Off he went!

[Electrixdreamz88]

I fell down the stairs this morning and after the initial shock of just carrying on the pain was unbearable so got to a and e and have broke my foot. DP is off on his friends stag today his lift came an hour after it happened. He was half hour into his journey when I told him the news of the break. We have a 7 year old 2 year old and ten month old. He did the whole do u
You need me to come back? I just said no as I know if he did come back he will be annoyed all weekend missing out...but really he should have came back right?

You fell down the stairs and he fucked off on a stag do? he sounds nice 🙄
Why is he even going away in a group, is he ignoring guidelines?

@cabingirl

Everyone saying you should have simply said "yes I want you home" are missing the point. He asked so that you would be put in a horrible position of being the bad guy and ruining his weekend.

You find out your co-parent has a broken ankle and three small children to take care of you either come straight home or immediately arrange for other help. ie. "Darling I'm ready to come straight back now but I've also rung my mother/sister/your mother, your sister etc and they are ready to take care of you and the kids tonight. Would that be okay with you and then I can be back early tomorrow"

Or as the fall happened before you had even left he could have already arranged for extra support before he got his lift.

He did neither.

This

I don’t know. Is he normally supportive.

I’d my husband was really looking forward to something I’d try really hard to find a work around so he didn’t have to come back and look after me. I’d feel really crap if that happened.

Equally, I hate questions like that if it’s a constant way of making you be the bad guy.

Oh I see you are in a cast, I got out of a cast quite quickly as I asked for a boot, they said it would be more painful and I said I didn't care. The doctor said he'd go into a boot as quickly as he could and that I would regain full strength in my ankle much quicker.

I'm not sure how you will get the kids to childminder, you will struggle to walk far and obviously can't drive. I was lucky as although DH is disabled he can drive.

Three kids, a broken foot & he actually asked??!!

Nah, I'd probably have told the twat to fuck off on his jolly as well.

Might be thinking of telling him to fuck off permanently when he gets back as well.

Sounds a selfish, sulking fucker!

As you say, after the fall he saw you going around acting as normal and getting on with things. As far as he knew, it wasn't that bad. That, combined with the fact you said he should go, makes him seem pretty reasonable to me, as long as he doesn't have form for leaving you in the shit.

My DH wouldn’t have left the house if I’d fallen down the stairs and hurt myself, tbh.*

Will he be home later this evening? (Thinking of Covid closures).

As for 80% of the childcare falling to you? Well, it can’t! You can’t drive. You can’t take care of a toddler and baby while you’re in a cast. He’ll have to do it. There’s literally no other option.

*he rarely does anything for himself so I’d bend over backwards for him to go and have family support. But his immediate thinking would be no way and I still don’t think he’d leave. That’s what’s telling, IMO.

You were silly to get annoyed just because he asked whether to come home. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face!

Sounds like you want to have an excuse to be annoyed with him?

Do you not talk honestly to each other or is it all point scoring nonsense in your relationship?

He asked. You answered. You can't be mad at that in my opinion.

It's not going to be easy, but you'll be fine. Wishing you a speedy recovery

Firstly you say you’ve broken your foot. Then you say you’ve broken your ankle. Which is it? And why are you confused?

And having done both, you can easily manage with a broken foot depending on what’s occured and what treatment, but a broken ankle you’re non weight bearing in most instances and in no way could cope.

Which is it?

This wasn't a question - this was:

'Hold on, I'm turning around now, I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't worry.'

What kind of relationship is it where your partner has broken a bone and you don't feel the need to come back and look after them (and your young children?)?! He shouldn't have asked the question - it was a given. It's instinctual - of course, you come back! He didn't want to which was why he asked and clearly, the OP felt it wasn't worth asking him.

What person (man/woman) could go on a piss up when they knew their partner was injured at home with young kids? It's bizarre.

Also OP, the fact you didn't feel comfortable to ask him screams volumes about the relationship. How is the relationship otherwise?

YABU. If you wanted him to come back you should have told him that.

No point being a martyr. It just makes you angry and annoyed and him confused because he took you at your word.

Say what you actually mean and you won’t end up in these situations.

I work full time but 80% of childcare is on me ie bringing them picking up sorting etc so I'm worried how I will manage this

The real question is how will he manage this. 80% of the childcare will be on him for the next few weeks.

You foolishly told him what he wanted to hear, but we're all wise with the benefit of hindsight aren't we !. Are you a "pleaser" by nature.

I'd have said...

"Darling, if you had a newly broken foot, do you think you could manage the kids all by yourself ?"

"Do you think it's a good idea, as far as my foot healing well goes, for me to be here with the kids all by myself for 4 days ?"

Can you get other family members in to help ? What about asking his mother ? Let her know how considerate her son is.

Of course he should have come back but you shouldn’t have told him not to!

I’m sorry about your foot

Meh, I'd feel bad making my OH miss out tbh it's just your foot you're not sick as such. Anyway regardless he did ask and you said no (like everyone pointed out already)

I'm sorry about your foot.
Two things jump out here, which I wouldn't be impressed by:

1. He is going on a stag holiday when he has 3 small children.
2. He is going on a stag holiday in the middle of a global pandemic.

Sorry it's a broken foot but the way I broke it I went over my ankle so initially thought I'd broke my ankle so I keep saying ankle sorry for the confusion

@canigohomenow

This wasn't a question - this was:

'Hold on, I'm turning around now, I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't worry.'

What kind of relationship is it where your partner has broken a bone and you don't feel the need to come back and look after them (and your young children?)?! He shouldn't have asked the question - it was a given. It's instinctual - of course, you come back! He didn't want to which was why he asked and clearly, the OP felt it wasn't worth asking him.

What person (man/woman) could go on a piss up when they knew their partner was injured at home with young kids? It's bizarre.

Also OP, the fact you didn't feel comfortable to ask him screams volumes about the relationship. How is the relationship otherwise?

He was halfway into the journey via a lift. He couldn’t decide to just “turn around” as he wasn’t driving and he wasn’t on his own. Whether he decided to try and make his own way back is a different matter.

I hope he comes back early. You shouldn't have to cope with the kids on your own.

I actually think that level of inconsiderate behaviour would be a relationship ender for me. What are his priorities normally?

Why would he even ask if you wanted him to come back, it should be obvious. If you've broken your foot you will need help, never mind looking after kids on top.

I hope it heals quickly op

Yes he absolutely should have come back but I can understand you refusing his offer to comeback. I had a whole marriage of my ex husband 'offering ' to do the right thing in the expectation I would refuse it and soldier on alone. You have to push through the feelings of guilt and not wanting to ruin your husband's plans. Sometimes things happen which mean your other half needs to step up and have your back. I feel annoyed on your behalf. Three children and a broken foot and he's away on a jolly. Unbelievable.

You've only got yourself to blame. If you wanted him to come back - he did ask - you should have said yes!

Don't say no when you mean yes!

You say he wouldn't come home but that's simply not true.

You wanted him to choose to come home even though you'd said not to. Some sort of test he failed.

Yes, he should have stayed at home. Of course he should.

But you should have said yes and if he'd have been pissed off then so what? let him be the twat who's cross his partner broke her foot rather than you being the martyr who told her partner to carry on with his trip and leave her alone with their small children and a broken foot!

I would be seething if my husband left me

I would hate dealing with his bad mood though so I relate

Can you go stay with a friend?