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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DP

108 replies

Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 10:56

He announced yesterday that we're having a Sunday roast today and bought a joint of slow cook beef, that translates to "you're cooking the Sunday roast" because he works nights then goes to football after his shift so it's all left to me to fuck about with meaning I'm stuck indoors all day keeping an eye on the meat.

He comes in from work has a quick shower and I say I really can't be bothered doing a roast today. He decides to be 'helpful' by plonking the joint of beef in the oven on the defrost setting without removing any packaging at all but not before wrapping it in additional tin foil?!

This is supposed to help me by taking away some of the work Hmm

He sods off to football and after half an hour I have a feeling to go and check on the meat and find the abomination that is his attempt to prep it for defrosting.

I've got to remove it from the oven, remove the layers of tin foil, cut off all the netting and scrape off the paper base of the packaging which was now stuck to the meat like superglue.

I need to go to the shops today and get pack up stuff for nursery, do washing and other housework, look after two toddlers and now have the hindrance of this to add to my never ending to do list.

When he gets in from football he'll be going straight to bed, understandably, but I'm pissed off that he's managed to spoil my day by committing me to babysit a joint of beef I didn't want or ask for in the first place.

It's going to take hours to defrost and then hours to cook and I just can't be arsed with it all.

It's my time of the month so I am a bit hormonal, but am i being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 27/09/2020 11:00

If it's beyond salvage, just chuck it in the bin. I hate waste, but it will be a message to him that you won't just make a roast dinner because he's told you to.

What's he like in other areas of your life? I'm guessing he's not a real prize, hopefully I'm wrong.

negomi90 · 27/09/2020 11:03

Bin it, do what you want, order takeaway, tell him you were distracted and it broke.

Nanny0gg · 27/09/2020 11:03

If you have to cook it, do so, then leave to have cold in the week.

He can get his own dinner (or cook for everyone) when he gets in.

Does he do anything domestic/for the family?

Soubriquet · 27/09/2020 11:03

Don’t do it!

Honestly don’t let him make you cook when he has no intention of doing it himself

It’s different if you’ve discussed it and agreed but not forced to.

FizzyPink · 27/09/2020 11:03

Just tell him you only found out about his mistake when it was too late so you’ve had to chuck it and he’ll need to order a takeaway instead

Cookiemonster92 · 27/09/2020 11:03

YANBU! The amount of men who are unable to even comprehend the amount of jobs that need doing around the house to get ready for the week is shocking! If he wanted beef he should’ve put it in the slow cooker himself - if he was that invested in having a roast he could have not gone to football and sorted food out to actually contribute to the household, rather than swanning about assuming you will pick up the slack! I’d leave it to defrost in the fridge and go about my day as usual! Maybe then he will learn not to just assume you will do everything for him!

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:03

He has alot of redeeming features but a serious lack of common sense sometimes.

In his mind he'll be able to juggle a 10 hour shift at work, football, come home and tend to the meat then sleep and it be all fine and dandy for when he wakes up later which just isn't feasible or doable and results in me having to do it all.

OP posts:
Pelleas · 27/09/2020 11:04

Have you got a slow cooker? If you put it in the slow cooker, it wouldn't need babysitting. Obviously it wouldn't be a roast but slow-cooked beef is always quite tasty.

But YANBU. He wants the roast, he can cook it so far as I'm concerned.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 27/09/2020 11:05

He's a dick but rather than waste food could you bung it in the slow cooker and go about your day? Just chuck a tray of carrots, parsnips and new potatoes in the oven with a slug of olive oil seasoning and dried herbs for the last 45 minutes. It's what I call an easy roast and if he so much as raises an eyebrow tell him to fuck off.

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:06

if he was that invested in having a roast he could have not gone to football and sorted food out to actually contribute to the household, rather than swanning about assuming you will pick up the slack!

My thoughts exactly.

He does do his share of cooking, but if he engaged his brain for all of five minutes he'd realise that him going to football after a night shift and then needing to sleep means it's me who ends up lumbered with the bloody roast dinner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:07

We don't have a slow cooker unfortunately. The beef is defrosting in the oven on the defrost setting then will need to be cooked for hours after it has thawed.

OP posts:
user12533685436 · 27/09/2020 11:09

What is stopping you from telling him no?

He's being a selfish prick, stop being a martyr about enabling it and take care of yourself.

Pelleas · 27/09/2020 11:11

What about casseroling it - something like this? Only needs turning a couple of times in 6 hours -

www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/how-cook-beef-joint

MsVestibule · 27/09/2020 11:11

It's not just babysitting the beef, is it though? Preparing and cooking the veg takes ages, too.

I really can't be bothered doing a roast today.. You were very clear with him but he completely overrode your wishes. Did this not really, really piss you off rather than just be annoyed?

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:11

Primarily the fact he had already put it in the oven and I didn't want to waste good meat. It wasn't a cheap joint, ok not extortionate in price, but I hate waste and it was over a tenner.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 27/09/2020 11:11

leave it to defrost and then cook it to use during the week, but make beans on toast for dinner today and tell him next time he wants roast he can discuss it with you like a normal person.

TwixTwixtwoo · 27/09/2020 11:12

I'd bin it, blame it on his woeful prep and use it as a reason to say a hard no in future (no DH, remember what happened last time!).

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:12

I'm extremely pissed off yes, I didn't want to put that in my OP and be accused of over reacting. I'm very, very annoyed.

OP posts:
Pelleas · 27/09/2020 11:14

I wouldn't throw away £10 worth of decent beef.

Agree the DP needs teaching a lesson, but not by the waste of good food.

VelveteenBunni · 27/09/2020 11:14

Throw it in the bin and tell him to go fuck himself.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 27/09/2020 11:15

YANBU at all. I know where I’d be shoving that joint and it would not be in the oven!

dancinfeet · 27/09/2020 11:15

I would have just left it in the oven, wrapping and all until he came back to deal with it. Not your beef, not your problem. If he wants a roast let him sort it.

Oldraver · 27/09/2020 11:15

I think he is a twat for expecting you to do it.

But now it's out the freezer bung it in the oven on slow with some veg. If he wants roast trimmings he can do them when he gets up

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:17

I bet if you were to ask him, his version would be:

"I've made myself late for football by having to go to the shop for tin foil as we didn't have any, and then putting the beef in the oven because splashing couldn't be arsed"

In his mind it's a great thing that we've got a nice joint of beef for dinner and subsequent sandwiches, he won't see the massive inconvenience as he won't have to deal with it.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 27/09/2020 11:26

Use those words when you tell him that. And still have beans on toast.