Trying until having a baby boy

[TunMahla]

An acquaintance of mine basically kept trying to have a baby boy after having had only daughters previously (4 of them!). I personally find it shocking that there can be such a preference for male progeny in this day and age. Note, I am talking about clear preference for a boy, not trying for another child of a different gender.

YABU: it is normal to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy
YANBU: it is weird as hell to keep trying pregnancy after pregnancy to get a baby boy

@BalloonRide

Surely if the parents have this attitude, the younger girls will grow up sensing that they were a disappointment? Very sad.

I also think this is very sad. Sadly, however there are many deviations from “normal behaviour “ in families anyway. Loads of favouritism, preference, inconsistent parenting , access to certain opportunities, freedoms , life choices etc anyway often on a basis of whether they are a boy or girl

I always thought that the Weasley family have seven children because seven is a very magical number. Also, it allows JK to introduce lots of characters with a range of ages, personalities and abilities who Harry can legitimately spend time with and get to know simply by staying with his best friend in the holidays. Ginny had to be the only daughter because being the only daughter of an only daughter, of an only daughter also makes her especially magical.

I was DC3 after my Dsis and Dbro. My DM said she was relieved she had one of each, because everyone she knew with two of one sex expecting a third got asked "are you trying for a X/Y?". She said it annoyed her on their behalf because it is entirely possible to simply want a third/fourth/fifth baby. That said, I do feel really sorry for kids whose parents clearly wanted a different sex.

@MikeUniformMike

Fairly similar to Albless.

Families hoping to pass on a business tended to want one son and one or more daughters.
2 sons would mean needing to buy another business.
The girls would be encouraged to 'get ahead' and get a nice job like a teacher, nurse or secretary before they got married.

It’s depressing really isn’t it. Ironically my female friends who have brothers have by and large ended up out earning their brothers and having far more “successful” lives in this context.

I know someone who told me she now bitterly regrets not having children, but she wanted girls so badly, and was so terrified of having to parent a boy, that she decided it was too big a risk to have a baby at all. Which I suppose is the opposite extreme to having 8 or 9 children to get one of your preferred gender.

Someone mentioned farming families above. I have a friend who married a farmer, he really wanted a son to carry on with the farm and my friend agreed to carry on until they got one, provided she could have a cleaner and a nanny if the family grew rather large. Son duly arrived as number 4 child after 3 daughters, he is now grown up and a teacher with no interest at all in the farm, which they recently sold. Friend is no grandmother to some delightful grandchildren and has a lovely life, so all turned out well in the end.

Too many boys created a different problem.

Ha, I can confirm that many Young Farmer events are still like something out of Austen, with lots of second sons looking for only daughters to marry!

Girl's would often be chatted up with the line "You're Dadsname's daughter aren't you and you don't have any brothers. How many acres has he got?"

I have 3DD and in my culture boys are the preferred sex. Our first 2 were planned pregnancies and our third was a surprise. I didn't even know I was pregnant until I went for a routine appointment to start immunotherapy drugs, they did a pregnancy test and that's when I found out. Due to my condition my pregnancies are high risk, fetal heart blocks, clotting problems, miscarriage risk until 28 weeks.
When we had dd3 some of the comments we got then and even now are pretty hurtful. We love our girls and we have never said we want a boy. We are content with what we have. They are happy and healthy that's what matters.

And as a parent of two or more of the same, who hasn't had the new baby greeted with 'Aren't you disappointed she/he isn't a boy/girl?'

I have two boys, very happy with having them but feel that others sometimes seem to assume I am missing a daughter (I'm not) For example cousins, SIL asks would I like to go shopping with my niece so have that time together. I don't feel like that.

Completely unreasonable.
Kids aren't lottery tickets..
If you get a healthy child it's a WIN, no matter what the sex is.

NO one needs to keep over populating the Planet just because they will keep going til they get a girl.

No girls born in our immediate family for over 40 years. All boys.

We happen to have one of each. So many people commented when I was pregnant (we found out the sex) and shortly after DC2 was born that we could stop now that we had our 'pigeon pair'. I had never even heard the term and had to Google it. Maybe it's regional?

In a really high percentage of three-child families that I know, the oldest two are the same sex. Much more often than chance would predict. So I think this is quite common. I think doing everything to get a girl is commoner these days though.

I’ve just had my second DD. I was convinced (as were most of our family) that we were having a boy for no other reason than it’s a 50/50 chance. DH is one of 4 (two boys and two girls) so the chances of us having either sex were fairly equal. Both my girls are delights! I wasn’t disappointed to find out it was another girl, just surprised because I’d been so convinced.

DD2 is a week old to having another child is the furthest thing from my mind. If we do go on to have a third child, it will be because we want another child not because we’re hoping for a boy.

I know someone who debated long and hard with herself and partner about whether they would be happy with a third boy before getting pregnant. It turned out to be a girl anyway - but it was good that they'd made sure their motives were clear.

I get accused of this having three children, last one male. It says a LOT about the person suggesting this to me.

I have 3DD, 1DS and people always assume DS is the youngest, he’s the third.
Our children are all unique and shouldn’t be born with expectations to fit some mild a parent has for them.

Honestly, I don't like it. Enjoy and appreciate the children you have. If you're lucky enough to be able to fall pregnant, be grateful.
If anything I think it's a big kick in the teeth to the children you already have, they'll grow up feeling as though they weren't enough for their parents.

@YippieKayakOtherBuckets - I had exactly the same experience when DC2 was born!

i went on to have three more, DD, DS, DD, I have three girls and two boys. And, because of the birth order, (DS first, then DD), I never got asked if I'd been 'trying for a ....'

OTOH, I was out with my three DDs and younger son one day, eldest was off doing his own thing, and happened to chat to someone who asked if they were all mine. I said yes, and she looked at the DS I had with me and said 'you got your boy in the end, then!'

Luckily the children all piled in to explain that there was an older brother at home, and the DS was older than his younger sister (they looked like twins). But I did not know what to say - how rude, and in front of the children!

I am the last of 3 girls and when my Ddad got home from the nursing home, our next door neighbour shouted to ask what sex I was.

My DDad replied another girl, even the bloody dog is a girl!"

He WAS joking as he idolised all three of us and I grew up to be the least girly girly you could ever wish to meet and still am.

It's weird how it has panned out in our family as my generation of Sister's and cousins were all girls. Not a single boy, yet our children are ALL boys.

I was so shocked to be told that I was expecting a boy I nearly fell off the bed! I wasn't disappointed in the least just so convinced as I was so like my Mother I would have a girl, even though I know it's my DH's sperm that decides it.

DS is now 15 and I am soooooooo grateful to have had a boy as I think there is far more pressure on young girls these days and being the tomboy I am can see that there would have been a distinct clash of personalities if she had turned out to be the girly girly I never was.

@Begonias

I have 3DD and in my culture boys are the preferred sex. Our first 2 were planned pregnancies and our third was a surprise. I didn't even know I was pregnant until I went for a routine appointment to start immunotherapy drugs, they did a pregnancy test and that's when I found out. Due to my condition my pregnancies are high risk, fetal heart blocks, clotting problems, miscarriage risk until 28 weeks. When we had dd3 some of the comments we got then and even now are pretty hurtful. We love our girls and we have never said we want a boy. We are content with what we have. They are happy and healthy that's what matters.

Spot on.

It is so sad when Cultures prefer boys over girls.

There was an appalling programme about ''Dying Rooms'' in China, where little girls were abandoned.

They were termed ''Maggots in the rice''........ A dreadful thing to say about a fellow human being.

All those boys growing up in China without hope of a family as there are not enough women to meet {assuming they are not gay of course}.

I think it works both ways with some people.

For instance, my SIL and cousin both have two boys each. Both said they wanted another child but only if they could have a girl. Since they can’t guarantee it, both stopped at two.

She might be in for a long bit of trying. A Catholic I know had 7 girls...

I think it’s madness but a relative did this, except she wanted a girl. She got 5 boys first!