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AIBU?

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Original poster

Off he went!

308 replies

Electrixdreamz88 · 24/09/2020 12:21

I fell down the stairs this morning and after the initial shock of just carrying on the pain was unbearable so got to a and e and have broke my foot. DP is off on his friends stag today his lift came an hour after it happened. He was half hour into his journey when I told him the news of the break. We have a 7 year old 2 year old and ten month old. He did the whole do u
You need me to come back? I just said no as I know if he did come back he will be annoyed all weekend missing out...but really he should have came back right?

OP posts:
Newkitchen123 · 24/09/2020 13:29

Surely the hospital asked who was at home.
Did you tell them you'd be on your own with 3 kids?

oakleaffy · 24/09/2020 13:30

Wow, that won’t be easy hopping around after 3 kids.. husband owes you one in my opinion 😂👍💯
Hope you can manage on elbow crutches- you won’t be able to push a buggy, maybe get the 7 yr old to help?
Goo luck!

jessstan2 · 24/09/2020 13:30

He shouldn't have even needed to be asked to come home if you have broken bones. I presume you went to hospital.

jessstan2 · 24/09/2020 13:32

@Electrixdreamz88

He was there when I fell he didn't leave until after
Blimey, that's even worse! How could he leave you?
Batshitbeautycosmeticsltd · 24/09/2020 13:32

You should not have needed to ask but when asked, should have told him to stay home.

GabsAlot · 24/09/2020 13:32

when is he back how is he at a stag party unless there is only 6 of them

Sparkletastic · 24/09/2020 13:32

He shouldn't have asked you. He should have stayed at home. Disappointing for him but tough tits. Perhaps then a family member or friend could have come to stay over the weekend and let him escape, but as it is he hasn't bought you any organising time.

IndecentFeminist · 24/09/2020 13:33

Difficult, as if you were walking around on it when he left he probably assumed that would continue.

Slightlybrwnbanana · 24/09/2020 13:33

If dh did this to me (heading off on a weekend with friends) I would be sympathetic and stay but I would also be bloody resentful for it, and think it was unbelievable he had fallen that day of all days.

12309845653ghydrvj · 24/09/2020 13:35

If I was your husband, I wouldn’t have come back home!

1: special occasions are rare at the moment, and it’s his friend’s stag so of course he wants to go. He probably won’t get out for a long time, so he should enjoy it if at all possible. Plus coming back would be a giant inconvenance to the others.

2: you have other options—like you said sister, etc who can help as a one-off, so it’s not like it’s between him coming back or you and children suffering. It hurts and it sucks but it’s not life threatening.

3: you literally told him not to. Adults should be able to communicate like adults. I actually think he would be actively unreasonable to put a dampener on his friend’s stag without good reason.

Honestly if I were in your place I’d say go and have fun, we don’t get enough of that st the moment! And don’t martyr yourself when you do need help, it just breeds resentment.

lottiegarbanzo · 24/09/2020 13:36

He shouldn't have gone. You should have asked him to come back.

You shouldn't be married to someone who cares so little about you, that he'd behave resentfully towards you, after you've had a painful accident.

A decent man would look after you and the DCs and while doubtless disappointed, would accept it as 'one of those things' and wouldn't dream of being unpleasant towards you.

Sounds like you married a selfish, petulant man-child. Did you not know that about him before? In which case this muct be a shock.

Iola4 · 24/09/2020 13:37

You shouldn't have needed to ask, he should not have left.
I've just gotten over 6 weeks of limping around from a foot injury (not a break), my DH has helped out no end even though he still has to go to work each day.
If I'd broken it he probably would do even more and against my protestations would use up annual leave to help me out... I'd do the same for DH to, definitely wouldn't bog off on a jolly.
You really can't manage alone...my response would have been when he asked if he should come home would be (a very raised eyebrow) "I don't know...could YOU manage to take care of small ppl and yourself with a broken foot!"

12309845653ghydrvj · 24/09/2020 13:39

And if you did genuinely need help, you should have told him what you would need in order for him to settle you and the kids so you would be comfortable for the night, and still allow him to attend most of the stag. Nothing irritates me more than couples who make things difficult for others because one of them might be slightly inconvenienced. A sense of humour and a bit of give and take are great!

Minerva00 · 24/09/2020 13:39

I'm with the OP on this one. He should never have asked because he knew what the right thing to do was. By asking her, she's either the bad guy for stopping his fun or she has to martyr herself. There's no right answer. If he was a decent guy, he would never have asked and would have just cancelled.

FleetsumNJetsum · 24/09/2020 13:40

As pp said, upon hearing the news he should have said "right, will be there in half an hour". That's all.

MrsCollinssettled · 24/09/2020 13:42

in his texts has he asked how you are getting on? If he was just boring on about the stag do I'd tell him to stop texting as I was too busy managing his kids with a broken foot.

Quickchange5 · 24/09/2020 13:43

If he’s a grown up he should be finding his way back right now . Lovely though it is your sister is helping you - it’s his job in this scenario.

seayork2020 · 24/09/2020 13:43

If something happens dh and i ask each other 'do you need help' 'should we do' 'is it OK if' 'x is on if you dont need me is it OK if I go' or whatever and the other answers
And we mean what we say in reply

We dont play 'no but i mean yes' or 'i am staying whatever you say regardless' we discuss and decide

Havaiana · 24/09/2020 13:45

So you're not annoyed he didn't come back but you were worried he would be annoyed all weekend if he did come back. He's really done a number on you hasn't he.

RoseTintedAtuin · 24/09/2020 13:47

You should have said yes when he asked. He asked for direction from you and you gave it, but you’re surprised he followed it? People aren’t mind readers, yes he probably is aware that taking care of 3 children is more difficult (if not near impossible) with a broken foot but equally would it be so hard for you to tell him what you want from him when he asks specifically?

Original poster
Electrixdreamz88 · 24/09/2020 13:48

Well I know if it was the other way about I would have been home with him. I'm not annoyed just a bit sad and stressed about how I'm getting through these next six weeks in a cast. I work full time but 80% of childcare is on me ie bringing them picking up sorting etc so I'm worried how I will manage this

OP posts:
Nikori · 24/09/2020 13:49

If you wanted him to come back, you should have just said yes. It is being a martyr to say no and then complain about it.

ancientgran · 24/09/2020 13:51

I broke my ankle a few years ago, it seems to be something that doesn't get much sympathy. DH drove me to the hospital but thought I didn't really need to go as I could walk. Doctor sent me to walk to xray dept, on the way back a nurse came rushing out with a wheelchair as they had seen the break by then. I know some breaks are worse than others so I hope yours is like mine and not my friend who needed surgery for a bad break.

Are you in plaster? Oh the itch is the worst bit. I managed most things, in the kitchen I pinched DH's office chairs and whizzed round, it was a bit low even when It was as high as I could adjust it but it meant I could cook. My children were older but as DH is disabled he couldn't do much to help.

MaskingForIt · 24/09/2020 13:51

No means no. He asked, you said no.

Next time, be honest and don’t be a martyr.

BrumBoo · 24/09/2020 13:52

@Electrixdreamz88

They are with the childminder.

I was on my way to work getting kids out the door when I fell. He was rushing leaving so was I so I think just was focused on getting out and not the pain then once I got to the childminders the pain was unbearable so her lovely husband dropped me to a and e

Umm, this really contradicts what you said previously....

Anyway, your husband is inconsiderate but you need to be absolutely clear if you need him at home.