Neighbour asked me to be quiet

[DBML]

Good afternoon!

My husband and I work full time. My son is 15 and never plays loud games or music. We bought him earphones many years ago so as not to disturb us, let alone neighbours. We are a quiet family; no parties; no late TV; no pets; nothing.

Anyway, next door (SAHM) have a two and a half year old and I understand how difficult that is, but I am getting a little pissed off. We hear the baby crying, sometimes screaming with a little tantrum and ignore...all very normal, no harm done.

But, I put the vacuum on on a Saturday to Hoover around and I get a text asking me if I can turn it off as they are trying to put the baby down for a nap and he won’t go.

Today, I’ve just almost finished my big clean of the week (as I said, I work full time) the vacuum is on at 1.30pm for less than a minute when I get the text.

‘Hey hun - were trying to get ** off to sleep. Can you do the vacuuming some other time?’

I want to say ‘actually, no I can’t. I’m doing my housework now’.

Would I be unreasonable to just start the vacuum up now and finish the job?

I'd block her and then claim you got a new number. If she asks for it say no, it's a business phone and I need to keep it that way. Ignore her bollocks.

@Falcone

YANBU!!!!!!! Can't believe people like your neighbours actually exist, who do they think they are! On another note, how thin are the walls if they can hear you vacuuming? I've never heard my neighbours vacuum, in any house I've lived in!

We can hear our neighbours sneeze, cough, turn the lights on and lots of things. We are very quiet though.

@Falcone I can hear vacuuming, cooking, sex, every word of their tv... we are in a small Victorian terrace.

I'd have told her to fuck off and then send her a text EVERY time her child cried telling her to "turn it off", or something stupidly unreasonable like that.

Your neighbour is deranged.

YANBU, what a snowflake this kid is going to be, lol.
I'd think about moving, lord knows what they'll be like when junior grows a bit.
Wait until the child cries or they make a nose and send a text asking for them to quieten their child.
Cf, them not you.

How very annoying DBML and I'm assuming the insulation between your properties isn't up to much. Could this be improved in any way? My sister lives in a 1960/70s box style house. They used to hear their elderly neighbours laughing at the tv, now a young couple live there with a small baby. They've pulled up the carpets to be trendy and with the bare floorboards they can hear every single cry, every thud when the toddler throws something on the floor and it's an annoyance.

I assume you can hear them too. If parents expect complete quiet with baby then he/she will grow up to become a light sleeper who wakes at the slightest noise. Going around shushing everyone is really not sensible.

They'd love us, live music starts at 9am and finishes at 8pm.
All legal and registered business.

@DBML
You are being very reasonable indeed.
I was determined that our baby would be subjected to noise from the word go- eg music, talking, &c
Best thing we ever did!
He was babysat at 9 months by a kindly Bar landlord during a Bikers gig- and slept right through the hour set. - I was within metres of where DS was-

Tiptoeing around a baby is a bad move.

Deffo put your hoover on.
Anyone that uses the term “Hun“
Is beyond the pale- very entitled.
Sounds like something from Hitler Youth.

Once a week you make a noise, in the middle of the day. YANBU

Wow your neighbours so rude dictating to you like that while you are in your own home. Glad you said no OP.

I hear my neighbour flushing her toilet she said to me she doesn't flush hers after 10pm incase it bothers me, I said it didn't but think she may have said it so I don't flush mine. I still do, not in a mean way but I don't want stale piss of everyone in my house sat in the toilet all night.

Children need to learn to cope with a bit of noise whatever their neurotic parents might think. They'll be making excuses for his not sleeping forever if you take any notice of them.

She IBU for calling you "hun."

Reminds me of former neighbours (terraced house). Daughter used to do piano practice at 7.30am before going to school (piano against the party wall) and their son used to have drum practice each afternoon and sometimes full band practice with amplified electric guitars on a Sunday afternoon when his parents were out. When I put the house up for sale the husband came round and asked me to promise I wouldn't sell the house to a large, noisy family.

Don't give an inch. Ignore or they'll push and push.

YANBU. She’s made a rod for her own back if she can’t get the toddler to sleep unless it’s complete silence.

Thanks everyone. It’s pretty much unanimous.

I’m off now to have a lovely hot bath and relax in my clean house!

Just read that their “ baby” is a child of 2 yrs 8 months?
They can take a one way trip to Suck it up City with that sense of entitlement.
It is just a kid, not the Second Coming.

Surprised people are being so cruel about the neighbour. After the first 10 months being sleep deprived torture and now at 19 months I’m still stressed and anxious at every nap and bedtime so can maybe empathise a bit more.

No you’re not unique. Many, many people have severe anxiety about their DC’s sleep and I myself have had 3 DC, including 2 under 18mo, and I know how difficult it can be.

However I would never dream of expecting anyone else- family, friends, least of all a neighbour- to pander to my DC’s sleep routines. People have their own lives and other people's DC sleep isn’t a priority. Aka no one else cares. Not being cruel, just real life.

@DBML
Enjoy your bath👍💯

Not many 2 plus year olds will go down for a "nap" willingly! This is a sort of transition period where they outgrow their baby naps and only nap occasionally.As far as hoovering is concerned ,slightly ridiculous IMO! I could understand a power drill or something ,but a domestic hoover is simply silly! Just text and say you havent any other time to do it in!

Och, I dunno -babies and toddlers that still need a nap to behave like decent human beings for the rest of the day can be hard work!

A little understanding and compromise doesn’t hurt anyone? Particularly at the moment.

I think I’d have said something like, “Sure, I’ll leave it till xxx today, but I won’t always be able to work around nap time. Sometimes some white noise or wave music playing can help babies sleep and make other background noise less of a problem. Perhaps you could try something like that? Good luck.”

I’d only be firmer if they got back to be, were more insistent etc...”Sorry I won’t be able to do that but do warn me if there is a particularly difficult time like coughs or colds and sleep is harder to come by and I’ll do my best then.”

Seems like you have a very stressed neighbour and that's why her child won't sleep absolutely nothing to do with you hoovering in fact children rest better when they hear general household noises.When a parent is very stressed the children pick up on that but of course the parent needs to blame someone and unfortunately it's you,keep doing what you need to do but I definitely would not reply to her texts

Oh god, cringe. I totally get where they're coming from, DD1 has always been bad at going to sleep (and yes we exposed her to noise etc, but guess what, doesn't work for everyone). She's now 2.5, nearly ready to drop her nap but not there yet, teething, potty training and every nap and bedtime is an overtired disaster. I totally get their freaking out at anything that gets in the way of sleep.

But man they're going to look back on this and cringe.

No way would I pander to that! I'd reply with a firm NO.

@Mamette I did say I doubt I’d ask about vacuuming but I do about the incessant very noisy DIY. She only sleeps once in a day and he always starts at the exact moment. I get that no one else cares but I think calling someone a CF is just a bit much in this situation.