To let 3 year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend?

[GoldBar]

Would you let your three year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend while you read upstairs in bed? With the video monitor on to keep an eye and some cereal and milk?

My son is 3 in November and currently playing in the living room whilst I sit on the bed with the baby napping in my arms.

The kitchen is gated off. I can hear what he's doing. He's just playing with his animals role playing.

I think it depends on the child. He's very sensible and afraid of getting hurt so doesn't do things like jump off the sofa etc.

Yes! My dd5 has easily been taking herself downstairs from when she was 3. Enjoy your book. But I dont think I'd be giving her cereal.

Leaving a 20-month-old on their own for over an hour is neglectful. No two ways about it. Doesn't matter how many times you proclaim "we're not feckless parents!!" and try to create a false dichotomy between neglecting a 1-year-old and raising inept kids who can't do anything alone.

I just asked this my daughter as I don’t remember now what age she used to go down to watch Horrid Henry.
I think she was 4 or even 5 maybe as we had a gates on both ends for quite long. She says it definitely was not at 3 as of the gates ...

@NoViolins I see you are also incapable of reading. She wasn’t on her own, we were all pottering around the house, she probably didn’t go more than 10/15 minutes without me or my husband seeing her, between us popping down for drinks/coffees and her popping into our bedroom to show us things, read books etc. We could hear all 3 children for the whole time, and most of the time they were all playing together.

Uh huh, keep telling yourself that. Everyone else is wrong, incapable of reading, etc. and you're right.

I optimistically set the gro clock for 8am last night and told my 3 and 5 year old not to come in my room until the sun came up. I've had no sleep this week and was practically on my knees. At 8:01 this morning they both burst into my room demanding breakfast and orange juice, DD5 told me they had been up since 5:30! Their room was trashed as they'd pulled every toy and book out, but I got 10 hours of sleep last night so it was totally worth it!

@Kungfupanda67

I can’t believe the number of people saying no - my husband and I are still in bed and have just commented that it’s so nice now that our youngest can entertain herself for a while in the mornings... she’s 20 months 😂 she’s just got back into bed with us to read books but she’s been up since 7 playing downstairs

Yes because you’ve made it so clear that actually you were constantly up and down and that actually she was never unattended for more than a few minutes

The only one you are convincing that you are not feckless is yourself, and maybe your lazy husband.

@Badbanana and the numerous posters who agree with me 🤷‍♀️ I know I’m not feckless, I’m a good parent and my kids are very loved and well cared for, they’re independent and good at playing and they don’t want or need me hovering at their shoulder. I wasn’t constantly up and down, as I’ve said I made a coffee, husband made a coffee and I came down to get the kids drinks. My daughter was downstairs and upstairs playing in whatever room she wanted to be in, sometimes that was our room, sometimes it wasn’t

Surely it depends on the 3 year old and the house. Parents probably know best what their kids can and can’t be trusted to do. I never had a stair gate or a baby monitor for that matter. I taught my kids how to go up and down stairs from the earliest age. DS (a ridiculously early riser) used to get up, go down and put on his Thomas the Tank Engine videos - he was more than capable of operating the machine from 2.5 then he would wander off into the playroom and play with his Duplo trainset. I did used to get up and snuggle on the sofa to start with, but by the time he was three I was confident he was perfectly safe on his own in his own home. He is now 17 and the most independent, self-reliant teenager you could wish for. And to the poster who thinks letting toddlers watch TV is tantamount to neglect I would point out he grew up speaking three languages and at that point the only English he got was at home so English videos helped reinforce that. Even when we lived in the UK I would say he learned as much watching CBBC as he did anywhere. My experience has always been that kids who are never allowed to watch TV want to do little else when given the chance whereas mine have always been able to take it or leave it.

If you’re getting up to give the kid cereal and making a coffee you have to get up anyway so is going back to bed really worth it? Probs missing the point

[quote Kungfupanda67]@Badbanana and the numerous posters who agree with me 🤷‍♀️ I know I’m not feckless, I’m a good parent and my kids are very loved and well cared for, they’re independent and good at playing and they don’t want or need me hovering at their shoulder. I wasn’t constantly up and down, as I’ve said I made a coffee, husband made a coffee and I came down to get the kids drinks. My daughter was downstairs and upstairs playing in whatever room she wanted to be in, sometimes that was our room, sometimes it wasn’t[/quote]
You and I have very different understandings if the word ‘numerous’.

You can’t possibly count the posters who would allow their three year old downstairs as ‘agreeing with’ you. You are in a whole different league of your own!

So in that case I’ve seen around 3/4 posters tops who agree a one year old should be allowed to wander up and downstairs unsupervised, and should be left ‘playing downstairs since 7am’ while you are still laying in bed with your partner at 8.30am.

I can count far more posters horrified by your open benign neglect.

Stop trying to hide behind a scraping of people who agree with you, I also ‘know social workers’ and you are not a remotely responsible parent.

Wow @Kungfupanda67 it would only take your daughter to stand up and slip backwards near the top of the stairs and she could fall and break her neck. Unlike a 4 year old or an adult she would have no concept of why that might be a dangerous thing to do, and just because you’ve taught her the right way doesn’t mean she wouldn’t do it a different way at random - she’s 1!

FWIW we taught our son how to use stairs too, and we don’t hold on to him when he goes up and down. He knows how to climb stairs and he does so safely. But because he’s only 2, we go up behind him and down in front of him every time, so that we can catch him if he slips. It’s nothing to do with mollycoddling him or not teaching him independence, it’s about keeping him safe, which is my job as his parent.

FWIW we taught our son how to use stairs too, and we don’t hold on to him when he goes up and down. He knows how to climb stairs and he does so safely. But because he’s only 2, we go up behind him and down in front of him every time, so that we can catch him if he slips. It’s nothing to do with mollycoddling him or not teaching him independence, it’s about keeping him safe, which is my job as his parent.

Take note @Kungfupanda67, that’s how an actual loving and responsible parent teaches independence in an age appropriate way.

One of the other mums from my son's school has done the same since he was little. He is now 8 years old, and frequently displays attention seeking, babyish behaviour because all he wants is someone to just look after him for a change, maybe make him some food, and all his mother wants to do is lie in bed and do her "art", whilst she boasts about how "independant" he is when really she's just as lazy as fuck and can't be arsed to just be with the human she helps make.

My dad at 5 years old would walk to his neighbours house collect their little boy aged 3 years and walk half a mile to school alone (abroad) and in the country I live now (my husbands country) most of the kids walk to school alone aged 4 and up. Parents in the UK baby their kids too much IMO - I don't let my daughters walk to school because their school is too far, however I do think England has turned into a nanny state.

No

@Badbanana oh get over yourself please - my daughter is fine, she’s been taught how to do it because when we moved in there was no other option. I couldn’t put a stair gate on and she can open doors, so she can now safely manage stairs. Luckily I know Mumsnet isn’t real life and not everyone has stairgates, some people go straight for the teaching them safely. Our stairs are in two halves, the likelihood of her falling back and breaking her neck is minuscule. Risk assess your own kids, but everyone thinks so little of children now - they are more capable than most people give them credit for

@Livelifejoyful

My dad at 5 years old would walk to his neighbours house collect their little boy aged 3 years and walk half a mile to school alone (abroad) and in the country I live now (my husbands country) most of the kids walk to school alone aged 4 and up. Parents in the UK baby their kids too much IMO - I don't let my daughters walk to school because their school is too far, however I do think England has turned into a nanny state.

We also used to drink drive, not bother with seatbelts, let alone car seats and let teachers and strangers hit our dc if they liked.

I don’t get this ‘we used to do it in the past so it must have been better because my direct relatives happened to be lucky ones’.

Dc were still lost/drowned/flashed at/choked on sweets in the woods/assaulted/killed at that time, it was just that we didn’t have widespread media to hear about it.

[quote Kungfupanda67]@Badbanana oh get over yourself please - my daughter is fine, she’s been taught how to do it because when we moved in there was no other option. I couldn’t put a stair gate on and she can open doors, so she can now safely manage stairs. Luckily I know Mumsnet isn’t real life and not everyone has stairgates, some people go straight for the teaching them safely. Our stairs are in two halves, the likelihood of her falling back and breaking her neck is minuscule. Risk assess your own kids, but everyone thinks so little of children now - they are more capable than most people give them credit for[/quote]
And feckless parents will always trot out that argument. Why are we bothering with this, you clearly see no issue with your poor parenting (and are determined to make it out to be a usual thing) -crack on.

Hopefully the ‘crack’ won’t be a sound you hear from your bedroom while you enjoy your lazy coffee.

P.s - yes, you could have had staircases fitted. You just couldn’t be bothered to get them made. We had to have ours made and drilled in to the wall. There were other options, again you were just too lazy to consider them.

Risk assess your own kids, but everyone thinks so little of children now - they are more capable than most people give them credit for

It’s not the children people are thinking little of here...

As I said In my post this was abroad with my father and I live abroad now. You don't get crime here or in my father's country like you do in England. So it is very different in England now compared to the old times. But my point was - parents give their children more responsiblity and therfore the children are more wise and responsible. Whereas in the UK parents baby their kids too much. A middle ground is the best place to be. @Badbanana

@Livelifejoyful

My dad at 5 years old would walk to his neighbours house collect their little boy aged 3 years and walk half a mile to school alone (abroad) and in the country I live now (my husbands country) most of the kids walk to school alone aged 4 and up. Parents in the UK baby their kids too much IMO - I don't let my daughters walk to school because their school is too far, however I do think England has turned into a nanny state.

Which Countries are these because I find this very strange. Are there cars about?

I live in Morocco. Yes there are cars, as there are in every country?! My dad grew up in Palestine and even to this day my family children walk to school alone. Everyone in the neighbourhoods know eachother and know the kids too.

Surely it depends on the 3 year old and the house
Of course it does. I left mine downstairs at that age with no problems, of course ensuring there were no dangers. In normal life, this is not unusual at all.