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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think why this is one of the reasons we have an obesity problem.

665 replies

Delamalama · 27/09/2020 16:37

Friend on facebook has put about 2 stone on this past year. She posted a selfie the other day with a statement saying how she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!! She's on the verge of being obese and suffers with chronic backache. Of course she had comments saying 'looking good hun' 'you beauty!' Etc.

I've noticed quite a lot of younger ones doing this 'be fat and proud' crap.

Am I wrong to think that this along with many other things is why we have an obesity problem.

OP posts:
Happyheartlovelife · 27/09/2020 18:50

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

* In a first world country, what in the world does it take for us to go and get help? it’s actually offered every step of the way! Why is this someone else’s job to take care of others after the choices they have made? It takes one simple test to do a follow up with your GP regarding even the thyroid-related obesity issues! If people can’t even do that, what the hell are they expecting others to do for them? This mollycoddling better stop now. It costs billions which can be spent on Health issues like endometriosis and other women health issues.*

You're assuming the GP will agree to a test.
You're assuming there is any help for people that aren't very overweight.
You're assuming that an appointment won't end with the eternal wisdom of "eat less,move more".
You're assuming the GP won't refuse to prescribe Metformin,despite previously being on it.
You're assuming that there aren't set conditions and rules even when people pay for certain treatments themselves.

I did my own research and bought Orlistsat myself. I reached 83kgs which was still very overweight for me. Nope couldn't continue buying it because apparently I was under the necessary weight.

I can only lose weight and keep it off if I'm starving all the time. I know because I've done it several times. Funnily enough, I'm not a fan of it.

This is so close to the truth!

Friend was huge. But was stupidly unwell. Kept going to the doctor who kept saying. You’ll feel better when you’ve lost weight

So she did. It took years. But she lost 6 stone

Her tsh was nearly 100. Her endocrine dr has no idea how she was still standing. Let alone alive

They wrote about her in the BMJ because of it

All it wouldn’t of taken was a dr to look past her weight. But why did she have to lose weight before the dr took her seriously? When she was dead maybe?

ddl1 · 27/09/2020 18:51

No, it's not a reason. Reasons include comfort eating and lack of exercise and the fact that on the whole unhealthy food is cheaper in both time and money than healthy food.

The majority attitude is that fat = unattractive/self-indulgent, and many people either hate themselves or others or both for being overweight.A high proportion of women especially are on diets: whether these diets are effective is another matter. A significant minority have actual eating disorders. The 'body positive' attitude that 'fat can be beautiful' is a reaction to fatshaming, and often to years of painful dieting, and is certainly not a majority attitude.

Happyheartlovelife · 27/09/2020 18:52

@MagpieSong

Sometimes loving your body and accepting is as it is, is the first step towards a healthier lifestyle. As someone who suffered chronic anorexia from childhood and nearly died more than once, fat shaming and constant negativity around any imperfection is far more damaging than loving yourself, whatever size you are.

There should be discussion around healthy portions, healthy food, exercise and a change of language around foods (eg. Not sinful or naughty etc). However, judging someone on weight is wrong and causes far more damage than someone finally taking the steps to love a body they may have hated and felt shame about their entire life. Food is often emotionally connected to things, be it memories of comfort, trauma, neglect, fear, having a ‘treat’. It’s often used as an expression of feeling, through taking more or less than needed. Mental health definitely comes into it in lots of cases, but so do other things like how your family ate, how your friends eat and misinformation about actual health. It’s no healthier to restrict food and many ‘diets’ are not healthy. There is a misunderstanding about many foods and a tendency for the media to pass on that misinformation. Fat shaming is just wrong and blaming obesity on someone learning to accept their bodies doesn’t show joined up thinking in any way. Knowledge around food, exercise and our bodies, good accessible mental health care, less capitalist pushing on food, less fat shaming and media pushing of perfect bodies and incorrect information, less pressure on people from friends and family to look a certain way, understanding connections between what your family and friends eat and what you eat, removal of unhelpful emotional language, calm dinner times without screens and with family talking/parents eating too, better exercise on offer and encouraged etc. Will all have a far bigger effect on obesity than any picture posting someone is happy with themselves.

For a start, your friend may be bluffing and seeking reassurance. If she is loving herself then be pleased for her and stop judging. So many things can cause weight gain, including psychiatric medication (very hard not gain anything on antipsychotics for the majority), pregnancy, thyroid issues, mobility issues, mental illnesses or past trauma... the list goes on. Even recovery from eating disorders, where it can be important to be at the higher end of the scale for physical recovery (yes, there are studies) and where your metabolism lowers so much that you get severe night sweats as your body weight rises in recovery.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Eckhart · 27/09/2020 18:52

@Coffeepot72

I wonder how people would react to someone who boasted about being proud of their ridiculously high blood pressure, or high cholesterol or dodgy smear test result? Why would you ever be proud of a health problem

Being overweight isn't a health problem. It puts people at greater risk of health problems, but it's also perfectly possible to be overweight and very fit and healthy.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 27/09/2020 18:52

The crux of it is, self love ain't making people fat.

Happytobeme123 · 27/09/2020 18:53

OP I agree. I also think that the clothes that are made for bigger sizes do not help.
I am overweight- I do not need a pencil skirt or a mini pleated skirt etc! There's a difference between loving yourself and realising that fat isn't an attractive thing. Im happy with myself but not the excess fat I have.

Totickleamockingbird · 27/09/2020 18:53

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble

* In a first world country, what in the world does it take for us to go and get help? it’s actually offered every step of the way! Why is this someone else’s job to take care of others after the choices they have made? It takes one simple test to do a follow up with your GP regarding even the thyroid-related obesity issues! If people can’t even do that, what the hell are they expecting others to do for them? This mollycoddling better stop now. It costs billions which can be spent on Health issues like endometriosis and other women health issues.*

You're assuming the GP will agree to a test.
You're assuming there is any help for people that aren't very overweight.
You're assuming that an appointment won't end with the eternal wisdom of "eat less,move more".
You're assuming the GP won't refuse to prescribe Metformin,despite previously being on it.
You're assuming that there aren't set conditions and rules even when people pay for certain treatments themselves.

I did my own research and bought Orlistsat myself. I reached 83kgs which was still very overweight for me. Nope couldn't continue buying it because apparently I was under the necessary weight.

I can only lose weight and keep it off if I'm starving all the time. I know because I've done it several times. Funnily enough, I'm not a fan of it.

That is quite some overlap with thyroid disorders and food addiction/overeating habits! a thyroid test for unexplained weight loss is part of the standard testing that GPS have to follow. Why did you need these two drugs? What was the diagnosis? How did they reach that diagnosis?
ddl1 · 27/09/2020 18:56

'It's not mollycoddling to think that giving someone a positive outlook on themselves will help them make healthier choices. Ffs. For people to help themselves, they have to believe they are worth saving.'

Exactly. And I would add that one problem is that many overweight people avoid exercise, because they are too embarrassed to do so in front of other people, sometimes even family members. Some of this may come from the 'fat kids' having been bullied and mocked during PE and games at school.

mintyfreshh · 27/09/2020 18:57

@Igotthemheavyboobs

Why don't you comment this in her wall OP? Just tell her she shouldn't like or love herself coz she is a fat cow.
100% this. If you are too scared to say this to her face then you know it's offensive and out of order. What you haven't thought about is how offensive that might be to members here, or maybe you don't care?
Totickleamockingbird · 27/09/2020 18:57

I meant to write ‘weight gain’, not ‘weight loss’. Blush

mintyfreshh · 27/09/2020 18:59

@Delamalama

I just meant it's becoming almost normal to be fat now so people don't try to lose weight. I was obese myself 15 years ago but I was in the minority so was desperate to lose weight which I did. Now, it's fine to be overweight as a lot are.

I'm not fat shaming either. I remember how awful it was to be laughed at and called names.

So you have confidence issues. Maybe work on them and stop projecting those issues onto others?
Time2change2 · 27/09/2020 19:02

@Igotthemheavyboobs I totally get where you are coming from and even though I am within the ‘healthy Bmi’ I am by no means skinnny. I have also been overweight he and looked in the mirror and hated myself so much, some days now I still do that.
Please don’t think fat twat. That’s awful. It doesn’t sound to me like you are a twat. You might be fat but please don’t think that makes you less somehow or a horrible person. You can change this for yourself if you want to. It takes huge will power and you have to take each day at a time, it’s a long road but the rewards are monumental.
I totally get what you are saying about having one bad day. When I started weight watchers many moons ago, the mentor said to us, you have to be committed to sticking to this every day, no matter what the day brings, you have to stick to it. No matter what else happens in your life, stick to it.
That was her number one rule. And if that doesn’t work, draw a line under the day.. all is not lost, start again tomorrow.
Switch your foods to as many unprocessed as you can possibly make with no wheat or sugar. Allowed. Agree with yourself to stick to it for 1 month and assess the changes. It will be very hard but please trust me you will see changes in 30 days. Hopefully then you will carry on from there. One day at a time.
Please be kind to yourself. If you want to change, you can do it!

randomer · 27/09/2020 19:03

20 g of cheese, wow.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 27/09/2020 19:04

@Totickleamockingbird
The Metformin was prescribed after a PCOS diagnosis (not getting into what a battle that was). I stopped it because I was out of the country for 3 months due to my father's death. I hen I came back she refused to prescribe it again unless I was TTC. I probably should've lied.

The Orlistat I bought myself from an online pharmacy. It worked until I was deemed too "skinny" for it. Funny.

Oh I never got that thyroid blood test.

XingMing · 27/09/2020 19:05

Eating is one function we control. It's a decision to eat anything, or nothing. I know as many women whose daughters have experienced anoxexia as obesity, and both are catastrophic in health terms. I am not pretending to have a magic bullet solution.

My point is the old, boring, dull one: moderation and variety of diet is what we humans are meant to eat. Food in season (because it's cheap then) and in moderation (until you are content). Very very very occasionally, when something is awesomely delicious, overeating is not a disaster.

Totickleamockingbird · 27/09/2020 19:06

For people to help themselves, they have to believe they are worth saving
For a large part of the obese and overweight part of the population, this is not true. Those extra 200 calories here and those two pints with your mate there is all that builds up over the years. There is one thread here celebrating wine’o clock every other day.
There is nothing wrong with pointing out that an over-weight body is a clinical problem that needs solving or is in the process of being solved. Do we say to cancer patients who have lost all their hair: ‘you look gorgeous love!’ Confused How insensitive that would be! OP is not saying obese people shouldn’t post pictures of their bodies and shouldn’t love it. OP is saying that a picture normalising or minimising obesity does not send the right message about you to the re of the world.

SantaClaritaDiet · 27/09/2020 19:06

I love MN.

Only on this forum can someone commenting about an obese person be accused of being "jealous" 😂

Totickleamockingbird · 27/09/2020 19:08

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble
I hope you report that GP surgery. And the GP too. There are far too many practices minimising women health issues. Thyroid disorders are more prevalent in women than men.

MakeOfThatWhatYouWill · 27/09/2020 19:08

OP I agree. I also think that the clothes that are made for bigger sizes do not help.
I am overweight- I do not need a pencil skirt or a mini pleated skirt etc! There's a difference between loving yourself and realising that fat isn't an attractive thing. Im happy with myself but not the excess fat I have.

What would you have fat people wear? Sackcloth and ashes perhaps? Why are people who weigh less entitled to have a choice of nice clothes but fatter people are not? If you don't like yourself in a pencil or pleated skirt, why can't someone bigger or the same size as you like themselves in one?

SantaClaritaDiet · 27/09/2020 19:08

mintyfreshh

If someone unhealthily overweight has "confidence issue" surely it's a good thing! What do you want them to be, trying to be even bigger? FFS, the fake naivety is ridiculous.

Codexdivinchi · 27/09/2020 19:10

@Coffeepot72

I wonder how people would react to someone who boasted about being proud of their ridiculously high blood pressure, or high cholesterol or dodgy smear test result? Why would you ever be proud of a health problem? I’m not saying you should be ashamed, but being proud seems rather strange?
Losing weight is actually really fucking hard. There are multiple reasons why people can’t do it. Rather than utterly despising themselves every day they try and love the person they are.

If they have to tell them selfs they are proud of who they are so they can leave the house every day who are we to sneer at it? It’s actually no ones business on this thread how somebody else feels about there own body.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 27/09/2020 19:11

I know I'm fat, I know mostly why I'm fat, I've been fat since I was 8. At least that's when the comments and nicknames started.

I don't hate myself, but I'd like to lose some weight too . ATM I'm focused on not putting any more on.

I'm sure I'll lose it again when I'm ready and then put it back on. It happens every few years or so.

I also have "well meaning" people in my life sending me links and articles about bariatric surgery, weight loss MLM, diets, vinegar ,lemon ,blood of a virgin tips.

XingMing · 27/09/2020 19:11

@randomer, 20g of cheese is almost all fat and a satisfying tasty chunk of food as a between meal snack.

redcarbluecar · 27/09/2020 19:12

YABU. I suspect this person isn’t saying she’s proud to BE overweight, but that she’s learning to accept herself for the person she is, whatever she looks like. Do you think that she should, instead, suffer from cripplingly low self esteem purely because of her weight? And if she does suffer mentally in that way, do you think that will motivate her to lose some? Could be worth you giving this a bit more thought, or alternatively, minding your own business, depending on how strongly you actually feel about the issue of other people’s weight.

Kittytheteapot · 27/09/2020 19:12

[quote randomer]@Kittytheteapot, what on earth are you ranting about? Who on earth are you to tell people they should hate their fat? Absolutely bizarre.

What are you talking about carry on with a fat postive message? Utter nonsense.

I don't think anybody should hate their fat, their hair, their feet , their nails or anything. Just as they shouldn't hate their mistakes, their anger, their frivolity, their failings, their successes. We are human being first and foremost, not just skeletons with fat on.[/quote]
Who is ranting? Sure ain't me!

Ok, you carry on loving your fat. I didn't love mine when things slipped and I put on some extra pounds. I worked hard to get that fat off.