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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think why this is one of the reasons we have an obesity problem.

665 replies

Delamalama · 27/09/2020 16:37

Friend on facebook has put about 2 stone on this past year. She posted a selfie the other day with a statement saying how she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!! She's on the verge of being obese and suffers with chronic backache. Of course she had comments saying 'looking good hun' 'you beauty!' Etc.

I've noticed quite a lot of younger ones doing this 'be fat and proud' crap.

Am I wrong to think that this along with many other things is why we have an obesity problem.

OP posts:
WaterOffADucksCrack · 27/09/2020 19:38

OP didn't fat shame at all. I find it interesting that many posters who have accused the OP of fat shaming think it's ok to be unkind to OP just because they've misinterpreted what the OP has said.

You can't have a sensible conversation on MN about weight anyway. But you can't mention food without someone screaming "fat shamer".

stovetopespresso · 27/09/2020 19:39

yeah reading the OP post it seems the friend changed her eating habits and is now being praised for her freedom of choice. fine, be how you are, love yourself etc but praise for the equivalent of starting smoking (which people to do for all sorts of reasons) isn't really progress is it.

CatsArePeopleToo · 27/09/2020 19:41

YABU. Being overweight is trouble enough without constant remarks about it

HelloMissus · 27/09/2020 19:42

Yes. It would be far better if this person were overweight AND crippled with self hatred.

Lovely1a2b3c · 27/09/2020 19:45

Just no. Of course your friend knows she needs to lose weight.

Reasons why we have an obesity epidemic:

  • Poverty
A) People who are poorer have inadequate access to healthy food; plenty of access to cheap, unhealthy food. B) People who are poorer have fewer other things to enjoy in life (that they can afford) so might turn to food or cigarettes etc. to fill the void and make life worth living.

Genetics

  • Most obese people have a combination of genes affecting things such as metabolism, satiety etc., which makes putting on weight very easy and losing it very hard.

The diet industry

  • Dieting works short term and for most obese people leads to increased weight over time (e.g. you lose it when on the diet plan, then you put it back on and then some)

Medications

  • People who are on antidepressants, steroids etc. are massively over-represented in the obese population as these drugs can directly affect hormones involved in hunger, metabolism, satiety etc.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/09/2020 19:47

Right, starting a thread about her behind her back, so caring and friend like.

That's most of threads on MN! Most are about someone.

stovetopespresso · 27/09/2020 19:49

@HelloMissus nope but receiving praise for it could result in a counter-health culture. life is hard and I get people need to find an outlet for difficulties (drinking, smoking, eating or excercise or whatever) and have a right to be or look however they want of course, there is a lot of body shape fascism out there. but still health is health.

Lovelymonkeyninetynine · 27/09/2020 19:50

The idea that 'people won't diet any more' because of body positivity is laughable! The diet industry (and now parts of the 'wellness' industry too) are booming, women are still spending vast amounts of money and time trying to change their bodies to become slim.
Also, the dominant more powerful image is that of the thin woman. So it's not the same to say, 'we don't celebrate being too thin so why are we doing it with being fat' because the point is that thin bodies are celebrated all the bloody time for women.
Also this obsession with health! Why is it that we must only celebrate 'healthy' bodies? And how can we tell whose bodies are healthy from just looking at them anyway?!

Graciebobcat · 27/09/2020 19:50

It's normal to be fat now because it's much, much easier to be fat and being slim for most people takes serious effort and actually going against the grain of a normal, modern lifestyle.

People were slimmer in the past because they were following the normal lifestyle then, not because they had more willpower or were better people.

People aren't fat now because it's seen as desirable to be fat, but it is entirely normal to be fat as more people are overweight than slim.

Graphista · 27/09/2020 19:51

In a first world country, what in the world does it take for us to go and get help? it’s actually offered every step of the way

Oh really is that your knowledge from uk wide research or is it just your limited experience ?

Totally NOT my experience

I get berated and completely unrelated health issues blamed on my weight though

It takes one simple test to do a follow up with your GP regarding even the thyroid-related obesity issues!

Again very much not my experience nor of many others, plenty of threads on mn alone by patients who've had great difficult even getting gps to agree to do initial blood tests!

It costs billions which can be spent on Health issues like endometriosis and other women health issues. funny you should mention endo. One of my conditions that I've had since I was a size 4 teen and that has at times been blamed on my weight!

@Totickleamockingbird I'm guessing you're not nor ever have been overweight and certainly not with conditions/medications that make it hard to shift the weight!

@Happyheartlovelife I've told this story before, as a student nurse at one point had a young man (early 20's) on ward due to complications of poorly managed diabetes, we struggled to control his sugars despite an apparently strict ward controlled diet, turned out his mother was bringing him bottles of lucozade at visits! NONE of the hcps they'd ever spoken with or had dealt with him re his diabetes had made it clear to them that drinks were included in "diet" seems daft but they weren't the most intelligent to be honest I even suspect possible undx learning difficulties in both not just because of this but certain other things they struggled with. Hcps have a responsibility to properly assess the patients ability to understand what they're told too. The mother had bought into the lucozade advertising that it was a "health" drink - that advertising bears some responsibility too in my opinion!

Even at that, being a fairly well educated and trained person myself I was shocked at the calorific content of some items - especially drinks, fancy coffees are a massive culprit for this, there can be up to 2 meals worth of cals in some of them! - when doing ww (I think a lot was more forgotten than not known, bad habits creeping in etc), also alcohol is shockingly high in cals and only recently have manufacturers started including this information plus if pouring at home very very easy to fall prey to "portion creep" on these.

I do believe there is a huge proportion of people who don’t understand ‘healthy’ eating applies to slim people too.

I've known people in real life have very poor diets but be very slim and some of the comments on here by slim people - like carbs and fruit are evil tends to be most common - are bonkers.

Funnily enough I noticed the other day a show I used to watch - supersize v superskinny has just dropped on prime. I remember a lot of the skinny ones often lived on caffeine drinks and tobacco! Various tests were done on the participants to assess their health status and the very slim were often just as unhealthy as the overweight people.

Sometimes loving your body and accepting is as it is, is the first step towards a healthier lifestyle absolutely!

We need to accept and acknowledge that over eating can just as likely be a form of disordered eating as under eating is.

So so often drs especially gps see weight as the CAUSE when it may be a SYMPTOM if they'd just listen to patients and check certain things.

Personally I think a huge problem is the reactive model of the nhs when it should be preventive

HelloMissus · 27/09/2020 19:52

stove give over.
Friends telling each other that they look nice is part of normal human interaction.
Maybe she looked hot.
Stop trying to pretend that these perfectly common and pleasant human behaviours are somehow fuelling a ‘crisis’ when we all know the real reasons.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/09/2020 19:53

@Lovely1a2b3c

Just no. Of course your friend knows she needs to lose weight.

Reasons why we have an obesity epidemic:

  • Poverty
A) People who are poorer have inadequate access to healthy food; plenty of access to cheap, unhealthy food. B) People who are poorer have fewer other things to enjoy in life (that they can afford) so might turn to food or cigarettes etc. to fill the void and make life worth living.

Genetics

  • Most obese people have a combination of genes affecting things such as metabolism, satiety etc., which makes putting on weight very easy and losing it very hard.

The diet industry

  • Dieting works short term and for most obese people leads to increased weight over time (e.g. you lose it when on the diet plan, then you put it back on and then some)

Medications

  • People who are on antidepressants, steroids etc. are massively over-represented in the obese population as these drugs can directly affect hormones involved in hunger, metabolism, satiety etc.
Don't forget (because not everyone in uk is poor or ill)

Convenience of food. It's there. Ready. No faff.

Less movement. Cars, buses, Netflix👀

Higher sugar because tastebuds changed

Genuinely just... Eating too much and moving too little🤷🏻 I got fat on what's considered healthy food.
Portion control is ime from talking with people more common issue than illness.

goose1964 · 27/09/2020 19:54

I would thought driving everywhere, food deliveries and the acceptance of pizza being a weekly meal rather than an occasional treat, ditto alcohol is more a cause of obesity than accepting you're fat.

Eckhart · 27/09/2020 19:55

Graphista

like carbs and fruit are evil tends to be most common - are bonkers

I don't think that carbs are evil but I do think they're responsible for our societal weigh gain. What is your argument for carbs?

emilyfrost · 27/09/2020 19:57

YANBU. It’s not helpful to overweight people to pussyfoot around them and tell them it’s healthy/it looks good/it’s not a problem so as not to hurt their feelings.

It’s not okay and it needs to be dealt with, and pretending it’s fine will just prolong the problem.

Graciebobcat · 27/09/2020 19:57

And don't forget the food industry have a vested interest in as many people eating as much as possible. They have a lot to answer for.

HelloMissus · 27/09/2020 19:57

Also for all those pretending to be bothered about the NHS etc - right now pregnancy is a massive issue and risk factor.
Bet you don’t lecture those trying to conceive.
Why’s that I wonder?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/09/2020 19:59

@Graciebobcat

And don't forget the food industry have a vested interest in as many people eating as much as possible. They have a lot to answer for.
Personal. Responsibility.

We have to sometimes admit that we have a personal responsibility for ourselves and what pit into ourselves. Yes, ads etc do influence us, but at the end of the day, it is not an employee of x company holding a gun to my head.

Graciebobcat · 27/09/2020 20:00

Also the 1950s diet in the UK was so boring, no wonder people were slim. Food is plentiful and delicious now.

SpecialWGM · 27/09/2020 20:00

@Delamalama

Friend on facebook has put about 2 stone on this past year. She posted a selfie the other day with a statement saying how she's finally learning to love herself, she may not be perfect but it's her body and she loves it!!! She's on the verge of being obese and suffers with chronic backache. Of course she had comments saying 'looking good hun' 'you beauty!' Etc.

I've noticed quite a lot of younger ones doing this 'be fat and proud' crap.

Am I wrong to think that this along with many other things is why we have an obesity problem.

People put on weight for a variety of reasons - utter devastation after losing someone (me), steroids or just overeating (possibly emotional) but let me say this very clearly for you OP as come across judgemental - it's NONE of your fucking business.
Porcupineinwaiting · 27/09/2020 20:01

If only hating your body was enough to stop you being obese...

randomer · 27/09/2020 20:01

carry on loving your fat

Are you completey nuts? I neither love my fat nor loathe it. Neither do I love my left earlobe, my toe nails, my ankle or the collar bone I broke when I was 10.

randomer · 27/09/2020 20:03

@goose1964, run for the hills. You clealy don't belong here, having said something sensible.

Lolwhat · 27/09/2020 20:04

I’m not proud to be overweight but I don’t hate my body either, sick of people thinking I’m glorifying obesity by just existing.

Graciebobcat · 27/09/2020 20:05

@SchrodingersImmigrant Of course it's personal responsibility, but fact that so many people are overweight must tell you that it is a hell of a lot more to it than that and that society has a serious problem. And if you can't grasp that basic fact, than you have a far bigger and more entrenched problem to deal with than someone who has a bit of weight to lose.

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