Trying until having a baby boy

[TunMahla]

An acquaintance of mine basically kept trying to have a baby boy after having had only daughters previously (4 of them!). I personally find it shocking that there can be such a preference for male progeny in this day and age. Note, I am talking about clear preference for a boy, not trying for another child of a different gender.

YABU: it is normal to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy
YANBU: it is weird as hell to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy

Posted too soon - meant to say that after I had my boy everyone assumed I must be disappointed as all women want a daughter.

I have four sisters - more than enough women in my life!!!

@PopsicleHustler

There is nothing wrong with wanting a boy and a girl. Its their choice. You're right...

People judge me for having 5 children. It's my life. I am happy both my husband and I work and we have healthy and cared for children. They all get equal time and love each other. That's all what counts

Out of curiosity How do you know you gets lots of judgement?

Do people come outright and say?

I have a friend who was determined to keep going until she got her chosen gendered child.

She got one in the end but she also ended up divorced on the back of it.

Pretty selfish of anyone to have so many children when the planet is in the state it’s in.

I think I watched a gender reveal on YouTube and the dad was furious when he found it was a boy or girl. Literally going off on one when he found out, in front of everyone.

@Afibtomyboy

Yes, I announced recently my pregnancy to various friends etc.
I get told am crazy etc or mad. For having so many kids. I get told I am irresponsible and dont care about the planet. Been told how do I afford them all. I have a job, working from home and my husband is very ambitious and set up 3 businesses to provide for us all. Someone even said that women who have a lot of children, clearly are religious fanatics who submit and obey to their husband. Hahaha.
It's my life. I am happy. Kids are well provided for and we have a close family circle.

Hope you and your family are doing well

I know someone with 6 boys who was vile when she found out the sex in each pregnancy. She must have been unwell but she threatened termination, adoption etc and openly in front of the dc. She eventually had a girl who she dressed like a doll and idolised. The boys could do nothing right. Before her daughter was born she used to buy gifts for my dd and used to constantly offer to babysit my dd (no).
I stopped contact because her obsessiveness was awful.

‘To X and Y, a fifth and final daughter.’
Just that, so sad. Poor little baby.

I don't understand why that's sad - what am I missing?

Wow that is very sad. @Yankathebear

@HermioneMakepeace

I don’t know why people don’t just go for sex selection. It costs around $600,000 to raise a child. Churning out multiple children of the ‘undesired’ sex until you get the one you want (if indeed that ever happens) does not make financial sense, as well as the burden on the environment of all those extra children.

It’s illegal in the UK.

Why does it have to be "normal" or "weird"? It's just her choice. Most people aren't that bothered, but that doesn't mean she's weird. Who cares?

If they love and cherish the girls they have along the way, and they can afford it, I don't see the problem

Tis was standard when I was a child. I was one of 4 girls. My Dm and DF never wanted a boy they only cared about a child being healthy and happy. However, people kept wishing my mum luck on the 3rd and 4th pregnancy that she would finally get a boy!!! I knew 2 women who were acquaintances of hers who kept going until they got a boy (both boys were child no.6 ). Oh and one of those women was a school principal and the main breadwinner in the family!!!

[quote PopsicleHustler]@Afibtomyboy

Yes, I announced recently my pregnancy to various friends etc.
I get told am crazy etc or mad. For having so many kids. I get told I am irresponsible and dont care about the planet. Been told how do I afford them all. I have a job, working from home and my husband is very ambitious and set up 3 businesses to provide for us all. Someone even said that women who have a lot of children, clearly are religious fanatics who submit and obey to their husband. Hahaha.
It's my life. I am happy. Kids are well provided for and we have a close family circle.

Hope you and your family are doing well[/quote]
“Friends” said all this?! You need to get yourself some new friends!

She eventually had a girl who she dressed like a doll and idolised.

The two women I knew who went on having children until they had a girl (after three boys in both cases) both did this. All the children in question are now aged between 23 and 35, and all the boys have become lovely, independent adults with interesting lives. The girls in each case have not cut the apron strings at all, and don't really seem to have moved beyond the stage of being pampered, doted-on little girls. Both are rather troubled and have never had a job or studied after they left school. One lives at home and goes everywhere with her mother, and they dress in different sizes of the same clothes. I don't think it's been good for either of them to be the adored child of the 'desired' sex.

@NoViolins

Why does it have to be "normal" or "weird"? It's just her choice. Most people aren't that bothered, but that doesn't mean she's weird. Who cares?

The reason I care primarily is that the children who precede this child who are the "wrong" sex are likely to grow up thinking there is something inherently wrong with them because their parents kept going to get the "right" sex.

There was a horrendous story on here recently about a woman whose OH was pressuring her to have a fourth child (I think) because he wanted "a little footballer" after several girls. The OP didn't want another baby. If the OH ever got his wish it would have become very apparent to the girls that he was more interested in them because after all, girls can't be footballers can they? Just horrible.

Aside from that it suggests a total inability to grasp biology or statistics and a lack of environmental responsibility. None of which are particularly redeeming characteristics in parents.

My dad was one of 8 and the only boy. Upon hearing that, people often assumed he was the youngest but he was in fact the fifth. I think my Grandparents just really liked babies. Or maybe didn’t have a telly 😆

@Afibtomyboy

Well, some I have chucked off or being so rude. Others I have just shook my head at and said no, I am not mad. I am happy. Cheerios.

we had 3 children - I figured out that was the maximum you carry in he back of a normal car as it happened our last was a different sex to the first 2 but I was l always prepared for having 3 the same whatever variety - having dc is an adventure, I think, you never know how they will turn out whatever sex they are - all dc need is to be wanted & loved & valued

i still see a bias for boys in my anecdotal research and conversations over the years.

Some horrible stuff: "luckily a son can't come pregnant" and "boys get an easier ride in life".

i am happy with what i got. a boy would have be nice only because we don't have any boys in my side of the family and for a different experience, not because a boy would be better.

It's bloody awful is what it is. Healthy, happy children is all anyone should want.

I think it can be normal to have a preference, but to keep having children for reasons other than you genuinely want to expand the family regardless of biological sex, then it's wrong.

@SnuggyBuggy

To be fair I imagine families where they have lots of boys until they get a girl must also exist.

^^ This. It's not the sex, it's the "one of each" thing. My grandparents had eight sons and granny longed for a girl. She even had a name chosen for her. They did have a girl but she was still born and they kept trying.

My dad and his second wife had four boys, and they too wanted a girl desperately. One girl was still-born, another died after a week.
My daughter is having a second girl and says she'd like to try a for a boy after that.

There seem to be more only children who are boys.

Perhaps that’s my imagination - where would one search for stats on that?

My DH was a final attempt to have a DS after his mum had had 4 girls, I am pleased she did.