Kittens - AIBU to take them back?

[Lotsofsocks]

This may be long! We have a rescue cat who is three years old. We decided to get two kittens from a rescue and have been to pick them up today - now I'm not sure we've done the right thing!

When I was asking the rescue about cats/kittens to adopt I made it clear we had five children (and we'd rescued from them before so they had all our details) and another cat. Every cat/kitten I was interested in I asked would they be good with another cat, how would they be with children?

I was told the two I was interested in were a little shy but would be fine and that they were chipped and neutered. We've been to pick them up today and it was then confirmed that they weren't chipped and neutered as they are only 10 weeks old and the woman at the rescue couldn't confirm where they had come from! I was also told they are a little shy and will hiss a bit but keep picking them up and they will be fine. That's an understatement!

We got home and took them into one room and let them out of the carrier. They both fled into the corners of the room and won't let us anywhere near them. When we tried to get them back into the carrier one bit my husband and wouldn't let go. They were both hissing and howling. I don't know what to do for the best. The kids have come home and are all crying as they can't touch them. We'd had a rescue kitten but he'd been looked after in someone's house so was much more socialised and would be picked up and stroked (as were the two previous cats I had as kittens) and our rescue cat was the same. When we got our current cat you were allowed in with the cats so could see their temperament, whether they would be picked up etc but with COVID you can't do that and have to go on what the rescue say. When we were leaving the lady at the shelter did say if you can't handle them you can bring them back which is making me think they weren't handled a lot there and aren't actually really ready to go to a home.

Do you think it's fairer if we take them back so they can go to a home that's quieter and may be better for them? I don't know what to do for the best. I've also got to introduce them to our other cat at some point but am really fearing how this will go.

When I got my two kittens (now boisterous 2-year olds) they had come from the home of a good friend and I know they were regularly handled, socialised with her other cats and very much loved.

Kitten #1 spent his first 2 days behind the sofa, only coming out for food. Kitten #2 went one further, and refused to leave the safety of behind the washing machine for nearly a week.

We just put food and water out, made sure there was a litter tray nearby and left them to it. I think it took a couple of weeks before they started to gain confidence around us and come for cuddles etc.

Yours are very young, and I think you are expecting too much of them too soon. Give them a bit of space to get used to their new surroundings and settle down and I'm sure all will be fine.

@Bakingcupcake

I think in this situation YABU in terms of bringing two kittens to an environment with 5 kids (we all know what kids can be like around puppies/kittens) and with your other cat its not fair...it doesn't sound very well thought through even if you presumed you were getting well handled kittens, they are still kittens at the end of the day and are hissing etc sounds like they are petrified

We had two cats even before we had children who they grew up with. We then had a rescue kitten that we got at about five months who had been living with a foster family when the children were 8, 5 and 4 and we had an elderly cat. Absolutely no problems. We've then got a three year old cat (from a rescue when she was aged 1) again when the children were 11, 8 and 7. No problems with her.

I see lots of shitty assumptive comments as per usual.

You clearly know about cats and you're right to be concerned.

Give it a week and stay well away, let them settle. If they are still no better then take them back.

You've already been lied to by the shelter... that should have been enough to change your mind.

P.s
Get a tetanus for that bite.

I wouldn't do anything just yet. Just leave them in the room they are in with hiding places, let them get used to the smell of the place, put their food and a litter tray in there, go in occasionally to take food in or to just sit on the floor, without getting to close to them, let them come to you. Once they have accepted you, start introducing other family members. Once they now they are safe they should be better.
My friend once got an adult cat, she was a huge cat too, that was the same as your kittens and hated people, the last time I went to my friends before the cat died (pre COVID) and she walked straight up to me and curled up on my knee. Just give them time, they are so young.

Take them back ffs. People like you are a fucking nightmare for rescues.

@Giraffey1

The kittens are too young to have been ‘done’ and the poor things need to time to adjust to their new environment. Why were you trying to get them back in the carrier? I’m not surprised they weren’t happy. Give them some time to explore the room, get used to the smells and sounds. And manage the expectations of your children - there’s no need for them to be crying because they can’t touch the kittens yet.

I know that - I've had cats my whole life, what I'm saying is that the shelter told me they were and I'm having misgivings about them and feel like they have given me completely incorrect information which isn't fair on either the kittens or us. We now think they haven't given us the cats we were enquiring about. And the kids expectations are managed - they were upset because the kittens were stressed not that they couldn't have a "play-thing".

@tigerlilly22

You are being unreasonable as you obviously haven't done your homework before you went to pick them up.

Have you read any of my other posts?

I truly struggle to see how anyone can think this kind of behaviour is ‘normal’ for ten week old kittens, especially reading your update...
They need to be neutered and rehomed to a farm imo.

And for all those saying about them being too young for neutering, not true!

Many breeders early neuter kittens at 8 weeks and I don’t know if they still do, but the RSPCA used to early neuter both kittens and puppies.

I can’t remember which branch it was but I remember getting very angry about it once years ago as they advertised a large breed puppy for rehoming on their Facebook page who had been early neutered at 8 weeks.
As all ‘doggy’ people with interest in larger breeds knows, neutering before maturity in large breeds causes joint issues and is linked to bone cancer.

ASFAIK no such health issues have been reported in early neutered cats.

We got 2 kittens from the rspca. They hid behind the fridge for a week and would hiss whenever we got near them. We were told they were timid but would gradually learn to trust us. One of them now (5 years later) is friendly and will sit on DDs lap (no one elses) but the other is still very timid. They run away wheN we get near and dont let us touch or stroke them.

@LizB62A

I'd be very wary of a rescue that hasn't chipped the kittens before rehoming them - they can be chipped from about 5 weeks old so that should have been done. Have they had their first jabs yet ?

But - it sounds like you've misjudged this all round, poor little kittens.
You should give them back.

Yes to the jabs but only when I got there and they realised they hadn't been done.

You should take them back because you clearly know fuck all about cats.

That’s all completely normal kitten behaviour. Try doing some reading online and make sure your children leave them in peace.

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

Take them back ffs. People like you are a fucking nightmare for rescues.

Thanks for that - even though I've successfully adopted from a shelter before. Might be nice if you read my posts first.

@Brunt0n

You should take them back because you clearly know fuck all about cats.

That’s all completely normal kitten behaviour. Try doing some reading online and make sure your children leave them in peace.

Have you read any of my earlier posts? The kids are not going near them.

That’s all completely normal kitten behaviour. Try doing some reading online and make sure your children leave them in peace
Never, ever experienced kittens behave as OP describes...
Oh, and I have relatives who were breeders.

That behaviour isn’t completely normal for kittens that have been properly socialised, no. But it is normal for feral kittens, so I suspect that’s what they are. They’re definitely not suited to the household where they’ve been placed, with 5 DC and an older cat (who I suspect won’t cope at all).

Forget everything else that has happened. Phone the shelter and tell them you're struggling. They need to support you.

I am a vet and I think you have been given a very hard time on here and I’m not sure why. You are right to be concerned, they do sound at the least semi feral, and a busy home environment is probably not the ideal place for them. Yes feral cats can get used to homes but it won’t be an easy time and you have no guarantee they will ever become proper family members. Your kids also would benefit from cats that are happy to interact with them. Personally I would take them back for their sale and yours and also discuss this with the rescue home to make sure no more kittens are put through this mismatch.

I’m really sorry that you came on here for help and have received so much criticism (a lot of it untrue or uninformed) - you sound like you have tried your best.

This rescue is a disgrace. They lied from the very beginning and now the kittens and the family are all upset because they lied and did not match the kittens to the family as they were asked to do. Ff's.
I take in hard to home cats because I live on my own in total peace and quiet which is their ideal environment.
You told them what your situation was and they gave you a pair of totally unsuitable kittens for your family. That is not my idea of rehoming and matching people to cats.

@Toilenstripes

The kittens are frightened and overwhelmed. Surely you have enough with five children and another cat. It sounds like too much for one household.

Totally agree OP. This situation is way too much for baby kittens. Just the noise would be too much, and the handling they wouldn't cope with. The other cat may get stressed too.

Poor kittens and poor you! Sounds as though you haven't got the kittens you went for. What a mess! For everyone's sake, including the kittens and your other cat, I'd be inclined to take them back but they're probably never going to make house pets if they're feral and never been handled when very tiny.
I rescued a feral once, about 16 weeks the vet reckoned, much the same kind of behaviour, he was covered in oil having been found in a barn living under an old lorry. Took weeks to get him clean, bit by bit. He was a gorgeous marmalade cat when eventually clean. He stuck around for nearly two years, often disappearing for a few days at a time. Then one day he went and we never saw him again. He got to the point of tolerating being stroked when he felt like it but never tolerated being picked up. Twice only he jumped into my lap where he sat bolt upright for just a few moments to be stroked before jumping back down again. I loved him to bits and cried for days when I realised he probably wasn't coming back.
Do you know any farmers needing farm cats? Sounds as though neutering and a farm life might be the way to go for them?

@JackieB2015

I am a vet and I think you have been given a very hard time on here and I’m not sure why. You are right to be concerned, they do sound at the least semi feral, and a busy home environment is probably not the ideal place for them. Yes feral cats can get used to homes but it won’t be an easy time and you have no guarantee they will ever become proper family members. Your kids also would benefit from cats that are happy to interact with them. Personally I would take them back for their sale and yours and also discuss this with the rescue home to make sure no more kittens are put through this mismatch. I’m really sorry that you came on here for help and have received so much criticism (a lot of it untrue or uninformed) - you sound like you have tried your best.

Thank you. I just don't want them to be in a home where they will always be stressed out which is what I think they will be and I don't think they are the cats the shelter advertised and spoke to us about at all.

You are ignorant.

@Ifeelsuchafool

Poor kittens and poor you! Sounds as though you haven't got the kittens you went for. What a mess! For everyone's sake, including the kittens and your other cat, I'd be inclined to take them back but they're probably never going to make house pets if they're feral and never been handled when very tiny. I rescued a feral once, about 16 weeks the vet reckoned, much the same kind of behaviour, he was covered in oil having been found in a barn living under an old lorry. Took weeks to get him clean, bit by bit. He was a gorgeous marmalade cat when eventually clean. He stuck around for nearly two years, often disappearing for a few days at a time. Then one day he went and we never saw him again. He got to the point of tolerating being stroked when he felt like it but never tolerated being picked up. Twice only he jumped into my lap where he sat bolt upright for just a few moments to be stroked before jumping back down again. I loved him to bits and cried for days when I realised he probably wasn't coming back. Do you know any farmers needing farm cats? Sounds as though neutering and a farm life might be the way to go for them?

When we left the shelter she did say if you have any problems just bring them back - almost like she knew they were semi-feral if not feral. I think the shelter just wanted to offload them rather than making a proper match.

@Aglet

You are ignorant.

Helpful

We have a kitten and he has never behaved like these kittens. Are they still shaking? That’s so sad. They do sound feral to me and a family home is really not the right place for them.