Off he went!

[Electrixdreamz88]

I fell down the stairs this morning and after the initial shock of just carrying on the pain was unbearable so got to a and e and have broke my foot. DP is off on his friends stag today his lift came an hour after it happened. He was half hour into his journey when I told him the news of the break. We have a 7 year old 2 year old and ten month old. He did the whole do u
You need me to come back? I just said no as I know if he did come back he will be annoyed all weekend missing out...but really he should have came back right?

No means no.

In every context, or you're expecting people to mind read

Sorry, I should have kept reading.

You would be perfectly reasonable to just tell him to not bother coming home.

So, *@Electrixdreamz88 is this enough to make a change in your future? If this was someone you was friends with would you stay friendly? Don't fall for sunk costs. This man is just horrible.

Bave the children waiting for him at home on Sunday, then quietly slip out to a hotel. Don't tell him where you are. Switch off location on your devices. Enjoy the rest and the break.

When he comes home I'd tell him I need looking after, if he doesn't step up, ask your sister to pick you up and leave the kids at home.

@Electrixdreamz88

Oh I'm not annoyed at him there's no arguing was more just a little shocked he wouldn't just come home

Yes. What you wanted him to say was "Ok, I'll be back in an hour" Would he really have been grumpy that he's missed his weekend? he doesn't sound very nice.

he souunds nice-and where is he going thats allowing stag dos and partying

if they need a bus to get there theres prob more than 6 of them

@OhCaptain

As with so, so many threads on here it’s never about a relatively smaller issue.

He’s a total prick, @Electrixdreamz88. I’m sorry.

This echoes my post - why do replies always focus on the woman being U? Really if you get to the point of posting about an issue on MN it really is the final straw in a novel length tale of being a dick.

Your DH is showing you where his priorities lie. Mine never did much around the house before but was always a hands on Dad. I fell almost 2 years ago ice skating at my kids ice skating club(sorry hobby ), broke my leg badly and due to severe complications will never walk without crutches again. I can't drive so no school runs, I always did all the child care and 97% of the cooking because I have severe allergies and ran 60% of our business (although his was the manual side) Worse Dh told me before I skated that it was a stupid idea (not in those terms he was much more polite). He never complained about me being in a wheelchair for months and unable to do anything unaided, he slept on the sofa with me for 20 weeks because I couldn't even lie in a bed despite being told to go on to bed and did almost all childcare (one has SN) and cooking for 6 months and 90% of the business. He didn't say "I told you so" and never complains even now that all our lives have changed forever. I'd have done the same and have in other ways for him before.
Yours needs to step up or ship out. I hope you aren't in too much pain

Really if you get to the point of posting about an issue on MN it really is the final straw in a novel length tale of being a dick.
This is AIBU, not Relationships.

So you’re pissed off with him because he didn’t come back, after he offered to come back and you told him no!! No wonder men don’t understand women.

You’ve shot yourself in the foot (no pun intended) by playing the martyr. This ones on you I’m afraid.

But I also think if the situation was reversed and you were having a weekend away people would say about him 'you deserve to get away he just needs to cope'

No one would say that. It's more than enough work for anyone with three young children, especially with two under three years old, on their own at the best of times, never mind with a broken foot.

He sounds like a prick.

You sound like a bit of a martyr and / or at the end of your tether with him because you already know he's a prick.

Either way you need him to step up because someone needs to be properly supervising the children and if you've broken your foot you'll be out of action in some ways for a while.

Is this a kind of final straw thing? It doesn't sound like you like each other that much if it's this difficult.

Hi all thanks for all the replies

I know it was silly of me to say no but I knew what he would do if he did come home and his messages tonight prove that. He is disgustingly drunk now. I'm lying on my sisters coach as her and her dp look after my kids and I'm very embarrassed. Her husband assumed mine would be home tomorrow and when she told him no you could see the look of shock on his face. I'm just very sad tonight and the posters say I g he doesn't love me I agree it doesn't look like he does

@ravenmum

Really if you get to the point of posting about an issue on MN it really is the final straw in a novel length tale of being a dick. This is AIBU, not Relationships.

Doesn't really matter or do you subscribe to the don't help as not in the right topic iyo?

I also think it sounds like the final straw. He's utterly selfish and I can see why you didn't ask him to stay. He really only cares about himself. So sorry. You deserve better.

I have now been told that I just don't want him to enjoy himself and that it was my own fault I fell and why should he have to pay for my stupidity. I knew he'd react like this. I've been told not to text him and let him have fun with his friends.

FFS! he's a twat. You have until Sunday to get his stuff packed and out on the pavement for when he gets back.

He's a selfish abusive cunt. You need to leave him! He sounds a bit like my ex husband. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did.
You only have 1 life don't settle and waste it with this cockwomble

Based on his words and his behaviour, Bluntness. Obvs.

Don’t know why you got so much grief... you said no it’s okay. But you had just hurt yourself so hardly thinking straight. After those texts I can imagine his reaction if you would have said yes.

We’ve no children but my partner wouldn’t even ask the question in the first place. He wouldn’t have gone not at the very least until I’d been to hospital and was ok. The follow up texts are selfish. But there sounds like you knew this would happen and he would react in this way, that there has been similar in the past.

Your sister and hubby are at least by your side for now. Hopefully the pain will ease.

@Electrixdreamz88

I feel really, really sorry for you

I've RTFT & I just knew from the opening post where it was headed.

Of course he should have come back.

He shouldn't have gone! And yes, I know he didn't know the severity at that point but bloody hell, you stop & check on your wife, who has just fallen, regardless of everyone being in a rush.

Anyway, one step back, a 4 day stag leaving you with 3 small children is incredibly selfish.

This chimes with me sadly OP. My ex was exactly like this. I had just had my 3rd baby (he was 10 days old) & had a difficult delivery & was re-hospitalised. So I was really only home a few days. My other 2 children were 2 (& toilet training, child's insistence not mine!), and 4.

H was going on a stag. It never occurred to me to ask him if he would cancel. I did ask if he could go for one night less, he was outraged. To 'punish' me, he announced the night before he was going early the next morning, instead of the evening as planned. So a full day extra really.

He arrived back late on the final day. Hungover to hell & utterly useless. I spent so much of that weekend sobbing.

I'd no family support.

He's now an ex & I see his treatment of me so much more clearly.

I don't want to loosely bandy words about but he's not a nice guy OP. Everything he's done & lashing out at you when you ask him to come home. FGS he should be worried about you, not even the child-related elements.

Another PP said he 'despises' you. Of course we don't know from this distance. But mine did. And it was there in every action. It's a v real possibility.

I hope your DSis can help you & make you feel a bit better for now. 💐 for you x

He shouldn't have asked you. But the silver lining is that you now know his lads weekend is more important to him than you. So at least you know where you stand.

This is your time to act op. If not for yourself, for your DC. Do you want them to grow up with THIS being their example of respect in a relationship. If this was them in 20+ years what advice would you be giving them?
What have his side of the family said?

He doesn’t respect you, care for you, or care about his children. Why on Earth would you want to stay with him?

You should have said yes- he shouldn’t have gone.

I couldn’t stay with someone like this.

Break his legs when he comes home and leave him with the kids! I obviously don’t mean that but fgs he should have come home and his attitude stinks.