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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my niece that the guy she's been talking to online is her mother

170 replies

Jaimeles · 25/09/2020 10:35

I don't know what to do !

My niece has been living with me for 2 years ( not in the UK) , she used to be very very difficult , anger ,drugs , skipping school etc... She moved in with me and now she is almost 18yo. Her mum visits us maybe once a year.

My niece is really now a really kind and nice person. Works hard , thankful , gentle. She , herself, can't even believe she used to act like she did.

So about 2 months ago , she started talking to a guy on facebook. She told me about it and is really happy about it. We had the "be careful" convo. She told me that he was always making up excuses not to meet.

My sister has a hard time believing that her daughter has changed , and always tell me I am just trying to find excuses. I once told her again how her child grew up and now is not who she was. After I mentioned the boy , she told me " I am veryfing what she is doing , X is really me. You'll see she hasn't changed and will show all the sex convo we had"

I am disgusted. Now what do I do ? Tell my niece about it , risking to ruin her already fragile relationship or just rell her he's not good to convince her to stop talking to that "guy" ?

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 25/09/2020 11:03

Tell your niece.

Original poster
Jaimeles · 25/09/2020 11:03

My situation unfortunately is real. My sister always behaved in very bizarre ways.

OP posts:
Yutes · 25/09/2020 11:04

Report the profile on social media.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 25/09/2020 11:04

Your poor niece.... her previous issues are unsurprising if that's how she was parented when she lived at home. Sad It's utterly toxic.

Your sister needs to end the 'relationship' immediately. I think an ultimatum may be needed.

unmarkedbythat · 25/09/2020 11:04

Of course tell her. Her mother is behaving absolutely appallingly. I wonder why your niece's behaved changed from very poor to very good once she got away from her mother Hmm?

WorraLiberty · 25/09/2020 11:05

Seriously, she's been talking to a guy for 2 months and neither of them have video called once?

Bluntness100 · 25/09/2020 11:05

You need to tell her. Because if you don’t you both betray her trust. Tell her and tell your sister you are.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 25/09/2020 11:05

Surely your niece is savvy enough to spot a fake profile.

There would be no friends, nothing on the facebook wall, next to no photos....

If this is for real, tell her, and teach her how to spot a fake profile.

Asterion · 25/09/2020 11:06

My god, that is terrible.

Her mother is the problem here. Is it time for your niece to discover what her mother is like? Because, even if you managed to stop your niece chatting with this "boy", her mother will obviously do something else.

Thinkingg · 25/09/2020 11:06

Wtf?? No wonder your neice had issues. Her mother's behaviour is cruel and twisted.

This is emotional and sexual abuse. I think you need to seek professional advice.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 25/09/2020 11:07

Your sister is the reason your niece was the way she was and I can see why judging by this behaviour.

You need to tell your niece.

Original poster
Jaimeles · 25/09/2020 11:07

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

The profile looks very real. Even to me. Lots of friends ( Mostly girls) so I wonder if she used it before.

OP posts:
Namechangearoo · 25/09/2020 11:07

@TeaStory

Tell her. Eventually her mother will announce it anyway, and will tell her that you knew. Plus your niece needs to know that her mother is trying to manipulate her in this way.
This with bells on.
MulticolourMophead · 25/09/2020 11:07

@Pickagoddamnname

I think you’ve pinpointed the cause of your nieces issues. Tell her and cut off your sister
This.

I'd tell your niece, she needs to know.

She also needs to know her mum doesn't believe her. I reckon your niece is going to need counselling to deal with whatever's in her childhood that led to her acting the way she used to.

PegasusReturns · 25/09/2020 11:08

If this is true then it is a police matter.

keeprocking · 25/09/2020 11:08

At the moment she can't rely on her mother as she diesn't live with her. If you tell her it will further damage her relationship with her mother.

If you don't tell her then when she inevitably finds out she'll not be able to rely on you either and she clearly needs you in her life.
Tell her or make her mother confess it to her.

CoralFish · 25/09/2020 11:08

You say you are not in the UK. Is your sister in the same country? She mentions 'sex convo'. What is the age of consent? This sounds like sexual abuse.

Derbee · 25/09/2020 11:09

If this is real, you MUST tell her. It’s so sick of the mother. As a minimum, I’d tell her. Depending on relationships and past behaviour, I’d be tempted to report her for grooming a minor.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/09/2020 11:09

Report your sister to the police now

It's essentially grooming.

GreyShadow · 25/09/2020 11:09

If this is indeed true, your sister is one ill fucker. Hopefully they aren't sexting, that feels like sexual abuse.

Your should tell your niece as soon as possible, she is going to be devastated. Not only has she been catfished which (if you're not a cynical old cow) can break people's hearts but the catfish is her own mum. This is all kinds of weird, no wonder your niece had issues.

Can you get her some counselling, get her to go NC?

MulticolourMophead · 25/09/2020 11:10

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Surely your niece is savvy enough to spot a fake profile.

There would be no friends, nothing on the facebook wall, next to no photos....

If this is for real, tell her, and teach her how to spot a fake profile.

It's actually fairly easy to set up a profile that looks real.
Nikhedonia · 25/09/2020 11:10

Eurgh. WTF.

Griselda1 · 25/09/2020 11:11

Disgusting voyeurism really, in some countries that would be an offence

SlowDown76mph · 25/09/2020 11:12

Police.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/09/2020 11:12

I'd give her mother a day to tell her or you will. She's having sex chat with her mother, that's beyond sick. She deserves to know what kind of person her mother is