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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think why this is one of the reasons we have an obesity problem.

665 replies

Delamalama · 27/09/2020 16:37

Friend on facebook has put about 2 stone on this past year. She posted a selfie the other day with a statement saying how she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!! She's on the verge of being obese and suffers with chronic backache. Of course she had comments saying 'looking good hun' 'you beauty!' Etc.

I've noticed quite a lot of younger ones doing this 'be fat and proud' crap.

Am I wrong to think that this along with many other things is why we have an obesity problem.

OP posts:
MrsFrisbyMouse · 28/09/2020 11:35

I have always been 'fat' since puberty. The reasons for this are very complex and very tied up with adverse childhood experiences.

I've dieted and put on weight again many more times than I care to remember. I know the excess weight is not great, but losing it seems to be almost impossible. I now know from extensive research and reading that it is actually almost impossible. That once you have put on the weight - external and internal factors work to stop you losing it.

For example, a person who was fat but gets to an ideal weight burns significantly less calories than a person of the same weight who has never been 'fat'. Meaning putting weight back on again is trivially easy.

So - for people who are overweight/obese, actually learning to care for themselves in ways other than being on the diet yoyo bandwagon makes a lot of sense. Because loving yourself might mean having other health aims - like eating well (less processed food and more vegetables) and focusing on nutrition or exercising regularly or looking at stress reduction methods. Measures to improve health that help to mitigate some of the health issues causes by excess weight.

If the message was steered away from losing weight as the main aim, to a general improvement of health - this would have long term positive impact.

Fluffalo · 28/09/2020 11:41

I used to be overweight, a size 24 and 18.5 stone. My weight was very much linked to binge eating disorder and emotional trauma that manifested in food for comfort, probably not helped by the fact we often went without when children so an abundance of food was my safety blanket in many ways. Looking at photos made no odds, I was fat as I ate too much, but there was zero support for the causes, which would ultimately be the 'cure'. Someone saying not to eat as much or to move more was about as effective as people telling me to cheer up when I had depression, sounds easy but isn't. I ultimately paid for private therapy following a lot of saving and being in a position to finally do so; and what do you know, I have maintained a healthy weight for the past few years.

Some is lack of education around what is healthy, some is lack of access to food etc, but some is tied to MH and much more than just don't eat as much. There is basically zero support though, probably because it takes a long longer to make you poorly than anorexia which is acknowledged as being a MH condition that manifests in restricting food etc. The most effective way would be to offer the support, and the pay off would be less spend on firefighting the issue if it was invested in prevention or cure.

Its good for people to feel confident, I suppose in the grand scheme of things we slowly are veering towards seeing larger as the norm, and losing sight of what a healthy weight is; but i dont think making people feel bad for being positive and happy is a fair way to try and counteract that.

Hadtocomment · 28/09/2020 11:42

In terms of smoking I don't think the kind of judgemental comments I read on here would help that situation either. My grandfather tried and failed many times to give up. It is a really big addiction after all. Does that mean he shouldn't have been treated on the NHS or that he wasn't a great and valuable person? No and no and no.

What made a difference for smoking? Changing the environment so that smoke wasn't shoved under the nose of everyone trying to stop. I'm all for making the environment easier for everyone - less bad-for-you stuff shoved at everyone all the time. Reducing unnecessary cals on some foods etc. Giving people spaces to exercise (and time). But I don't think that judging people who are already overweight as though it is a "moral issue" is right, fair or civilised. I can't see that anyone in the original OP's facebook message was going "woo-hoo! Putting on weight!" they were celebrating a PERSON. Who said she had decided to like her body and get on with things. The point where people see supportive messages to friends on Facebook as being "encouraging a nationwide obesity epidemic" is really sad. And very impersonal. Noone knows anyone's habits in comparison to other people. They can't read it off a body's appearance. They may take a statistical guess. But they may be well off the mark. So why do it at all?

022828MAN · 28/09/2020 11:49

@Hadtocomment

In terms of smoking I don't think the kind of judgemental comments I read on here would help that situation either. My grandfather tried and failed many times to give up. It is a really big addiction after all. Does that mean he shouldn't have been treated on the NHS or that he wasn't a great and valuable person? No and no and no.

What made a difference for smoking? Changing the environment so that smoke wasn't shoved under the nose of everyone trying to stop. I'm all for making the environment easier for everyone - less bad-for-you stuff shoved at everyone all the time. Reducing unnecessary cals on some foods etc. Giving people spaces to exercise (and time). But I don't think that judging people who are already overweight as though it is a "moral issue" is right, fair or civilised. I can't see that anyone in the original OP's facebook message was going "woo-hoo! Putting on weight!" they were celebrating a PERSON. Who said she had decided to like her body and get on with things. The point where people see supportive messages to friends on Facebook as being "encouraging a nationwide obesity epidemic" is really sad. And very impersonal. Noone knows anyone's habits in comparison to other people. They can't read it off a body's appearance. They may take a statistical guess. But they may be well off the mark. So why do it at all?

But smoking IS seen openly as wrong and a taboo.
IamTomHanks · 28/09/2020 11:56

YANBU OP, obviously all fat people should hate themselves and then no one would be fat.

Why don't you write the Daily Fail and let them know about your brilliant insight into the obesity epidemic. I'm sure they and the mouth breathers that read them will agree with you completely.

Fluffalo · 28/09/2020 11:57

Smoking isn't really the same though. People have to eat food to survive, although it's extremely challenging for someone to quit smoking or say drinking alcohol because they're readily available to buy; they also don't have to just have a little bit less than usual but carry on doing it regardless (aside from a methadone taper perhaps, but that's a different ballgame altogether). You can't just go cold turkey on food altogether, you still have to eat, and be in a place to make better choices and to restrict intake. For some that is down to will power and self discipline, for others it's a lot more complex. I am not a fan of having people considered of deserving of treatment or not, where is the line drawn?

022828MAN · 28/09/2020 12:02

@IamTomHanks

YANBU OP, obviously all fat people should hate themselves and then no one would be fat.

Why don't you write the Daily Fail and let them know about your brilliant insight into the obesity epidemic. I'm sure they and the mouth breathers that read them will agree with you completely.

So typical of MN to assume that because someone doesn't agree with celebrating obesity they MUST think fat people should hate themselves and eternally hideaway.
PlonkItDownNOW · 28/09/2020 12:02

I work in eating disorder recovery (am a survivor myself) and can confirm low carb diets are the fecking scourge of the ED world right now. They are a serious contributing factor to disordered eating. The amount of people I see who have convinced themselves they can't even eat lentils or bloody peaches or mangoes because they are "too carby".

Yes, of course it isn't great to have toast for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch and a big bowl of pasta for dinner. That's common sense - it's called variety.

But is there anything wrong with having toast(shock horror - maybewith fruit!) for breakfast, a bowl of soup with a big bowl of salad and maybe some feta or whatever at lunch, and a bowl of pasta, again with lots of veg or salad on the side for dinner?

No.

I think it's nice to have one low-ish carb meal a day. Beyond that? Eat the fucking white bread.

Low carb works because of the calorie deficit, the same as any other diet in the history of mankind.

On the obesity note, portion size is a significant issue, more so than the food itself I'd say. Most people are utterly deluded about appropriate portion size. For a woman of about 5ft3 the appropriate portion of pasta is about 60g, dried weight.

Graciebobcat · 28/09/2020 12:06

I read a book once called "Beyond Chocolate".

www.amazon.co.uk/Beyond-Chocolate-yo-yo-dieting-weight/dp/0749927089/ref=sr_1_1?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Stopped dieting and gained a stone after reading it!

But it did make me realise that I was emotional eating and binge eating, and my weight was always yo-yoing about, and more importantly I had to address my mental health above anything else. I was terribly grumpy, sad and tired all the time. I was being unkind to myself with diet and exercise which was feeding the emotional problems and I started to learn to be a lot nicer to myself and a lot more forgiving and understanding of myself and others. I have been on a journey, aged 35 to 45 of gaining confidence, self-esteem and just chilling the fuck out a bit.

I haven't cracked the weight thing yet, though I have stopped the emotional eating side entirely which is no mean feat. Food is fuel, very enjoyable but not an emotional crutch or a reward. Also had to address this with alcohol. And my weight is stable, it doesn't yo-yo around, and I've kept off 20 pounds from my heaviest in 2016. I do yoga and meditation which keeps me largely calm and sane and anchors my whole life really. I have started to lose weight again, making a more concerted effort now, and am losing 2lbs a week at the moment.

What I'm saying is it's a long, bumpy and not easy road to lifestyle change, but I'm sure I'll get there in the end. As I was very slim in my 20s I carried on doing that in my 30s and 40s thinking those things would always work, and they just didn't.

And apart from my BMI of 28, every other measure is very good - BP, heart rate, fitness, cholesterol, blood sugar and diabetes risk.

MiddlesexGirl · 28/09/2020 12:13

The more 'normal' obesity is, the less motivated people are to do anything about it.

That doesn't mean it's OK to fat-shame. But is it right for overweight people to receive validation for their unhealthy choices? I don't know.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/09/2020 12:16

@Fluffalo

Smoking isn't really the same though. People have to eat food to survive, although it's extremely challenging for someone to quit smoking or say drinking alcohol because they're readily available to buy; they also don't have to just have a little bit less than usual but carry on doing it regardless (aside from a methadone taper perhaps, but that's a different ballgame altogether). You can't just go cold turkey on food altogether, you still have to eat, and be in a place to make better choices and to restrict intake. For some that is down to will power and self discipline, for others it's a lot more complex. I am not a fan of having people considered of deserving of treatment or not, where is the line drawn?
Alcoholics still drink liquids. No one is "addicted" to all food. Same like alcoholic isn't addicted to all liquids
SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/09/2020 12:18

@PlonkItDownNOW there is some emerging info about links to gout too.

Eckhart · 28/09/2020 12:18

@PlonkItDownNOW

The fact that a proportion of people with eating disorders are using low-carb diets doesn't make low-carb diets bad.

Low carb works because of the calorie deficit, the same as any other diet in the history of mankind

It's an energy deficit, not necessarily a calorie deficit. The reason why people using the low-carb method succeed is because low-carb makes it considerably easier to sustain the deficit.

Eckhart · 28/09/2020 12:19

Shroedingers

Have you got a link to the research on the gout thing, please?

thesehappydaysareyoursandmine · 28/09/2020 12:22

It annoys me that body positivity, which should be, for example, for people with prosthetic limbs, has been hijacked by something as unhealthy as obesity. Loving your body even though it’s not photoshopped to perfection is not the same as being an unhealthy weight.

That being said, I think we’re only in the infancy of understanding why some people gain weight and cannot lose it. It’s such a complex combination of physical and mental factors. For just one example I would bet that if overweight people wore a continuous glucose monitor, we’d find that many of them, even if not diabetic, are not metabolising carbs as efficiently as slimmer people, and are seeing blood sugar and consequent insulin spikes that put weight around the middle. Then there’s the proliferation of easy food; portion sizes; the fact that many jobs today are so sedentary; the fact that your body fights to retain weight once it’s been gained in the first place. It’s a hugely complex issue.

However, people like Tess Holliday normalising being severely overweight is not a good thing.

Graciebobcat · 28/09/2020 12:25

I find the focus on low or no carb a bit self-defeating too. Especially being pescetarian. I eat a lot of vegan meals and love a bit of pasta and rice, it's a bit miserable not to have those options. But yes, it's about portions and being sensible and mindful.

PlonkItDownNOW · 28/09/2020 12:26

Eckhart

We aren't going to agree on this I'm afraid. The absolute damage done on my clients by believing that keto is the answer to all their weight problems is appalling and it's a hill I will happily die on.

PlonkItDownNOW · 28/09/2020 12:27

It's an energy deficit, not necessarily a calorie deficit.

No, it's a calorie deficit. That's how weight loss works.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/09/2020 12:32

@Eckhart

Shroedingers

Have you got a link to the research on the gout thing, please?

I don't have time to look for the one I found from 2018 (if I remember correctly) on Google scholar for my family member who was recently diagnosed and told by doctors to stop the low carb immediately. They suggested it was one of the, note not saying the one just one of the, bigger factors. He is slim and sporty (various things various times a week)...

This may suffice now?www.verywellhealth.com/low-carb-diets-and-arthritis-188028

FixTheBone · 28/09/2020 12:37

@PlonkItDownNOW

It's an energy deficit, not necessarily a calorie deficit.

No, it's a calorie deficit. That's how weight loss works.

A calorie is a unit of measurement of energy, thus one and the same thing if you look kcal and kJ are used next to each other on nutrition J = Joule, another unit of energy...

As for the fat shaming, it's just as bad as fat-celebrating, neither are particularly useful or helpful, we need to just focus on what is a healthy weight and encourage people to aim for that.

Posting on Facebook that you love your bmi of 38, is just as mentally unhealthy as an anorexic posting that they have learned to love ive their bmi of 12.

Eckhart · 28/09/2020 12:37

Plonk

The argument that low-carb is bad because people abuse it could be applied to eating in general then. Eating is bad because people with ED abuse it.

The body doesn't know what a calorie is, but takes less energy from 100 calories of fat than from 100 calories of sugar. It's because the body has to burn more of the calories from the fat to convert it into fuel. So, the amount of calories of fat you need to eat to gain weight is more than the amount of calories of sugar you need to eat to gain weight.

If you calculate it by counting the calories in what you eat, it's a much more complicated equation than most understand, because of the cocktail of macronutrients in each meal.

Totickleamockingbird · 28/09/2020 12:37

Smoking isn't really the same though.
You have to buy cigarettes, you have to buy food. You have to light a cigarette, you have to open a pack of food and/or cook it. You keep puffing at a cigarette, you keep taking bites of the food.
Both of these routes lead to an early death and massive loss for NHS that can used for genuinely needy people.
Both are addictions and both can be fought using similar mechanism.
You need the same will power to fight them. As I said upthread, it will be massively helpful if people knew no one will bail them out if they fucked up. So NHS should create a structured plan to support and monitor weight loss. If it’s not followed up, NHS doesn’t pay for any obesity related issues down the line. The patient goes private.
This will hugely impact the choices people make.

Fluffalo · 28/09/2020 12:39

Alcoholics still drink liquids. No one is "addicted" to all food. Same like alcoholic isn't addicted to all liquids

Well yes but alcoholic liquids aren't needed to survive. I suppose you assume fat people just eat doughnuts, crisps and fried food all day? Many eat a variety, but just too much of it.

Fluffalo · 28/09/2020 12:41

So NHS should create a structured plan to support and monitor weight loss

Yes they should, and not just guidance on how to lose weight, most people know. But for support for BED etc to actually address the reasons, like they do for other EDs. Sure not everyone who is overweight falls into that category, but many who have been struggling with their weight for decades despite having guidance thrown at them might just be. And yes you have to buy both, but you don't have to buy cigarettes at all, you have to buy some sort of food.

Graphista · 28/09/2020 12:44

@Marisishidinginmyattic odd post, are you aware that it's believed by many that pcos CAUSES the weight not vice versa?

And there's starting to be research showing possibly similar with other conditions - including diabetes.

@Marmitecrackers absolutely no way should we make moral judgment on whether someone deserves healthcare or not - that's a seriously slippery slope.

Because they are preventable illnesses

Absolutely yes. Anything that has a causational link to lifestyle choices.

Aside from genetic conditions (which again, new research is showing even type 2 diabetes may well be) or conditions caused by pollution outside the patients control pretty much any illness and most injuries are the patient's "fault", “preventable illness” so where do we draw the line? Everyone does something that strictly speaking they shouldn't health wise.

Plus as I said there's starting to come through research showing that certain conditions thought to be caused BY being overweight may actually be the cause of BEING overweight

And that's without the major issues we currently have with patients with conditions we already KNOW cause weight gain/difficulty staying slim NOT getting tested or diagnosed.

My relatives with the thyroid issues had been overweight for decades at time of diagnosis and reporting other textbook symptoms of their condition, when they FINALLY got a diagnosis and treatment the weight pretty much fell off without them changing their dietary habits.

If they'd been heard, tested and diagnosed when they first reported their symptoms in all likelihood they'd not have been obese in the first place!

So before the nhs casts any stones...

Plus NO reasonable medic would EVER be as stupid as to say being overweight is definitively the sole cause of heart disease etc it may increase the risk but it's never been proven to definitively cause.

If it were then everyone who is overweight would have diabetes, heart disease etc which simply isn't the case

I've also known someone who's unusual undiagnosed heart condition was the reason behind their weight gain because it had caused major fluid retention issues. Again as soon as diagnosed and treated they basically pissed the weight away!

thinkyou may have put your finger on something. I didn't do foodtech or any significant human biology at school (1980s). Certainly nothing to do with digestion or nutrition. I'm well educated but in a technical field. So maybe despite reading a lot of diet books I am misunderstanding the conversation. As are perhaps many other people. That material has been erratic in the curriculum.

Perhaps you will find it informative to approach your dietary research from a biology perspective?

I’ve long noticed that people who were educated at the time when basic human biology and nutrition weren’t being taught at school have a very skewed understanding of it. In my opinion it was one of the worst, most dangerous (in terms of national health) education decisions ever made! Not just because of the lack of imparting knowledge but because it also meant we had large swathes of the country who weren’t taught to cook healthy, nutritious food from scratch. The people who were children in school at this time often had very busy parents who both worked full time and so also didn’t have loads of time to spend teaching their kids how to cook, and in the case of the poorest families (and poverty and obesity are massively linked) they couldn’t risk the kids cooking something and messing it up so it was inedible, plus they might be working more than one job.

These people very much tend towards using convenience foods, eating out and takeaways.

Then the educational vacuum persisted into their children’s time at school so as far as I’m aware there were at least 2 generations who missed out on this vitally important education.

This was compounded by human biology all but vanishing from schools too. In theory it was supposed to be absorbed into the broader just “biology” lessons but of course that meant it wasn’t allocated the same time as when it was a separate subject.

I hugely object to paying for expensive medicines that wouldn't be needed if the diet and exercise was changed. you can’t possibly know that because even medics and scientists don’t KNOW that!

Re smoking -

Actually we don’t seem to have learned from what we learned about treating smoking addiction either!

Smoking is treated as an addiction, an illness and medics treating smokers for this addiction now don’t do the shaming thing because they learned IT DOESN’T WORK! Instead they look at why they smoke (both why they started and why they continue, including their triggers etc) and address those causes in order to reduce the desire to smoke, there’s also nicotine replacement therapy and other medications that help them quit.

I remember years ago one of Oprah’s episodes, probably early 90’s, she was discussing her battle with weight (and she famously yo-yo’s quite a lot PLUS famously is a survivor of an abusive childhood) and she was working with a psychologist this time around (and iirc this was when she reached a point of mostly being able to healthily control it) and the psychologist was of the opinion that many overweight people had eating disorders which he described as food addiction. The point being with other addictions you can abstain completely as a way of exercising control rather than attempting to exercise moderation control, because with addiction that’s pretty much impossible. But with food, you can’t do that! Because you HAVE to eat to live!

I was very slim at that time and even then thought it totally made sense and was very insightful but sadly nearly 30 years later we’re still failing to properly support and understand people who are overweight and help them remedy it.

but there was zero support for the causes exactly!

Mental health services in particular are still woefully under resourced. I have severe ocd and agoraphobia housebound over 3 years, I’m stuck on an anti depressant that isn’t working on the mh but which is dangerous to withdraw from and you’re not supposed to withdraw without support - which I don’t have. I’ve just started sessions with a new psychologist after waiting over a year.

That’s just one example of the lack of support.

I’ve recently been told by my gp after reviewing my diet (careful diary kept) that I need to eat MORE even though I’m obese because in her MEDICAL opinion my lack of appetite and motivation to cook/eat and therefore not eating much over those last few years when I’ve been incredibly anxious have buggered my metabolism (as have she freely admits, the meds I’m on)

What made a difference for smoking? Changing the environment so that smoke wasn't shoved under the nose of everyone trying to stop also true - which makes a nonsense of those dismissing the factor of our poor food environment where high fat, high sugar, low nutrient foods are heavily pushed.

Smoking isn't really the same though. People have to eat food to survive, written before I wrote re Oprah.

Low carb works because of the calorie deficit, the same as any other diet in the history of mankind exactly what I and others argued on another recent diet thread.

The tripe some low carbers are coming out with is amazing!

@Eckhart cals are simply how food energy is measured they’re not some mystical abstract entity!