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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DCs teacher lying and making trivial petty complaints

130 replies

shatteredmama · 25/09/2020 18:24

I’ve no idea how to handle this so am turning to you lot, dc is only 5, no previous issues in school, this year had been repeatedly complaining about another classmate who is violent, a serious assault took place, also hitting, kicking him, have spoken with teacher who was very swift to cover her backside, told me my dc got things wrong and I don’t think she really did anything to help.

Had to have another word today, things had escalated, while talking it became obvious teacher had initially lied to me - you need a good memory to lie!! I guess she realized then replied in a complaining way that dc wasn’t concentrating or trying hard enough.

I can’t help but feel she was playing tit for tat, I got angry defended dc.however I don’t feel anything got resolved.

What’s the done thing next? I don’t want to become ‘that’ parent so feel I need to tread carefully yet of course want to protect dc

OP posts:
Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 25/09/2020 18:27

Sorry your post isn’t clear at all. Can you explain it again? Also did she lie or if some time had passed maybe she just forgot what happened? What would the teacher gain from lying? Could you be getting the full story from your 5 year old?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 25/09/2020 18:28

Sorry, but I'd be more likely to trust the teachers version of events over the 5 year olds.

RedHelenB · 25/09/2020 18:30

Serious assault!? We re talking about 5 year olds here. Think yabu , no she shouldn't have lied but given the way you gave posted I can see why!

FelicityPike · 25/09/2020 18:32

I have no idea because I don’t really understand your post.
Was your child seriously assaulted at school?

BluebellsGreenbells · 25/09/2020 18:32

You approach it calmly.

Take the emotion away.

DC says he was hit and kicked at school - how do you intend to safeguard him?
DC is worried about X, how can you help?
DC cried because Y happened, can you explain?

LeroyJenkinssss · 25/09/2020 18:32

What was the serious assault? Who relayed that info to you?

GuyFawkesDay · 25/09/2020 18:33

Have you witnessed any of this? Or is it what your child has said.

I'll just give you a scenario here: my child was accused of bullying. By another parent whose little darling had complained because my kid pushed them.

What they failed to mention to their mother was that my kid had pushed them after months of name calling, nastiness and spiteful comments.

Be careful to be balanced here and listen, OP. I'm not saying your child is outright lying, but it might be half truths you are getting.

emilyfrost · 25/09/2020 18:35

@ItsAllGoingToBeFine

Sorry, but I'd be more likely to trust the teachers version of events over the 5 year olds.
This.
tornadoalley · 25/09/2020 18:36

Please clarify what happened. What your DS alleges, what other child, what the teacher said etc.

Freddiefox · 25/09/2020 18:41

I think when you start losing such strong language like serious assault you lose your message, and will be seen to be dramatic and everything will be perceived through a lens of drama.
If your child really was serious assaulted You would’ve taken it a lot further than just a teacher.

If you overdramatise things people just won’t listen

Merryoldgoat · 25/09/2020 18:43

What actually happened?

As an aside I’m not overly concerned about being ‘that parent’ provided I’m certain of the facts.

CandyflossKing · 25/09/2020 18:46

Watch out OP. Teachers can do no wrong on mumsnet!

Scweltish · 25/09/2020 18:57

@ItsAllGoingToBeFine

Sorry, but I'd be more likely to trust the teachers version of events over the 5 year olds.
Why would you assume that? The op said you need a good memory to lie, so I assume the teachers contradicted herself.

Op I had the same when my dd started nursery at 3 years old. She was attacked by a boy there on a daily basis. She was punched, bitten, her feet were black and blue from him stamping on them. He had this thing he LOVED to do, grab her by the cheeks and dig his nails in, then rake all down her face and neck.
I put in 13 complaints in the first 4 weeks she’d started. Nothing was really done. I lost it in week 5 when she came home with these weird little marks with grey dots around on her face, she told me the little boy had got hold of a pencil and was trying to stab her in the eyes.
Not a single time anything was said to me when I collected her though, I had to go home and find the injuries and go back in to complain.
After the eye stabbing incident I put in an official complaint and contacted ofsted. We had a meeting with the teachers/head/other parents. It was decided that as they couldn’t stop him hurting her if he was close to her, then he’d be shadowed all day and he’d be kept away from her.
So the next day I took her back, when I picked her up the teacher said they were singing songs at carpet time and my daughter had tripped and landed on some musical instruments on the floor and bruised her bum.
When I got home I had a look, there was a massive bruise going straight across her back and down her bum. I asked how it had happened, she told me the little boy had picked her up and threw her into a book case.
I marched her straight back down the school, into the headmasters office and told him to go and get the teacher.
She walked into the office with the headmaster and asked her ‘tell me again how my daughter got hurt?’ Well she panicked, had a completed brain fart, went bright red and told me and the head master ‘she fell into a bookcase’.
My dd never went back
Op- you know your little boy and whether to trust him, but it’s a good fucking job I listened to my dd, and she was only 3

justasking111 · 25/09/2020 19:04

DS had a violent child in his class he was not picked on particularly they all got shoved around, hit by this boy. We all knew there was something off about the child and his father, eventually he had a TA all to himself. Keep an eye on things and complain every time. It came to a head in our school when one child fled through the fire doors and ran down the road.

jessstan2 · 25/09/2020 19:05

Scweltich, what a horrific story.

I would believe my child.

MeridianB · 25/09/2020 19:06

Document everything you know calmly and clearly and send it in an email to the head Teacher and head of year asking for their comments on how this relates to the school’s policies on bullying and safeguarding and what they plan to do to stop it happening again.

The teacher sounds confused at best and minimising or covering up at worst and it’s too serious not to know the truth!

Pobblebonk · 25/09/2020 19:08

Not sure why everyone assumes that this is a matter of a teacher's word against a 5 year old's. If there was a serious assault, it's pretty likely that there was independent evidence in the form of the injuries suffered.

OP, unfortunately getting angry with the teacher was not the way to go, as I expect you are aware. You probably need to get things in writing, so I'd suggest you send her a very factual, calm note detailing the bullying issues and asking her to confirm what she is going to do to safeguard your son. If that doesn't work, get a copy of the school's complaints, bullying, safeguarding and discipline polices and ask for a meeting with the head when you ask them to explain exactly how they have operated those policies (apart from the complaints one) and, again, how they are going to keep your child safe in school.

Elderflower14 · 25/09/2020 19:12

If a serious assault has happened school would have informed you!

FatCatThinCat · 25/09/2020 19:17

If your child is being physically hurt and seriously assaulted at school you need to be that bloody parent. Your first priority is to your child not your relationship with the school.

bettsbattenburg · 25/09/2020 19:22

@CandyflossKing

Watch out OP. Teachers can do no wrong on mumsnet!
Where have you been during all the teacher bashing threads? Shock
Flowerpot345 · 25/09/2020 19:23

Does he have any marks or bruises OP?

Original poster
shatteredmama · 25/09/2020 19:23

Thanks all, this could be outing so I was hesitant to say at first - recently another child rubbed alcohol hand gel into dc’s eyes, teacher said this couldn’t happen, they don’t have unsupervised access to it but today she confirmed they can take their own bottles of it in and many do so, things got frosty after I reminded her of what she’d initially told me, she then proudly stated she saw my dc hit another kid, dc denied that, and as teacher clearly lied previously who knows what really went on...

It just struck me as irrelevant and off topic that while I raised the points she complained my child wasn’t enthusiastic and seemed to relish telling me my dc hit someone else today.

I do agree with many of you that my dc may not be giving me the truth or full facts, because of that I really don’t know how to proceed, any help form those who’ve been in similar places would be massively appreciated.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 25/09/2020 19:25

@MeridianB

Document everything you know calmly and clearly and send it in an email to the head Teacher and head of year asking for their comments on how this relates to the school’s policies on bullying and safeguarding and what they plan to do to stop it happening again.

The teacher sounds confused at best and minimising or covering up at worst and it’s too serious not to know the truth!

^This is what I did (although it was a snail mail signed for letter) when my DCs experienced bullying which included physical harm (being hit, bruises, pushed down steps, hit over head with books, balls kicked in their face, foot stomped on waiting in line, etc). The head teacher always took action and stopped the attacks and handle the bully or bullies. Make sure you ask for regular updates from them on actions they have taken. Have your child keep a journal of incidents and periodically send new letters with any new incidents to them- case they do not act. If nothing is done by third letter, start copying in governors board/school board whoever is above the head teacher.
InFiveMins · 25/09/2020 19:35

YABU. Listen to the teacher, not a five year old child. Confused

GreenLeafTurnip · 25/09/2020 19:41

@InFiveMins are you being sarcastic or an idiot?

OP trust your son/daughter and look out for them. They're 5 and they need you in their corner. I would be livid if this ever happens to my son and the teacher tried to cover her own arse.

Good luck.