To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

[Reallybadidea]

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

YAB Very U, your poor sister. I hope you haven't said anything to her about this.

It is shit but I understand why your sister would want her friends there if she can only have such a small number of guests.

You're not wrong to feel hurt but in this case I'd button it and just get on with supporting your sister. She'll be feeling gutted too.

Not sure why people keep saying that the 15 includes the registrar - it doesn’t - only couple and guests.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-small-marriages-and-civil-partnerships/covid-19-guidance-for-wedding-and-civil-partnership-receptions-and-celebrations

“ From 28 September 2020, capacity at a wedding or civil partnership reception or celebration (including the couple and guests) must be no more than 15, and safely accommodated with social distancing in a COVID-19 Secure venue. Anyone working, for example officiants, staff employed by the venue, any third-party suppliers, photographers, security personnel, or catering staff, are not included in this figure.”

Instead of getting annoyed, could you think of something your whole family could do separately with the bride and groom to celebrate their marriage?

This is a really good idea, why not put it to your sister and then you can explain to your sons with a positive spin about how you are all going to have a special family celebration. It's worth trying to make the best of things. I am an auntie to teenagers and they would definitely make my list, but it is a personal thing and the important thing is to try and keep relationships strong.

I think people are being a bit harsh on you OP. I do feel for your sister, but a wedding is not an essential, she is choosing to do it now as she obviously prefers to limit numbers than postpone indefinitely. I get that, but she isn't being forced.

I have two kids. I would totally understand my sister not picking my kids for say her best mates. It's their day not a party for the kids and who's going to be their for her? Being supportive and a laugh, not your kids they are there for the cake. She is stuck between a rock and hard place and already has her wedding plans ruined because of covid 19. I'd cut her some slack, we are not living in usual times right now.

Have you asked your kids yet if they are actually bothered?

With such limited numbers I think your sister is doing the best she can in such difficult times

Kids would be the first dropped from my list ! Hour being really unreasonable to think she’d want your children there instead of her friends 😂

It’s her wedding, her decision. I’m sure most people in this climate would invite the people they’re closest to rather than all of their extended relatives - it’s her special day after all, she wants the people she cares about most there

Chances are she’s cordial with your husband but is closer to her best friends, and she loves your children but these friends have known her for significantly longer and have been through thick and thin together

Only 15 people can go to weddings right now. She can invite who she wants. Ask if she’ll livestream like most people are.

That link is for receptions, the guidance for the ceremony is the same though re maximum numbers excluding anyone except couple and guests:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-small-marriages-and-civil-partnerships/covid-19-guidance-for-small-marriages-and-civil-partnerships

“ This maximum number includes all those at the ceremony, including the couple, witnesses, and guests. Anyone working is not included as part of the limit on attendees”

When i got married we could only invite a small number for the registry office. It was difficult as I come from a huge close family. I also have a small close group of friends. As much as I love my family that small group mean a lot to me and husband. So we invited who we could - people thankfully understood. We had a small wedding, very chilled and no formality. Our friends still say it was the loveliest wedding nearly 20 years later. And I’m still as close to my family & friends who couldn’t attend. People understand in these situations even more so under Covid.

In all honesty I would be hurt too but from an outside view I think your sister is being completely reasonable. 17 and 19 year old boys are probably not giving a hoot about their aunts wedding and where her friends probably do. I would be choosing my friends over my teenage nephews in this situation too.

My brother is getting married next month, apparently the registrars also count as part of the 15 as well as bride and groom so actually only 11guests! My DH offered to not go so they could invite friends or brides siblings but they said they'd rather he came and she'll bin her siblings, but they appreciated the offer. It's a difficult time, I wouldn't be upset at all

Why does it matter that she chose friends over family?

Not all family members are close - nephews are extended relatives. Some friends can be considered family, particularly if you’ve known them all your life.

I think the people that spout “family over friends” must not have close friends to begin with. It’s not a competition.

Support her. This is such a hard time. Just go with it.

[quote SandyY2K]**@12309845653ghydrvj

But actually, I think one of my sons might be a little hurt, they're quite close really.

...really? How close is your teenage son to his aunt? Unless there’s some massive drip feed where he was actually raised by her then you’re being ridiculous

Are you suggesting you can only be close to an Aunt if she raised you?

OP...it's a crap situation for your sister. I'm sure your DSs will understand her predicament, as any reasonable person would at a time like this.[/quote]
No, I’m not suggesting that’s the only way he could be close to his aunt, but that we have seen absolutely nothing to suggest that he would be in the 13 closest people to the couple, and unless there’s some big piece of information she’s leaving out it’s very doubtful he’s closer to her/future husband than the friend who will be attending instead. I don’t think it’s very likely she has a social relationship with her nephew, and we’ve seen nothing to suggest he’s closer to her than e.g. any of her cousins.

I think OP is clutching at straws to find a reason to be outraged here, and seems to have started suggesting one of the nephews has an unusually close relationship with the aunt.

OP, take a step back from your own feelings on this and imagine how sad your sister is that her wedding has ended up being so different to everything she planned then had to replan again after the recent change in numbers. Seriously, I'm genuinely shocked you've managed to make this about you!

Look, it’s a horrible predicament to find yourself in. I would have been devastated if I couldn’t have my close girlfriends at my wedding. Because they’re the ones you discuss these things with and they’re the ones who will go to the dress fittings, eat wedding cake and basically have a good chat about it. Your sister is obviously playing a balancing act - her family, his family, her friends, his friends and all she can work with is a 15 person cap.

She probably feels like shit because whatever her weddings plans were, none of it will be how she imagined. Give her a break. Your husband is not really her family I.e. if you divorced tomorrow she would most likely have zero contact with him and be royally peeved off to see his smiling face in the pics of her ‘only 15’ wedding reception. And she’s been thoughtful by keeping you and your daughter in the party and leaving hubby to look after the children.

You need to be more understanding. She'll have more fun with her friends than with your children. It's her big day and she wants to make it memorable. I'm sure she's already gone through a lot of stress so don't cause her more.

My SIL got married last year, my teenage children would have been absolutely delighted to be left out of the invitation list.

Think about it: it your positions were reversed and you could only invite 15 people to a big personal event, would you really choose your nieces and nephews rather than your best friends?

I would absolutely pick my friends over my sister's children. YABU.

@Mamagotskills

I’d pick my best friends over my brother in law too... she’s in a shit situation, just make the best of it

☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼100% agree with tjis☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼

The fifteen has to include the person conducting the ceremony too. It’s awful for people getting married. I would accept it and make the best if the situation. Her friends are obviously more important than nieces and nephews.

I have had a really shitty few weeks, but life now appears to be back on an even keel...........

Ergo..... I have a grip.

Would you like to borrow mine ???

I expect her friends will get a lot more out of it than your husband and kids and if it were your dear friend you may expect to be there instead of a relative of hers. I know I would. But I also know I have been left out of events and in a way I think (especially now) we just have to accept it.

Hope the day goes really well for your sister and you and your dd have a great day too.