it that way at all, but plenty of parents get a baby who turns out not to be completely healthy or able-bodied and, whilst they dearly wish they could flick a switch to free their baby of their illnesses or disabilities, none but the most extremely callous and vile parents would ever for a moment consider their precious child a 'lose' or a 'fail'

[quote PopsicleHustler]@Afibtomyboy

Yes, I announced recently my pregnancy to various friends etc.
I get told am crazy etc or mad. For having so many kids. I get told I am irresponsible and dont care about the planet. Been told how do I afford them all. I have a job, working from home and my husband is very ambitious and set up 3 businesses to provide for us all. Someone even said that women who have a lot of children, clearly are religious fanatics who submit and obey to their husband. Hahaha.
It's my life. I am happy. Kids are well provided for and we have a close family circle.

Hope you and your family are doing well[/quote]
I've heard people say these things as well, some go far enough to suggest no one should have children any more. Most of the time, none of these people are actually practicing what they preach regarding eco-friendly living and pretty much none of them have adopted - which would be an eco friendly and really socially valuable way of becoming parents (though not an easy ride). They all seem to talk the talk, but not walk the walk. There's nothing wrong with a bigger family at all when your children are loved and cared for! It's so dependent on the family and situation.

And I think families that happen to have 4 girls and then a boy because you want 5 children (either sex) is very different compared to (in OP) someone obsessing over their ideal sex and continuing to have children only for this reason. It's sad to read about the way some parents have idolised children and caused issues for them and their siblings on this thread.

I think its gross actually and I make no apologies for using such a strong word. like previous poster said, the goal should be a happy healthy child and should be cherished regardless of the sex.

this topic does really piss me off in general though.

Guaranteed to work out that way if there’s a title involved - I know three separate families who had five girls before the required heir arrived. (Niche problem, I know!!). Also know a six-boy family whose girl never showed up. I just can’t imagine having the stamina!

@ButcherManWasSomeLady

There seem to be more only children who are boys.

Perhaps that’s my imagination - where would one search for stats on that?

I think that could be your imagination. As often I think women want girls, men want boys.

Although I think at the toddler stage boys can be harder work, just more active, more into stuff, Iess likely to sit quietly and draw and stuff so it could be that that puts parents of boys off having another.

@Minty82

Guaranteed to work out that way if there’s a title involved - I know three separate families who had five girls before the required heir arrived. (Niche problem, I know!!). Also know a six-boy family whose girl never showed up. I just can’t imagine having the stamina!

I once read that in the fifteenth century one in six noble families 'failed' each generation because they didn't manage a boy who made it to adulthood to inherit and so it all passed into a different branch of the family.

Cultural factors can come into play here.

My grandfather was the youngest of 6 and only boy - farming family going back generations. He sold the farm a d pocketed the cash - he didn’t give a penny to his 5 sisters. We all roll our eyes when my gran talks about never having needed a mortgage....

I still had a look when I announced baby number three as I already had a boy and girl so why did I want another .

I would have thought that after 3 girls they would have gone overseas for IVF to ensure fertilisation with male sperm only. Illegal here except if parents carry sex linked condition.
I’d personally have loved to have been in the position of having a houseful of daughters but hate the idea of any baby girls being undervalued because they are female.
The norm is to want a healthy baby regardless of gender but research has shown that if a choice is given slightly more parents nowadays prefer their firstborn to be a girl which is totally different from several generations ago.

I know three separate families who had five girls before the required heir arrived

I think this is the case with Daisy Ridley? Her father is landed gentry or something, he had - can't be bothered to look it up so just going from what I remember reading - two daughters with his first wife, then left her - and had three daughters with his second wife. Daisy was laughing about his lack of male heir in a magazine interview.

But unless there is a stipulation like "this ton of cash will only be passed on to progeny with a scrotum" it's daft to try for both. I think some of those who will have 7 girls trying to get a boy would do the same if they had sons, they are just bullheaded and want 'the full set'. And these days, karma could easily come along to bite...

When I tell people I have 3 brothers I am always asked or assumed to be the youngest- I’ve now just realised probably why! I’m actually the oldest

My parents had me and then a boy who died of cot death at 3mo. There after they were desperate to have another boy but had 2 more girls. They eventually had another boy, their 5th child. We were all loved regardless, albeit, none of us received physical affection for the rest of our childhoods. It doesn’t matter though, they showed it in other ways.
I guess it was a very sad, unique situation and they did whatever they could to try and cope and get through it.

I was one of 6 girls and I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. Our neighbours had boys and it always felt like sometimes my father would like to play cricket and play with the boys more than me.

I acted like a Tom boy to try and get my dad to like me more and this is coming from a good stable home where I know both my parents loved me. I think people asking are you going to try for another or stating they are trying for a certain gender harms kids. I must have heard it somewhere to feel like my gender wasn’t enough as I’m sure my parents didn’t talk about it much.

I think it’s horrible, I get it that people can have an idea of what they would prefer growing up but I think people need to count their blessings they can even have kids. Some friends have really struggled with miscarriage and still borns

Friend of mine did do this, and has 4 daughters. They were very happy with daughters, but husband happens to be a hereditary peer with an estate that goes with the title.

Was'nt the Braybrookes was it?...

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2268575/The-baron-daughters-angry-wife-drama-makes-Downton-look-tame.html

Note, I am talking about clear preference for a boy, not trying for another child of a different gender
Why are you only talking about a clear preference for a boy, not trying for a girl after lots of boys? Why does it matter only this way? So you think it makes sense to keep trying for a girl but not a boy?

I think it depends how serious about it they are being. I know someone who always wanted lots of kids, kept having girls so it was a bit of a family joke to "have another, might be a boy this time". They got a boy at number 5. Now talking about a 6th! I know they love all their kids equally though.

@Justaboy, he was the one I described vaguely earlier.

[quote PopsicleHustler]@DeltaFlyer wow, it went girl boy girl.

We actually had a pattern going. Our eldest is boy, then girl, then boy, then girl. And now our 3rd little girl had broken the pattern going haha[/quote]
Snap! Ours is the same boy, girl, boy, girl then girl

In my experience its often driven by the man. So I find it very misogynistic behaviour. As it indicates they think boys are better than girls. I know someone with girls and they told me their dh wanted another child to have a boy. I found this massively off-putting

I have two much loved and wanted daughters. Before having them OH and I had decided we would like 3 children.

Im worried that if/when we have a 3rd people will assume we are only doing this as we are wanting a boy.

No, we are wanting a 3rd child

I’ve got 4 kids. 3 boys and a girl. People always say “oh, is your daughter the youngest?” With a knowing smile and when I tell them, no, she’s number three, they always look pissed off and surprised. Don’t assume just because ppl have lots of kids and largely of one gender, that it’s always anything more than just liking having kids!

I'm one of 6 girls, I have no idea if my parents wanted a boy or if they just wanted a large family. There was never any sense of being the booby prize because we weren't boys and certainly no one ever said they wanted a boy. Most comments directed at us were along the lines of 'so you don't have a tv then' or 'trying for your own football team then' and other such 'hilarious' quips.

Most people I know have children because they want children, it's only other people who say inane things about trying for [opposite gender]