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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DP

108 replies

Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 10:56

He announced yesterday that we're having a Sunday roast today and bought a joint of slow cook beef, that translates to "you're cooking the Sunday roast" because he works nights then goes to football after his shift so it's all left to me to fuck about with meaning I'm stuck indoors all day keeping an eye on the meat.

He comes in from work has a quick shower and I say I really can't be bothered doing a roast today. He decides to be 'helpful' by plonking the joint of beef in the oven on the defrost setting without removing any packaging at all but not before wrapping it in additional tin foil?!

This is supposed to help me by taking away some of the work Hmm

He sods off to football and after half an hour I have a feeling to go and check on the meat and find the abomination that is his attempt to prep it for defrosting.

I've got to remove it from the oven, remove the layers of tin foil, cut off all the netting and scrape off the paper base of the packaging which was now stuck to the meat like superglue.

I need to go to the shops today and get pack up stuff for nursery, do washing and other housework, look after two toddlers and now have the hindrance of this to add to my never ending to do list.

When he gets in from football he'll be going straight to bed, understandably, but I'm pissed off that he's managed to spoil my day by committing me to babysit a joint of beef I didn't want or ask for in the first place.

It's going to take hours to defrost and then hours to cook and I just can't be arsed with it all.

It's my time of the month so I am a bit hormonal, but am i being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 27/09/2020 12:15

He put it in the freezer?

He seems to have no real understanding of the implications of his actions on others. Like a child

BuggersMuddle · 27/09/2020 12:16

Personally I wouldn't be making a martyr of myself for the sake of not wasting £13 unless money was very tight indeed. Clearly he wasn't going to inconvenience himself to 'salvage ' the dinner.

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 12:18

Had he not put it in the freezer it wouldn't be as much of a faff, like others have said you can just leave it to do its thing.

As it stands I have to keep checking it to see how defrosted it is, then I have to wrap it and cook it from scratch.

Something that shouldn't be a faff is now very much of a faff.

There's plenty of room in the fridge he didn't need to freeze it. It's not close to it's sell by date.

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 27/09/2020 12:18

He is unreasonable because the beef is the easy bit of a roast dinner. It's all the rest that needs prep and "babysitting". Also he couldn't even get the defrosting bit right.

I don't like waste either, so I would cook the meat and have it in meals and sandwiches for the week, then get a takeaway today.

As to the person who said op should say she got distracted, no. That sounds like you think op should somehow take the blame for her partner's unilateral decision about what the op should cook and then his inability to do even the simplest of steps with the meat he bought.

knittingaddict · 27/09/2020 12:20

He bought non frozen beef and put it in the freezer? That's it. Definitely unreasonable of him.

briebuiltthiscity · 27/09/2020 12:20

Ok so stop worrying about the unattended beef - low heat it will be fine to be left.
Make the rest easy - if you’re going shopping buy a tray of roast potatoes and some pre-prepped veg.

I’d be annoyed too mind.

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 12:31

He just called to say he'll be on his way back shortly, it takes 45 minutes to an hour to get back.

I asked why he'd frozen it and he said he didn't think Confused

He's going to "sort it out" before he goes to sleep so we'll see how he proposes to do that.

OP posts:
FippertyGibbett · 27/09/2020 12:34

Chop it up, brown it and make it into a curry 😋

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/09/2020 12:37

@Fluffycloudland77

As an aside slow cookers are very cheap, had my £10 Asda one for 13 or 14 years now.
That's what I was thinking. OP - you can get a large slow-cooker for less than the price of that joint.

However I am on your side - men people who think a roast dinner "isn't any trouble" must never cook one. You weigh, calculate cooking time, prepare, heat oven, bung in joint, peel 53 different types of vegetables, make yorkshires, calculate cooking times of different veg and yorkshires so that everything will be ready at the same time when the meat has comfortably rested, check on meat and baste as necessary, make the gravy - and YES! I know that you can prepare ready prepared this and that and t'other, but you still need to time everything, and then there are all the serving bowls etc all of which make for a crowded table and a marathon washing up session when the meal is finished - and ready made is never as nice as home mead (especially yorkshires, and gravy . . .

. . . and then you have to clean the oven . . . Shock Shock Shock.

Give him his defrosted, paperglued joint and tell him to get on with it OP (I wouldn't waste good food either - it's sinful) while you pour yourself a traditional pre-roast sherry and put your feet up..

You can either eat your dinner at 11.00pm, or have it cold tomorrow

goingtotown · 27/09/2020 12:37

Frozen Veg
Frozen Spuds
Frozen Yorkshire’s
Bisto Best Beef Gravey

DP can clear up after dinner.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/09/2020 12:42

Just don't do it. And tell him in no uncertain terms why.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 27/09/2020 12:50

It is annoying OP especially if he is doing a hobby that means he can't do his share, so not only are you doing his share of normal stuff, he has unilaterally decided you're doing something extra as well.

I'd just bung it in a lidded pot with a load of wine or beer so it doesn't get too dry, add an extra 30 min or so on the cooking time for defrosting, and if you don't want to do all the trimmings (which is fair enough, it can be a lot of work and just faff to get it all ready at the same time especially when looking after kids) then just go out and pick up some chips later

Notimeforaname · 27/09/2020 13:01

Make sure you actually do let him sort it out.
When he walks in, you be ready to walk out,he can sit up for an hour taking care of the beef and children whilst you do your shop.

Notimeforaname · 27/09/2020 13:02

No drama everyone's happy and got what they needed/wanted for the day

Hamm87 · 27/09/2020 13:05

You don't need to defrost it could just have gone in a deep tray with water and butter covered on foil and cooked i do it all the time

FlatShite · 27/09/2020 13:05

Take it out of the oven, leave it to defrost on the side and let him cook it when he wakes up.

Horehound · 27/09/2020 13:05

You know you don't actually have to do it if you don't want to. Don't be a Martyr. He won't make the mistake again

HeckyPeck · 27/09/2020 13:07

@Splashingintherain01

I would be cooking today yes, but something alot simpler and less time consuming. I would have probably made spaghetti bolognese or pasta bake.

Other than roastgate does he take the puss with football etc leaving you to do the lions share with the house/kids etc?

Sunday football is a bone of contention in this house because it does inconvenience me and the kids. He takes the car most weekends which means I have to lug a double buggy up and down the hill or ask my lovely DM to mind them for an hour so I can go to the shops. The double buggy wouldn't be an issue for most people but I have a physical condition that makes this difficult.

I seldom have time to go and do it during the week so designate Sunday as the day I go to the shops.

Going to football straight after a night shift and then not getting home until 1-2pm means that by the time he finally gets to sleep, he's having to sleep through the whole afternoon and into the evening which means no help with the children.

It's only once a week but it is an irritant.

With your update he sounds remarkably selfish.

Imagine taking the car all day and leaving your wife who has a physical condition to struggle with the double buggy.

So selfish!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/09/2020 13:10

Also, suggest HE goes and does the shop if he has the car. He is being unreasonable, but you don't have to put up with it.

Quartz2208 · 27/09/2020 13:15

Let him sort it. For once actually stop fixing everything around him

Even Sunday is about everyone facilitating what he wants and I imagine he doesnt even realise

Quartz2208 · 27/09/2020 13:15

Yes and why are you shopping on Sunday - why cant he with the car fit that in and around football?

anastaisia · 27/09/2020 13:17

It’s not the point, and YANBU to be annoyed someone else is deciding what you should cook (a polite ‘would you mind’ request if he really fancied roast dinner would be different)

But on a practical level - can you tell him to use the car to pick up shopping on the way home and in return you’ll take over cooking the beef for him?

MJMG2015 · 27/09/2020 13:30

Fine

Leave the kids with him, take the car & go shopping. No need to hurry.

Then get this 'every Sunday at football' sorted out. It's not on. Neither is taking the car!

Fruitbatdancer · 27/09/2020 13:39

Decorating beef isn’t he oven? For this alone his is unreasonable.
LTB. Order Chinese. Tell him he can have toast tomorrow once it’s defrosted without oven assisting!

Bygone · 27/09/2020 13:44

Tell DP not to buy a joint for the next 2 weeks and buy a slow cooker with hje money instead, they are £14.99 - £29.99 in Argos, so he can start cooking with one in 3 weeks.

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