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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my sister has uninvited my husband and some of my children to her wedding?

449 replies

Reallybadidea · 26/09/2020 21:09

Sister is getting married next month. It was going to be a fairly big wedding but coronavirus rules mean that she can now only have a maximum of 15 people in total, including bride and groom. My eldest daughter and I are bridesmaids and still invited, but she has decided that she would prefer for a group of friends to be among the guests in preference to my husband and other 2 children (her nephews).

I get that she's in a difficult position, but I'm really hurt that she's picked friends over family. I'm not going have an argument over it, it's not worth it, but I'm interested to know how other people would feel in this situation.

OP posts:
TheWho67 · 26/09/2020 23:52

I do feel your pain but please cut your sis some slack. What a rotten time to be getting married. Nothing is fair. I'm sure they didn't set out to hurt you but they want the best day they can within such strict limits.

gg12346 · 26/09/2020 23:56

i think she wants closer people to come to her marriage .Ofcourse your hubby wont be closer to her and so she picked up a closer friend .I would really accept whatever makes her happy if she was my sister :)

user1481840227 · 26/09/2020 23:59

I think friends are more important in this situation as friends will generally have been there to watch the relationship blossom and have a lot more couple memories of them and remember things like when she first met him, heard the gossip from the first date and so on.

CuppaZa · 26/09/2020 23:59

I’d pick friends too. It’s her day. Try not to let it bother you, I know it’s hard, but it’s an awful time right now. I’d be absolutely gutted if my wedding had been scheduled for this year.

Lindy2 · 27/09/2020 00:03

Let her pick who she wants there. She's had enough disruptions to her plans she doesn't need any grief about who she chooses to be in the 15.

It must be heartbreaking to have all the normal wedding plans and celebrations torn apart. I really feel for people getting married right now.

You know in normal circumstances all your family would have been there. Unfortunately circumstances are far from normal.

SandyY2K · 27/09/2020 00:05

@12309845653ghydrvj

Yes....it could be seen that the OP is clutching at straws regarding the close relationship...as one may have expected that to be mentioned earlier.

I'm close to my nieces and would absolutely have them there before any friends. I didn't raise them...but my closeness with Dsis, naturally transfers to being close with her kids too.

Tbh, people really need to be reasonable in a situation like this.

Your sister is not getting the wedding she would have originally planned OP. ...no doubt the whole thing is stressful enough and I'm sure it was probably a difficult decision for her.

Enjoy the day and you can take your DSs out with her for a celebration meal afterwards.

Pinkchocolate · 27/09/2020 00:07

I’d be gutted too, about my kids not my husband so I don’t think YABU to be upset but you have no choice but to accept it. I’d be more gutted about only having 15 people at my house wedding so it’s all relative.

HidingFromDD · 27/09/2020 00:09

my nephew is getting married shortly. When the rules changes I contacted my sis and uninvited myself, because I knew it was difficult for them and appreciated it would be hard to do, because I care about him and wanted to reduce his stress given everything else that's going on.

Notyoungbutscrappyandhungry · 27/09/2020 00:17

It’s impossibly hard. In normal circumstances of course uninviting close family is BU but this is not normal. She is probably as gutted as your kids are.

BluebellsGreenbells · 27/09/2020 00:19

Why not get them suited and booted and take some family photos in support? Buy some champagne and have a special breakfast. Maybe there’s a live stream they could watch at home and your DH could get a few beers in and a take away meal.

eaglejulesk · 27/09/2020 00:23

Presumably there are other members of your family attending? If so family are going to make up the bulk of the guests - surely they are allowed to have some friends there? And really, are your sons going to be that excited about attending a wedding? YABVU.

eaglejulesk · 27/09/2020 00:26

I've just seen your son's ages OP - they are well and truly old enough to understand the situation. I think you need to cut your sister some slack, she has already had to compromise on her wedding day, please try to understand her decision and support her.

liveitwell · 27/09/2020 00:30

It really has nothing to do with you. It's her wedding.

jessstan2 · 27/09/2020 00:57

Just be glad you are going. Blimey, she can only have fifteen people! You and your daughter can represent the rest of your family.

How can a fifteen people 'do' be a 'big' wedding?

Inkpaperstars · 27/09/2020 01:02

@liveitwell

It really has nothing to do with you. It's her wedding.
I don't disagree with this really but at the same time it makes me laugh when people say things like this because if all the guests are just told to put up or shut up why even be there? If it is all just about the bride (and groom?) and not about them celebrating with people they care about and presumably consider, then you only need a couple of legal witnesses. I think to be honest for every disappointed bride with these slimmed down 2020 weddings there are 100 relieved guests.
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/09/2020 01:26

Ordinarily if you want to invite a married person you should always invite their spouse. If the couple have children you can reasonably not invite any of them or invite all of them but not chose some. But in a pandemic with such limits on numbers those rules of good behaviour can’t really apply.

faithfulbird · 27/09/2020 01:28

Family first then friends.

jessstan2 · 27/09/2020 01:32

I think any sort of wedding celebration in these exceptional exceptions is a bonus. Two people from the op's immediate family are going which is great.

melj1213 · 27/09/2020 01:38

Your sister gets to have 6 or 7 guests at her wedding (assuming that of the 13 guests that her and her soon to be husband are allowed they are split evenly between the couple) and you are surprised she doesnt want to use up 5 of those spaces on your entire family?! Seriously?

I have two siblings, if I was getting married under these covid conditions then my siblings, parents and DD would automatically be 5/7 of my guest spaces. The other 2/7 could be my siblings SOs ... or they could be my two best friends, that I have known since I was 3. As much as I love my BIL/SIL and my nieces and nephews, my friends are more important to me and I would want them with me on my wedding day.

MadameBlobby · 27/09/2020 01:39

Well, you’re not U to feel upset, but she’s doing the best she can having a wedding in this shitshow with never ending changing goalposts. Cut your sister some slack, imagine trying to cut your already very small guest list by half.

MadameBlobby · 27/09/2020 01:43

Just seen the ages of the kids.

OP they’re practically adults. They’re capable of understanding the situation! Do you think they would prioritise their auntie over friends if they had to choose in a similar situation?

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 27/09/2020 02:19

You are being selfish and ridiculous. Your poor bloody sister, how very dare she want to invite her actual friends on her wedding day!

Staringpoodleplottingrottie · 27/09/2020 02:37

@faithfulbird

Family first then friends.
Not necessarily. Depends how close the family is or how well they get on. Being related biologically to people doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily be great friends
BlackberrySky · 27/09/2020 02:55

Think of it as you and your daughter representing your family in a situation where it is not possible for all of you to attend in person. That's all. My teenage sons would be delighted not to have to attend their aunt's wedding!

Wakeupalready · 27/09/2020 03:07

I would not be bothered.
Under the circumstances I think it's completely understandable. It's a difficult decision however you look at it.
Were it me, I'd drop all bridesmaids, any flower girls,
page boys etc, keep parents and have my closest friends.
I'd also probably drop siblings ( if I had any ) in lieu of friends depending on how close said siblings were.
I feel more sorry for the groom with all the guests being on the brides side of the group tbh.

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