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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

449 replies

Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 21:09

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

OP posts:
Lougle · 26/09/2020 22:09

Actually, having read the guidance again, those who are working do not count in the numbers.

Littleposh · 26/09/2020 22:10

Your 'children' are adults

They're probably glad of an excuse to not go

redcarbluecar · 26/09/2020 22:10

I’ve said YABU as think your sister is in a tricky situation and I can see why she’d want some close friends at her very small wedding. However I sympathise, as this is a shame for your family.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 26/09/2020 22:10

I bet your sister and her dp are more hurt at only being able to have 13 guests altogether. Ok you really don't seem able to see this from their side at all!

12309845653ghydrvj · 26/09/2020 22:11

@Reallybadidea

But actually, I think one of my sons might be a little hurt, they're quite close really.
...really? How close is your teenage son to his aunt? Unless there’s some massive drip feed where he was actually raised by her then you’re being ridiculous
frustrationcentral · 26/09/2020 22:12

We were due to go to a wedding next week, a family friend who's been brought up as my cousin ( long story). We haven't lived close for many years

I made it clear to her that I didnt want DH and I being ahead of her close friends that she's grown up with. Family doesn't always trump friends imo

She's now postponed the wedding

saraclara · 26/09/2020 22:15

My daughter was married at the end of August last year. I can't begin to imagine how hard it would have been if it had been planned for this summer. I would have been heartbroken for her.

I'm also as certain as I can be that her sister would also have been really upset for her sister, and would have been busy trying to make life better for her, rather than dwelling on her partner not being able to come. I'm also absolutely certain that her partner would have given up his place willingly. Not because he didn't want to go, but because he'd want to help the bride and groom have the people that meant most to them.

LindaEllen · 26/09/2020 22:16

YABU. She's YOUR sister, your husband is just one of the many in-laws you inherit over the years. It's HER wedding, so she should have HER favourite people there, and there's no room for 'Oh, he has to come because he's married to her', or 'if they're coming, the kids have to come too'.

These are strange times. Let her cope how she sees fit with her own wedding.

MiddleClassProblem · 26/09/2020 22:16

I wonder what OP’s wedding was like...

Rainb0wDrops · 26/09/2020 22:17

What an awful situation to be in, wedding planning becomes a huge part of your life and I can't imagine the disappointment of having to reduce numbers from 30 (already quite low) to 15 at such short notice. You should be doing everything you can to support her rather than worrying about yourself.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/09/2020 22:18

Who knows, but it probably wasn't during a global pandemic.

Reddog1 · 26/09/2020 22:19

Of course she wants her best mates there. It’d be weird if she didn’t!

Have a good time. Make it as special as possible for her because it’s not really what she wanted but she’s having to make the best of it.

Rainb0wDrops · 26/09/2020 22:19

I have a big family and had 12 siblings/nieces & nephews at my wedding (even more have been born since then) I don't know how I would have cut down my guest list but I know each of my siblings would have voluntarily stepped down to make it easier for me and wouldn't make me feel guilty about something out of my control.

Dyrne · 26/09/2020 22:19

@Reallybadidea

But actually, I think one of my sons might be a little hurt, they're quite close really.
If you’ve done your job raising him right OP, he may be disappointed but he should hopefully realise and accept that someone else’s wedding day, in the middle of a global pandemic, is an event that does not revolve around him.
GetThatHelmetOn · 26/09/2020 22:20

Honestly, these are difficult times but I am absolutely horrified that there are 15 people they can invite and the poor groom only got two. Jesus.

If I were you I would kill two birds with one stone, your children are equally valuable so if one is uninvited none should go. That should vacate a place for the groom who obviously has no rights here if the bride’s little niece has priority over his family or lifelong friends. (I guess OP that we both now she chose your DD to stay as a decorative piece for her wedding, it is all about appearances... Otherwise the other nieces/nephews would have been invited.

I suppose the friends you are talking about are the bridesmaids, blimey... I would have rather postponed the wedding or only marry with parents present.

festfestfest · 26/09/2020 22:21

Personally I would have chosen my teenage nieces and nephews over my friends. Family first. Also I think choosing one of the children to attend is a bit mean and hurtful to the other 2.

I could understand if the children were little.

livefornaps · 26/09/2020 22:22

What a whinger you are!

strawberrymilkshakemonkey · 26/09/2020 22:22

wow, how entitled are you? i'd choose my friends over my sister's partner too. sometimes blood isn't thicker than water! it's her day, she can invite who she wants.

EarlGreyJenny · 26/09/2020 22:25

I thought the 15 had to include the minister etc?

BumblePan · 26/09/2020 22:26

Friends first. It's a really tough time for your sister and awful that she can't have the wedding she wanted. It's her day so it's her decision.

BeardieWeirdie · 26/09/2020 22:27

Here’s betting the OP had a child-free wedding.

LetsPlayAGame20 · 26/09/2020 22:27

If it was me. I'd probably leave the 2 dcs out and have my bro in law there. And then have 2 friends in place.

12309845653ghydrvj · 26/09/2020 22:29

@GetThatHelmetOn

Honestly, these are difficult times but I am absolutely horrified that there are 15 people they can invite and the poor groom only got two. Jesus.

If I were you I would kill two birds with one stone, your children are equally valuable so if one is uninvited none should go. That should vacate a place for the groom who obviously has no rights here if the bride’s little niece has priority over his family or lifelong friends. (I guess OP that we both now she chose your DD to stay as a decorative piece for her wedding, it is all about appearances... Otherwise the other nieces/nephews would have been invited.

I suppose the friends you are talking about are the bridesmaids, blimey... I would have rather postponed the wedding or only marry with parents present.

I think that’s pretty unfair, you don’t know his family situation? Maybe he has parents in the UK, no siblings/siblings abroad? Maybe he only has one living parent? Maybe the family members who would be coming otherwise have health conditions and are not comfortable being out in a group? Or maybe there are dark parts to his family that he choses not to share with his SIL.

It’s likely the friends portion for the wedding contains people he would also really like to have there.

Why do you think you can cast judgment over the bride’s choices and say it’s all about appearances? She probably left the girl in as she’s a bridesmaid and didn’t want to disappoint her. I think it’s really rude to judge a bride in a tough spot when you know literally zero about her thought process.

TheFairyCaravan · 26/09/2020 22:31

Blimey! I thought the children were going to be primary school age but they're actually adults or as near as damn it. I bet they don't care,tbh. I know my adult sons would've been quite relived to have avoided a wedding at that age.

I'd have picked my friends over my sister tbh. We're in unprecedented times. You should try being empathetic towards your sister. The last thing she needs right now is you sulking over this. She's hardly getting her dream wedding is she?

LoungeLizardLhama · 26/09/2020 22:31

Sorry Op I pressed the wrong voting button. Of course you’re being unreasonable. This is such a shit situation for your Dsis and she deserves to have her best friends by her side.

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