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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

449 replies

Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 21:09

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

OP posts:
KenAdams · 26/09/2020 22:31

Oh ffs no one cares about your feelings compared to how difficult a situation your sister must be in at the moment. That's the long and short of it.

Original poster
Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 22:32

@BeardieWeirdie

Here’s betting the OP had a child-free wedding.
Sorry to disappoint, but no it wasn't. That made me chuckle though, so thanks!
OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 26/09/2020 22:33

I think the only positive thing about having to restrict the guest list so much would be the opportunity to make the wedding very adult. So a really lovely meal in a sophisticated venue, no disco, sitting around with lots of otherwise budget-blowing champagne talking and laughing. Basically a DCs worst nightmare. This isn't about you or your kids. Cut her some slack.

MaosChaos · 26/09/2020 22:33

Give your sister a break. She is probably fully aware there's lots of disappointed people in her life. She doesn't want this drama that Covid has brought. Think of her.

Have them over after the wedding for a wedding dinner - you can all wear fancy outfits.

AdoreTheBeach · 26/09/2020 22:35

Under normal circumstances I’d say YANBU

But these are not normal circumstances. So much stress has been out upon brides over this covid, rules keep changing because if changes in the way the pandemic is changing and evolving.

You should be supportive of your sister and understanding. This wedding is about your sister and her husband. It’s not about you nor your children nor your husband.

Stop being selfish

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 26/09/2020 22:36

I get why you're disappointed however your sister is in an awful position. She's not getting her dream wedding and having to cut people out of it.

She'll be far more disappointed than you and your children so yanbu to be disappointed however ywbu to say anything to her.

Pluckedpencil · 26/09/2020 22:38

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MilkOfThePuppy · 26/09/2020 22:39

At least the fact that your daughter is a bridesmaid can be a handy explanation/excuse for why she's still invited, if either of your sons is likely to feel hurt at being uninvited... Also, generally speaking, girls/young women are more likely to be interested in weddings than boys/young men, so maybe your sister didn't think her nephews would care as much.

It's a tough situation, but missing out on attending a tiny wedding shouldn't be too big of a blow, in the grand scheme of things.

EL8888 · 26/09/2020 22:40

YABVVU it’s not your wedding and it’s not about your children. Limiting guests at a wedding is really tough! Her wedding = her day

TheWayOfTheWorld · 26/09/2020 22:41

@Gabrielknight

Tbh I'd choose friends over kids.....
Yup.
Pancakeorcrepe · 26/09/2020 22:42

You are being very selfish. They can only have 13 guests between the two of them! And you want your household to take up five spaces?

Meatshake · 26/09/2020 22:44

I think I'd be upset on her behalf that it is a decision she has been forced to make, not upset she's decided against your family. How upsetting that must be for her.

As for your children I'd be embarrassed that they'd be hurt by this and not able to see the bigger picture that their aunt isn't going to have the day that she wants. I'd be asking them to come up with a way to celebrate and commemorate the day and make it special.

BrummyMum1 · 26/09/2020 22:47

Your sister has invited the people who want to be there the most. Her decision makes total sense.

yolio · 26/09/2020 22:48

This Covid has an upside.

Weddings are crap for most guests, travelling, child minding, overnighting, costs etc.

I do hope it will bring expectations down.

But for you OP Just wish them well and get on with it. It's one day.

BackforGood · 26/09/2020 22:52

@saraclara 's post has it spot on :

My daughter was married at the end of August last year. I can't begin to imagine how hard it would have been if it had been planned for this summer. I would have been heartbroken for her.

I'm also as certain as I can be that her sister would also have been really upset for her sister, and would have been busy trying to make life better for her, rather than dwelling on her partner not being able to come. I'm also absolutely certain that her partner would have given up his place willingly. Not because he didn't want to go, but because he'd want to help the bride and groom have the people that meant most to them.

mineofuselessinformation · 26/09/2020 22:55

I think you're being quite selfish.
Who would you rather she sacrifice being there for the sake of your family?
She's had to make very difficult decisions, and her partner too.
The wedding party alone would have significantly eaten into the number of people that could be invited.
She's your sister - cut her a bit of slack.

Ideasplease322 · 26/09/2020 22:58

You are coming across a little self centred. Your sisters day has been massively impacted.

Instead of getting annoyed, could you think of something your whole family could do separately with the bride and groom to celebrate their marriage?

ReallyLazy · 26/09/2020 23:02

Your sisters has done what i would do. Close friends are likely to know and love her as much as you do. Far more than her BIL. The nephews situation is also a shame but again, marriage is a very adult concept, so friends over nephews.

FourEyesGood · 26/09/2020 23:02

I can’t believe she’s spoiling your special day! No wonder you’re so upset.

YABU.

Bringonspring · 26/09/2020 23:03

On my goodness you want her to pick 5 out of 23, just how self centred are you

Bringonspring · 26/09/2020 23:03

5 out of 25 rather!!!!!

Bringonspring · 26/09/2020 23:04

5 out of 15!! Damn my fingers

ReallyLazy · 26/09/2020 23:06

Oops, just saw that nephews are basically adults. I still think friends make more sense.

SandyY2K · 26/09/2020 23:06

@12309845653ghydrvj

But actually, I think one of my sons might be a little hurt, they're quite close really.

...really? How close is your teenage son to his aunt? Unless there’s some massive drip feed where he was actually raised by her then you’re being ridiculous

Are you suggesting you can only be close to an Aunt if she raised you?

OP...it's a crap situation for your sister. I'm sure your DSs will understand her predicament, as any reasonable person would at a time like this.

movingonup20 · 26/09/2020 23:06

The 15 includes the couple and celebrant too do there's actually only 12 guests allowed. I can see why she's uninvited two kids who would probably prefer to spend the day doing something else

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