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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

449 replies

Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 21:09

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

OP posts:
saraclara · 26/09/2020 21:55

@Dyrne

But you’re not just disappointed that your DC can’t go (which would be perfectly understandable); you’re actively disappointed in your sister for making the “wrong” decision in your eyes by inviting friends over family. That’s what makes you Unreasonable.
Yep. That's what I read from your posts too. If you were just sad but thought she was doing the right thing, I don't think you'd have posted in the way you have. Or posted about it at all, really.
ChickensMightFly · 26/09/2020 21:56

Perfectly reasonable to be gutted of course, but to think your sister is being unfair is vu

arethereanyleftatall · 26/09/2020 21:56

Fgs. Yabu. Give her a break. Poor woman having to reduce guests at her special day. Sympathy perhaps rather than whinging?

MiddleClassProblem · 26/09/2020 21:57

@Dyrne

But you’re not just disappointed that your DC can’t go (which would be perfectly understandable); you’re actively disappointed in your sister for making the “wrong” decision in your eyes by inviting friends over family. That’s what makes you Unreasonable.
Yes, it’s how you are thinking your important people should be hers.

Equally you haven’t said how the DC feel. I think if they were that fussed it would be in the OP. Which suggests this is just about you.

Inkpaperstars · 26/09/2020 21:58

I think what might happen is that your sister will realise the nephews should be there. Does the groom really need two guests?

MiddleClassProblem · 26/09/2020 21:58

@Inkpaperstars

I think what might happen is that your sister will realise the nephews should be there. Does the groom really need two guests?
🤣🤣🤣
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 26/09/2020 22:00

I think you being sad and disappointed is totally fine, it's the being hurt by her decision that's a bit unreasonable. If I was you or DH I'd be gutted and I'd say that - obviously that's fine. But I would never be offended or hurt by the decision. She's getting married in a global pandemic god love her.

baubled · 26/09/2020 22:00

If it was a normal wedding I would 100% be on side but she's already having to get married in the shittest circumstances, I think it's only fair she gets to choose the people she's closest too/will enjoy spending her wedding with.

You're allowed to be disappointed of course but you asked the question to Mumsnet and they gave you their verdict!

ineedaholidaynow · 26/09/2020 22:00

Why does the groom only have 2 guests?

Toddlerteaplease · 26/09/2020 22:00

Adult friends over kids every time. And lovely as my BIL is, I'd rather invite my friends.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/09/2020 22:01

IMO you seem to be avoiding the multiple times you've been asked how your DH and sons have reacted. Is that because they're perfectly fine with it, because they totally understand the Covid situation or because your indignation on their behalf us embarrassing for them. Hmm?

OpEd · 26/09/2020 22:03

It's not your day.

Awrite · 26/09/2020 22:03

It's fine to be hurt. However, can you imagine only having 13 guests to your wedding? Truly put yourself in her shoes. I'm sure your sons will feel nothing but sympathy for their Aunt.

JJsDinerWaffles · 26/09/2020 22:03

It was probably incredibly difficult for your sister to narrow down her friends to 7. What a lot of rubbish decisions to have to make on your special day.

It’s not just that most of us wouldn’t be ‘bothered’ by this - I think most would be actively supporting and reassuring the sister that this was completely ok - on her special day. Plenty of time to celebrate with family later on.

friendlycat · 26/09/2020 22:03

It’s ok to be disappointed but realistically she has done the right thing. Your own family is represented with you and your daughter and your parents. Your other children surely are not really going to be bothered about not attending and I’m sure your DH understands. Very difficult with such limited numbers and it’s only fair that some other very close friends are also included. Be gracious and kind and full of smiles as getting married during these horrible times can’t be a bundle of fun.

ivfbeenbusy · 26/09/2020 22:04

I wouldn't want 20% of my guest list taken up with kids who aren't going to be that fussed about being there either? She's obviously uninvited DH as someone needs to stay home with the other kids. These are unusual times so I'd let it go

Original poster
Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 22:04

@Justmuddlingalong

IMO you seem to be avoiding the multiple times you've been asked how your DH and sons have reacted. Is that because they're perfectly fine with it, because they totally understand the Covid situation or because your indignation on their behalf us embarrassing for them. Hmm?
I'm not avoiding it - I don't know the answer because they're out/at work/don't live here.
OP posts:
Dyrne · 26/09/2020 22:05

@ineedaholidaynow

Why does the groom only have 2 guests?
In fairness some people just don’t have that massively tight knit group of friends or family - my DB was the same - he “gave” my SIL a guest slot for their wedding (which probably would have gone to my DP) as it meant more to her to have her extra person there than it would have to my DB to have a less-close person there, if that makes sense.
Justmuddlingalong · 26/09/2020 22:06

What a storm in a bloody tea cup then. 🙄

BillysMyBunny · 26/09/2020 22:06

Does your sister have an independent relationship with your sons? Does she ever see them without you? Do they text or call her etc? Unless she is very close with them of course she would prefer her friends to be there over a couple of teenage boys!!

Original poster
Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 22:06

But actually, I think one of my sons might be a little hurt, they're quite close really.

OP posts:
Summerdayshaze · 26/09/2020 22:07

Tbh it’s the groom I feel sorry for. Hasn’t he got any friends that could come?

BackforGood · 26/09/2020 22:08

Interesting that you've gone fro "being really hurt" in your opening post, to now saying "feeling quietly disappointed" after everyone has told you how unreasonable you are being.

I feel HUGELY empathetic to any poor people who have been due to get married this year. It must be awful to have reconciled yourself from your planned wedding, and rearranged EVERYTHING to a 30 person wedding, to then find at short notice you now have only 13 guest spaces..
If I were getting married next month, I would obviously invite some dear friends that have been there for me, or maybe even grown up with me, over my BiL (or SiL) and my DNs.

when you think about it for a moment, I bet you would too.

You should be giving her your fullest support and sympathy and not trying to make this about you.

MiddleClassProblem · 26/09/2020 22:08

I’m sure they are. I’m sure he’s in her top 12 of people to go to in a crisis.

Sexnotgender · 26/09/2020 22:09

17 & 19!!! Fucking hell you’re being ridiculous. I thought they were going to be under 10. It’s her day, not yours.