Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

[Lotsofsocks]

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

10 weeks old, in a shelter, taken from mum and released into a strange room with giant strange humans trying to grab then and put them back in a box... Pretty sure i would bite too!

They are young, tiny and scared. If you arent going to tell the kids to stop crying and give them time to settle and encourage gentle play then for the cats yes you should take them back. 5 kids wanting their attention would be too much for any new cat. It can take weeks for cats to settle. At least give them a week in a room where someone pops in and sits quietly with them frequently throughout the day and offers them treats and toys. If you arent wanting to put in the time then more pets aren't for you.

My mother used to take in rescue feral kittens and socialise them, she had 4-6 weeks to turn them from evil spitting balls of fur into sweet adorable kittens, it can be done but it takes effort and commitment.

Firstly you can't safely neuter a cat until they are at least 2kg, this is because you are taking a huge risk with anaesthetic under that weight (vets will only anesthetise a cat under that weight if it is a life or death illness/injury, and they have to operate).

You have brought these young kittens into a totally strange place, lots of new people, smells, noises and it is normal for them to be frightened. Let them have some quiet time, and spaces where they can feel comfortable, you need to give them at least a week to start to feel more confident. People trying to grab them or approaching them is only going to scare them more, they will try to defend themselves which means biting and scratching, they don't know if you are going to attack them or not.
Sit on the floor with a cat toy, feather ones on a long stick are a good choice, just wiggle it on the floor and see if their curiosity gets the better of them, avoid eye contact, for cats staring at them isn't friendly, it is threatening behaviour.
The children need to realise that the kittens need to come to them, get the kittens used to you first then introduce the children one at a time, same game with the toy sitting on the floor.

Don't expect you cat to be too friendly at first, these kittens are intruders and it is best to put them in a cat box for the first introduction, just in case your cat becomes aggressive.

Everything takes time, and I am concerned that the rescue didn't make you more aware of how to introduce the kittens to their new home or assessed how suitable your home was for these kittens.

Ultimately it is up to you whether you are willing to put in the time and effort to allow the kittens to adjust or to return them to the rescue.

I don't think you've done or said anything unreasonable OP. It sounds like the shelter have managed it badly and lots of people on this thread are just rude and unnecessarily aggressive!

Please return them straight away to limit the stress to them. Please wait until your children are a bit older before adopting more kittens, and you will be more able to cope. All young kittens can be hard work at first!

We had two kittens last year who were 9 and 10 weeks old. It took them at least a month to settle. We have an older cat who hated them for ages but has got used to them and tolerates them. It does take time. These were farm cats and well socialised.

I foster for a charity and some kittens are just nervy. This current lot hide when I go in to feed them and I've had them from 2 weeks. Kittens do have their own personalities and some will take longer to settle than others.

Let them explore. Keep their room as quiet as possible and introduce them to other rooms and the children slowly. They are babies and may not have had many new experiences so a new home is very, very scary. They will come round.

I’m not sure why most people are saying you are unreasonable when the 2 vets commenting on the post haven’t. They’re probably ignorant and know nothing about animals

What a sad situation all round. It sounds rotten for you and the kittens. They must be terrified. In my experience it does take time for a kitten to settle but none of the signs sounds good here and it sounds like you've been a bit mugged off by the rescue.

Of course it might be possible to socialise the kittens and turn them into household pets. But it would need commitment and time, which I don't get the impression that the OP has, with five DC. And she also an older cat, and that's a very important consideration.

But also, she didn't sign up for kittens needing this much work to socialise. It wasn't what she was expecting, the shelter screwed up here.

@lotsofsocks - I can't believe the ignorance of the posters on here. You are obviously a cat lover and an experienced one at that. Obviously most people are not even reading your posts properly.
I think you have been victim of a bait and switch scenario - as I said in a previous post , it happened to a friend of mine.
We got our dear tabby kitten from a rescue centre many years ago. He chose us, really ,and yes, he shivered and hid for a short while, before following us everywhere. We had had also fallen in love with a black cat and as everything had gone so well, we decided to rehome him too. It was a nightmare. Our first kitten went back to hiding and the black cat was a hissing, obviously near feral cat, who quickly had a very negative effect on the first cat. We rang the rescue centre, who told us we could either keep both or return both - so much for being committed to finding cats happy homes! We returned the black cat the same day, expecting an argument, which we didn't get. I think they had realised the cat wasn't going to be easy to rehome and they obviously didn't want to have to start again with two cats.
My point is that a responsible rescue centre will want the well-being of all concerned in the adoption scenario and would actively seek compatibility. I would expect the same, as an experienced cat owner - you also feel the same way. I am totally with you on this.

OP, you poor thing. You’re clearly an experienced cat owner and I think there’s been some kind of mix up. I agree with you your instinct is right that this is not the right hone for these kits - and I’m concerned this rescue seems a mess. Try to speak to the Director or whoever is in charge to make sure these kittens go to the right home.

Good luck to you. I suspect the reason you’ve got some nasty comments is that people are really stressed right now and taking it out on others.

I think rescue organisations are really irresponsible sometimes. I say that as a close friend has rescued around four greyhounds over the decades but the last two have been just awful regardless of having been taken on by my knowledgable friend. Yes patience is an absolute virtue when dealing with beloved creatures but in terms of not being micro chipped or neutered then what is the point of these rescue “dis” organisations ! Say honestly,? these kittens will be hard work, they are feral, they are not vaccinated or neutered ! That way more likely real animal oriented folks that have the knowledge and wherewithal will take on ! No offence op ! You have done amazing so far with your large family and other cat ! Indeed a large family be a bonus for kittens as plenty of affection to go around! Perhaps give some time but please don’t feel obliged you gave tried your best to accommodate wee kittens and if it doesn’t work then too bad but shame on rescue, least can do is be honest ! Some animals just cannot rehabilitate into domestic environments ie the average family and expectations are just too high and unreasonable !

@Brunt0n

You should take them back because you clearly know fuck all about cats.

That’s all completely normal kitten behaviour. Try doing some reading online and make sure your children leave them in peace.

I’ve had / have four cats from being kittens None of them behaved like this

I ended up with a semi feral cat before kids- and I was the only one that cat would consider giving affection to, and even then I’d get horribly attacked for no reason. Little love, my first experience of owning cats and I just persevered. If I’d had kids though, there’s no way.
My cat was how you describe these kittens, for weeks. I’m glad I was child free and could focus on kitty in a calm environment but never again.
Fwiw, I have a pair of kittens now. Nothing like you describe, more reliant on one another than us as a family but also easy for my kids to pick up (kittens enjoy it, clearly prefer my dc to me 🙄)

Honestly, call the rescue and ask what they’re playing at. Your pair shaking like that with the rest of what you’ve said doesn’t make me convinced that they’re suitable for homing with kids.

Ten weeks old is definitely not old enough to be neutered. It’s usually done between 5-6 months.

I’ve had several rescue cats over the years & I consider myself a pretty experienced cat owner but our last cat was feral when we got her. We had to keep her in a separate room to our other cat for a month before she was confident enough to be introduced to our other, very laid back, cat. We were in regular contact with the rescue & they were amazing with their advice. I nearly caved & thought we’d have to give her back, several times. Now she is much more confident & both cats get along well. It was a lot of time & patience but we got there & I’m sure you will too but I agree with the vet that once feral, you may find they are never as sociable as some cats. Our girl still only comes to me for affection & is still quite timid around visitors to the house, preferring to hide away until they’ve gone! Good luck but don’t feel bad if you do return them, it sounds as if the damage was done before you met them & a decent rescue will find them the right forever home.

I’ve had many years experience with cats and to me these sound like feral kittens. It’s not unusual for young cats to be nervous in a new home but if they come from a mother who has been socialised they don’t not react in this extreme fashion. With patience and time the kittens could probably be socialised but with a large family you do not have that time and nor did you volunteer for this.
It rather sounds like the Rescue Centre was aware of the problem as the offer to return the cats is not usual. Explain the problem and let them find someone who is up for the challenge.

The shelter have made a mistake. These kittens are not suited to your family at all. Take them back - it's best for you and best for the kittens. If they're feral - and they sound feral - they won't fit in a home with five children.

Those poor kittens. Take them back so they can have a home with someone who will take better care of them; and where they won't be expected to be the play things of five children.

If there are five of them the eldest at least should certainly be capable of understanding that animals are living things with needs of their own and aren't just for their amusement.

What were you thinking taking on two traumatised kittens on top of everything else?

I think I would take them back, particularly if one of the cats bit you and wouldn’t let go..Imagine if the cats bit one of your children? I understand the children want to cuddle them but I think you may be taking on too much...

How many more time do I have to say it? The kids don’t think they are play things, they haven’t touched them. My eldest has actually had both a kitten and a one year old cat and both are/were completely devoted to her. I wish people would actually read my responses sometimes. It’s nice to see how people with “large” families are judged on here. Thanks all for all the advice you have given, I don’t think I’ll be responding further.

Sorry you've had such a hard time OP. Might be better off posting in The Litter Tray for more helpful responses.

There’s a lot of well meaning misinformation on here. Large cat rescues re home kittens at 12-16 weeks after microchipping, vaccinating and neutering. Kittens do not ‘need’ to be 2kg to be neutered. In owned kittens already in a home that is sometimes used as a guide. However generally speaking 16 weeks is considered a standard age to neuter. These kittens do not sound like they are behaving like ’normal’ scared kittens in their new home. They sound feral, or at the very least kittens that need to be in a foster home with experience in socialising semi feral kittens. The OP has been misled about these kittens. I absolutely hate the throw away attitude people have towards pets. However, these kittens are most definitely not suitable for a family home at this time and the rescue is at fault, not the OP!

I was looking on a rescue site online in Somerset recently and the blurb said for almost every single cat "this cat is not destructive" yeah right, I laughed. I bet every one of those buggers would shred your sofa within 5 seconds

Sorry you're getting such a hard time OP. I've rescued kittens before and whilst a little nervous they were keen to explore, settled within a day and on our laps by the evening. I know every kitten will be different but these do seem an extreme case which will either need an experienced owner with a quiet home or maybe they would be happier on a farm?

If I were you I'd phone the shelter, voice you concerns very firmly and see what they say. In this circumstance I'd take them back as don't think you are a good match.

@Devendra

Just chill...they are terrified babies you need to give them a few weeks to adapt to their environment.

This with bells on.

My second cat was a rescue kitten who was around 15 weeks. She hadn't been handled at all so was terrified when we brought her home. She was semi feral because she'd been born in a barn on a farm and the farmer didn't discover their existence until they were 12 weeks!
We gave her the spare room so she had quiet and because we wanted her to get used to us before introducing the other cat. She would hiss every time we walked into the room. We were persistent and patient with her. Spent lots of time in there, just sitting quietly so she got used to us. She didn't take long to settle, about a week. She is now the most loving, docile vat in the world.

It was completely different to when we brought our first cat home, but she had come from a loving home where she'd been socialised from birth.

Ultimately though it's whether you feel they are the right fit for your family. And your update about them not being the same as the picture is worrying.