To think why this is one of the reasons we have an obesity problem.

[Delamalama]

Friend on facebook has put about 2 stone on this past year. She posted a selfie the other day with a statement saying how she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!! She's on the verge of being obese and suffers with chronic backache. Of course she had comments saying 'looking good hun' 'you beauty!' Etc.

I've noticed quite a lot of younger ones doing this 'be fat and proud' crap.

Am I wrong to think that this along with many other things is why we have an obesity problem.

LaurieFairyCake

That’s like me, only I’m on around 1200 cals per day.

How did you become eligible for an operation? I’ve been to see my GP about this before and they won’t even entertain the idea despite the fact I’m so miserable. I don’t fit their criteria, as ironically I’m not fat enough.

I’ve had a private consultation in the past too and they were equally as reluctant. Unfortunately it would also be too expensive and I could never afford it. Even with monthly payments I couldn’t afford it.

people were almost validating that 'yes you look great now you're fatter' which then surely makes it ok for people pile on the weight

@Delamalama If someone had told you that you looked great when you were overweight yourself, do you think it would have changed your self perception? Or would you still have wanted to lose the weight?

I wonder what will happen if some fashion weeks put in maximum bmi for models👀

I think it’s extremely rare for anyone to want to be overweight-one of the main reasons people gain weight is lack of self esteem. I therefore think it’s important to build everyone’s self esteem. People should always love themselves, it is by having self worth that you think you are worth the investment in yourself to keep improving.

If your friend is sat there feeling shit why do you think she would be able to summon the motivation to improve herself. Maybe do something positive like arranging to go for a regular walk with her, ask her along to an exercise class. People open to change need support and encouragement to do this rather than shaming which will probably only make them retreat further into a self protecting shell.

I’m fat but I have a huge problem with this be fat and love yourself wave on social media. It does cause problems because none of these carefully posed women talk about the downsides. The sweating is the main one. All these carefully posed women in amazing clothes or lots of makeup. Some of the jeans/pants are so tight that there’s no way they can walk in them beyond shuffling into position for the picture they’ve posted. I’d like to see how good they look after they walk somewhere rather than posing in their bedroom or garden. Or even after standing for a while in a queue or something. I’d like to know how far they could actually walk daily rather than as a one off hike they use to show how “fit and healthy” they are. How much they sweat and huff after walking a short distance. I’d like to know how much pain they are in after a few days of daily walks.

I’d like them to talk about their weight induced PCOS. Their excess hair growth. Their heavy breathing in the background if they DO ever share videos rather than just the posed photos. I’d like to know how many of them post the body positive content and then cry about how fat and uncomfortable they are the same night. I’d like them to post about the things they CANT do which is probably a list as long as the things they say they can do. I’d like to say them talk about their weight related infertility.

Every so often they might crack and post stuff about how hard it is to love themselves and they come so close to admitting that really they aren’t fat and happy but then it’s all swept under the carpet because it’s easier to be in denial. It’s very sad.

The reason this all bothers me though and why I think their lies are so shit is because I think the lies and covering up the negatives is so so so bad for the teenagers on social media that are buying into this shit. Fat teenagers who think they can be happy and fat for life with no negative side effects because that’s what these people are all saying on Instagram and YouTube. Teenagers who, with a bit of guidance, could catch the weight gain early and try to be more healthy rather than giving up because they can be fat and happy instead as a cop out. Instead, a lonely fat teenager latches onto these (usually) women and their lies/denial and sets themselves down a similar path.

I know people struggle to lose weight for loads of reasons (I’m one of them) but lying to other people and theirselves does nothing for them and it can do great damage to younger people who believe it.

Whilst encouraging shame etc over being fat isn’t going to help anyone, neither is normalising being overweight. And it’s far harder to see people if a healthy weight these days.

There are plenty of people on MN who freely admit they are overweight simply because they like eating, not through any deep seated mental heath issues.

I personally have put a lot of weight on recently and besides when pregnant. I am the biggest I have been and bordering obese. If someone says to me 'you look great' blah blah, I simply don't believe it. I have no intention to 'love myself the way I am' I intend on losing the extra weight and getting healthy again as I find myself repulsive.

It's difficult really, as you don't want to 'fat shame' people, but you also don't want to support obesity. As a society we need a way to encourage healthier weights/lifestyles without any insult behind it.

WinchesforFinches

I'm eligible according to the surgeon who did me but it's at least a 3/4 wait without Covid. So I paid £18k for it. Have it on a credit card I will be paying off over the next forever

We should absolutely not ever celebrate being overweight. It's a dangerous medical risk.

"Fat shaming" ( I think that's a ridiculous phrase) might not work but we shouldn't be condoning big is beautiful. You may be a lovely person and be a pretty/ good looking person but "accepting who I am" is not going to help anyone lose the weight they need.

Fwiw I don't think the NHS should cover obesity related illnesses - type 2 diabetes, heart disease, joint pain etc. You should be offered support for weight loss with NHS but have to pay for diabetes meds etc.

MarmiteCrackers

That may be the most evil thing I've read on Mumsnet for a while

You think people with heart disease and Diabetes type 2 SHOULD COVER THEIR OWN MEDS???

These are diseases most associated with POVERTY - so you're basically saying that poor people shouldn't benefit from the NHS if theyre overweight

Fucking hell

@Marisishidinginmyattic you have put it perfectly. This is exactly, EXACTLY, how I feel about it.

Add the exercise videos where they do 3 moves, then cut, another 3 moves and so on... Not a drop of sweat. Bullshit. I am smaller than some of them and I sweat like a door to a pig stye in a summer after bit of workout!

All the ruined toilet seats too. Shoes never lasting too long etc. And I've never even crossed over the 150kg..

marmite for what it’s worth, I don’t think thick people should get an education, you’re usually not worth the tax spend.

But I guess neither of us are in charge eh?

[quote SweetTeaInTheSummer]@Delamalama when you posted your OP stating that your "verging on obese" friend had posted she loves herself (followed by exclamation points suggesting you find this ridiculous/ odd / wrong) and then others had "of course" responded with nice comments which is a "problem" re obestity; again, suggesting that not only do you disagree with the positive comments your friend received, but that in general overweight people shouldn't be getting them. [/quote]
Friend' put the exclamation marks not me.

I agree op. Not with fat shaming but i hate the body positivity trend that tells people being obese its beautiful and they are "real women" and they just have "curves". Of you instagram body positivity theres a huge movement of young super obese women talking about how beautiful and amazing and real they are and encouraging each other to stay that size. I also hate the lies they tell with it that they are actually the healthiest person they know and can do the splits and excercise daily and only eat vegitables when its patently untrue. Thats not the same as fat shaming.

This thread is eye opening! I've got some baby weight to lose. I recently came out of an abusive relationship with a man who hated my body. I am the biggest that I've ever been in my life, but I'm the closest I am to loving myself regardless of my weight. It doesn't mean I'm not adopting a healthy lifestyle and losing weight gradually. I just didn't see the point in hating myself anymore.

@graphista thinkyou may have put your finger on something. I didn't do foodtech or any significant human biology at school (1980s). Certainly nothing to do with digestion or nutrition. I'm well educated but in a technical field. So maybe despite reading a lot of diet books I am misunderstanding the conversation. As are perhaps many other people. That material has been erratic in the curriculum.

They might be healthy. For now.

I was a healthy fatso... Then my back went. Then my breathing went, then my liver started being weird on function tests... I was ill every few months.

I agree with you, OP. I don't think anyone should ever be abused for being fat, (obviously) but at the same time social pressure does have a role to play. What some people often call 'fat shaming' used to work very well, and still does in some countries.
I used to be obese, and I'm very glad I never fell for any fat activist crap. I'm also glad I'm not on social media, I just couldn't be arsed with this kind of thing.
Re carbs and sugar, people used to eat tons of sugar, and bread, often at the same time. I.can remember the panic when there was a shortage of sugar. Everyone I knew drank tea with 2 teaspoons of sugar in it throughout the day, school dinners with lots of potatoes and sponge and custard for pudding, seconds for anyone who needed them.

@Marmitecrackers

Fwiw I don't think the NHS should cover obesity related illnesses

Why not?

I suppose somewhere, somehow...there might just be some kind of compromise. Its so vile the way women link their value to their dress size ( another hateful phrase).

**Marmitecrackers

Fwiw I don't think the NHS should cover obesity related illnesses

Why not?**

Because they are preventable illnesses. It's saying " I will live how I like and someone else can pay to pick up the pieces"

I have private medical insurance and they asked me lifestyle questions before covering me. Same principle but people think the NHS is free. It's not. It costs a lot of money.

@Marmitecrackers

**Marmitecrackers

Fwiw I don't think the NHS should cover obesity related illnesses

Why not?**

Because they are preventable illnesses. It's saying " I will live how I like and someone else can pay to pick up the pieces"

I have private medical insurance and they asked me lifestyle questions before covering me. Same principle but people think the NHS is free. It's not. It costs a lot of money.

Would you say the same for smokers, drinkers, drug users and sky divers?

marmite for what it’s worth, I don’t think thick people should get an education, you’re usually not worth the tax spend.

Please be reassured that I'm not thick but also that the tax payer did not fund my education.

Would you say the same for smokers, drinkers, drug users and sky divers?

Absolutely yes. Anything that has a causational link to lifestyle choices.

Would you say the same for smokers, drinkers, drug users and sky divers?

Absolutely yes. Anything that has a causational link to lifestyle choices.

But how far do you go with this? Horseriders? People who drive? People who open tin openers and slice themselves? Mental health issues and self harm?