Trying until having a baby boy

[TunMahla]

An acquaintance of mine basically kept trying to have a baby boy after having had only daughters previously (4 of them!). I personally find it shocking that there can be such a preference for male progeny in this day and age. Note, I am talking about clear preference for a boy, not trying for another child of a different gender.

YABU: it is normal to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy
YANBU: it is weird as hell to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy

My ILs tried for a 3rd to get a girl. And she and her DSs are absolutely indulged

I was pregnant with my DC2, an IVF baby after 5 years trying.
When we announced the pregnancy to MIL, who at that point had 3 DGS, "Oh I hope it's a girl".
I'm 4 years on and still can't believe she said it.

BILs wife, had a word with her so it wasn't repeated. But seriously why would anyone say that?

I hope the girls never find out their nasry mum only gave birth to them because she wanted a boy. If she continues to try ,I hope she only get girls. 9 girls later she might stooop!

I think it's awful and irresponsible and selfish. The world is already so overpopulated, the last thing anyone needs is people popping out endless children just because they don't have the genitals the parents would like them to have 🙄

i know someone with 7 girls, they wanted a boy from the very first one, especially the husband. I found it a bit sickening tbh. There is nothing wrong with having a preference and being disappointed if you don't get what you want, but to have baby after baby to try for a particular sex is wrong imo.

I know a woman who did the opposite - 2 boys, tried for girl got another boy, tried for girl, got one eventually and stopped.
Not what I would do, and unreasonable I think

It isn't great but it's a personal thing and feelings aren't always rational. Also as a mother of 4 boys when they were babies I got a lot of 'but you must want a girl!!!'

It is a bit extreme.

I've been lucky. I always wanted a girl, so when DD1 was born I was relieved because I knew I'd never have to deal with any sex disappointment. For my second I didn't mind either way. Perhaps a tiny preference for another girl but it would definitely have been 51/49. And then DD2 came along.

We aren't sure on whether we'll have a third but again, I'm not fussed at all. It would be 50/50 this time for sure. My partner has never been fussed either way so him not having a son is, luckily, not even something he's slightly upset about.

However, if I'd had two boys I probably would have tried for a third then called it a day. I think it's hard to know how you'd feel until you're in that situation. But, that being said, 4, 5, 6 etc kids just for a different sex is extreme and it can definitely get into the unhealthy obsession realm.

Definitely this, I don't think she gets called out enough on this by the Harry Potter fans

And I am going to call you out on your ridiculous idea that authors do not write fictional stories but morality tales that they can be righteously condemned for.

Best not to sit and judge op.

Ps I didn't vote because I think your op and rationales are a tad judgey

I don't think it solely happens with boys at all. The only family I know to do this was the opposite, had 4 boys trying for a girl.

Gender disappointment isn't unusual, some psychologists frame it as a mh issue. I think they've found that often it's linked to other issues (depression/anxiety) when it presents as a serious issue though and can be helped by reframing people's views on boys/girls. It's often to do with how genders are framed. Boys are often seen as loving rough and tumble, uninterested in imaginative play, later learning to speak etc, but my DS is very verbal and was from early, isn't keen on shoving/wrestling/rough games and his main form of play is imaginative roleplay (it's often 'mums and dads' in the playground etc). Equally, girls may be seen as less into sports, more artistic, less willing to roll in the mud. Both stereotypes are wrong and limiting.

The gender preference itself is pretty irrelevant, whether boy or girl, really. It's common enough that many do do it - more often for girls in the UK I believe. Yes, based on historic oppression of women it's less palatable to many woman, but often the thoughts behind it are similar for both. Do I personally think it's an issue where the person needs to reframe their thoughts about boys and girls? Yes. Do I think it can impact the children who are aware they are not the 'longed for' opposite sex? Yes. However, many won't and don't view it as an issue and really with the lack of MH care unless they have issues alongside this that also need therapy, they're unlikely to get help changing their thoughts. I think there needs to be more open conversation around really big issues with it and a feeling of 'gosh I've got no idea what to do with a boy' - because there's definitely a scale with it. Mild disappointment can be normal because you're breaking an 'ideal image' in your head that you had as a child. Often this goes when you meet your lovely baby. She also may well have a boy who doesn't grow up with the interests/personality/attitude to life she expects.

I always wonder about people that do this. What if your 5 girls turn out to be wonderful, and your 6 child, the boy, turns out to be a total arsehole and is impossible to parent? It's a risk...

I have one of each, but given DH's family history we were fully anticipating 2 boys. We still would have stopped.

I understand it. I'd prefer girls though not boys

@neversayalways

Definitely this, I don't think she gets called out enough on this by the Harry Potter fans

And I am going to call you out on your ridiculous idea that authors do not write fictional stories but morality tales that they can be righteously condemned for.

I meant the character

@LeglessGiraffe

I know someone who told me she now bitterly regrets not having children, but she wanted girls so badly, and was so terrified of having to parent a boy, that she decided it was too big a risk to have a baby at all. Which I suppose is the opposite extreme to having 8 or 9 children to get one of your preferred gender.

I think this is a sad story but actually a really brave and responsible thing to do if that was how she felt. I often wish that a lot of the people who write gender disappointment threads would have the same realisation that their children are actual people and if mum will be in tears over a healthy little boy maybe mum should have stuck to the dress-up dolls she seems to have actually wanted.

It does make me feel sad, but I say that as someone who had a lot of difficulty conceiving and then had 2 mc before DS was born in June. I feel so lucky to have a healthy baby that I can’t really imagine minding what sex he is, and will feel exactly the same about any future children.

personally find it shocking that there can be such a preference for male progeny in this day and age.

Although they already have daughters, not saying that they love them less than their boy, if they did I'm sure they wouldn't keep having children. Just that they would also really like a boy. I don't see the issue with this, not as if when they're getting girls they're getting rid (which if they find out at 16-20 weeks they legally could), which would be 'shocking' and disgusting but hoping to have a son isn't.

It’s really unhealthy. My parents did this and ended up with 5 kids, just so they could have that much wanted girl (me!)

Unfortunately having 4 older brothers meant that I grew up to be a real tomboy who never managed to meet their expectations of “what a girl should be” 🤷‍♀️

My parents were more than a little dysfunctional though. May be other parents can make this work a bit better, but I’d seriously question what these people’s motivations are.

I knew a woman with 3 boys, pregnant with her 4th child, who said, in front of her children, 'This one better be a girl! I've got too many boys already!'
Of course baby no.4 was another boy and as far as I know she never did have a daughter.
I had children because I wanted a family, it wouldn't have bothered if I'd had all boys or all girls.

When I got pregnant I sort of just assumed I would have a girl. Everyone did really.

I then found out I was having a boy and got quite worried. I didn't have any brothers growing up, I didn't really know what I would do with a boy. I guess I was scared.

Now, I am so glad I have my son and if I got pregnant again, I have no preferance and actually don't want to find out before the birth.

I love being pregnant. I will probably have more than 2 if nature allows. It will have nothing to do with gender and I would hate people to assume this just based on the order of sex.

I always imagined myself with daughters when young. However DC1 was a son, and I was told (from scans) that DC2 was a girl, perfect one of each but DS2 arrived instead of a daughter. That affected me emotionally quite badly, but as a third pregnancy resulted in a late miscarriage I gained a bit of perspective and decided to do everything I could do to conceive a daughter and if it was another boy I would just accept it and love my third son.
I read round what I could do to effect sex selection, special diets, biorythms, sex at a particular time of the month etc.
Well I got pregnant, first scan, discovered it was twins and I knew when I was told that news that it would be two boys!
I have four adult sons, and the most delightful DIL's, and I never feel I have missed out by not having daughters to bring up.

As an aside some years ago I took a part time job as a school dinner assistant I found it very difficult to cope with the girls!

Of course it’s not “normal”. But it’s their choice and none of your business.

@Seriouslymole

I always wonder about people that do this. What if your 5 girls turn out to be wonderful, and your 6 child, the boy, turns out to be a total arsehole and is impossible to parent? It's a risk...

I have one of each, but given DH's family history we were fully anticipating 2 boys. We still would have stopped.

I know a family - all children now adults - with this dynamic; four boys then a girl, mother only interested in the girl, father not very fussed about any of them. The daughter is quite a difficult, demanding personality but she's still treated by her mother as the darling angel who can never be in the wrong - which is presumably the whole root of why she's a bit spoilt/unpleasant. It's a shame for everyone involved, including her.

This is one of the reasons I dislike Mrs Weasley so much, combined with the fact that she's horrible to Ron - often due to the fact that she doesn't really know him. Malfoy was right when he said they had more children than they could afford: in time. none of them got the time they needed from their parents, with the exception maybe of the older two (who both funnily enough got jobs abroad upon leaving school!).

I have two DSs. Sometimes I think that it would be nice to have a girl, but I wouldn't change either of them and I'm not having anymore!

My DH is one of 3 boys and 1 girl, who is the youngest...