To tell my niece that the guy she's been talking to online is her mother

[Jaimeles]

I don't know what to do !

My niece has been living with me for 2 years ( not in the UK) , she used to be very very difficult , anger ,drugs , skipping school etc... She moved in with me and now she is almost 18yo. Her mum visits us maybe once a year.

My niece is really now a really kind and nice person. Works hard , thankful , gentle. She , herself, can't even believe she used to act like she did.

So about 2 months ago , she started talking to a guy on facebook. She told me about it and is really happy about it. We had the "be careful" convo. She told me that he was always making up excuses not to meet.

My sister has a hard time believing that her daughter has changed , and always tell me I am just trying to find excuses. I once told her again how her child grew up and now is not who she was. After I mentioned the boy , she told me " I am veryfing what she is doing , X is really me. You'll see she hasn't changed and will show all the sex convo we had"

I am disgusted. Now what do I do ? Tell my niece about it , risking to ruin her already fragile relationship or just rell her he's not good to convince her to stop talking to that "guy" ?

Your niece deserves to know the truth about her mother.

Is this a joke?

For fucks sake, tell your niece and be prepared for the fallout.

Your sister is absolutely batshit crazy.

With mother like this, who wouldn't take drugs👀

Mmm, because who doesn't want to talk dirty with their own kid??

Why is this even a thread?

You're gonna get 150% for TELL HER.

You have to tell your niece. It will no doubt put the end to any relationship with her mother. However if you don't tell her she will find out eventually anyway and will end up having no relationship with you either.

Hmmm. But yes tell niece.

When she finds out its going to seriously fuck her up,the poor girl.If I wanted to "trick" my child (hyperphetically)it certainly wouldn't occur to me for it to ever be sexual.Thank God shes living with you.

Well now you know why your niece was like that. Away from her mother, she is better. Tell her. she is legally an adult anyway. It will ruin their relationship but that is for the best anywayl.

I'd say your loyalty is to your niece not your sister.

This is horrifying! Tell your sister to 'fess up. Just gruesome, I cannot imagine how they can possibly come back from this, poor girl.

I’d tell you niece the exact conversation you had with your sister and say that you don’t know if she’s lying or telling the truth. Make sure you are an ally For her and she knows it because either way your sister is a manipulative mother and has been doing this to her for possibly her whole life and she deserves to better, and to know that you are not going to do that to her too.

I really think she therapy would be hugely beneficial for her too.

‘DN, have you ever chatted to x on voice or video call? Because your mum claims she’s x - I don’t think I believe her, but is it possible?’
I supported a similarly aged teen with a problematic mother. You have to be able to discuss it openly in order to help them make their own decisions about future relationships. If dn is going to continue to be in contact with her mother, she has to know what she is like and to place appropriate boundaries. Otherwise YOU are the one setting her up to be hurt again, by being in full possession of the knowledge of how dangerous her mother is, and not helping her erect boundaries to defend herself.

This is one of those rare posts that made me sit up and think did I read that right! I agree with all of the above, your sister is vile. Your poor poor niece, At least she has you, she needs to be kept far away from her excuse of a mother.

Get your niece some therapy lined up, then definitely tell her.

If this is true tell your poor niece! Absolutely disgusting!

If your sister has been trying to initiate sexting with your niece, then of course you have to tell her - but gently, and with offers of counselling afterwards. Because when your niece finds out - and it sounds very much as if your sister is fully intending on telling her she's "Guy Online", herself - she is going to be traumatised.

Unfortunately, I can believe this is real. One of my friends did similar to her 16 year old daughter until we managed to convince her of the hurt and damage she would do to her own child (although she still goes through her now-17 year old's 'e'mails, and monitors her SM accounts - oblivious to the fact that the girl actually has "other" accounts which her mother doesn't know about. I only know, because I got a friend request from her, as did my son). My friend is a complete helicopter parent, though, and her intentions were, at heart, good. And she didn't initiate sexting with her daughter at all, thank goodness, because that wasn't the point of her exercise. She wanted to see if she could trust her daughter to "behave" online.

Your sister on the other hand, OP... is doing this to hurt her daughter. Perhaps as punishment for the years of "suffering" your niece caused, and for moving away to live with you, and only seeing her mother once a year. Maybe she's even trying to punish you for enabling the move, and for being able to help guide her child into better behaviours, when she - as the parent - was unable (?unwilling) to.

But this will devastate your niece. It may also caused her to regress to her past behaviours, if she thinks you were in on it, so... you have to tell her. Very, very carefully, though.

Just when you think you have read EVERYTHING

Can you seek professional advice on how to tell your niece? Is there NSPCC or similar available?

This is appalling. You're going to have to tell her - be the adult she can trust.

Is there a chance that the mother said 'it's me' but is lying?

I think you need some proof to give to your niece. Can you get your sister to admit to it again and record it? Call her saying how it's disgusting and wrong and then give it to your niece to listen to?

she told me " I am veryfing what she is doing , X is really me. You'll see she hasn't changed and will show all the sex convo we had"

Your sisters behaviour is downright predatory and dangerous.
She's deliberately playing with your niece's feelings and emotions- and her mental health.
Your neice is constantly trying to please the mother who doesn't deserve her....and her mother is basically 'setting her up' and WILL 'expose' her at some point - it's part of her 'game'.

It's like she doesn't want her daughter to be healthy and doing good - maybe cos she feels it reflects on her lack of parenting?

I'd tell your niece asap.....she's an adult who handles her life and is 'allowed' to have flirty/dirty convos in the privacy of her own space....and her mother is violating everything that should make her feel safe.

Tell her right away. Her mother pretending to be a guy and having sex talks posing as the guy is really over stepping the mark. If it were anyone else, I think it could be classed as grooming

Any way you view it, disgusting and immoral behaviour on the part of the mother