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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DP

108 replies

Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 10:56

He announced yesterday that we're having a Sunday roast today and bought a joint of slow cook beef, that translates to "you're cooking the Sunday roast" because he works nights then goes to football after his shift so it's all left to me to fuck about with meaning I'm stuck indoors all day keeping an eye on the meat.

He comes in from work has a quick shower and I say I really can't be bothered doing a roast today. He decides to be 'helpful' by plonking the joint of beef in the oven on the defrost setting without removing any packaging at all but not before wrapping it in additional tin foil?!

This is supposed to help me by taking away some of the work Hmm

He sods off to football and after half an hour I have a feeling to go and check on the meat and find the abomination that is his attempt to prep it for defrosting.

I've got to remove it from the oven, remove the layers of tin foil, cut off all the netting and scrape off the paper base of the packaging which was now stuck to the meat like superglue.

I need to go to the shops today and get pack up stuff for nursery, do washing and other housework, look after two toddlers and now have the hindrance of this to add to my never ending to do list.

When he gets in from football he'll be going straight to bed, understandably, but I'm pissed off that he's managed to spoil my day by committing me to babysit a joint of beef I didn't want or ask for in the first place.

It's going to take hours to defrost and then hours to cook and I just can't be arsed with it all.

It's my time of the month so I am a bit hormonal, but am i being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
Potterpotterpotter · 27/09/2020 11:31

I don’t understand all the fuss... you don’t have to watch the beef in the oven. Put it in and leave it Confused

Hellothere19999 · 27/09/2020 11:32

Sorry I couldn’t even be bothered to read all of that.

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:34

@Potterpotterpotter

I don’t understand all the fuss... you don’t have to watch the beef in the oven. Put it in and leave it Confused
Leave a joint of beef in the oven unattended whilst I go out food shopping? Because that's what I have to do today. I've got a list of things I need that can't wait until tomorrow.

Sorry I couldn’t even be bothered to read all of that.

But you could bother yourself to type a response? Strange.

OP posts:
Sunnydaysstillhere · 27/09/2020 11:35

Leave a loaf of bread and a tub of gravy granules near the kettle.
He can have a beef /gravy butty later..
As can you!!

LiveFromHome · 27/09/2020 11:40

He decides to be 'helpful' by plonking the joint of beef in the oven on the defrost setting without removing any packaging at all but not before wrapping it in additional tin foil?!

I don't understand why you've even gone to check on it, lifted it out and tried to salvage it?

You've made the work for yourself. Stock it back in the oven, leave it in the settings he put it in with, and let him sort it out.

he won't see the massive inconvenience as he won't have to deal with it.

Well he won't have to deal with it - because you've hopped to it like the good little wifey.

Honestly, this is all of your own doing.

Covert19 · 27/09/2020 11:43

I "leave meat in the oven unattended" all the time. What do you think it's going to do - open the oven door and run around the house leaving streaky grease everywhere then invite a pack of sausages and some chops to come in through the cat-flap and have a party?

Also, how big is this beef joint? It usually only takes an hour or so to roast a large joint of beef, unless you like the outside tough and crispy.

But I agree you are not unreasonable to be annoyed that you have been tasked with making a relatively complicated meal without being asked first if you'd mind. It's hard at weekends when you feel like you're the only one who doesn't get to choose how you spend your time. You could always put the joint in the fridge, to cook later for cold cuts in the week, and prepare something simpler for dinner today.

Candyfloss99 · 27/09/2020 11:43

You really need to get a slow cooker. Stick it in there and go out all day and it'll be ready when you get back. That's not really the point though, it's him expecting you to cook dinner for him and the family every Sunday and to his requirements. So tell him if he wants beef he cooks it.

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:44

I went to check it because I wondered why on earth it was defrosting in tin foil and thought he had put it straight onto 175 degrees from frozen.

I salvaged it because as a PP said food needn't be wasted to prove a point. I'm not going to be complicit in wasting a £13 joint of beef because I abhor wasting food.

I'll be telling him what I think about it when he gets home but I'm not going to throw away a big joint of meat, as tempting as it may be.

OP posts:
Anydreamwilldo12 · 27/09/2020 11:45

I would just leave it on the side to defrost ready for tomorrow's meal and tell him to do himself beans on toast for his tea when he's ready.

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:48

I "leave meat in the oven unattended" all the time. What do you think it's going to do - open the oven door and run around the house leaving streaky grease everywhere then invite a pack of sausages and some chops to come in through the cat-flap and have a party? Grin

That made me smile. No, I just don't like leaving the oven on and going out especially when he's comatose in bed. We had a near miss a few years ago from a fire caused by an electronic device so that contributes to me not wanting to leave things on when I'm out.

It's a fairly big joint, after the meal it will keep us in sandwiches for days.

You really need to get a slow cooker

Yes I agree, I plan to get one after Christmas in the sales.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/09/2020 11:48

I agree with not wasting it, but I wouldn't be cooking it for a roast today.

Patchworkpatty · 27/09/2020 11:49

I'm with PotterPotterPotter , exactly how hard is it to do a slow cooked roast and 'all the veg prep' really ?

By the time you have finished whining on MN you could of peeled 4 spuds , 3 carrots and put a joint of beef in the oven . On low.

Go shopping for a couple of hours ... pick up some Aunt Bessies Yorkshire's while your out.

None of this is remotely difficult of 'times consuming' . The only thing that would make me refuse would be if he didn't pull his wait and left EVERYTHING to me.. but this is not what OP says.. so sorry, Bit too much drama queen going on here .

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:53

bit too much drama queen going on here

Possibly.

It's my time of the month, I'm uncomfortable and very grouchy.

I'm glad some can see my POV though, so I feel vindicated in that sense.

It's just faff I didn't want to deal with today.

OP posts:
ImSleepingBeauty · 27/09/2020 11:54

He has alot of redeeming features but a serious lack of common sense sometimes
In your very first response you defend him and then you go on to say how annoyed you are Confused

In your shoes I’d take a photo of all the packaging he left on the joint, send it to him asking him how he expected the beef to taste after x number of hours in the oven covered in the net and packaging.
I wouldn’t let the food go to waste but I also wouldn’t be spending my time on a roast dinner i didn't want or plan.

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 11:57

@ImSleepingBeauty

He has alot of redeeming features but a serious lack of common sense sometimes In your very first response you defend him and then you go on to say how annoyed you are Confused

In your shoes I’d take a photo of all the packaging he left on the joint, send it to him asking him how he expected the beef to taste after x number of hours in the oven covered in the net and packaging.
I wouldn’t let the food go to waste but I also wouldn’t be spending my time on a roast dinner i didn't want or plan.

Well I do think you can be annoyed with somebody who you are generally happy with can't you?

It certainly isn't LTB territory but it is annoying. It'll be forgotten about by tomorrow but it's an inconvenience today nevertheless.

With hindsight I do regret not taking a photo of the mess he'd made of it with the packaging.

OP posts:
MJMG2015 · 27/09/2020 12:00

YANBU

It maybe lack of sensible thinking rather than being a controlling prick, but only you know which he is.

I would cook the meat (because an animal has died for that piece of meat & it seems utterly disrespectful to me, to 'throw it out'. But I would NOT do the rest of the roast. The meat can be used for other meals in the week.

Then when he gets up he would be getting a very large 'setting things straight' session, along the lines of 'if YOU want a roast or anything else and I have said I'm not up fir cooking it, then YOU stay home from football to cook it! I AM not your skivvy. I am already doing xyz so YOU can opt out of family life & fuck off to football, don't you dare take the piss & create MORE work for me! Etc etc.

Other than roastgate does he take the puss with football etc leaving you to do the lions share with the house/kids etc?

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/09/2020 12:03

As an aside slow cookers are very cheap, had my £10 Asda one for 13 or 14 years now.

shitinmyhandsandclap · 27/09/2020 12:03

I agree with Patchworkpatty it's a lot of drama. If my partner had worked for 10 hours, I'd have no problems cooking a roast, he'd do the same for me. It's really not hard, wouldn't you be cooking a meal of some description regardless?

SunshineCake · 27/09/2020 12:05

If he bought it yesterday for today why is it frozen ? Did he buy it frozen or put it in the freezer? Either way he is a bit thick.

LasagneQueen · 27/09/2020 12:07

He unreasonable for unilaterally making the decision and expecting you to crack on with it but...

...it's really not that hard to leave a joint cooking and go about your business for the day. If you've got to go to the shops buy some ready prepared spuds and veg to save you having to faff on that front.

He's a plonker on the defrosting front...why didn't he just leave it out last night?

Pelleas · 27/09/2020 12:09

@Fluffycloudland77

As an aside slow cookers are very cheap, had my £10 Asda one for 13 or 14 years now.
Yes, our Argos 'Cookworks' one cost about a tenner and it's been going over 12 years. It's definitely worth having one as a backup even if you don't keep it out all the time. It pays for itself very quickly because you can buy cheap cuts of meat to use in it.
monkeysonthemoon · 27/09/2020 12:10

Why did he buy frozen beef if it was for your dinner today??

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 12:11

I would be cooking today yes, but something alot simpler and less time consuming. I would have probably made spaghetti bolognese or pasta bake.

Other than roastgate does he take the puss with football etc leaving you to do the lions share with the house/kids etc?

Sunday football is a bone of contention in this house because it does inconvenience me and the kids. He takes the car most weekends which means I have to lug a double buggy up and down the hill or ask my lovely DM to mind them for an hour so I can go to the shops. The double buggy wouldn't be an issue for most people but I have a physical condition that makes this difficult.

I seldom have time to go and do it during the week so designate Sunday as the day I go to the shops.

Going to football straight after a night shift and then not getting home until 1-2pm means that by the time he finally gets to sleep, he's having to sleep through the whole afternoon and into the evening which means no help with the children.

It's only once a week but it is an irritant.

OP posts:
Patchworkpatty · 27/09/2020 12:11

It just boils down to what he's like generally with all the other stuff... If I wanted a roast my DH would cook it or vice versa. It's one of the easiest meals because there is so much time while the beef and roasties are doing there thing.. that you CAN get in with other stuff... and we generally like to make our partners happy if they do the same for you..
However if this is standard behaviour of 'expectation' of 'women's work' then he wouldn't have a hope. It's about balance and feeling respected in your relationship. No one is perfect and we can all behave thoughtlessly at times .. it's when it becomes a pattern that it needs knocking on the head.

Original poster
Splashingintherain01 · 27/09/2020 12:13

Thats good to know that slow cooker can be picked up relatively cheaply, thanks.

RE why the beef was frozen:

He put it in the bloody freezer yesterday after he bought it. Don't ask me why.

I didn't take it out as I had no intention of cooking it today.

OP posts:
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