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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

385 replies

Lotsofsocks · 24/09/2020 16:23

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

OP posts:
Alipaules33 · 26/09/2020 09:23

Wow OP sorry you’re getting such a hard time and I haven’t read all the comments! Ignore the haters, there’s always so many of them. I mean what’s up with feeling distraught and really worried and asking for advice and then so many people are just rude in return. The shelter hasn’t done the right thing by the sound of things, I would definitely take them back. All the best 💗

Theoldwrinkley · 26/09/2020 09:49

I think you should take them back as you obviously have no understanding of the care of cats or kittens. Give a more suitable person the opportunity of kittens, with more empathy and understanding of what a baby animal needs.

ERFGLA · 26/09/2020 10:52

I work with animals ,so here’s a few pointers:
You need : at least 4 litter trays for 3 cats so they don’t get stressed over doing the toilet
You need to get Feliway , a nice chilling hormone ( that you should use BEFORE ideally) this can be bought online or in vets. In plug-in or spray forms
Don’t force yourself ( or the other cat) onto each other , some cats need time to adjust and socialise
(Throwing a few treats will soon have them sneaking out of their hidey holes when they are ready !)
Plenty of hides holes and up high boxes to hide
Zylkene can be used on the older cat if this one is stressed ( and pay particular attention to stress urine infections)
You’ll find once the temperature drops they’ll all snuggle in despite whether they get on together ( or with you!)
Accept some cats are not “ snuggly cats” I’ve a girl who’s 6 and she still only graces me with her presence about twice a week 😆
MIL has two farm kittens and they were very skittish for weeks, now both fine ( and one in particular is a snuggle monster)
Good luck and remember, pets don’t come “ trained “ we often forget this is this day .. 🐾

KisstheTeapot14 · 26/09/2020 10:54

Our young adult cat hid for weeks before she got confident enough to come and mingle a bit.

Give them somewhere to hide - a basket with a top, a box, something they can make into a den. Give them a room where they can come and explore undisturbed, with a litter tray and their food.

1 person (you) interacts with them first for 10 mins a day - until they feel more relaxed. Then gradually introduce other family members and older cat.

They need time.

Don't forget to chip and neuter when appropriate age otherwise you'll have even more kittens before you know it. Cats can reproduce from quite a young age....

KisstheTeapot14 · 26/09/2020 10:56

Cat igloo was the term I was thinking of :)

motherofadog · 26/09/2020 11:07

Take them back and get an adult cat that's used to children, if you must. It sounds like your home is completely unsuitable for young kittens.

Rollergirl999 · 26/09/2020 11:25

Your kids are all crying because they can’t touch the kittens ? FFS Do they think they are toys to play with?
They are tiny scared kittens who need time to settle in. Maybe your home is not the right place for them. Don’t think you have thought this through

ERFGLA · 26/09/2020 11:27
  • and the kids will just need to be patient, sorry. Pets aren’t toys and it a good lesson of patience for them and the lesson that “ sometimes shit doesn’t go your way “ 😆🙈 They might feel a sense of achievement when their do eventually start to play with them ( but you should only be supervising play and obv not all 5 kids at once !)
Butterer · 26/09/2020 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tavannach · 26/09/2020 12:06

In case I wasn't clear I don't think these kittens would fit in a family with any children. Feral kittens won't make good family pets. It's not you, it's the shelter which is at fault here.

DebHagland · 26/09/2020 13:54

Kittens need to be 2kg to use pentobarbitone (general anaesthetic) . Yes the can be neutered under 2kg with gas as an aesthetic, which is far riskier, as it is far harder for the vet to judge the correct dose.

DarkMintChocolate · 26/09/2020 14:42

Yes, our vet wouldn’t neuter/spay our two until they were 5 months, and sister was already pregnant by brother!

TLIMSISNW · 26/09/2020 14:54

OP you’re getting a horrible time on here and I agree with the vet who posted, m not sure why you’re getting such a lashing. Some people do enjoy a pile-on. It’s so unecessary and unkind.

I don’t have any advice but I do hope you’re okay.

MayIJustAsk · 26/09/2020 15:34

They sound ferral I have a ferral cat he grew up outside in a barn he was vicious would bite and hiss wouldn't let us pick him up. He is now a ball of love and loves cuddles. It took around 6 months for him to be tamed.

MayIJustAsk · 26/09/2020 15:36

Omg just see someone said feral kittens will not make good family pets that is utter rubbish mine let's my sisters 5 year old hold him and is soft as anything now.

ivfbeenbusy · 26/09/2020 15:48

We have 2 cats which were semi feral as kittens to the point they were rehomed with us younger than normal as the rescue was concerned about lack or socialisation. After around 2 days they were fine and weren't hiding behind he radiators/furniture. One didn't eat for a few days but eventually gave in. Both very cuddly now.
I have a DD who has grown up with cats - the cats were here first. I'm sorry but I wouldn't have homed young kittens with a house of 5 young kids whether they'd been around cats or not. It's been a couple of days and they should have started to settle by now but it sounds like your busy house is just continuing to unsettle them.

Mittens030869 · 26/09/2020 15:50

Feral cats obviously can be family pets, but only if a lot of work can be put into it. This is a busy home with five children and an existing cat, so not the best place for kittens like this.

Also, two feral kittens could really upset a placid older cat; I'm more concerned about the existing cat than the kittens, who can easily be placed in a home that is better suited to devoting time to socialising them.

Plus, the rescue centre has screwed up in this instance. The OP wasn't looking for feral kittens to socialise.

kent1991 · 26/09/2020 16:21

We got a well socialised kitten a few monrh ago and he was still terrified initially. Hid under his bed, crawled into little spaces to hide. We now have one super happy boisterous 6 month yo. When we got him he were unsure if to leave him be When he hid, the breeder suggested we still pick him up regularly for short periods ro help him get used to being handled which was good advice

LucyAutumn · 26/09/2020 18:34

How have they got on today OP?

TheNestedIf · 26/09/2020 18:47

You could do worse than watch this about socialising a feral. Actually anyone who likes cats, or who just wants a bit of cheering up, could do worse than watch this.

WendyE · 26/09/2020 19:06

[quote TheNestedIf]You could do worse than watch this about socialising a feral. Actually anyone who likes cats, or who just wants a bit of cheering up, could do worse than watch this.

[/quote] An excellent video on socialisation. I wished I had seen this when adopting my last two. Well recommended for anyone wishing to adopt new kittens.
ifhedoesntlikeithecanstuffit · 26/09/2020 19:47

OP I feel for you, please ignore all the nasty comments, you've done everything right.

We recently got two kittens from a friend of a friend who - although it was a farm - had socialised them really well from the start. They are gorgeous, sociable and cuddly, we are so lucky! But my last cat was a rescue aged 8 months who had never even been outside, and he was terrified of everything. He took weeks to come out from under the furniture, more time to meet our other cat, and yet more to go out into the big scary world. But he did do all that - and although he was never a lap cat, he was sociable and loving and we were heartbroken when he died recently. So there is hope.

But - a PP who was vet said there is a small window for socialisation. I suppose my scared boy had at least been handled by humans. If yours have missed that then maybe they will never be anything but feral - I don't know. But I would say give it a bit of time - you never know. Good luck - you sound lovely!

(I got ours at 8 weeks, did vaccs over the next month and are neutering at about 5 months. In the past I have had cats from charities and they paid for that even though I had already homed the cats - might be worth asking?)

ilovesouthlondon · 26/09/2020 21:03

They probably miss their mum tbh.

Pancakeorcrepe · 26/09/2020 21:20

Please return them as soon as you can so they can go to a suitable home.
You have ridiculous expectations and are quite mad to bring in these kittens to what already sounds like a very busy household. They are not toys for your children to play with.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 26/09/2020 21:24

@Kanaloa

If the five kids are crying because they can’t touch brand new kittens, I’d say you need to have a word with them. They should understand that they aren’t toys to cuddle and play with and need space to live comfortably. Five kids expecting to immediately touch them would be overwhelming.

If you are going to return them I think it’s best to do it straight away. They are still babies and have a good chance of finding a new home.

I agree with this. They are not toys for your children to play with, and you need to make sure they understand this. They are tiny kittens that have probably been through a lot. They need time to settle without anyone trying to grab at them. Even j know that and I've never had a cat, never mind rescued one.