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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

449 replies

Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 21:09

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

OP posts:
Touchmybum · 27/09/2020 03:24

I think you are getting a really hard time here! I think family trump friends for the most part - I am married 30 years and don't even have contact with a few of the friends who were invited!

I guess I am somewhat biased as well, as my SIL who was a bridesmaid at my wedding chose to have a small wedding herself, for perfectly understandable reasons, but inviting my DH but not me, and not her only nieces/nephews. Who the hell invites a sibling without his wife of many years?!

seayork2020 · 27/09/2020 04:05

So are your kids desperate to go and are actually devastated they are not going?

I went to many weddings as a kid, I was bored out of my mind but I qm sure parents on here will say their kids have amazing times at weddings and will be inconsolable they miss out

popcornlover · 27/09/2020 04:28

How do you think she feels?

You choose your husband and kids for your life, she didn’t choose them to be in her life - she choose her friends. Let her invite the people she choose to be in her life.

She probably thought that as her sister you’d understand!

readingismycardio · 27/09/2020 05:14

We were lucky to be able to have a 100 people wedding so we could include everyone we love (not in the UK, perfectly legal), but 15 people? I'd have done the same. She's in a terrible position right now. I'd be happy for her and accept her choices, even though I'd be hurt too.

differentnameforthis · 27/09/2020 05:20

So you wanted her to limit her wedding to 8 people just so your entire family can be there?

That's her parents, his parents, his best man = 5...

So three more people? YABU

allofthetings · 27/09/2020 06:05

YABU

Cut your DS some slack, are you always this much hard work.

Plaster a smile on your face and go help her celebrate. No easy getting married in the middle of a pandemic!

chatterbugmegastar · 27/09/2020 06:47

I don't really see how being quietly disappointed on my dc's behalf makes me a guestzilla, unsupportive or suggests that I don't care about her. I shall continue with not saying anything to her and not making a fuss about it though!

Your opinions about this situation are selfish and entitled

It's all about you

And heads up - NONE of this is about you. Absolutely none of it

So stop being a princess, stop trying to pretend that your teens care about a pandemic wedding and grow the fuck up

TheShepherdsCrown · 27/09/2020 06:53

@chatterbugmegastar

I don't really see how being quietly disappointed on my dc's behalf makes me a guestzilla, unsupportive or suggests that I don't care about her. I shall continue with not saying anything to her and not making a fuss about it though!

Your opinions about this situation are selfish and entitled

It's all about you

And heads up - NONE of this is about you. Absolutely none of it

So stop being a princess, stop trying to pretend that your teens care about a pandemic wedding and grow the fuck up

This.
LivingLifeInPink · 27/09/2020 06:56

I wouldn't expect my sister to pick my husband over her friends. If they're only allowed 15 people including the bride and groom, that's 6.5 people each. Be reasonable.

CraftyGin · 27/09/2020 06:59

The bridge, groom, 2 sets of parents, 2 witnesses and the celebrant means there are 9 people before adding the 6 extra guests.

LunaLula83 · 27/09/2020 07:13

Don't be wet. She's in a shit situation. Believe me, your kids really don't care and cutting them does not mean she loves them any less.

Chaotic45 · 27/09/2020 07:24

With a sister as entitled as you I'm not surprised that your sis item had chosen some friends over her BIL and nieces or nephews.

FGS this is an incredibly hard time for people planning weddings and they have had to pair it down to the bare minimum.

I'd choose friends over some family too, and most children and young people hardly appreciates wedding like adults.

It's a huge shame that your are taking this so personally Ishtar of being more understanding and supportive.

Chaotic45 · 27/09/2020 07:25

Argh typos!
*appreciate
*instead

Bakeachocolatecaketoday · 27/09/2020 07:36

Just to add a different tone to this

You are right to be disappointed, but be disappointed with COVID, not your sister. Be disappointed with the situation.

Handsnotwands · 27/09/2020 07:40

Do your kids even want to go? Mine (and indeed my husband) wouldn’t give two hoots about not being able to go to a wedding. In fact they’d be pleased.

FluffMagnet · 27/09/2020 07:47

My sister is also getting married in a fortnight. She has taken this whole year so well, but the first thing I did when I heard it was cut down to 15 people (inc. the bride and groom) was to call my sister and say that if she wanted to cut all or any of my nuclear unit (me, DH and DD) we would not take offence and fully understood the horrendous position she and her DFiance were in. I love my sister dearly and would hate not to be there in person, but I also would have hated her feeling guilty over cuts. As it happens she has prioritised us, and there is room to fit in 3 friends (the best man and 2 bridesmaids) as her DF has a tiny family. Your poor DS OP - think about her for a moment!

S00LA · 27/09/2020 07:48

If your children has to choose two people to invite to a party, would they choose their aunt and uncle to be ?

No I thought not. So they will understand their their aunt only has 6 spaces ( three are taken up by the bride, groom and celebrant ) and she is already using 2/6 on your household. Unless she has no parents, grandparents or Other siblings I don’t see how she can be inviting “ a group of friends “.

Even if there’s no other family that’s still only 4 people.

If your children are old enough to care they are old enough to do the sums. And if they are pre schoolers they won’t care.

caringcarer · 27/09/2020 07:50

She is only allowed 15. At least let it be her favourite 15. Just suck it up as it is her day.

Sassanacs · 27/09/2020 07:51

This is not about making the final cut. She's allowed 15 ppl!! That's nothing and if she and her fiancée both have siblings/parents etc then it does leave much room.

I didn't allow kids at my wedding at all, not the ceremony nor the reception. At the time none of us had children but I had young cousins... I just didn't want them there.

Her day has already been spoilt and kicking up a fuss will only make it worse for her. In fact, if I were you I'd tell her that I didn't think it was fair for only a couple of kids to go but you understand her position and so you'd be coming alone.

Also, I don't know how many kids you have but it really is a bug bear of mine when ppl with multiple children (3+) expect hosts of whatever occasion to accommodate their whole brood. You can't just slot in 5+ people easily.

ShandlersWig · 27/09/2020 07:53

We really struggled with our wedding at 80! It was 40 couples, 20 each side. We offended so many people (unwittingly).
But can you imagine 13? 6.5 from either side?
I would 100% only include adults in my 13 so tbh you're lucky your bridesmaid daughter is still going!

ChristmasinJune · 27/09/2020 07:55

The rule of 15 is going to mean that bride and grooms have some very, very tough choices to make about their guests. She probably feels awful about it already but she obviously has friends that she wants to be there. Please don't make this awkward for her, she's already had her wedding spoilt, don't make this about you and start pouting!!

Wiredforsound · 27/09/2020 07:59

I’d try to have as many areas of my life represented as a could. Her best friends, when all is said and done, are probably more important to her than your husband. and weddings are pretty long and boring for kids when most of the family won’t be there. She’s got 7-8 people, and her fiancé has 7-8 people to invite. Be happy that two of you made the cut. Your family is a whole quarter of her allowed guests. If your DH and DS went too your homily would be half her guests.

Bemyhat · 27/09/2020 07:59

YAB extremely selfish & unreasonable....

I’d do the same as her. Hope she has a nice day given the circumstances Sad

monkeyonthetable · 27/09/2020 08:01

She wants them there, OP. But she can't have them. There will be friends who have closely supported her through various stages in her life - people she's far closer to than her BiL. And, to be fair, weddings are boring for young children. Your DC won't be desperate to see her married in the same way her closest friends will.

Tell DC that the Government has said she can't invite lots of people and that actually weddings are quite boring for Dc, so she decided instead to... and then suggest a treat that they can do with their dad on that day. They'll not mind. Please don't give her a hard time or bear a grudge when she is having to get married under such tough circumstances.

Odile13 · 27/09/2020 08:04

Try to put yourself in your sister’s shoes for a minute. Seriously consider things from her perspective. I imagine she’s very sad about having to limit guests. Now she has to deal with her close family’s upset about how she’s dealing with a very difficult situation that isn’t in her control. You may end up feeling compassion for her rather than annoyance.

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