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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call out my work colleague on her unacceptable view

263 replies

Marg33t · 27/09/2020 17:19

She posted today on Facebook that she was sick of hearing about the death of one police officer as there's more important things going on and it's a risk they accept.

I've got family members in the force and quite honestly they are hero's doing very difficult work that not many people would do. I can't stand this anti police sentiment. I've got a meeting with her and many others tomorrow afternoon and I'm worried I won't be able to keep my cool. Would it be unreasonable to send her a private message to say how offensive her post was? I want to say nothing, but I m not sure I can

OP posts:
Goosefoot · 27/09/2020 19:31

@THisbackwithavengeance

Can't believe all those saying that this colleague is posting something acceptable as if a man's death while doing his job is somehow irrelevant and people's own personal grievances against the police means that it doesn't really matter that this officer died, he knew the risks .

If I see something on FB that is offensive to me, I say something. I'm not rude, I don't delete them or swear but I would happily post something like "Totally disagree with your post, this man's tragic death is not irrelevant" or something along those lines.

But that's not what the OP said that she said.

Sooo ...

Doingitaloneandproud · 27/09/2020 19:34

Sorry you would be unreasonable to bring it up, it's her opinion and she's entitled to that

EinsteinaGogo · 27/09/2020 19:45

@yelyah22

YABU. As always - a view that isn't the same as yours isn't 'unacceptable'. Unfriend her if you're that arsed. Not sure what you're trying to achieve by trying to pull her up on it like you're a teacher, other than coming across as someone who think your opinion is more important than everyone else's.

I don't think you can use 'as always' in your assumptions.

Surely there are some views that will always** be unacceptable?

DizzyPigeon · 27/09/2020 19:53

She posted today on Facebook that she was sick of hearing about the death of one police officer as there's more important things going on and it's a risk they accept

I'm not really sure what is unacceptable about her views.

Do you think that his death is the most important thing happening in the world right now? It probably is for his family, friends and colleagues, but probably not for many others.

Do you think it's ok to get fed up with hearing about one news story all the time?

Do you think that she is wrong in thinking that police officers know that there is a risk they will be killed in the line of duty?

EinsteinaGogo · 27/09/2020 20:01

@DizzyPigeon

She posted today on Facebook that she was sick of hearing about the death of one police officer as there's more important things going on and it's a risk they accept

I'm not really sure what is unacceptable about her views.

Do you think that his death is the most important thing happening in the world right now? It probably is for his family, friends and colleagues, but probably not for many others.

Do you think it's ok to get fed up with hearing about one news story all the time?

Do you think that she is wrong in thinking that police officers know that there is a risk they will be killed in the line of duty?

Do you think a Custody Sergeant should expect to be shot in the line of duty?

Is that not what makes it 'big' news?

DizzyPigeon · 27/09/2020 20:03

No, I don't think any police officer should expect to be shot in the line of duty.

Do you think police officers think there is no risk at all to being in that role?

Karwomannghia · 27/09/2020 20:08

What an unnecessarily unpleasant way for her to think. It’s not like the rest of the shit stops happening. Yanbu to be hurt but I wouldn’t say anything, it’ll invariably end badly and add a layer of conflict on top of the upset you already feel. Just give her a wide berth.

thedancingbear · 27/09/2020 20:10

^Do you think a Custody Sergeant should expect to be shot in the line of duty?

Is that not what makes it 'big' news?^

a couple of thousand people die every day in the UK, a significant proportion of them in tragic circumstances, and some of them doing their jobs. None of them deserve to die. No-one should die in a car crash, or falling off scaffolding, or through suicide, or because of an NHS fuck-up, or whatever it is. Yet 99% of these deaths don't become front-page news. Are you suggest that the lives of police officers are worth more than those of all these people?

Daphnise · 27/09/2020 20:13

You need to learn to accept other views- for example in my area I have not seen a policemen for years, burglary and other crimes go undetected and criminals unpunished. This is the norm in many places.

I don't know what police staff do all day.

But that does not mean I take the murder of one of them as a trivial matter.

MushMonster · 27/09/2020 20:14

Why or why do people have their work colleagues social media details? Just why?
Say nothing, do not share any social media with work.
Wirk one corner. Social life other corner. They do not mingle well together.

MayIJustAsk · 27/09/2020 20:16

YABU OP. She has a right to an opinion.

RunningFromInsanity · 27/09/2020 20:16

someone assaults a police officer then the penalties are higher than if they assaulted a member of the public.

Why is my sister’s life apparently more important than my brother’s?
I really don’t agree with this sentiment at all.
My sister chose a high risk career. My brother chose to sit behind a computer.

Someone killing or hurting either of them is a crime and should be punished equally.

libbsop · 27/09/2020 20:18

I would report her to your workplace especially if she has her workplace on her facebook. I think it would be against the social media policy posting things like that.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/09/2020 20:19

She has a right to her own views, unpalatable though they are. A PP raises a very important point about the insidious prevalence of 'cancel culture' in our society. We're walking into Newspeak of our own volition, with our eyes wide open, which IMO is even more terrifying than the Orwellian scenario of having it imposed upon us against our will.

The world's full of offensive jerks. I can't realistically expect to go through my life without being offended, or to make it the rest of society's problem if someone does offend me. Policing other people's language and behaviour has already reached worrying proportions. By all means 'unfriend' her on social media - I probably would too - but in the workplace you need to stay detached, calm and professional and keep your personal feelings out of it.

I know of no time in relatively recent UK history when the need to safeguard our freedom of expression was more urgent than it is right now.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 27/09/2020 20:21

It would be sackable in my line of work, but I work in the justice system and it would be seen as incredibly unprofessional

thedancingbear · 27/09/2020 20:24

I would report her to your workplace especially if she has her workplace on her facebook. I think it would be against the social media policy posting things like that.

If you're going to do this, OP, you best make sure that your own online record is absolutely squeaky clean. my best guess it isn't. I also get the sense that your employer's workplace won't give a shit about your complaint, but they may well do if your profile contains anything that could be construed as racist, homophobic etc.

kingsleyhimself · 27/09/2020 20:26

She has as much right to her views as you do to yours.

It sounds like you need to learn ways to cope with views that you find different or difficult rather than running away from / blocking them or trying to impose your views on other people.

MorganKitten · 27/09/2020 20:27

Yes you’d be unreasonable, was it at work? In a meeting? No.
If you pulled me up on it I’d contact HR.

QueenofAsgard · 27/09/2020 20:30

We've been encouraged by social media to believe that "calling out" people for saying things we don't like is an acceptable way to behave. It isn't. There used to be such a thing as sensible debate where opposing views were discussed and although it could get heated, comprise or agreeing to disagree was often the end result. I long for the return of these ways of communicating but am not hopeful. A growing number of a certain kind of person just seem to enjoy "Calling Out", shaming and telling off people, then self righteously "cancelling" and "no platforming" them for not thinking exactly as they do, far too much.

FunDragon · 27/09/2020 20:32

Well, I hate whataboutery (‘there’s more important things going on’) because it’s almost always used as a way to dismiss other people’s feelings about something.

That said, I don’t read that as anti-police sentiment, I read it more as an anti-media statement. But even if it is anti-police - people are allowed to feel and express anti-police sentiment. You might not agree with it, but it’s allowed. Not everyone thinks they are heroes.

I voted remain and am very opposed to Brexit. I have a colleague on Facebook who has the opposite view and has posted on Facebook about it a lot. I’ve just muted his posts and I make sure never to discuss that subject with him. He’s allowed to support Brexit, just as I’m allowed not to.

So on that basis I think you need to mute her posts or defriend her, move on, and behave professionally at work.

MilkOfThePuppy · 27/09/2020 20:33

You'll only make things awkward for yourself if you comment. It's very unlikely you'd change her mind, anyway.

The best course of action is to take her out of your social media, whether by blocking, muting, unfriending, whatever, and then try to forget about it.

thedancingbear · 27/09/2020 20:36

We've been encouraged by social media to believe that "calling out" people for saying things we don't like is an acceptable way to behave. It isn't. There used to be such a thing as sensible debate where opposing views were discussed and although it could get heated, comprise or agreeing to disagree was often the end result. I long for the return of these ways of communicating but am not hopeful. A growing number of a certain kind of person just seem to enjoy "Calling Out", shaming and telling off people, then self righteously "cancelling" and "no platforming" them for not thinking exactly as they do, far too much.

I think it depends what it is tbh. I think we all have a duty, for example, to challenge blatant racism or homophobia wherever we see it (you can call that 'calling out' if you like).

However I find the idea that 'not all police are heroes' needs to be 'called out' obtuse and a bit frightening.

Clearly there are views that are beyond the pale and those that aren't. The problem is how do we decide which is which.

jdoejnr1 · 27/09/2020 20:43

Block her and move on. Those who make comments like that will never have their minds changed. There is an anti-police sentiment in the air and she's riding the wave as are many others on MN at the moment. I bet however they were the first to post on FB pictures if themselves clapping for the NHS whilst conveniently forgetting the likes of Harold Shipman, Victorino Chua or the baby death scandals still going on. Leave them to it their not worth the time or effort.

Etinox · 27/09/2020 20:46

@DiscombobulatedAf

Yes you’d be unreasonable. It’s none of your business. If I was her and you pulled me up on it I’d complain about you
Why is it none of her business? If someone chooses to air their opinions in public they’re making it others’ business. Confused
thedancingbear · 27/09/2020 20:47

There is an anti-police sentiment in the air

why do you think this is @jdoejnr1?