Narcissist turned people against me..aibu to fight back?

[alltheleavesarebrownnn]

She told many lies about me.
Used things about me she knew and twisted them.
Contacted the police with lies (proven to be lies ) but she did it anonymously.
No matter how hard I try with these people they don't believe that she's lying.
They've fallen for it all.
She's flipped it that I'm the crazy one who she's had to put up with abuse for years.
The more I tried to prove it..she said I was obsessed with her.
I don't know how to prove what she is.

She's prodding you for a reaction,she gets off on it. Block her on everything. Laugh loudly if someone says she's said so and so. ( If you have concrete prof or a witness provide it, if not don't get into she said, he said) .Then move the conversation on. I know it's hard but the more I proved I was calm & didn't react with any drama,the more people realised the other person was unhinged. 'Fighting back' fuels her & gives her amunition. Don't give her the satisfaction.

You have to stop. I mean it.

The more you try to talk, the crazier you will look. Please believe me.

You cant 'out' a narcissist. Please watch videos on YouTube by Dr Ramani

I've been in a similar situation and the woman even dragged my DD who was 9 at the time into it. She spread vile stuff round our village about me and DH. It was awful
I rose above. It's so bloody hard
But slowly others came forward who had been victimised by her before.
Because she was so self assured she thought she could do it to others without getting grief. She was proven wrong in a spectacular way in the end, she got caught out in a racist and homophobic rant in earshot of the most loved local charity organiser and committee member and overnight she was ostracized.
Honestly, people like that do get theirs in the end. And those following her at the moment are clearly the same type of brain-dead morons desperate not to be next.

Do not say any more. Take yourself away from the narcissist. Stop any communication.

And when you have to be around other people whom the narcissist has told lies about you to....dont mention anything to do with the narcissist. Or the lies.

Be authentically you. And argue nothing the narcissist says. Simply ignore. I have been there. X

Is this person a family member or a friend/colleague?

Unless they live with you/close realtive/your doctor/kids teacher just example, i have not thought these through properly) just move on, don't discuss it, just get on with your life other wise you are feeding into the the drama

@Notimeforaname

Do not say any more. Take yourself away from the narcissist. Stop any communication. And when you have to be around other people whom the narcissist has told lies about you to....dont mention anything to do with the narcissist. Or the lies.

Be authentically you. And argue nothing the narcissist says. Simply ignore. I have been there. X

^This

They will continue to pick new targets but eventually they will pick unwisely ...

I haven't engaged with her for over 8 months now but in those 8 months she's turned 3 of my friends against me.
Me and her were friends for well over 13 years.
Text daily -she would always try and put me down in company or say she hated what I wore then a week later she wore it.
Flirted with my boyfriends etc etc
She's such a good liar
She plays the victim
I haven't spoke to these 3 friends in a week now and they've all blocked me.
Then one of them posted something on social media about toxic people and what this poor poor lady had to put up with for 13 years.
Everything she's done to me-slagging off my family ,speaking down to me,etc etc she's flipped and said I've done it to her.

OP keep going.

Those people aren't your friends.

It may take another year but her mask will slip.

@LadyofTheManners

I've been in a similar situation and the woman even dragged my DD who was 9 at the time into it. She spread vile stuff round our village about me and DH. It was awful I rose above. It's so bloody hard But slowly others came forward who had been victimised by her before. Because she was so self assured she thought she could do it to others without getting grief. She was proven wrong in a spectacular way in the end, she got caught out in a racist and homophobic rant in earshot of the most loved local charity organiser and committee member and overnight she was ostracized. Honestly, people like that do get theirs in the end. And those following her at the moment are clearly the same type of brain-dead morons desperate not to be next.

This was my experience also.

Other people come forward who have experienced this as well. You hope that most people eventually see through it. Those who do not are usually in the middle of it - and then it happens to them.

Sadly my narcissist has not had her come uppance yet. I hope she does. She has told lies about me to so many people. She has told lies about my family. And the trigger? - She 'forbade' me from accpeting an invitation to coffee from someone she did not like and I went anyway. I was 45 at the time and thought I was entitled to have coffee with anyone I chose. More fool me. The shit hit the fan big time. Anonymous letters to ss saying I was neglecting the children- whispers in the ears of clubs and committees i belobged to saying I was an alcoholic and adulterous.

It was pretty awful- and a small village.

But you cannot fight people like this. Narcissists have a whole armoury at their disposal that regular people cannot even touch.

Honestly it's like you're writing my life.
I've mentioned it several times here before on other threads.

The narcissist in my life is my older sister and only sibling.

Its caused an awful amount of trouble in our family.

And I found it difficult to just stop speaking to her,even if she was around me.

The hardest part was living with the lies she told about me. With my own parents and extended family believing her.
The more I told the truth the crazier I looked. Why would my sister lie?!

I moved abroad for a few years,for some distance also went to counselling and carried on being the kind person I am.

My mother eventually realised what had been going on after almost 30 years and gets it now,apologised profusely to me for not seeing it before.
My father sadly doesn't believe me. But we have a fine relationship if we just dont bring up my sister.

It's so important not to say anything. You can never win against a narcissist .

Eventually people will see her for who she is,she'll fuck up with the wrong person some day. Then you'll feel vindicated when others see what you saw and lived with. Good luck op .

@Notimeforaname

Do not say any more. Take yourself away from the narcissist. Stop any communication. And when you have to be around other people whom the narcissist has told lies about you to....dont mention anything to do with the narcissist. Or the lies.

Be authentically you. And argue nothing the narcissist says. Simply ignore. I have been there. X

all of the above

After she told lies to the police about me and I got proof it was her.
One of my friends said something which made me realise she believed her.
Then after I confronted this friend angry and asking why she believed it,when she knows me and I showed her proof ....
Her response was "why you getting angry and accusing her? your obsessed with her like she says,everything is her,this is the behaviour she told me about "

I couldn't win

OP keep going

Those people aren't your friends

It may take another year but her mask will slip

If anything sticks in your mind today..let it be this .

Then stop talking to people about it, that could come across as obsessive

@RedRumTheHorse a few people have said the same Thankyou.
It's in her so others will see it eventually.
Hopefully by then I won't care anyway.

Literally straight out of Mean Girls . "Why are you so obsessed with me".

OP please stop putting any energy into these people. They are enablers. And not your friend.

It can be devastating cutting people off but it's for your own good.
You cant see it now but you can be free of all this....ignore, block, delete and forget. Please try to.

I'm not obsessed.
When someone is telling such awful lies and turning people you care about against you.
Surely it's normal to want to give your side of the story
Maybe I tried to hard.
I have washed my hands in the lot of them now.

The friends she has turned against you, will in turn become victims of the narc. THEN they will believe you but tbh if I were you I'd count them all as lost friends now. You can't go back from this.
I understand that you don't want to be smeared by her lies, but you can't control what someone else does, or thinks. All you can do is remove yourself from the line of fire.
There are better friends for you out there than these.

No you're not obsessed op. She is.
And turning it on you.
It can actually turn you crazy. I really feel for you op.

The lies are the worst part. You feel like you cant breathe properly until you tell the truth and let everyone know it's not true what she says .

I'm sorry you've had to experience that .
Glad you've washed your hands of them op.

The friends she has turned against you, will in turn become victims of the narc. THEN they will believe you

This,is word for word, what happened with my parents. They are now her victims. And suddenly my mother gets it.
But I am free of her control and as happy as I've ever been. Good luck op

The more I read of your obsessive posting about this the more I begin to wonder who the real problem is

I've been here and you can't win. She's a narc she doesn't have any morals, no shame, no guilt the only thing that counts is her. She's manipulating those around her, to use them against you.

Walk away, cut all ties, move if viable, the further away you are from her the better.

You win by being happy, she wants you to be miserable. It's not fair and I drove myself crazy trying to prove I wasn't what she said I was. I had a complete breakdown. Then I moved, not far, just far enough to be outside that social group and I'm so much happier.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I wouldn't wish it on anyone tbh.

Yeah you have to just ignore it all.

I had this. An ex painted me as a cheater and crazy, obsessed, drama seeking, spiteful person. All our friends took his side.

Funnily enough, 2 years later and he's treated one of them the same way he did me and she's dropped him like a hot potato.

But what's even more interesting is that he's denying that. He's actually gone from spending 5-6 days a week with her to none but still talks as if he does.

If people believe shit about me, I don't waste my time trying to convince them otherwise! Fuck them. Life is short and there are plenty of non assholes to befriend.