To let 3 year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend?

[GoldBar]

Would you let your three year old play downstairs for an hour or so at the weekend while you read upstairs in bed? With the video monitor on to keep an eye and some cereal and milk?

My sensible 4 year old would. I can’t quite remember if we let him downstairs alone when he was at the older end of three or if he was four when it started. It really depends on the child.

An hour or so? No way! YABU.

My 20 month old can do stairs, get over it! She is just as safe on them as her 4 year old brother, she knows how to do it safely, yes she may have accident but so might the 4 year old and so might my grandma

I can see getting through to you is pointless, just because a couple of posters are just as feckless as you and your partner does not make what you are doing acceptable.

If your 4 year old (or your grandma) falls on the stairs I’m sure you would get sympathy, it’s an accident, it happens. 4 year olds are more independent (though many parents still watch from the bottom of the stairs just in case).

If your ONE year old falls down the stairs, while you are in bed, and you admit to people that you do let her go up and down the stairs unaccompanied and never bothered fitting stair gates...you might find yourself with a lot less sympathy and your parenting red flagged up by any health professionals at the hospital.

Why do you reckon that would be?

And for the 20 month it would be entirely your fault @Kungfupanda67, the others are old enough that it would be an accident.

My youngest is 3 in January and is a bloody destroyer

The mindset behind teaching children not to bother mummy and to mind their own business until mummy can be bothered to get up is really depressing.

What? The mindset that mummy is continuously at their beck and call for any minor whim is also depressing - that's how you get those kids that can't just wait a moment while you finish a conversation with one, to talk to the other surely?

Mine will absolutely bother me if there's something they need/really want/ they forget and come anyway. But they're also capable of leaving me alone for a bit if I have to work, or really want a lie-in - just like I can leave them alone if they don't want me in their faces for a while.

My 3 & 5 year olds play in the living room by themselves for an hour or so.
My bedroom is opposite the living room, I can hear them etc. Usually just watching YouTube on the tv or playing with toys.
It isn’t great parenting but I’m shattered multiple night wake ups so just like to lie in bed & chill on my phone or reading a book while they entertain themselves.

No.

@Badbanana yes getting through to me is pointless because I fundamentally disagree with you. Children and families work differently, my daughter has been taught to navigate stairs which means that we don’t need stair gates and when we visit other people’s houses the risk is much smaller than if she hadn’t been taught. There are risks other people take that I wouldn’t dream of, my friend’s 8 year old makes her cups of tea - my 8 year old is way too clumsy to be allowed to so that at the moment. Your ascertaining that only you can possibly have a valid opinion makes you sound massively arrogant. I happen to know lots of social workers (part of my job), and a child falling down the stairs would be an accident at my daughter’s age.

Just to really terrify everyone claiming I’m a neglectful awful parent, I teach parenting classes to local young parents 😊 knowing your child and risk assessing is a key part of parenting (and life in general). It might not be appropriate for most 20 month olds, like I’ve said my older two had stairgates. But my daughter has always been physically advanced, so (after watching her ascend and descend the stairs numerous times) as her parent I’ve judged that she’s capable 🤷‍♀️

Likewise, my 8 year old is trusted to cross the very small road near me. My friend’s son of a similar age recently ran into the road chasing a ball that he’d dropped, so he isn’t trusted to do that yet. You’ve got to know your child and use your judgement to assess what they’re capable of.

Just to really terrify everyone claiming I’m a neglectful awful parent, I teach parenting classes to local young parents

Literally no surprise given the crap advice most HVs and the like give.

I leave my 6 year old for an hour in the living room (live in a flat) while I watch tv in my bedroom and have done since she was 3. I’m a single parent and it’s the only time I ever really get to myself as I’m either working or looking after her.

She loves it, sets up a picnic on the floor and has a teddy bears picnic. She lets me know when she’s fed up and wants me to come play with her.

Agree kungfu. Whilst my almost 4 year olds are simply not to be trusted anywhere near peril a friend of mine has never had a stairgate and her 3 year old is just very careful and safe. Everyone's child is different. My Dc1 whilst sensible left in a room on her own and never touched anything forbidden was insanely clumsy however and fell over/ banged herself multiple times a day. Risk assessing your own individual child is an inbuilt instinct when you parent.

@TreestumpsAndTrampolines

The mindset behind teaching children not to bother mummy and to mind their own business until mummy can be bothered to get up is really depressing.

What? The mindset that mummy is continuously at their beck and call for any minor whim is also depressing - that's how you get those kids that can't just wait a moment while you finish a conversation with one, to talk to the other surely?

Mine will absolutely bother me if there's something they need/really want/ they forget and come anyway. But they're also capable of leaving me alone for a bit if I have to work, or really want a lie-in - just like I can leave them alone if they don't want me in their faces for a while.

You can't see there's a happy medium between a helicopter parent "at their beck and call" and a parent who can't be arsed to have their little life disturbed and refuse to get up in the morning because "mummy comes first"?

Leaving a 3 year old getting up all alone because you want a lie-in is just as weird as a 3 year old putting themselves to bed alone because you wanted an early night.

It feels very wrong and it's very weird that a parent would even consider it.

I’d say no unless it’s necessary like for cleaning or whatever. But if it’s just to read a book then I’m gonna stick with no.

Very few posters take issue with a 3 year old in a different room, but there’s a huge difference between pottering back and forth and being mobile yourself and actually getting back into bed.

And as for the 20 month (and now younger children) - if a 4 year old falls down the stairs and ends up in A&E that can be understood as an accident. If a 20 month old does, then I really wouldn’t be surprised if SS are called due to neglectful parenting (no matter how capable you think they are at doing it).

How on earth do any of you get anything done? Do you make your little one follow you around the house while you sort washing/dust/tidy up?

An hour is far too long, but I often leave 18 month old downstairs when I'm upstairs making the beds for 20 minutes or so. Stairgates are on, doors are locked, all furniture strapped to the walls, and she isn't allowed any small toys without supervision. I'll pop down every 3/4 minutes and check that she's ok. If I took her with me making the beds would turn into a two hour job, not 20 minutes!

However it’s your 3 year old and you know what she’s like and whether she’s likely to get upto any mischief! So use your own best judgement.

@Kungfupanda67

Yes my 20month old has been downstairs, and upstairs, for over an hour. I’ve been down to make coffee, popped down to get them a drink, my husband went down to make a coffee, she popped back upstairs to show up one of her happy land people, she’s played in her bedroom, and in her brother’s bedroom. She isn’t one of those kids who puts things in her mouth, she never has been. She can get upstairs if she wants to, but she wanted to go down and play:

20 month year olds want to do lots of things. I'm honestly shocked that you allow this and I'm far from a snowflake.

Yes. With both of mine. Absolutely fine. I could hear them from my room and the worst I ever came down to was some dry cereal on the carpet. But then I am also happy to leave my 8.5 year alone for 10-15 minutes whilst walking D2 to school 🤷🏼‍♀️

3 no chance for me. I will find dc on the streets as he is a escape artist the second I look away let alone be upstairs reading. No from me.

I like how according to some there's no middle ground between letting your 20 month roam up and down the stairs unattended and spending every second with them . With DS he would sometimes get up early but would play in his room, as this isn't an option going by what you've said, I would say as long as the room he's left in is toddler proof (if such a thing exists) then sounds okay, but I would be mindful of food just in case.

Have done with both kids - not with cereal though
Both were allowed down to play and watch tv in the playroom after 6am, usually went down to turn lights on our tv on but then came back upstairs
DS1 was always absolutely fine no issues, quite happy to play fairly quietly with cars or Lego or was engrossed in CBeebies
DS2 plays quite happily but often bounces up and down the stairs to show you his latest Lego creation or tell you something 'fascinating' about Peter Rabbit

By the time he was 3 DS1 would get himself up in the middle of the night creep downstairs as put Thomas the Tank engine videos on. See find him in the morning fast asleep on the living room floor. I would but only you know if he will play nicely or create havoc.

No I wouldn't personally

No