Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Off he went!

308 replies

Electrixdreamz88 · 24/09/2020 12:21

I fell down the stairs this morning and after the initial shock of just carrying on the pain was unbearable so got to a and e and have broke my foot. DP is off on his friends stag today his lift came an hour after it happened. He was half hour into his journey when I told him the news of the break. We have a 7 year old 2 year old and ten month old. He did the whole do u
You need me to come back? I just said no as I know if he did come back he will be annoyed all weekend missing out...but really he should have came back right?

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 24/09/2020 12:49

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I said some silly things in the aftermath of breaking my foot. It's the shock. They were making arrangements for me to be driven home and I kept saying I've just got to run upstairs to pick up a parcel ( of fancy hold up stockings, we were going to a wedding). I never collected that parcel and wore a cast to the wedding.

Rather than people saying 'you should have said yes' I would not have expected him to ask you. He should have twigged and just stated he was coming home.

I would message him and say the shock has now worn off and you do not know how you will cope. And then stop talking.

Good luck.

GabsAlot · 24/09/2020 12:51

households can still meet in england no moe than 6-and it wont be a late one will it everything shuts at ten

can he just stay till tonight then come home-dont be a martyr jsut ask

CrystalMaisie · 24/09/2020 12:52

He really didn’t need to ask, he would have come back (or maybe not left in the first place). YANBU for wanting him to, he is def BU to even have to ask.

DDiva · 24/09/2020 12:53

At the end of the day you said he didnt need to come back. Do you have any other help ?

Also I'm sure his mates wouldnt appreciate turning back and starting the journey again.

DDiva · 24/09/2020 12:54

In fact I'm suprised he wasnt with you at the hospital, assuming he could have followed on later when he knew you were ok.

MsEllany · 24/09/2020 12:55

I am perpetually baffled at people that have an intimate relationship with another person but can’t have an honest conversation?

“I’d really rather you came back if that’s ok, I don’t know that I can cope with the three kids on my own with a broken foot”.

Itsabeautifuldayheyhey · 24/09/2020 12:57

YABVU. He asked you. You said no. You should have said yes if you needed him to stay at home.

Scweltish · 24/09/2020 12:57

You’re annoyed at him for immediately offering to swerve the stag and come home, because you said no, so he didn’t?

CaptainAthena · 24/09/2020 12:57

Thanks @GabsAlot!

frazzledasarock · 24/09/2020 12:58

I actually don’t know a single female friend/family member who would leave their partner dealing with three kids on a newly broken foot for a jolly.

Of course he asked ‘Do you need me to come home?’ He knew OP wouldn’t say yes.

Women would most likely say I’m on my way home, who’s got the kids, are you still in hospital etc

He sounds like complete dick

Inaseagull · 24/09/2020 12:58

He shouldn't have asked, he should have just come home. Putting the onus on you to make the 'decision' is just shit. You are not his mum and he didn't need your 'permission' to make a considered decision on how best to support his family rather than prioritising his fun.

LilyLongJohn · 24/09/2020 13:00

Firstly how on earth do you think you're going to cope with a broken ankle and 3 kids!

I was single with no kids when I broke my ankle and that was difficult enough.

Secondly, wtf hasn't your dh turned round and come home! Selfish sod

Potionqueen · 24/09/2020 13:01

@Inaseagull totally agree with your statement.

30yearstomorrow · 24/09/2020 13:02

What is the recommended treatment? Have you been told to RICE for next 24-48 hours - in which case phone, explain and say you need help with the kids etc and ask him to come up with options if he doesn’t want to come back himself. If you’ve got a boot on now and not told to RICE you then you need to dose up and get on with MINIMUM things to keep kids out of mischief and feeding yourselves- nothing else.
Pain can be managed, and with foot it’s not too bad- I went 14 weeks on a mis-diagnosed broken foot ( by a French hospital)- it didn’t heal because it wasn’t immobilised properly, yes I was limping and in pain...but painkillers did work.

ShebaShimmyShake · 24/09/2020 13:03

Yes, he should, and you should have said so when he asked.

rainkeepsfallingdown · 24/09/2020 13:04

You set him up to fail.

He clearly thought it might be worth him coming back, so he asked. If he didn't realise it could have serious, he wouldn't have offered.

He couldn't see you, he wasn't there - he didn't know how much pain you were in, or whether you needed extra help this weekend or if you'd already roped in a relative or friend for extra support. So he asked you. You said you had it in hand, so off he went.

If you had admitted you needed him, he would have gone back.

30yearstomorrow · 24/09/2020 13:04

And sorry should have said , 💐💐💐💐it is a big shock, falling, so be kind on yourself for a few hours...watch a movie with the kids...don’t try to do much today...if you can’t do that, OH needs to come up with plan

Original poster
Electrixdreamz88 · 24/09/2020 13:05

I said no because of the fact he asked. I don't think anyone could cope fine with three kids and a broken ankle. Him asking was letting me know he didn't want to come home to help. I've rang my sister who has kindly let me and the kids come stay in hers she's on her way to pick me up. I would really love my own bed and sofa tonight. But it's ok he text me to say he hasn't had a drink on the bus yet and is annoyed it's raining as he wore shorts

OP posts:
leastfavouritecrisps · 24/09/2020 13:06

Do you have some help from someone OP? You can not look after a two year old and a 10 month old with a broken foot. The baby will need to be lifted and carried a least a bit in order to feed, dress, wash and put her/him to bed.

I really hope that you have a relative, friend or neighbour who can come and help you until the children's father returns to take care of them.

BlueJava · 24/09/2020 13:07

Without actually seeing you he doesn't know how bad you are - so he asked. You said no, you're ok. He carried on. Sorry but I think YABU. Hope your foot mends soon though!

BrumBoo · 24/09/2020 13:07

I'm more impressed that your A and E has seen, diagnosed and sent you home in such a few hours! Who looked after the kids whilst you were being checked over? I'm surprised he didn't have to come back once it became a hospital matter.

Flatpackback · 24/09/2020 13:07

He should have come back without asking but as he didn't you should have said yes when asked. You both need to improve communication skills.

Potterpotterpotter · 24/09/2020 13:08

I think as you have outside help I don’t think he should of come back... he paid for the weekend and it seems a waste to not go.
It’s not life or death... you have help so I don’t see the problem.

daisyjgrey · 24/09/2020 13:09

You literally told him not to.

Original poster
Electrixdreamz88 · 24/09/2020 13:09

He was there when I fell he didn't leave until after

OP posts: