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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think why this is one of the reasons we have an obesity problem.

665 replies

Delamalama · 27/09/2020 16:37

Friend on facebook has put about 2 stone on this past year. She posted a selfie the other day with a statement saying how she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!! She's on the verge of being obese and suffers with chronic backache. Of course she had comments saying 'looking good hun' 'you beauty!' Etc.

I've noticed quite a lot of younger ones doing this 'be fat and proud' crap.

Am I wrong to think that this along with many other things is why we have an obesity problem.

OP posts:
Totickleamockingbird · 27/09/2020 18:30

@Spiderbaby8

I always think when I see these conversations that if people really were interested in the health aspect they would look at what works. Shaming very rarely works so why would you want that to happen? Maybe it's more about your disgust than actually caring about someones health.
In a first world country, what in the world does it take for us to go and get help? it’s actually offered every step of the way! Why is this someone else’s job to take care of others after the choices they have made? It takes one simple test to do a follow up with your GP regarding even the thyroid-related obesity issues! If people can’t even do that, what the hell are they expecting others to do for them? This mollycoddling better stop now. It costs billions which can be spent on Health issues like endometriosis and other women health issues.
FourTeaFallOut · 27/09/2020 18:30

We are all uniquely, solely and individually responsible for each morsel we put in our mouth

Maybe it's a complete coincidence that individuals uniquely and solely became fat in epidemic proportions in the first world countries over the last thirty years for the first time in our long human history?

Time2change2 · 27/09/2020 18:30

@SchrodingersImmigrant absolutely this! The only people I have seen doing any shaming are on the ‘you are fat shaming side’

formerbabe · 27/09/2020 18:31

They're not mutually exclusive.

I'm overweight...I'd like to lose weight. I do not hate myself or my body though. I quite like myself and think I'm quite pretty.

There's a lot of women on these boards who are very proud that they're thin...they that some women are overweight yet don't despise themselves.

winterchills · 27/09/2020 18:32

YANBU totally agree it's the health conditions that come with being over weight that's the problem and also obesity costs the nhs a hell of a lot of money

formerbabe · 27/09/2020 18:32

*they hate

CountreeGurl · 27/09/2020 18:33

I don't think anyone should be shamed for the way they are but I think normalising being overweight and obesity is unhealthy for us all. The number of overweight teens I see now compared to when I was that age (25 yrs ago) is concerning

Time2change2 · 27/09/2020 18:33

@boomboomg ahh but by then he will be in his 70’s enjoying his retirement, much like the rest of his gang. So many short sighted people it makes me want to scream. So many ‘it’s none of your business’ yes it is!! Wake up, it’s all of our business and the business of our children in particular

Igotthemheavyboobs · 27/09/2020 18:34

It's not mollycoddling to think that giving someone a positive outlook on themselves will help them make healthier choices. Ffs. For people to help themselves, they have to believe they are worth saving.

dudsville · 27/09/2020 18:35

@Igotthemheavyboobs

Why don't you comment this in her wall OP? Just tell her she shouldn't like or love herself coz she is a fat cow.
This
Happyheartlovelife · 27/09/2020 18:36

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Why is everyone going on about shaming. Op hasn't suggested shaming. Nor did anyone else as far as I've seen. Not being on the "you gawj" wave isn't shaming. Discussing obesity, isn't shaming.

It's actually really interesting to watch where the derogatory comments here come from...

I think that we can all agree obesity is harmful.

Said the person who said her funeral director would care if she was obese

Hmmmmm

Time2change2 · 27/09/2020 18:36

@Igotthemheavyboobs but before that, they need to think there is a reason for them to be helped and not ‘everything is tickerty boo’

dudsville · 27/09/2020 18:36

Meant to say that of course e this is ironic.

Thecobwebsarewinning · 27/09/2020 18:37

After a lifetime of being slim I am now middle aged and overweight by about two stone. I don’t like it. I wish I wasn’t but equally I am able to see I am still attractive, I am strong and active and much more importantly, I am still a useful member of society. I don’t need slim people reminding me that being overweight is bad for my health. There is more to me than big boobs and a fat belly.

My wonderful young adult niece is anorexic. She is fighting it but is currently underweight, probably by about 2 stone. She is much closer to being a normal BMI than she has been in the past but her health is still much more compromised by her weight than mine is. Would you be as quick to judge her?

Spiderbaby8 · 27/09/2020 18:39

In a first world country, what in the world does it take for us to go and get help? it’s actually offered every step of the way! Why is this someone else’s job to take care of others after the choices they have made?
It takes one simple test to do a follow up with your GP regarding even the thyroid-related obesity issues! If people can’t even do that, what the hell are they expecting others to do for them? This mollycoddling better stop now. It costs billions which can be spent on Health issues like endometriosis and other women health issues.

My comment wasn't about personal responsibility, which I think is obviously vital. Not shaming somebody isn't "making it someone else's job", but if people want to do that go ahead. Just not buying the "I do for their own good" bullshit.

Browneyesbigbum · 27/09/2020 18:40

YANBU

Loving fat and saying everyone is beautiful sounds lovely but for health reasons it's not great. I mean if the woman has a bad back then all that extra weight won't help at all

Coffeepot72 · 27/09/2020 18:42

I wonder how people would react to someone who boasted about being proud of their ridiculously high blood pressure, or high cholesterol or dodgy smear test result? Why would you ever be proud of a health problem? I’m not saying you should be ashamed, but being proud seems rather strange?

boomboomg · 27/09/2020 18:42

@Time2change2 so true!!! He doesn't give a shite because it won't affect him

Browneyesbigbum · 27/09/2020 18:43

Society has normalised being obese. Enabling people to be fat is also pretty normal

At what point does someone step in and say perhaps for health a little lighter? Those poor people on the programmes on TV where they are 60 stone and barely able to move with friends and family feeding them crap all the time - enabling isn't really loving.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 27/09/2020 18:43
  • In a first world country, what in the world does it take for us to go and get help? it’s actually offered every step of the way! Why is this someone else’s job to take care of others after the choices they have made? It takes one simple test to do a follow up with your GP regarding even the thyroid-related obesity issues! If people can’t even do that, what the hell are they expecting others to do for them? This mollycoddling better stop now. It costs billions which can be spent on Health issues like endometriosis and other women health issues.*

You're assuming the GP will agree to a test.
You're assuming there is any help for people that aren't very overweight.
You're assuming that an appointment won't end with the eternal wisdom of "eat less,move more".
You're assuming the GP won't refuse to prescribe Metformin,despite previously being on it.
You're assuming that there aren't set conditions and rules even when people pay for certain treatments themselves.

I did my own research and bought Orlistsat myself. I reached 83kgs which was still very overweight for me. Nope couldn't continue buying it because apparently I was under the necessary weight.

I can only lose weight and keep it off if I'm starving all the time. I know because I've done it several times. Funnily enough, I'm not a fan of it.

Codexdivinchi · 27/09/2020 18:43

[quote Eckhart]No. It's because we're being mislead by the authorities into eating the wrong foods. Obesity started rising when they started telling us to eat 'low fat', in the 80s.

adc.bmj.com/content/90/10/999[/quote]
Yup!

Coupled with very low cost fast food/processed food for poorer families who really dont like lentils and cabbage.

Happyheartlovelife · 27/09/2020 18:44

@CountreeGurl

I don't think anyone should be shamed for the way they are but I think normalising being overweight and obesity is unhealthy for us all. The number of overweight teens I see now compared to when I was that age (25 yrs ago) is concerning
I watched a programme on diabetes in teenagers. One boy struggled badly with his blood sugars. The family kept insisting that he ate healthily. Couldn’t understand why he couldn’t control his sugars

When the cameras followed him round. The sister used to buy him things like lucozade. Ribena. When the producers asked her why she’d brought him a drink laden in sugar. She said. I thought it was healthy. It has fruit on it!!

So I think a lot of it could also come from education. Do people know there is lots of sugars and carbs etc in some foods. I’m sure some do. But even my friends the other day couldn’t believe rice has a lot of sugar in it.

I do believe there is a huge proportion of people who don’t understand ‘healthy’ eating.

The other side is I saw a large woman trying to run the other day. I know this woman and knoe she is now desperately trying to lose weight. The local teenage boys laughed at her incredibly loudly and shouted out just obscene language and she hasn’t been out since. She’s horrified. I had convinced her that people would see she was trying. I couldn’t believe That some people are so fucking unkind. Much like I said about earlier. The world seems full of hate right now. I gave her confidence. Which took months. Some teenage boys took it away in seconds.

Sigh.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 27/09/2020 18:46

[quote Time2change2]@Igotthemheavyboobs but before that, they need to think there is a reason for them to be helped and not ‘everything is tickerty boo’[/quote]
Most fat people know they are fat. If they say to you they don't care, it is probably to get away from the horrendously judgemental aren't you a fat idiot conversation that has lead them to tell you that.

I wouldn't tell anyone I hate myself but in the reality I look in the mirror everyday and tell myself I am a fat twat, I fully believe I am not worthy of love and respect from others, despite being blessed with a huge amount of loving friends and family. Threads like these make me realise that actually I am right and despite my achievements, people only see me as fat.

I run, I do extreme dieting, I can easily live off of 500 calories for weeks on end. I know because I have done it. Multiple times. But one thing goes wrong and I will binge. My mental health is awful, it takes one person not to reapond to a text message and I convince myself they must hate me.

I wouldn't tell you any of this. In fact I would joke about my size, insist I love it and am body positive and fuck all the haters. Just because they don't tell you doesn't mean they don't know.

MagpieSong · 27/09/2020 18:47

Sometimes loving your body and accepting is as it is, is the first step towards a healthier lifestyle. As someone who suffered chronic anorexia from childhood and nearly died more than once, fat shaming and constant negativity around any imperfection is far more damaging than loving yourself, whatever size you are.

There should be discussion around healthy portions, healthy food, exercise and a change of language around foods (eg. Not sinful or naughty etc). However, judging someone on weight is wrong and causes far more damage than someone finally taking the steps to love a body they may have hated and felt shame about their entire life. Food is often emotionally connected to things, be it memories of comfort, trauma, neglect, fear, having a ‘treat’. It’s often used as an expression of feeling, through taking more or less than needed. Mental health definitely comes into it in lots of cases, but so do other things like how your family ate, how your friends eat and misinformation about actual health. It’s no healthier to restrict food and many ‘diets’ are not healthy. There is a misunderstanding about many foods and a tendency for the media to pass on that misinformation. Fat shaming is just wrong and blaming obesity on someone learning to accept their bodies doesn’t show joined up thinking in any way. Knowledge around food, exercise and our bodies, good accessible mental health care, less capitalist pushing on food, less fat shaming and media pushing of perfect bodies and incorrect information, less pressure on people from friends and family to look a certain way, understanding connections between what your family and friends eat and what you eat, removal of unhelpful emotional language, calm dinner times without screens and with family talking/parents eating too, better exercise on offer and encouraged etc. Will all have a far bigger effect on obesity than any picture posting someone is happy with themselves.

For a start, your friend may be bluffing and seeking reassurance. If she is loving herself then be pleased for her and stop judging. So many things can cause weight gain, including psychiatric medication (very hard not gain anything on antipsychotics for the majority), pregnancy, thyroid issues, mobility issues, mental illnesses or past trauma... the list goes on. Even recovery from eating disorders, where it can be important to be at the higher end of the scale for physical recovery (yes, there are studies) and where your metabolism lowers so much that you get severe night sweats as your body weight rises in recovery.

XingMing · 27/09/2020 18:49

I do think it's mostly about having a healthy attitude and relationship to food. I have been out for an indulgent Sunday lunch today. But I shan't eat this evening, after the 20 gram slice of cheese I have just enjoyed.

I think I have a sensible approach to food. I eat two or three times a day. Fruit, yoghurt and granola in the morning, bread/crispbread and cheese or hummus or fish-anything for lunch, and I cook for us in the evening. I have eaten this way all my life.

It doesn't take hours, but if you are coming home after a long day and a long commute, I can understand why you might want short cuts several days a week. And how easy it is to slip into the habit of buying something tempting from the chilled, prepared cabinet.

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