I have never commented on here before. This thread and the many many others like them depress me very much. In answer to the original question it's quite obvious the friend in question has maybe be struggling with her attitude to either herself or her weight gain or negative messages (that you read and see and hear all the time online for example about weight). She posts up a positive post about accepting and loving herself and people respond with nice messages. No I don't think that is why there is an obesity problem. People respond because they want to tell their friend they care about her. That's ok. It will make her feel she is ok not to obsess or to get herself depressed.
Secondly. On Mumsnet a lot of people are very concerned about regulating other women's "health". Yet only in the form of visible weight. To me this seems like a cover for bullying or status struggles or their own issues maybe. There are lots of things that can make you healthier or unhealthy. But you don't go around chronicling other people's habits and then "approving" them or "disapproving of them". I know people who don't eat vegetables. I'm not going to sit there with a pursed mouth of disapproval when I see they have left their salad. Or examine their facebook posts to only "like" the vegetable pictures. I find that infantilising and ridiculous.
If someone confides in you and wants some help to make changes then of course support and help and kindness is the thing. But showing this "concern" about "health" when it is just really singling people out by weight alone just because that's the easy thing to focus on from the outside - I'd question why people are doing that.
The stigmatising of weight is appaling and I suspect leads more people to feel depressed about themselves and hide away. If you feel you are being judged and disapproved of all the time when in public - you may go out less. If you read all the negative posts on mumsnet about weight you may feel down and then why are you going to go to a swimming pool or be seen exercising thinking that people are judging you constantly - not seeing you as a person, just as a "potential health problem"? Shame and disapproval and disliking yourself does nothing for health. Depression and anxiety caused by nastiness online and other things - Do people here consider the impact of that on other people's health? Or do they only care about one isolated aspect of health? Why would that be? Why do they care so little about adding to the endless messaging in society that helps create depression or feelings of isolation or inadequacy?
Perhaps it is also worth considering there are a lot of people with big deal eating disorders. Sometimes linked to mental health, maybe sometimes to trauma. Eating disorders may leave you very thin or can perhaps lead to chronic overeating or binge eating. Has anyone considered how the impact of their words and their judgement might have on this group of people? Do they care about their health? Why are some of the impacts of obesity more important to those who are very concerned about others health than people's mental health or their ability to get out there and live a happy life?
Take one person. That same person maybe feels they can be constantly unhappy and considering themselves ugly and therefore failing to make relationships, failing to get out there, failing to do healthy stuff like exercising out of embarrassment, feeling depressed, feeling unconfident, failing to live up to their potential. Or the same person can decide - ok no matter where they are with this weight thing they can do all those things. Perhaps the same person won't lose weight. Perhaps they will. Perhaps they will hold it where it is and not put on more. Maybe that same person by being positive about themselves no matter where they are, might - by this attitude - have better relationships, do more exercise, have people around them, not fall into a depression, go for opportunities that are stimulating and interesting that they wouldn't if hiding away, live to their full potential. Maybe that person will have some obesity related issues in the future but still have lived a great life and developed their talents and contributed positively to society. Or maybe that person will never have obesity related issues. But the first person could end up with obesity related issues AND not living a good life AND being unhappy. Or the first person could end up obsessing about weight over all else and struggling with it obsessively for decades and not developing all these other things. You can't really know.
All the obesity experts do not talk in the way people do on Mumsnet. Whatever the causes, they know it's a complicated issue and even more complicated to solve.
In terms of "approval" and "celebration" through use of models. Again, seeing beautiful women who are bigger tells us a couple of things. Firstly it shows that beauty isn't all about weight. Ashley Graham I think most would say is a beautiful woman. She'd be beautiful bigger or smaller really. She's not beautiful because she is bigger. But she is beautiful and bigger than most models. For women who are bigger or struggling with weight it's nice to see someone like that who is obviously beautiful and confident and doesn't let it hold her back in life. The message in that - for me- is a positive one. Don't let things like weight hold you back. Why should your life go on hold whether you are trying to get smaller or whether you feel you've tried and tried and it's just taking your life over to try. Live life! What other message are people wanting - that overweight people are ugly? Why do you want this message? If you believe it then that's fine - models being bigger aren't for you. Is it that you want to believe only very thin people are attractive because being thin is something you have succeeded at or are? Again - most of the messaging is this so you'll be ok. But I don't see any negative side - or at least no more negative than any other model - in seeing there are larger people who are beautiful too. It can show larger people images that may inspire them to feel beautiful too. What's wrong with that? Surely only a bonus on the health and well-being front as it stops people hiding away, makes them feel more attractive, less insecure etc.
But I also find it interesting that some are so concerned about larger women in the media and models and being considered pretty or beautiful. Is this encouraging the obesity epidemic they say. But why are you so focused on women? The obesity epidemic is just as much about men. But the beauty industry has very little to do with men. Are plus sized female models encouraging middle-aged men to gain weight or male obesity? I can't see how. None of this makes sense. Fatness and disapproval is disproportionately lumped onto women, as it always has been. Often by other women. You have to question this.
Attractiveness isn't directly related to weight in that way and lots of people are attractive in different kinds of ways. Also attractiveness is something that maybe is not very important or more important at different stages of life. For example I know someone over 70 who has lost weight to control diabetes. She looked lovely before and after. But what models are on the clothes racks really wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference to her. It could make a big difference to the confidence of some younger women though. (And by the way how dare people say such a person shouldn't be treated on the NHS. How about all the middle-aged overweight people who actually WORK for the NHS? Overweight or obese people pay their taxes like anyone else. And they are as worthy as anyone else.)
Women policing other women's bodies is really so widespread and so depressing. Women supporting other women to embrace their bodies is surely positive. Most obesity experts I've read say the body can really fight big losses and most do not find they can sustain that. There is a lot of science on this and I'm sure a lot of things will be understood more in the future. But if it's not possible for lots of people to maintain the "ideal" BMI, the advice is that even a small or moderate loss can make a big difference to those with health issues. If that's so then we will still have a lot of overweight people who may be struggling to lose a moderate amount for their health and surrounding them with negative images and posts that said only if you are the ultimate BMI are you "allowed" to be attractive or approved of or have likes on a facebook post - is pretty mean and surely counter-intuitive if it's "health" that you're interested in. But is anyone who says it's about health really interested in health? Or is this about something else?